# Heresy-Online's Expeditious Stories 11: Overcome Voting Thread



## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

This concludes the Eleventh Heresy-Online Expeditious Stories Competition!

Congratulations to all of you who participated in this month's competition and making it a success! Thank you all as well, for helping to add colour to the already exceptional fanfic forum here on Heresy. Hopefully in the following months, we can continue to build up interest and maybe bring some more fresh blood to HO's fanfic forums.

Voting works as such:
Each reader (not just writers) can cast three votes, which works quite conveniently as there are only three stories, ranking them 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. Feel free to share your thoughts, comments, or brief reviews on the stories as well, since each of the writers worked hard to get their entries up.

Scoring works like this:
1st place: 3 pts
2nd place: 2 pts
3rd place: 1 pt

*When you vote, ensure that you vote in the following format:*
1st Place: Author, Name of Story, 3 pts
and so on.

Unfortunately, to prevent any possible dramas, you cannot vote for your own story. If you cast any votes, you have to cast all three, no picking a single story and nothing more.

Additionally, if you wrote a story, you must vote! As the competition grows, I think it is necessary to point this out. If you enter but do not vote, any votes for your story(ies) will not be counted.

By the end of the voting period, all votes will be tallied and a winner declared.

Once this winner is declared, the winning story will be placed into the Winning HOES thread which has been stickied in this forum.

Just to emphasize again, _you do not need to have written a story to cast your votes!_ The more people that cast their votes, the better!

The deadline for voting will be midnight US Eastern Standard Time *Saturday, 3 December 2011*. At that time this thread will be completed, the winner declared, and the new HOES topic for Competition 12 will be posted.

Here are the entries from HOES 11:

*Table of Contents*

Adrian: Their Grief, My Shame

Mossy Toes: Apotheosis

Serpion5: The God Hunters

Vulkansnodosaurus: Through the Shadows

Gothik: Last Man Standing

Wrycanion - A Letter

Andygorn: Regardless of Price... Victory!

Dicrel Seijin: Beneath our Feet


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## VulkansNodosaurus (Dec 3, 2010)

3rd place: Serpion5, The God Hunters, 1 pt.
2nd place: wrycanion, A Letter, 2 pts.
1st place: Mossy Toes, Apotheosis, 3 pts.


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## Dicrel Seijin (Apr 2, 2011)

Well, here are my votes...

1st place: Mossy Toes, "Apotheosis," 3 pts
_This was the story that I found most poignant. I was rooting for the nascent AI to survive, despite knowing what kind of fate would await her in the hands of the Imperium._

2nd place: Adrian, "Their Grief, My Shame," 2 pts
_It is said that if you truly want to hurt a man, give him back that which he most cherishes irrevocably broken. I can imagine him living out his days in obscurity, without even an attempt at redemption. 

_3rd place: Serpion5, "The God Hunters," 1 pt
_With the new fluff, I was curious to see how Necrons would (or rather could) now be depicted. I was not disappointed. For the love of a woman, a man (or Necron as the case may be) could challenge the gods themselves._


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*My votes*

1st place: Andygorn: Regardless of Price... Victory!

2nd place: Mossy Toes: Apotheosis

3rd place: Serpion5: The God Hunters

Everyone's stories were good, but these really stood out to me.


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## wrycanion (Nov 14, 2011)

1st place: Adrian, "Their Grief, My Shame," 3 pts
2nd place: Dicrel Seijin, "Beneath our Feet," 2 pts
3rd place: Vulkansnodosaurus, "Through the Shadows," 1 pt

Congratulations all. These three gentlemen's stories were those which I found most entertaining and well written. Extra thanks to you guys.


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

1: Their Grief, My Shame, Adrian, 3pts. (Unexpected angle.)

2: Apotheosis, Mossy Toes, 2pts. (Tragic, but at the same time a happy ending.) 

3: A letter, wrycanion, 1pt. (I liked the style of this one.)


