# New Ideas for the Golden Throne



## Androxine Vortex (Jan 20, 2010)

Okay so the Emperor and his Throne is failing. It is doing a lot of good work but are we getting all the possible benefits from it? List here all your ideas on how to improve the Emperor/Golden Throne

I say we turn the Throne into a Dreadnought!!


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## MEQinc (Dec 12, 2010)

I say we turn it off and surrender to the inevitable. Embrace the glory of the Dark Gods, it is the only path to our salvation.


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## ThatOtherGuy (Apr 13, 2010)

I say we actually unclog the golden toilet. That corpse shoved into the bowl is not going to solve the over flowing problem and is causing one hell of a stench.


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## Androxine Vortex (Jan 20, 2010)

ThatOtherGuy said:


> I say we actually unclog the golden toilet. That corpse shoved into the bowl is not going to solve the over flowing problem and is causing one hell of a stench.


just send sent all the waste into the rift. wait that will attract nurgle daemons. damn...


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## Chompy Bits (Jun 13, 2010)

Replace the empty toilet roll. The Emperor has been sitting there for 10,000 years waiting to wipe. He doesn't want skid marks in his golden boxers.


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## Karak The Unfaithful (Feb 13, 2011)

I say we re-paint it, gold is so 20,000 years ago...


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

We need to upgrade the operating systems. We all know it, Windows Vista is an inferior product compared to the alternatives, and the Master of Mankind should have nothing but the best!


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## demonictalkin56 (Jan 30, 2011)

The Golden Throne presented by Apple lol


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## Karak The Unfaithful (Feb 13, 2011)

Would the emperor prefere apple or windows 7?
I know lets ask him!

*walks up too emperor's skeleton on golden throne*

Mr.Emperor, do you prefere windos 7 or apple?

*emperor remains silent*

well?

*emperor is still silent*

Mr. empe-

*emperor sits up and yells*

Do you mind?! I'M TRYING TO GET SOME FUCKING SLEEP!!
and I've ran out of toilet paper...


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## DijnsK (Mar 29, 2011)

demonictalkin56 said:


> The Golden Throne presented by Apple lol


LMAO!

on topic,
id say lets make the golden palace a huge transformer titan!


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## Doelago (Nov 29, 2009)

Serpion5 said:


> We need to upgrade the operating systems. We all know it, Windows Vista is an inferior product compared to the alternatives, and the Master of Mankind should have nothing but the best!


You are starting to sound like someone who serves the (most holy) God-Emperor now. Have I finally succeeded in turning you to the true light? :so_happy:


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

Doelago said:


> You are starting to sound like someone who serves the (most holy) God-Emperor now. Have I finally succeeded in turning you to the true light? :so_happy:


Not at all. But as part of my training, I must study my foe and learn the ways of infiltration. Otherwise I`ll never earn my flayer claws...


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## spanner94ezekiel (Jan 6, 2011)

I say just pimp it up with a mega-souns system and 60" plasma TV with built in PS3 AND Windows 7.
Not forgetting an unlimited supply of toilet roll.


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## Helsreach (Jun 2, 2010)

Look guys, I'm no Tech priest and I'm not a writer for the Bl but I think something drastic is in order. There is no guarantee it'll work and its a pretty radical idea. Nevertheless I think its the only shot we've got at saving the Emperor so we can kill him ourselves.

Look we've been on tech support since Millennia 35 and were still on hold so I think we all have to face facts.

We have to turn it off and on again.....


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## Doelago (Nov 29, 2009)

Serpion5 said:


> Not at all. But as part of my training, I must study my foe and learn the ways of infiltration. Otherwise I`ll never earn my flayer claws...


Concerning infiltrating the enemy; there is no point in infiltrating the forces of C`tan, at least not at the rate of "secrets" that you are throwing out to us.


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

I could tell you the necron`s greatest weakness, Doelago. 

It still wouldn`t save you.


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## Doelago (Nov 29, 2009)

Serpion5 said:


> I could tell you the necron`s greatest weakness, Doelago.
> 
> It still wouldn`t save you.


Ouh please, tell me. :laugh:


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## MEQinc (Dec 12, 2010)

Helsreach said:


> Look guys, I'm no Tech priest and I'm not a writer for the Bl but I think something drastic is in order. There is no guarantee it'll work and its a pretty radical idea.


Well there's your problem.

