# Serpion: Origins



## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

This is part 2. Part 1 was mistakenly posted in homebrew fluff for 40k. I suggest you read that first. It`s not essential, but it explains how this begins.


Part 2:

Y E A R S P A S S E D . . .
At first, all I had seen was darkness. I knew for certain that I had died on that world, even though I hadn`t felt the talons pierce my flesh, I had felt myself slipping away. It didn`t feel like dying, not that I`d know, but there was something strange about it.
The afterlife was not what I was expecting. There was darkness, sure enough, but the voices persisted. Less hostile than they had been before, and accompanied by visions. I could see men of the imperium dying, eldar being slaughtered and orks being cut to ribbons. I began to lose my sense of self. I couldn`t remember my name, my home planet, or the names of my comrades, dead now for years...
I began to see these things as though through my own eyes. I began to feel death being meted out as if by my own claws.
Then I realized... My mind, my soul had been absorbed by the hive mind, and I was slowly but surely being turned to its cause.

_ You have learned.
Will you continue to struggle?
You can be immortal.
Oblivion is your only alternative!_

With no other options left to me, I made my choice...

M O R E T I M E P A S S E D . . .
My Boneswords crackle with energy. I can feel the anticipation of my brood-kin to either side of me.
_Attack. It is time. Leave none of them alive._ The command impulse was simple and direct. I began to charge forward, leading the swarm. The Overlord, Glorious One who brought me into the collective, stands central to the swarm, allowing his sight to encompass all that we see.
The human gun line opens fire, I can feel our servants dying. Their minds dissipate, not strong enough to maintain their existence.
I can hear Glorious One roaring his fury. The blue ones have begun to attack. Their landing craft drop indiscriminately within our midst. Normally such a tactic is suicide for any type of prey. But these ones have faced our kind before and their weapons take a heavy toll.
I have no time to concern myself with them. Glorious One`s presence within my mind urges me onward, more of our kin are incoming and we are all but assured victory against this weakened bastion of desperate prey.
A scream pierces my mind, shattering my focus. The Overlord is dead. The bond is severed, and I find myself alone within my own mind. I can`t even remember what that was like, so long had I been within the swarm.
But I have no time to dwell on it. A surge of malevolence comes from beside me, and I realise that one of my own kin has issued a challenge. 
_Pitiful creature!_ I roar._ I shall end you! _I drive my sword into his cranium, annihilating him utterly.
But now we are without guidance. Does that mean... yes, I am in command now. I call out across the landscape to all who can still hear me. _We must retreat._ I lead, they follow, those who can hear my call. We have to hide, to wait for them to let their guard down.

N O W . . .
Long has it been. Our strength returns, and my control is strengthened. My command is absolute. That world is long since dead, and we ply the stars once more.
I do not grieve for my former master. He was weak, and led us down the path of failure. I am the Overlord now. I serve only the greater hive, all others serve me. I am immortal, my power and strength are eternal. Soon, all wrongs will be righted.
_I am Serpion._


Can I get any feedback? Remember part one is in homebrew fluff.


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## Zodd (Jul 27, 2009)

Hi Serpion5. This one took me by surprise, that was a new one, assimilated into the hive-mind. Imho that is a very good idea. Are you going to expand it ? Are our friend going to meet others,who are in the same way, maybe other species to ? Can he go back and overtake a human or something completely different ? +rep


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

I`ll consider it, but at the moment, I`m brainstorming necron plotlines. As compelling as mindless automata are, I like to add a bit of character. Hence the assimilated inquisitor. I hope to avoid re-using the same idea too often, so my necron will be necron thru + thru.

I`m thinking internal politics. A coup to turn an army of the Nightbringer into the service of the Deceiver. 

But I do plan to return to Hive Fleet Serpion eventually. Stay tuned and tell your friends to look here, this thread is for the most part ignored!


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## Zenith_of_Mind (Mar 12, 2010)

Is it possible for a man to be assimilated into the Hive Mind? I don't think so. I mean, I know about Genestealers, but I don't think that anyone can willingly become a part of the Hive Mind, and even if they did, they would lose their individuality and become part of the collective.


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

It is possible. Read the short story "In the belly of the beast." That`s part of where the idea came from.

It can be found in the Let the Galaxy Burn compilation. Granted, we did not see it come to fruition in that case, but I say why not?

And I`m pretty sure my character`s mind was left far from intact. If I wasn`t clear enough on that I`m sorry. He was stripped of his past values and goals, and came to accept the Hive Mind as his new master. When his immediate superior was removed from the heirarchy, He regained some of his own leadership ability, becoming essentially the master of his own hive fleet.

And he now has access to the Hive`s knowledge remember? Maybe something there has him convinced this is the way forward.


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

*Misery*

Now I`m having a crack at some necron fiction.