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## andygorn (Apr 1, 2011)

Yet again, it was really hard to choose between people's stories, as they were all entertaining and full of flavour, however:

1st (3pts) = Vulkansnodosaurus "Through the Shadows"
_Dreamlike and ethereal...a really nice take on 40K and Marines. _

2nd (2pts) = Mossy Toes "Apotheosis"
_ For me, this really captured a strong theme of 40K: the birth of something exciting and a possible dawn of something new...just as it entropies..._

3rd (1pt) = Serpion5 "The God Hunters"
_Liking the 'humanity' of the Necrons - very characterful._


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

1st place (3pts) mossy toes "Apotheosis"

2nd place (2pts) adrian "thier grief, my shame"

3rd place (1pt) Serpion5 "The god hunters"


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

3 must be my lucky number. :laugh:


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

As an aside (and I'll get my votes cast probably Thursday, I know I've been slacking the last couple of months!) any ideas for the final HOES theme of the year, send them to me! I've got a few tumbling around ye ole noggin, but I'm not quite satisfied that they would really serve as an adequate capstone to a year both of great progress for the challenge, and to really let everyone shine. So... PM me if you've got some themes you think would be great!


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

Getting my rear in gear to read through and vote too.

Hmm...theme. The End? End of Days? Darkness Falls? Solstice? Turning? Holy Day?


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*One*



Mossy Toes said:


> Getting my rear in gear to read through and vote too.
> 
> Hmm...theme. The End? End of Days? Darkness Falls? Solstice? Turning? Holy Day?


 
One word Mossy Toes, justa single word, not brain spasm. :biggrin:


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

Doesn't have to only be one word


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*ok*



Boc said:


> Doesn't have to only be one word


My bad M.T. Brain spasm all you need to. 

My idea for the compitition is flesh eaters....:shok:

And can we get zombie smiley faces to go with the others?


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## C'Tan Chimera (Aug 16, 2008)

Things have been heating up for my finals (less than two weeks and I'm done for the semester) so I haven't been able to read much, but rest assured I will get my vote in for you guys before Saturday- a lot of great ones this time around!


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

*Adrian: Their Grief, My Shame*
As I said before, nicely done. The grief of the children is very palpable.

*Mossy Toes: Apotheosis*
Unworthy of note. In fact, utter dross. How dare you post this crap in a public forum? You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

*Serpion5: The God Hunters*
You ought to win on account of your title alone, so cool is it. Still, the story: nice to see people already incorporating the new 'Cron lore into their stories. I thought the dialogue wasn't handled as well as it could have been, but the second flashback and the last line were very potent.

*Vulkansnodosaurus: Through the Shadows*
Ooooh, lovely. The descriptions here are magnificent--both evocative and impressive. I'm a fan of the Iron Hands, to boot. And the ideas here: the echo-fragments forcing their way through his mind as a sussurrus of psychic noise, the groaning, shifting continents, the repeated theme of "land never dies"... there's so much to _like_!

This is a cranny of the 40k universe, a forgotten nook, exploring an idea rather than the fate of a planet or sub-sector, and that's just how I like it. Excellent work, sir. At this point reading though, I would hazard that this will get my top vote.

*Gothik: Last Man Standing*
Hmmm, those are some tiny paragraphs. If I might suggest something different for the future, you needn't split up every sentence or two. There are clumps here that would work together nicely.

But ah, don't we all enjoy a good last stand?

*Wrycanion: A Letter*
Heh, it's almost like I fell back into the Aubrey/Maturin books.

But...oh my. I want to read more about this Gauss and whatever fate awaits him. I want to see more about the peculiar taint that infests the vessel. I, sir (and/or ma'am) am hooked. You give us a scenario, a perturbation, a potential danger--and leave it unfulfilled. Excellent, albeit slightly frustrating, work.

*Andygorn: Regardless of Price... Victory!*
Very enjoyable. Whatever it takes. The Scythes of the Emperor have always been an ill-fated chapter, and you've written the lengths to which they must go well.

As a minor side note, your paragraphs mirror Gothik's in size. It's just a stylistic disagreement, but...I feel that I have to point it out anyways.

*Dicrel Seijin: Beneath our Feet*
Nicely done. The wordcount seems like it's hedged you in a bit, but you've communicated events as they occur very nicely, giving the reader (or me, at least) easily enough information to fill in the gaps between scene fragments. What results is a sort of stuttering pace, emphasized the more by the frequent switches from violence to calm or vice-versa. That's by no means a bad thing; in fact it's pretty engaging. Good descriptions and details, well-written action sequences--all in all, a solid and engaging contribution.

Oh dear, now I have to pick and order them. Hmmm...