Radical ideas? Drastic action? What do think this is? The era of actual scientific progress? I think not. No we'll just keep praying to the mystical button in the hopes that the great spirit of ON will aide us.


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## Androxine Vortex (Jan 20, 2010)

Karak The Unfaithful said:


> Would the emperor prefere apple or windows 7?
> I know lets ask him!
> 
> *walks up too emperor's skeleton on golden throne*
> ...


:laugh:

Remember how the Emperor was made from the mass suicide/reincarnation/respawn rape of millions of psykers. I say to warp with the Emperor! Lets just take all the Black Ships and make a new Emperor and then kill him and the one on the toilet and now we have Emperor 2.0

And we should permanetly infuse the golden throne into his body so it becomes his skin so he can carry it around with him at all times. Yes, I got that idea after reading how Ferrus Manus fought that Necron Machine and had it's metal skin fused into his arms.

And why stop there? Lets just make an Emperor to replace every space marine or beter yet, guardsmen...wow, look at that Dramatic population increase!!


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## DivineArchitect (Mar 24, 2011)

Well the adeptus mechanicus said they found flaws that they cant fix....basicaly none of there machine like hands can reach behiend the chair to make sure its plugged in properly, and they dont wanna admit they're working for the machine god..heathen scum!.... WD40 for the machine god!..anyone?


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## Karak The Unfaithful (Feb 13, 2011)

> I could tell you the necron`s greatest weakness, Doelago.
> 
> It still wouldn`t save you.


lack of battries?



> We have to turn it off and on again.....


do you realise that would mean the atronican-whatsit going offline therefore losing thousends of imperial ships into the warp and killing millions of people and sending their souls to the chaos gods?!

It is brilliant idea, lets do it!


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## demonictalkin56 (Jan 30, 2011)

We could flick the switch to turbo mode instead of sleep?


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## unxpekted22 (Apr 7, 2009)

Androxine Vortex said:


> Okay so the Emperor and his Throne is failing. It is doing a lot of good work but are we getting all the possible benefits from it? List here all your ideas on how to improve the Emperor/Golden Throne
> 
> I say we turn the Throne into a Dreadnought!!


If the throne was dreadnought there'd have to be a sacrificial blender on top of it, and a little catapult dragging behind it, and people to constantly catapult the psykers in just to keep the thing moving! _And_ standard dreadnought fuel. I guess they use gasoline in 40k too? I dunno.

maybe some kind of escalator would be more efficient than the catapult...


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

unxpekted22 said:


> If the throne was dreadnought there'd have to be a sacrificial blender on top of it, and a little catapult dragging behind it, and people to constantly catapult the psykers in just to keep the thing moving! _And_ standard dreadnought fuel. I guess they use gasoline in 40k too? I dunno.
> 
> maybe some kind of escalator would be more efficient than the catapult...


No, it needs a giant vacuum or hose, and a giant bag of psykers being dragged behind it.


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## Karak The Unfaithful (Feb 13, 2011)

Actually, i wouldn't be too surprised if we went up to the golden throne and found it wasn't turned on...


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## Cyleune (Nov 10, 2010)

Well, way back when right after the HH, if Humanity had any sort of smarts they would have realised, "oh look, hes going to die" and MAYBE taken a bit of his DNA and grown a new Emporer...

Now, since he's a corpse the best thing to do would be to turn it off.


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## Weapon (Mar 5, 2009)

But he looks so happy on his big chair made out of gold...

Can you say 'no' to that face?


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## AgentOrange24 (Mar 25, 2010)

Silver Throne.


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## Stephen_Newman (Jul 14, 2009)

I say modify the throne so in one hand it releases toilet paper. In the other it can give him food from his own personal McDonalds outlet. If they introduced a flushing mechanism as well to the golden toilet then it might work better.

Plus lets make it PINK! And then supply the Emporer with Marijuana so he is never down!


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## chand223 (Mar 19, 2010)

My more serious idea is to finish what was attempted in the Collected Visions (i forget which book off the top of my head), and that is to repair to breaches in the Imperial webway. A force of Custodes and Silent Sisters was able to provide security for the Tech priests for a certain period of time, without Astartes support. Now if the Imperium could gather a large enough Astartes force, backed by the Custodes (and perhaps Sisters if they are indeed not extinct). Perhaps Mechanicus support (In the CV, Chaos forces were said to bring up Titans to assault the Imperial defenders, so the webway seems to be big enough in the main channels), perhaps Titans, if not, then perhaps Knights and Skitaari. 

