# Heresy-Online's Expeditious Stories 12-08: Loyalty Voting Thread



## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

This concludes Heresy-Online's Expeditious Stories Challenge 12-08!

Congratulations to all of you who participated in this month's competition and making it a success! Thank you all as well, for helping to add colour to the already exceptional fanfic forum here on Heresy. Hopefully in the following months, we can continue to build up interest and maybe bring some more fresh blood to HO's fanfic forums.

Voting works as such:
Each reader (not just writers) can cast three votes, ranking them 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. Feel free to share your thoughts, comments, or brief reviews on the stories as well, since each of the writers worked hard to get their entries up.

Scoring works like this:
1st place: 3 pts
2nd place: 2 pts
3rd place: 1 pt

*When you vote, ensure that you vote in the following format:*
1st Place: Author, Name of Story, 3 pts
and so on.

Unfortunately, to prevent any possible dramas, you cannot vote for your own story. If you cast any votes, you have to cast all three, no picking a single story and nothing more.

Additionally, if you wrote a story, you must vote! As the competition grows, I think it is necessary to point this out. If you enter but do not vote, any votes for your story(ies) will not be counted.

By the end of the voting period, all votes will be tallied and a winner declared.

Once this winner is declared, the winning story will be placed into the Winning HOES thread which has been stickied in this forum.

Just to emphasize again, _you do not need to have written a story to cast your votes!_ The more people that cast their votes, the better!

The deadline for voting will be midnight US Eastern Standard Time *Tuesday, 04 September 2012* (adjusted one day due to voting thread going up late). At that time this thread will be completed, the winner declared, and the new HOES topic for Competition 12-08 will be posted.

Here are the entries from HOES 12-08:

*Table of Contents*

Romero's Own: Apostasy

Son of Azurman: The Return of Knight Brightsword

Andygorn: Purpose Renewed

VulkansNodosaurus: Written in Steel

Adrian: Inquisitor Repentant

Rems: Flickering Embers

Dave T Hobbit: Freedom

Zinegata: Where True Loyalties Lie

Liliedhe: The Choice

Bloody Mary: Of Beasts and Men​


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## Romero's Own (Apr 10, 2012)

1st place= Rems, Flickering Embers- 3 points

2nd place= Adrian, Inquisitor Repentant- 2 points

3rd place= Son of azurman, The return of knight brightsword- 1 point


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## Liliedhe (Apr 29, 2012)

1) Dave T Hobbit, Freedom, 3 pts (I love a tinfoil hatted conspiracy  )
2) VulkansNodosaurus, Written in Steel, 2 pts
3) Adrian, Inquisitor Repentant, 1pt


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## son of azurman (Sep 19, 2010)

1)andygorn,purpose renewed 3 points
2)adrian,inquisitor repentant 2 points
3)romero's own,apostasy 1 point (like how they just stop and have a english lesson in the middle of a war)


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## Bloody Mary (Nov 6, 2009)

1. Dave T. Hobbit - Freedom - 3pts 
2. VulkansNodosaurus - Written in Steel - 2pts
3.Liliedhe - the Choice - 1pt


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## Richter_DL (Aug 30, 2012)

1st Bloody Mary - of Beasts and Men - 3 pt
2nd Liliedhe - The Choice - 2 pt
3rd Dave T Hobbit, Freedom - 1 pt


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## Dave T Hobbit (Dec 3, 2009)

*1st Place:* Bloody Mary, Of Beasts and Men, 3 pts
*2nd Place:* andygorn, Purpose Renewed, 2 pts
*3rd Place:* Adrian, Inquisitor Repentant, 1 pt

*Adrian, Inquisitor Repentant:* The Inquisitor's struggle between chaos and faith seems a real struggle without a certain outcome. The ending seems a natural evolution.

*andygorn, Purpose Renewed:* Another good portrayal of how chaos assaults the mind. I really like the crescendo of events.

*Bloody Mary, Of Beasts and Men:* The action is punchy and well described; the description of the character's emotional states are believable and contrast well with the action.

*Liliedhe, The Choice:* The reasons for the protagonist's actions were very believable, and the last lines captured the futility of 40K very well. However I felt it could have benefited from a more developed antagonist.