After some reflection my votes are as follows:

1st - *Vulkansnodosaurus: Through the Shadows* - 3 points
2nd - *Dicrel Seijin: Beneath our Feet* - 2 points
3rd - *Wrycanion: A Letter* - 1 point

Runners-Up: Andygorn, followed by Adrian.


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

Thanks Mossy. Actual constructive critique and I love you for it. :biggrin: 

Boc, if you`re still looking for theme ideas, may I suggest: 

Failure.

Endure. 

Deceit.


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

Damn it, my brain is wired weird. Certain words just...trigger phrases, or songs. "Under Pressure" brings me in mind of Queen, and "Changes" of Bowie. Similarly, in this case, any time I see or hear the word "endure," my mind flashes to _The Dark Knight_, in the scene where Batman says "what would you have me do?" and Alfred replies (in his British accent) "Endure, Master Wayne." Specifically Alfred's reply.

This has been your daily public service announcement.


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

Thank you. That was very informative...


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## wrycanion (Nov 14, 2011)

Mossy Toes said:


> *
> Wrycanion: A Letter
> Heh, it's almost like I fell back into the Aubrey/Maturin books.
> 
> ...


*

I appreciate the critique and the vote, Mossy! Thanks. I'd have to say you're spot on about the Gauss avenue-as-yet-unexplored section. The abeyance there makes sense in the context of their relationship, as Banisse's father alludes, but it's a big F-U to readers. :laugh: Still, that little connection between the Zyc family and Explorator Gauss would not have existed if not for this contest. I realized mid-composition that "Oh... man, I could do this and it would be cool." Depending on our December HOES subject, I will do you the service of filling in that gap (and see if I can do it service :grin.

Regarding the Aubrey/Maturin comparison - wow. Thanks again. My writing has never been compared to another published work. Now I'm going to have to read some of those novels to see what you mean!

Addendum:
I just realized I can be self-serving! Boc, may I suggest the subject for next time: Wrecked.*


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

thanks mossy for the advice.

and may i suggest for the fesitve spirit andall that hoe hoe hoe


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

Ooh, suggestions in that vein: Derelict, Sundered, Shattered, etc...


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## andygorn (Apr 1, 2011)

Ta for the critique, Mossy Toes, glad you liked it.
I can't promise to do better next time, but I was trying to split it up to make it more digestable/readable....seems I failed again :-(


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*Not fail*



andygorn said:


> Ta for the critique, Mossy Toes, glad you liked it.
> I can't promise to do better next time, but I was trying to split it up to make it more digestable/readable....seems I failed again :-(



Consider the coward Yoda. Powerful was he. Strong in the force was he. Short and green was he. 'Do or do not.' he said. When he was met with true opposition he ran to a backwater planet and hid in the jungle until he was too old to fight anymore. 

He failed to train anyone else until whiny Skywalker was forced upon him. And then he died! You are not like Yoda. Learn, you must. Failure leads to the dark side. Learning to the light. Grow, you must, as must we all. :mrgreen:


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## andygorn (Apr 1, 2011)

Sorry to everyone - I just got a bit mad at myself (not anyone else).
I'm currently trying to learn but also to permanently get rid of anger & negativity in my life, but I've got a lot more work to do on it.


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*Hmmmmm?*



andygorn said:


> Sorry to everyone - I just got a bit mad at myself (not anyone else).
> I'm currently trying to learn but also to permanently get rid of anger & negativity in my life, but I've got a lot more work to do on it.



Anger leads to the dark side. I too, believe it or not, have had a very bad temper. I know, not me you say? Have you read any of my work? The violence that once consumed me is meted out by my writing and of course lots of prayer. 

P.S. Never try to milk a bull. It could be hazardous to your health. 

I am also getting older, so that also has something to do with it. Keep your head up and don't be too down on yourself. We all have to walk through hard times. Remember King David, yea though I walk through the shadow of death I shall fear no evil. The dude wasn't just saying that. He lived it. 

So do not beat yourself up, the world around you will kick you down without your help if you let it. 

You do write very well with lots of creativity.


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## andygorn (Apr 1, 2011)

Thanks all, much appreciated.

Already my mind's in gears about what theme we might have for HOES 12...loads of great suggestions so far.