Here are the problems i can see what it:
1.) Who is to say that the current Mechanicus can still make the Null-protected panels mentioned in the CV in order to repair the breaches. 
2.) Where could the Imperium find enough chapters (perhaps 10-20 full strength to match the 10-20k Custodes iirc at the time) at current, with the 13th black Crusade going and all the other issues.
3.) What is it say that the rest of the Imperial Webway hasnt been destroyed, making repair nigh impossible?


Ok, lets say this is overcome, and the Imperial webway is closed. My other idea is to move the Emperor's soul into a wraithstone type device, which could subsequently be implanted into whatever robotic body (probably human sized) of his choosing. 

Here are the problems i see here:
1.) Would the Eldar share the secrets of wraithstone/soul collection with the Imperials? Could the Imperials find an alternative (such as the Glaw device in the Eisenhorn novels)?
2.) We know the Emperor is a bit less 'sane' then what he was in the great crusade time period. Could he bring his split consciousness back together to the point where he is fit to rule once again? 
3.) What would the effects on the astronomicon be? It worked fine when he was walking around, albeit in a calmer warp era.


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## Karak The Unfaithful (Feb 13, 2011)

Why don't we just blow it up? then we wouldn't have to waste our time trying to improve it


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## Androxine Vortex (Jan 20, 2010)

Karak The Unfaithful said:


> Why don't we just blow it up? then we wouldn't have to waste our time trying to improve it


Well then we would all be horribly slaughtered by Chaos, so instead lets just take the Emperor's psychic energy and somehow funnel some of it into a newly developed "psychic" bomb and toss it into the warp (and we can strap ever blank-gene person to missiles and send them into the warp. 

And to insure that we don't need to fear Chaos again, we would lobotomise everyone (but then we would have birthed a new Chaos god: Meh, Lord of boredom.
He would not have a number because he didn't feel like making one
He would grant his followers sleep
And his followers battle cries would be a groggy "uuuggghhhh" followed by a heavy *sigh* or even nothing at all


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## demonictalkin56 (Jan 30, 2011)

"instead lets just take the Emperor's psychic energy and somehow funnel some of it" - Adroxine Vortex.

And 'Eau de Emperor' by Imperium was born.


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## Androxine Vortex (Jan 20, 2010)

demonictalkin56 said:


> "instead lets just take the Emperor's psychic energy and somehow funnel some of it" - Adroxine Vortex.
> 
> And 'Eau de Emperor' by Imperium was born.


sorry not sure what you meant by that...


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## demonictalkin56 (Jan 30, 2011)

sorry my mind works on tangents. I read that sentence and my mind went to a new aftershave; 'eau de emperor'

it's lonely in my world lol


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## Androxine Vortex (Jan 20, 2010)

demonictalkin56 said:


> sorry my mind works on tangents. I read that sentence and my mind went to a new aftershave; 'eau de emperor'
> 
> it's lonely in my world lol


well we will all join you if you swear your soul to Meh.
Just raise your right hand, actually, your left, you know it dosen't matter. 
On second thought, you don't need to raise your hand. You don't need to say anything either.
"The Less the Better and less is more" -Book of Meh and Charmin Ultra Toilet Paper Advertising


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## demonictalkin56 (Jan 30, 2011)

to be fair meh isn't his full name; he just can't be bothered to say it


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## Karak The Unfaithful (Feb 13, 2011)

> Well then we would all be horribly slaughtered by Chaos,


ahem! I would be doing the slaughter! i am a hereitic you know! :angry:


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## Androxine Vortex (Jan 20, 2010)

demonictalkin56 said:


> to be fair meh isn't his full name; he just can't be bothered to say it


Well we had to make it something! We couldn't just say "WELCOME TO THE SHRINE OF ..."



Karak The Unfaithful said:


> ahem! I would be doing the slaughter! i am a hereitic you know! :angry:


Yes thank you, now I know who to blame


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## demonictalkin56 (Jan 30, 2011)

actually i like that..."WELCOME TO THE SHRINE OF......ah f*** it it's not worth it"


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## Androxine Vortex (Jan 20, 2010)

demonictalkin56 said:


> actually i like that..."WELCOME TO THE SHRINE OF......ah f*** it it's not worth it"


What if he tried to fill out a job app?

"Sir you left the name slot blank."

"Yeah?..."

"Actually, you left the entire thing blank."

*rolls eyes
"Ughhhhh"


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