TIME: A freakin` reeaaally long time ago...
SETTING: Somewhere in this galaxy... (ooh, the mystery)





The stars were especially bright tonight. Maybe it was a sign that things were looking up, maybe it was mere coincidence. I never did put a lot of faith into stuff like coincidence. No, my life had been dedicated to science, and despite all that has hindered us, I believe science will be the way forward.
Thirty cycles. I am entering the twilight of my lifespan, within this decade I will pass on. Curse those wretched Old Ones. Long living curs, smug in their mastery of their dark magicks, their damned children races drinking in their parents` love.
I have read the grim reports telling of our first encounter with their kind. It was long before my time. Our ancestors pleaded with the Old Ones to help but they refused. They said rather than crave life, we should cherish what we have. Ha! Easy for them to say, they are practically immortal. What would they know of our suffering, we who live barely three and a half decades before our weak bodies betray us. We had declare war. But we didn`t stand a chance, not until we found... them. The first calling had been disastrous, the Bringer of Darkness had not come to us as a friend. Though it now allowed us to bear its presence, it had been an alliance bought with many lives. In the future, we knew what to expect, and the rest of the star gods had been much easier to communicate with. Especially the Messenger. Ah yes, the Messenger... He alone understood us.
As I waited out on the balcony, the rest of our nobility began to assemble. The Great Messenger had called us all, claiming that our struggle against the Old Ones could be won, he had devised a way for us to become immortal. I was excited, as were my collegues. I could feel it in the air. 

'Friends' The god called to us all. 'Dear children, gather close, and hear what I have to say. For no longer will you be cursed to live with this blight.'
We gathered as close to the podium as we dared. The Messenger stood tall, accompanied by two of his brothers as he spoke. 
'I have watched with great sorrow as you and your families have been lost to the cruelty of time. Yet, where the Old Ones refuse to help you, my brothers and I have seen the way forward. You can be like us, eternal, undying, free to pursue your vengeance across the stars!'
'How, my Lord?' someone cried out. 
'Be like us.' The Messenger answered. 'As we inhabit these metal forms, so can you. You need only create the bodies in which you will live out eternity, and my brothers and I can do the rest for you.'
There was silence. I looked around, taking in every detail on my peoples` faces. For the most part, I saw only vindictive satisfaction at the thought of being immortal. But I also saw doubt. I was unsure what to think. This is what we had always wanted wasn`t it? Immortality? But at the same time, something just felt... wrong.




 I noticed there is fluff, but no actual stories regarding the fall of the necrontyr. I`ve decided to take up that challenge. This is part one. Tell me what you think. :victory:


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

I`m going to assume no response means no objections. Part 2





I sat in my place in the vast conference hall. It had been several weeks snce the Messenger`s proclamation, and the word had spread to every world in our meagre empire.
We had been called to this meeting, the last of several over the past few days to decide upon the Gods` proposal. 
'It is the only way forward!' One member shouted.
'It is as good as death!' Another rebuked. All around the room, there were arguments and yelling. But my mind was elsewhere. All I wanted was to hurry up and vote so I could be gone from this place. 

An hour passed and I noticed an aide circling around the back of the room towards my position. I looked on his face and my heart sank.
'I am sorry, your Grace.' He told me. 'Your brother has... succumbed to the star`s blight.'
'...I understand.' I nodded, struggling to hold my voice straight. 'Thank you.' He bowed, patting my shoulder supportively before leaving. 
When I had come in here this morning, my heart and my mind had been set on my decision. I had wanted to vote in rejection of the Messenger`s proposal and be gone. I wanted to be by my brother`s side when he died. Now, with that chance forever lost, sadness, pain, and misery overtook me.

'ENOUGH!' I bellowed, silencing all of the arguing nobles and beuraucrats. 'This bickering will lead us nowhere! Why argue when we all know there is no alternative?! I say we must accept the Messenger`s proposal! If we are to die regardless, then I say we leave the Old Ones forever scarred with the fury of our legacy!' 
There was silence for a moment. Then I noticed one nearby hooded man begin to clap. More followed. Within moments the entire room was applauding. 

The vote was decided. We would accept the transference. The room emptied within the hour. I remained, I had nowhere else to be...

Suddenly I noticed one other in the room with me. The hooded man who had begun the applause. He approached where I sat and pulled back his hood.

His face was metal, a blue tinge punctuated by two glowing orange eyes. I recognised him immediately as one of the Messenger`s brother gods.
'My Liege!' I jumped from the chair and bowed before him. The sudden movement almost shattered my old legs.
'Do not strain yourself, please.' The being said. It spoke with a similar voice to the Messenger. 'I have come here tonight of my own accord. I wanted to see for myself how this would turn out. I am somewhat pleased to know that you have accepted our proposal.'
'There is still much resistance.' I said.
'Yes.' The God replied. 'We can overcome this. Subterfuge may be required.'
'You mean... deceive them?' I asked. I had never seen this side of the Messengers before. It was unsettling to say the least. But with my brother dead, I had nothing to lose. If this was the way forward...

I listened to the God`s instructions...

'If that is the Messenger`s will.' I said. 'Then so shall it be done.'


End of Part 2.


I will try to keep these short so as not to stretch readers patience. Anyways, I`m toying with a few ideas here that may or may not suit. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.


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## Zodd (Jul 27, 2009)

I have never been much into Necrons. Just read about them when they turn up in different BL-novells. But this looks interesting, an explanation of the why's and how's of Necrons ? Will certainly keep an eye on this.:security:


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

Thanks for the interest Zodd. 

I imagine only one or two more in this line. Then I may return to the nids for a while. 

One idea I`ve been thinking about is a crossover. An encounter between my nid and nec commanders. That would be quite a match, especially considering how buff this guy is gonna be.:victory:


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

*The rise of Misery.*

Part 3.



The time had come. The unbelievers had agreed to our request for a negotiation. They had begun to assemble in the halls all over our capital world, awaiting the broadcast message from the Messenger of our compromise. I almost pitied the poor fools...