*Rems, Flickering Embers:* The descriptions of the events in the assault were varied without the metaphors feeling forced.

*Romero's Own, Apostasy:* The portrayal of Sororitas close-mindedness was great; however, the discussion in the middle of a battlefield felt forced. There were also a few run-on sentences of doom: _"It wasn't good to be confused on the battlefield, especially when said battlefield involved battle against Sisters of Battle bringing battle to those seeking to battle against Man, the Emperor and the cult based on said emperor." _

*son of azurman, The Return of Knight Brightsword:* The idea was interesting. However, parts felt more like a describing events than showing their impact on the protagonist.

*VulkansNodosaurus, Written in Steel:* The twist at the end was well done; it felt natural for the daemon to give support based on ideals and not allegiance.

*Zinegata, Where True Loyalties Lie:* I liked the idea and it is well written; however, it felt too much as if it were an extract instead of a complete story.


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## VulkansNodosaurus (Dec 3, 2010)

3rd place: Zinegata, Where True Loyalties Lie, 1 pt.. Occasionally, the language seemed slightly off (repetitive, maybe?), but the twist was well done, and the conclusion was amazing.
2nd place: Dave T Hobbit, Freedom, 2 pts.. It says something about the strength of this story that I picked it for 2nd place despite its confusing nature (is it supposed to be the 40K universe or an AU?). Great storytelling, great conspiracy.
1st place: Andygorn, Purpose Renewed, 3 pts.. Excellent demonstration of the power of Chaos. One of the few engaging Khorne stories I've ever read.


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## Dave T Hobbit (Dec 3, 2009)

VulkansNodosaurus said:


> Dave T Hobbit, Freedom... is it supposed to be the 40K universe or an AU?


I have never been able to reconcile the Emperor's alleged great genius and foresight with the stupidity and lack of foresight he demonstrates in the Heresy, so I tried to create a conspiracy that explained why he seemed to make mistakes. While I am almost certain that the Heresy was not caused that way I am not aware of any fluff that specifically contradicts Horus' fall being the result of the Emperor meddling (as opposed to the Chaos Gods), so it might be the true story.


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## VulkansNodosaurus (Dec 3, 2010)

DtH- Ah, thanks. Though if it was the Emperor,the Heresy must have gone somewhat off the rails from his original plan!


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## andygorn (Apr 1, 2011)

Brilliant stories, all!
For me, reading the HOES tales is becoming more and more like watching one of the "The Fast & The Furious" movies: Just when you think people have hit the top gear, they surprise you and find another higher one.
Apologies if the comparison seems a bit 'lame', but it's the most apt one I could think of. It's supposed to be a big compliment and 'Thank You' to the writers, as I think the quality of people's writing and descriptions here now truly rivals that of actual BL & published novels/novellas/short stories.

*Romero's Own ("Apostasy")*
I think I understand about the exploration of words, but I'm not sure it fitted into a battle scene.
However, an interesting concept and maybe it could have worked a lot smoother if it was set during a discussion between preachers or scribes and one kills the other for even mentioning heresy/apostasy?

*Son Of Azurman ("The Return Of Knight Brightsword")*
I'm not sure this was about loyalty so much. Certainly intriguing to see a Tau story here, though.

*Vulkansnodosaurus ("Written In The Steel")*
I liked the idea that even the one spared from the avatar's wrath isn't quite sure how he has been loyal.

*Adrian ("Inquisitor Repentant")*
Really good description, quite liked how the words were a bit Lovecraftian (eg "things slithering", etc).

*Rems ("Flickering Embers")*
A good story, but seemed a bit more like "resolution" and/or "hopelessness" rather than "loyalty".

*Dave The Hobbit ("Freedom")*
I think I got a bit confused with this. Was Horus saying "I'll be evil, so as to draw out the evil in other Primarchs (if it exists)"?
I do like the hypothesis on "What started it all off?" and whether Horus was always going to be a Traitor (e.g. from gentics), or whether it's a course that someone/thing prompted him onto.

*Zinegata ("Where True Loyalties Lie")*
Well-written and I enjoyed the concept of ongoing loyalty. Not just one-off displays, but the cost of such things, even against people who could be allies.