Given that money is always scarce around December & Xmas a suggestion for theme, how about a really wide-ranging idea such as "Payment"?

Whatever theme we end up with, I'm sure all the tales will make for inspirational reading; the quality here is the best I've seen in any online GW/WFB/40K/etc site.

Continued thanks to all for posting.


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

really its cause somewhere round here is Plossy and Bocs stash of Amasec and we want it hence why we stay on the good side lol


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## Dicrel Seijin (Apr 2, 2011)

Thank you for the critique and the points.



Mossy Toes said:


> *Dicrel Seijin: Beneath our Feet*
> Nicely done. The wordcount seems like it's hedged you in a bit, but you've communicated events as they occur very nicely, giving the reader (or me, at least) easily enough information to fill in the gaps between scene fragments. What results is a sort of stuttering pace, emphasized the more by the frequent switches from violence to calm or vice-versa. That's by no means a bad thing; in fact it's pretty engaging. Good descriptions and details, well-written action sequences--all in all, a solid and engaging contribution.


The word count did work against me. With every draft, I found myself over the limit and scouring the lines to cut unnecessary words and in a couple of instances, rendering the event down to hints. 

I knew the breaks would interrupt the flow of the story, but having the reader fill in the gaps really did save on the word count. Still, that didn't prevent me from worrying about the pacing.

I think the next challenge for myself is one continuous scene.


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

That's one of the nice things about working to a wordcount limit--you have to really think about what is the most important parts of a story, and to keep the most compact and powerful phrasing while cutting out the mediocre.

Andygorn: please don't take my attempt at constructive criticism harshly. That you entered at all speaks volumes for your courage and skills; they are clearly greater than a good many who didn't enter at all. It was a good story, too--I almost voted for it.


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

And the 11th HOES has come to an end!

Thanks again to all who participated and voted, making this competition a success.

Without further ado, the top entries are:

*3rd Place*: Vulkansnodosaurus's _Through the Shadows_ - 7 points

*2nd Place*: Adrian's _Their Grief, My Shame_ - 10 points

And the winner is...

*1st Place*: Mossy Toes' _Apotheosis_ - 15 points!

Rep rewards will go out at some point within the next day or so, and be on the lookout for the final HOES of the year!


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*great job!*

Mossy Toes, great job and congradulations on a great contest. 

I don't feel bad about 2nd place in this setting as fantasy stories do not even place most of the time. And as the 2nd fantasy story I have ever attempted, I don't feel bad about the results. 

Again great job. :goodpost:


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

Hoo!

Thanks for voting for me, everyone. Two wins for two entries! You people must really love me...

Great job to everyone else, too. Since HOES's inception, the quality of stories here has only risen, and dramatically at that. There were some excellent entries this month around, and it was really hard to choose which to vote for.

I'm going to try to be more active in HOES, definitely. It's fun to vote on you lots' excellent stories, but I want to get stories out there that aren't dug-up from my writing archives. Come whatever may, let's take it in good stride!

Another theme suggestion, if only because I just went and saw a Cirque du Soliel show under this name last night: *Totem*.


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## VulkansNodosaurus (Dec 3, 2010)

Mossy Toes: Thanks for the comments!

Also: 3rd place, yes! (Finally!) Congratulations to Mossy Toes and Adrian, too. And congrats/thanks to everyone who participated in the competition. This was a wonderful installment.

Theme ideas: Eternity? Confluence? Nexus? Revolution?


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## wrycanion (Nov 14, 2011)

Very well done, gentlemen. All stories well worth their reward! Congratulations to you.


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

I had tried posting the next entry earlier today, but my home internet crashed and I had to go to a concert before I could fix it. It's going to be "defecation," no, seriously! *evil cackle*


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## wrycanion (Nov 14, 2011)

Boc said:


> "defecation,"


So. Sad.:hang1:


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

Welp, there goes me contribootin'.


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

Lol I kid, I kid. New topic will be up in the next couple of hours, either before or after my hated morning 5-mile.


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

Congrats the winners! :clapping:


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

well done to all the winners and great reads all round peeps.


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## andygorn (Apr 1, 2011)

Well done winners - great reads all round though, it was very high quality fiction (IMHO better than some BL novels I've read lately) from everyone.


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## Dicrel Seijin (Apr 2, 2011)

Congratulations to the winners and others that entered.


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