There were thousands of them in this hall. I looked out over them and called for silence. 
'The Messenger has heard your doubts.' I called out over the throngs of people. 'He has asked you to assemble here today as one so that you may hear his compromise.' I activated a device which then lowered from the ceiling. It looked every bit like a common communication device. Its true purpose however, was anything but. 
I left the hall via the left stage exit. In one of the lower chambers, the blue skinned god waited. 
'Are they assembled?' He asked.
'They are my Lord.' I replied with a bow. 'There are over a thousand of them in this hall alone. That will not be a problem?'
'Not at all.' He answered with a laugh. 'I doubt any of their minds will remain intact, but what difference will that be than if they had died?'
'Indeed...' I replied. That unease I had felt before my brother`s death threatened to come back to me. I pushed it to the back of my mind and awaited my next order.
'It is time.' The god said at last. 'Their time has come. See to your followers. I will be with you inside of this hour.'

I left the room and paused for a moment to gather my thoughts. Then I left the building. I retreated to the temple where the loyalists had gathered, awaiting our ascendancy. Thirty minutes passed. I stood at a window, watching the hall on the edge of the horizon. 
Suddenly, the entire building illuminated. It had begun. The Star Borne God had begun his work, an eerie green glow permeating the entire structure in a sickly light.
As I watched, the reality of the situation hit me. Over a thousand men, women and children had just died. I tried to tell myself that it was their choice, but the knowledge of what had just happened to them was almost too much to bear. Their minds had been taken from their bodies, their life force consumed and fed to the blue god. No longer would they be blighted. They would exist forever, whether they wanted to or not, as robotic shadows of what they had once been.

Twenty minutes passed. With a sound like metal tearing, the blue god lowered himself through the ceiling, reknitting the structure as he passed through.
'Are you all prepared?' He asked. We all replied as one that we were, despite every inclination of regret I felt, I had come too far to stop now.
'Take your places.' He said. We began to move.
'Wait.' He said to me. 'Your time is... not yet. I will transfer these first.' 
'A-as you wish...' I replied nervously. 

The tension was unbearable. As the other nobles received their reward, I stood in silent contemplation. I fought back tears as I remembered my brother. I struggled to contain the guilt that I had consigned our race to eternal undeath. But most of all, I hated myself for my inability to run from this fate. Every fibre of my being wanted to run, to scream out that this was wrong, but the stronger part of me would not let me let go of my fear of dying.

At last the god returned. I looked upon him, dread and anticipation competing on my features.
'It is your time.' He said. 
He led me to a chamber I had not been aware of. In it was a transference machine, as well as a construct that filled me with awe. It was one and a half times my height, a grand metal body of regal stature. A glimmering staff was clutched in one hand.
'Behold the body in which you will live out eternity.' The god said to me.
'It`s magnificent!' I exclaimed. 
'Take your place.' He commanded.
His will could not be denied. Despite all my reservations, I found myself approaching the glowing device.
'Good...' The god said. It was the last thing my mortal ears would ever hear...

Agony took me. I could not even scream. I struggled to hold on, to keep my memories and thoughts intact.

Little by little... they began to leave me...

My brother`s name... my name... my past... my memories...

There was only pain and sadness. Why was I sad? I couldn`t remember. Then everything went dark...

_i n a p a r a l l e l l d i m e n s i o n m y s o u l s c r e a m e d_

My vision returned. Before me stood the blue god. On the floor there lay a shrivelled corpse. I stepped forward. 
'Name yourself.' The god commanded.
'I...' I had no name, I realized. Only one thing identified me. 'I am Misery.'




End of Part 3. Awaiting feedback. Please, tell me what you think.


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## Kale Hellas (Aug 26, 2009)

that is awesome, necrons are epic you don't find many stories about them, the tyranid ones pretty cool to


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

Kale Hellas said:


> that is awesome, necrons are epic you don't find many stories about them, the tyranid ones pretty cool to


At least not from their POV.

Thanks for your interest. One more on the necron line. Then back to the nids. Trying to figure out circumstances to bring them into contact with each other.

That would very much be a case of Life vs Death.:laugh:


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## Zodd (Jul 27, 2009)

I think Misery will be one mean dude.
And a Necron "going over" to 'Nids ?
Amazing.k:


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## deathbringer (Feb 19, 2009)

Right your writing is action filled and very dramatic but I'm a mcNeil fan.

Generally I love his descriptive style and thats mainly what you lack. Your writing is good and flows well with a really nice style but I really cant picture it if you get my drift

I dont know what the machine looks like, or the chamber so its very vague, the charactors almost non existant in my mind

Adding some description would do wonders for your writing in my view


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

Agreed... I`ll have to work harder on these.


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

Part 4... Conclusion (For now...):biggrin:




The wars had been every bit as destructive as the star gods had promised. All of our failings had been swept away when we had given up our mortal husks, and not one of us had looked back. That had been so long ago...
We had literally become the army of death, skeletal nightmares to the pitiful young races whom we fought. We were like undead giants, wielding weapons of such power that even the warp poweres of the Old Ones themselves were humbled before us. My own form, gaunt, but tall and imposing, had given me a feeling of power unlike anything I could have ever dreamed of. In my more ecstatic moments, I imagined that this feeling of raw power must be what our gods felt. 