*Liliedhe ("The Choice")*
I didn't get much of a sense of "loyalty" here. Bravery and resolve yes, but not so much about the theme.
However, I think you definitely have potential (and skills) to expand this and put in more about the unit and why she is loyal to them (or about her background and her loyalty to The Imperium) and this might mean it is a lot closer to the concept.
I'd be very interested to read a longer version of this, with more details about this unit, the main character's fall from grace, etc.

*Bloody Mary ("Of Beasts And Men")*
I liked the idea here, but (like Liliedhe) maybe could have done with more focussing upon the theme...e.g. more background about her history with the dogs, maybe she 'barks' at people when losing her temper, withdrawing from society, resentful towards them due to humans' potential for treachery/lack of constancy/etc?
However, I'd really like to read an expanded version of this going into more depth (both before and after these events).


It seems crude to try to separate people, but I guess it's what we do(?):

1st place (3 points) = Zinegata ("Where True Loyalties Lie")
2nd place (2 points) = Vulkansnodosaurus ("Written In The Steel")
3rd place (1 point) = Adrian ("Inquisitor Repentant")

Once again, fantastic stories and characters; many thanks for giving me the opportunity to read these.
AndyG.


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## Zinegata (Jan 25, 2012)

1st place - Liliedhe: The Choice

2nd place - Adrian: Inquisitor Repentant

3rd place - VulkansNodosaurus: Written in Steel


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## Zinegata (Jan 25, 2012)

VulkansNodosaurus said:


> 3rd place: Zinegata, Where True Loyalties Lie, 1 pt.. Occasionally, the language seemed slightly off (repetitive, maybe?)


It may be because I have been featuring the Steel Wardens in almost all of my HOEs (the only exception being the Predator tank in the "Falling Rain" contest), and the Wardens tend to be a stoic and rigid bunch. 

The intent was to eventually put everything together into a short novel / novella (tentatively titled "On Duties") that will flesh out some of the battles to turn it into a more "Brotherhood of the Snake" kind of book.


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## Dave T Hobbit (Dec 3, 2009)

Boc said:


> The deadline for voting will be midnight US Eastern Standard Time *Tuesday, 04 September 2012*


A quick reminder to those who have not voted yet that voting closes later today.



andygorn said:


> *Dave The Hobbit ("Freedom")*
> I think I got a bit confused with this. Was Horus saying "I'll be evil, so as to draw out the evil in other Primarchs (if it exists)"?


As the Emperor's plan was brutal conquest I have difficult choosing which side is "evil"; however, yes Horus was offering to pretend to oppose the plan to show that no-one would support his rebellion.


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

1st: _Inquisitor Repentant_, by Adrian, for 3 points
2nd: _Written In Steel_, by VulkansNodosaurus, for 2 points
3rd: _Flickering Embers_, by Rems, for 1 point

Honorable mention: _Freedom_, by Dave T Hobbit


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*My votes*

1st place - 3 points - *Dave The Hobbit ("Freedom")

2nd place - 2 points - Zinegata ("Where True Loyalties Lie")

3rd place - 1 point - Andygorn, Purpose Renewed

Sorry it took so long, been pretty busy lately.
*


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## Dave T Hobbit (Dec 3, 2009)

Boc is away for a few days so I am filling in again.

An extremely close fought competition this month. After recounting, the winners are:

_*Joint Third Place:*_ *andygorn*, Purpose Renewed and *VulkansNodosaurus*, Written in Steel with 9 points.

_*Joint First Place:*_ *Adrian*, Inquisitor Repentant and *Dave T Hobbit*, Freedom with 12 points.


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## Romero's Own (Apr 10, 2012)

Well done all, good to see it being this close


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*Thanks*

Although I do not like to share my great and mighty glory (Sarcastic) I am thankful for the many votes I received in this contest. Great job all and to the winners as well. Now maybe the chicks will be all over me. :shok::biggrin:


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## Dave T Hobbit (Dec 3, 2009)

Adrian said:


> Although I do not like to share my great and mighty glory....


I view my part as the noble mage bleeding away Adrian's power to stop him exploding.



Adrian said:


> Now maybe the chicks will be all over me. :shok::biggrin:


Try gluing birdseed to your shirt.


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