But the wars had cost us dearly as well. Many of my former kind had lost their sanity over the course of time, unable to cope with the concept of eternity. They had been weak, and as a result they now functioned purely under my command, with no thoughts of their own. My own knowledge and power had only grown with others` failures.

Then something had happened, which changed everything. The Bringer of Darkness, for reasons none of us understood, destroyed one of his own bretheren. I was, strangely, unconcerned. It mattered little to me at the time that a god I had never known had been consumed. It did not occur to me at the time that he would do it again... and again...

The Lord of Death was clearly detached from our true cause. After what seemed like an age, there were less than half a dozen c`tan left, and their absence had cost us dearly. No longer bolstered by our all powerful masters, our enemies had seen their chance to strike. These new creature that they sent to fight us were like elegant versions of what we had once been, similar to our original form but with the longevity and warp gifts of their masters.
Seeing these alien warriors had been more than I could bear, they were so like us, so like what we could have been if only the cursed Old Ones had the integrity to HELP US! Without the gods, we had little choice, once again, we were forced to retreat. I almost succumbed to the void when I realized that all our sacrifice had been for nothing... 


So many memories, that seemed so fresh. I stood now in one of my primary tomb complexes as we prepared our warriors for stasis. Only five of the star gods remained, because of the Bringer of Darkness. Damn him, but others had been influenced by his example and that had only accelerated our losses. The chamber that would house me as I slept filled my vision. A dull green light permeated the all but featureless room, a simple cubic chamber. The only things to attract one`s gaze were the doorway and the equally plain sarcophagus in the room`s centre.
The Blue God entered. His simple, unassuming form belied the fact that he was one of the most poweful beings in the galaxy. But, as we had so painfully learned, even a gods power is not without its limits.
'The Messenger started all of this.' He said to me. I could hear tension, perhaps even a tinge of fear, in his voice.
'My Lord?' I asked.
'I feel I should tell you this, in case something happens.' He said. 'All of this, everything that has transpired, has done so according to _HIS_ design. Messenger? Ha! I call him Deceiver!'
'Are you serious?!' I demanded. 'He has betrayed us all?'
'Indeed.' The Blue God sighed wearily. 'And I fear that my own time is limited. I have but one chance to survive, but before I leave, I have one last task for you... and a gift.'

I watched with a sense of awe as he held out his strong metallic hands. An object formed from his own body, a smooth blue disc.
'Take it.' He commanded. 
I reached out and took the device into my grip. 
'Keep it with you at all times.' He commanded. 'This is my legacy. The galaxy will forget me, Lord Misery. You and your trusted retinue alone will be the only ones to know I ever existed.' 
With nothing more to say, he turned and left, not even looking back.

As I held the disc in my hands, my memories were overcome by his own. I saw the Deceiver`s machinations unfold from the eyes of the blue god, I saw the whispered lies to the other gods that would thin their numbers, making them easier to control. I felt the blue god`s tension, knowing that his own existence was in danger. He had removed himself from the collective knowledge, but the Deceiver still knew of his existence.

If the Deceiver still lived when I awoke, it could only mean that my Master was long dead. I felt his desire for vengeance. Even... a tinge of regret.

And last of all, I received his greatest gift. I was severed from the command lattice. No longer was I slaved to the star gods directive. I was... myself again. I remembered emotions I had not felt for milennia... gratitude?

Yes... I will avenge the Forgotten... when I wake...



End of Part 4 (conclusion)


This I`m really not so sure on. Could there be one Necron out there who actually wants retribution against the C`tan? I don`t know, but something about me just likes the idea of giving what would normally be a faceless killer a "human" face, so to speak. I am open to opinions on this. And yes, any comments on my writing style or critique are welcome. Good or bad. (I want to improve, so don`t worry about hurting my feelings. I don`t have any.)


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## Kale Hellas (Aug 26, 2009)

i like it necrons are the pinacle of plainess in most peoples eyes, but your making a really interesting one here


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

Thanks! I enjoy the idea of putting personality to something normally so devoid.

Hence, Nids and Necs are my favourite to write about.

I have an idea. Serpion and Misery are going to clash! A few more from Serpion, a few more from Misery, then the big showdown. Who will win?:shok:


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

*The integration of the greenskin.*

Hive Fleet Serpion Story. 

Part 1

This world had been one of industry and construction. At least to the orks occupying it. To me, it was simply another hub of biomass. But I had drawn on my vast resovoirs of knowledge, and I knew that this population would fight. And fight fiercely. 

It had been several months. Despite all of my advancements, I still felt compelled to keep track of the time. Other minds within the collective told me it was pointless, but I didn`t care. I was in command, not them...

I looked out upon a sprawling battlefield. My warriors clashed with greenskins from horizon to horizon, a writhing mass of blue and green. In a few short seconds, I saw what I needed to see. As I returned to the ground, my wings folded neatly behind me as my two guardians raised their boneshields. Urging them forward, I ran towards where I had perceived the ork`s leader to be. As I travelled, my retinue and I cleaving orks apart with each step, I began to laugh inwardly at the irony of the situation. Both the orks and us were races that were literally bred for combat. But where they relied on tools, our very blood and bodies were weapons for the kill.
And, so like us, their efforts were directed by a primary individual, one whose will dictated the respective causes. If the head died... well, that particular phrase did not really apply to either of us.

I postponed my musings, for my quarry was in sight. With a quick thought, I directed several broods of nearby scuttlers to attack. As I closed the distance, advancing more cautiously now, I took the oppurtunity to observe how this boss preferred to fight. He and his favoured servants all bore the artificial claws so favoured by the nobility of their kind. He was huge, not quite as tall as me but far bulkier. That didn`t matter, I was well aware of that. My muscle tissue was far denser, and would easily surpass his strength.
He slaughtered my lesser creatures without difficulty, but in doing so revealed a terrible flaw in his fighting style. I had every inkling of data I needed. Summoning more of my warriors to my side, just for good measure, I led the attack. 
My guardians spread out slightly. They had sensed my intent and were well aware that I could fend for myself against this brutish creature. Instead, they and the additional scuttlers focussed on removing the ork`s retinue from the fight. 
The power of my mind crackled through my twin swords as I charged. The ork saw me coming and roared, and I recognised joy on his features. He swung his enormous metal appendage and stepped forward into the strike. A less agile opponent might have been caught, but I easily sidestepped the strike before lashing out with my own bio powered weapons. I inflicted a huge gash down hid ribcage before darting back to avoid his backswing. I took a brief moment to observe. Yes, he was now struggling to lift his gauntleted arm, making him far more vulnerable. had he been wearing the much heavier armour some of his fellows had donned, it could have been harder. 
He came at me again, determined to bring me down. This time I did not dodge. I struck easily before he could bring his wounded arm into position, severing the limb at his shoulder. He roared and swung his other fist, only now seeming to remember that he had also been carrying a gun this whole time. So typical of an ork...
It mattered little, for within a second that arm was gone as well. Had I still been human I might have been tempted to savour this moment, but this green brute was not so fortunate. I thrust my left sword into his chest without hesitation, and for a split second, our minds were linked.

I was not impressed. In me, the Hive Mind had recognised greatness. But in this creature, I saw only a barbarian not worthy of recognition.
With a swift flick of my wrist, I severed the alien in two.

With a roar of triumph, I took to the skies. My guardians, though wounded, had succeeded in overpowering the orks` would be successors. This day belonged to us. One more boss slain, one less link in their chain of command. Within the week, they would all be gone...

End of Part 1


I`m trying to be more descriptive but it is something I am not used to, and I think that is my greatest weakness. I`ll keep trying harder, but let me know what you think please. Any feedback at all is appreciated.


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

*The orks fall...*

Part 2 

Another week saw another warboss slain. It had cost me one of my guardians, but it mattered little. His mind had been weak, and it dissolved almost instantly when the warboss had severed him in two. His psionic energy was better spent empowering gaunts... Now, only the ork`s warlord remained.

My remaining guardian stood at my side now as I surveyed the desolate landscape before me. His expressionless features belied the constant state of alert his mind was locked into, and even though his shield and whip were lowered, it would take less than a second to spring into action should it be required. His mind wavered almost constantly, due in part to the restless swarm behind us. I sensed an approaching conscioussness from within the swarm, and broadcast a quick telepathic query. 
_The swarm in the east is moving as you command_ My newest Alpha Warrior informed me. _Shall we move?_
_Yes._ I commanded. _Lead the advance._

I stood still, watching with grim satisfaction as the swarm surged forward around me. My young protege led from the front, his own boneswords flaring as he ran, accompanied by a group of his brood-kin. 
He had been a human psyker once... like me. And I had brought him into the fold. I was reminded of my own advancement, but I had no intention of making my predecessor`s mistakes.
My guardian kicked a stray gaunt that had begun to wander away from its brood back into its place, interrupting my reverie.

_Time to join the advance..._ I said, mostly to myself. _This ork is not going to kill himself._ I ran at a steady pace to maintain my position central to the swarm around me. Time... Only a matter of time...

I was... too lost in my own thoughts. Something about this world had begun to bother me. The entire battle must have lasted hours, orks died by the dozen all around me, my own warriors giving their lives to defeat this prey. Yet at the end of it all, I couldn`t even remember who had slain the warlord...

What was happening to me?!


End of part 2.

I know it makes little sense to have a Hive Tyrant be so... uncertain. But bear with me, I`m going somewhere with this. Besides, who really knows what goes through a tyranid`s mind, right?


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

*Scouring the last greenskins*

Part 3


A day had passed since the Ork Warlord`s death, and his army was in tatters. I had commanded the final phase of consumption to begin immediately, and the microbes that had so firmly implanted themselves in this world`s meagre ecosystem had responded. Already, capillary towers had begun to sprout, they would be in reach of the hiveships within the next day. The last pockets of ork resistance had fallen back to one final bastion, a vast complex that had thus far defended itself primarily because I had not considered it a threat. Now, there was nothing left for it. Almost weary, as if this final task was not worth my effort. Frankly, I was looking forward to the sleep. The strange emotions that had begun to impact me periodically had not ceased, and though they abated for the time being, I was not eager to discover their source.

The orks here had clearly given up hope of victory, their only thoughts now were to die fighting. Who was I to deny them that?

To be honest, many of them did not get the chance. My second, the young Alpha who had since named himself Hydrake, had taken it upon himself to deploy biovores and tyrannofexes. Whilst I could not fault his tactical efficiency, it did conflict with my preferred style. Now, I was forced to wait back to keep clear the gunbeasts` fire. I would be sure to reprimand Hydrake on contradicting my command in the future...

At last, a few of the orks reached our lines with the aid of their poorly constructed transports. I leaped forward, ready to rend and tear. A group of large orks leaped off the transport, and I intercepted them before they had made any headway. My blades swung in a wide arc, severing heads and limbs while my mind screamed agony into theirs. A power klaw swung towards my legs, and I leaped into the air just ahead of the swing. My wings carried me over their heads, and I landed behind them. Looking backwards now, I realized that I had been fighting them alone. None of my warriors had come to aid me? No! I had completely forgotten to call them, for a few moments, I had begun to think like a human again!

My hesitation almost got me killed. Hydrake saved me just in the nick of time, leading a group of his broodkin and eliminating the survivors. As the gunbeasts continued to fire in the background, The young Alpha massacred the surviving orks before turning to me.
_What is wrong with you, Master?!_ He demanded. _What are you trying to do?_
I roared in fury. _Do not question me!_ I replied furiously. _I made you what you are! And I can end you if I choose! You continue to exist only because I allow it, never forget that underling!_ I snarled before turning back towards the ork base. _I tire of this. Cease firing, we shall finish this the way we all want to!_

He relayed my command, suitably chastened, before roaring with my command relayed to the rest of the swarm. We charged.

The battle was swift after this, the orks and my own warriors all knowing that this would be the end. 

Within an hour, the place was scoured. As we stalked the streets of this small settlement, I came upon a structure that the orks had modified and attached armour to. Hydrake had noticed it too, and we both approached it with a sense of curiosity. The shape was too symmetrical to have been built by orks. I smashed a few of the armour plates aside, revealing a symbol that I had seen a century ago during my time as an inquisitor.
_What is this?_ Hydrake asked, and I remembered that the young Alpha had yet to be fully... inducted into the swarm. But I knew what it meant. I knew what was here. And I now understood what had been afflicting me since we landed here. The orks psionic resonance must have hidden it from my sight. But then why hadn`t it reacted to them? It didn`t matter...
_We have to leave this place._ I responded to Hydrake. _As soon as possible..._

End of Part 3


Please let me know what you think.


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## Zenith_of_Mind (Mar 12, 2010)

I have tried to restrain myself from posting, but since you spam the topic continuously, desperately trying to get attention, here it is: your story is really bad. 
Lets' start:

1) It's written in first person. When writing a story in first person, you are restricted in many ways, that's why most novels are written in third person - it gives much more room for expanding characters, plot etc, all the necessary attributes to a good novel. Now, a novel written in first person can be good, but yours is not. Basically, what you are doing is this - you have fantasies about being the main character in the novel (hence the same name). That's why he is omnipotent in every way (you obviously hold yourself in high esteem). And people don't want to read how awesome and smart you are, how you laugh at puny mortals while you slaughter them etc. If you want to tell a tale about yourself, write a diary.

2)This brings me to the second point. There is no character development whatsoever, nor is the hero characterized. There is some attempt at defining the motives behind his actions, but it all sounds silly to me. A guy joins the Tyranids (like I said, I'm not even sure if this is possible), and then ponders the meaning of life while he rampages throughout the galaxy. The only characteristics he has are that he's a pompous jerk. Hardly a material for an actual character. And the other character, the Necron, is the same. It seems you just copied your own personal traits and made them into book characters.

3) Writing style is average. It has some basic descriptions, but it still lacks in many areas. Characters and location descriptions are basically non-existent. Pacing is also odd, with story skipping parts, and happening in a large time frame.

That's only the things I picked up from glancing at the story. Suggestions:
1) read more books and practice writing 
2) create a story with real characters who actually struggle to achieve something (like upholding the light of the Imperium, or trying to destroy the galaxy in the name of Chaos), instead of simply acting like school jocks with a machinegun and a free-kill pass (in other words, don't make yourself the character in the story).


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

Thank you ZOM. That is all you had to say. As I said, feedback is appreciated. 

The name, was that of my character long before I joined, my user id is based off it, not the other way around.

I feel that you`re right. Maybe these characters would be better served as nemeses rather than protagonists. You`ve given me a bit to think about. That said, I will finish this. If you don`t like it, ignore it. Nobody forces you to read it.

The reason I write in first person is because I find it easier to relate to the character, but as you and Deathbringer have pointed out, I seem to have trouble translating it on the page.

And yes, my shitty life was the basis for the necron character. People see me as cold, and have told me as much, but that`s just who I am! 

Please don`t refrain from posting, if you have something to say, SAY IT!

I`ll be honest, this hurt, but I clearly need it. Thank you Zenith, and +rep for your honesty. Really, I thank you. Will try Third Person.


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## Commissar Ploss (Feb 29, 2008)

just being preemptive here. Lets watch our general tone. I know Serpion5 is asking for all kinds of criticism, good, bad, and ugly, however i want to keep things constructive as well. grats to everyone who has posted crit so far, its been up to par. 

as for my meager criticism. I'm quite enjoying the change of pace Serpion, this look into the Tyranids in a "human" manner/train of thought is, to be honest, odd, yet satisfying. I've enjoyed reading so far. please resend your email to me via PM, i seem to have deleted it by accident. I'll go over it more thoroughly and send my C&C in an email.

CP


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## waltzmelancholy_07 (Sep 30, 2008)

@Zenith: That was way out of line... Next time if you wanna critique someone's fic... Do it in a respectful way... Or else, you'll be expecting a negative rep from me...

@Serpion: First person is not bad... I have done it in the past and it was fun...

What you lack now at the moment, is experience and like what Zenith pointed out... You need to read more books to get some ideas...

But what's really important is you have to be the character... Be the Necron Lord or whatever... See the world in what you think is his perspective... 

I tried to be Eldrad once... And I have to tell you, being an Eldar was really _something_:laugh:...

@CP: Hi.. Hahaha... Hey, is Mossy done with his part in "The End"?...

Cheers!...


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

Thank you Waltz. :biggrin:


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

*Fleeing*

Part 4 and conclusion of Serpion.



I growled in irritation. The absorption was taking far too long. Whatever had kept the sleeping ones from waking was probably destroyed in our onslaught, and every second we were here now placed us in more danger. In my almost forgotton time as an inquisitor, I had learned of the necrons, I had heard of the terrible danger they represented, but that knowledge paled in comparison with what the Great Hive had taught me. We were not ready for this, not yet.

The land was bare now, all vegetation had been stripped, the native fauna had been consumed and no ork still walked this world. As soon as the last of our organisms gave them selves to the feeder spires, I would be able to surrender this vessel and return to the collective will. We would flee, a concept we had hardly ever considered before now.

Hydrake had already given his vessel, he now worked with the others to move the fleet into the correct position. I had insisted on remaining behind for the time being. If the necrons awoke, I needed to know...

A distress impulse confirmed my worst fears. A minor swarm, incoming from the north had been attacked by an unseen adversary. The attack had been swift, and no tyranid had glimpsed their assailants. But I already knew. I roared a battle call, my mind summoning every tyranid left on the planet to a state of battle readiness. I flew, scanning the landscape to be sure they had not reached our central spires.

A beam of green energy missed me by inches, yet still I felt a tingle on my arm as it passed. I turned to its source and saw three light skimmer craft pursuing me. They were like skeletal upper bodies fused to light flying constructs. Their right arms ended in glowing green guns which fired at me, I twisted and rolled in mid air, straining to avoid their blasts.
I spun and doubled back, readying my swords as I sped straight for them. I roared in pain and anger as two of the beams hit me, scorching a piece of my ribcage and vaporising a section of my right wing. 
They did not get to fire again. I impacted heavily, smashing the first one into slag upon my crest, and cleaving the second in two with a solid swipe of my blades. The last one threw a punch to my lower back. He was strong, but nowhere near strong enough. I drove my sword through its chest, drawing a mechanical scream before the psionic energy ruptured its form, causing it to explode. 

Unfortunately, my wing would no longer support my weight. I drifted gradually towards the ground, and the sight I saw was devastating. 
My warriors were being decimated, skeletal robots were vaporising them and tearing them apart. The necrons were relentless. I landed behind a squad and surged into them, cleaving them apart. For the most part, they seemed no stronger than a space marine, an opponent I had never feared.

With shattered necrons all around me, I turned to check on my warrior`s progress. It did not look good.
An evil, liquid sounding laughter came from behind me. I turned and laid eyes upon what could only be the Necron leader. It was a dull grey metal, the same skeletel form as its lessers, wreathed in a darkened blue cape. One arm carried a shimmering bladed staff, the other what appeared to be a glowing green orb. 

It stared at me with what looked like a leering grin on its face. As it laughed, it pointed its staff at me. 

'I see you...' It said.


End of Part 4.

Misery`s side will be covered in the next installment. Then I will cover the showdown between them. Feed back is welcome, though I would prefer criticism be constructive please? 

Thank you.


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

*Misery awakens*

Misery Story Part 1


I awoke.

Darkness surrounded me, I felt momentary unease before my optic systems re-engaged. My sarcophagus raised itself, the cover receeding as the automatic systems reacted to some unseen signal from the world above. 

I stepped forward shakily. My mind integrated me to the command lattice as I took my first steps in millions of years, and I instantly knew what had unfolded above as we slept. I looked around, my own chamber was bare but for a collection of artifacts, each borne upon a pedestal around the room. I approached them one by one, and reclaimed them, my memories returning as each item was returned to my grasp.

My Staff, wreathed in unworldly energies, had been the death of heroes...

My Nightmare Shroud, Filled with fear and dread, complimented my own visage. It had turned the boldest warriors into gibbering cowards.

My Veil, shadowy in form, gave me mobility.

My Resurrection Orb, had seen me rise countless times, like a god...

I placed the orb upon the recess near the tip of my staff, donned my veil and shroud mask, and strode from the chamber.

A vast cavern greeted me, filled with coffin shaped recesses. Each was occupied by one of my warriors. Dozens of spyder constructs roamed the cave, tending to maintenance needs and watching for intruders. As they sensed my proximity, they received my thoughts, my will. As one, they began the process of raising my army. Each spyder would approach a cluster of alcoves, feeding energy and triggering reactivation. 

With a quick glance around the room, I realized this would take hours. I did not have time for this. I was far too eager to begin the red harvest! I raised my staff above my head, willing it to feed off the orb`s power. Gripping it in both hands, I brought it down as hard as I could.

The orb`s energy flowed along the floor and hit each chamber in an instant. As one my army of death awoke. 

"The time..." I spoke with a voice that had been silent for millennia. "...has come." I looked upwards. Above that stone ceiling, life had chosen to dwell. Their last mistake... "Destroy them all." I commanded. 
With silent affirmation, my warriors began to move.

End of part 1

Feedback?


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

*Misery`s Attack*

Part 2 and conclusion.


My warriors flooded out through the many buried entrances to the tomb, appearing all across the land above and killing any life form they encountered. I based my sight upon one of my warriors and beheld the enemy.

They were an insectoid life form, swarming across the landscape in their millions. The world was all but bare, my vision of a dead world if there ever was one. A grudging respect entered my mind as my sight returned to my own body. I laughed to myself, striding forward. These creatures were clearly efficient if they had indeed consumed this world, but they still would not compare to us.

I engaged the veil, appearing on the surface of the world and surveying the carnage wrought for myself. 
The landscape was scoured, traces of organic residue still lingered on some isolated parts of the ground, but for the most part the world was dead. I beheld vast spires of organic composition on the horizon, clearly these were the method by which the creatures intended on returning to their spacecraft.

I summoned a group of Immortals to my side with a swift thought. They appeared out of the ground crawling to their feet in formation around me. We scanned the area at the base of the organic spires, and at last saw the foe for myself. My warriors had already engaged...

We ran, the Immortals releasing bursts of fire at oppurtune moment and disintegrating any aliens they could see. Suddenly a group of serpentine beasts burst from the ground in front of us, halting us immediately. The creatures fired some sort of acid based projectiles. Two of my warriors fell, taken in weak spots by the corrosive substance, but the remaining three returned fire. Two of the beasts were slain, reduced to nothing before the surviving two charged. One managed to fell two of the Immortals before the third brought it down, the other beast foolishly chose to attack me.

Its claws were shaped like scythes, reminiscent of the Death God`s own weapon. All six limbs ended in such a blade, and they swung with an agility that exceeded my own. Four of the blows landed, one managing to sever my left leg at the knee. I kept my balance by siezing the creature by its fifth limb. Then, reversing the grip on my staff, I plunged it into the creature`s thorax, flayer barrel first. I fired, vaporising the creature in a millisecond and leaving only a severed claw in my other hand.

I supported myself on my staff, and observed the three defeated Immortals around me. One had managed to self repair, but the others had not. I triggered the orb again, repairing their damage and restoring my own leg in the process. I ordered them to continue the fight. They advanced without me.

A commune had come from one of my Destroyers before it had been brought down identifying what was possibly a command organism. I triggered the veil, teleporting several kilometres to where he had reported his location to be.

The creature was a large version of the serpents I had just encountered, although the limbs were different. Rather than move like a serpent, this one walked on clawed feet, its upper limbs were equibbed with what looked like organic swords, and its midsection sported vast leathery wings. It indeed looked feral, but Iwould not simply assume, and I looked into its mind, an ability the Forgotten had gifted me with, and in moments I saw this creature for what it really was.

I laughed, the irony was too much. The alien turned to face me, hearing my laughter. It growled as it glared at me.

I pointed my staff. "I see you." I said. 


End of Part 2


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## Kale Hellas (Aug 26, 2009)

got to love irony, great story


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

Thanks. Glad someone likes it. 

p.s. Love your signature. Fire fixes everything.:laugh:


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## Zodd (Jul 27, 2009)

High Noon showdown, will they get physical or just psychic ?
And I support the idea that 'Nids are able to assimilate a mind. They are, according to fluff, able to assimilate anything. And they allways respond very quickly to what new things/metodes/weapons their enemies come up with. The easy way to do that is to take the knowledge from your enemies minds. So if they encounter a mind, that could bolster the hive, why not take it and use it ?


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

*The Clash*

Serpion vs Misery


The Necron Lord Misery faced off against the Hive Tyrant Serpion in the midst of a raging battlefield. Legions of necrons fought hordes of tyranids upon this devastated world, but none would dare disturb this duel.

"I see you." Misery said, pointing his glowing staff at the snarling tyranid. Serpion did not, could not, understand what the necron meant by that, but ultimately it mattered little. Misery laughed, lowering the staff into a more defensible position and beginning to circle, leering back at his alien enemy.

Serpion raised his swords as the necron began to move. As it circled towards him, He prepared a psychic attack designed to lance through the machine`s core. As it came closer, he focused his energy into his right sword, swinging in a wide arc. The beam left his sword`s tip and seared the air between them as it found its target. The energy drew a liquid scream from the Lord, but whether from pain or irritation Serpion could not tell. He did not wait for the necron to recover, surging forward with a roar of fury and raining blow after blow upon the metal overlord. It defended itself ably, parrying a decent proportion of the Tyran`s attacks, but even those that landed seemed to do only superficial dammage. Serpion leaped back, dodging a counterattack and looked on in frustration as the meagre damage he had inflicted steadily healed itself.

Misery glared with a grudging respect for the creature, this was no mere insect. He was thankful that it had chosen to retreat, gods only knew why it hadn`t pressed its advantage. His body repairing, He decided that it was time to take the initiative in this battle. He reversed the grip on his staff and triggered the inbuilt gauss flayer. The beam shot forth, the creature barely managing to dodge his fire before it lurched forward again, playing directly into Misery`s ploy. He planted the staff into the ground and activated the veil. He vanished, reappearing less than a second later on the ground that the tyranid had just left.
The tyrant halted in its tracks, staring with confusion at the staff before it. With a gesture and an evil smile, Misery gestured, and the staff leaped from the ground towards his open hand, all but impaling the tyranid in its path. A roar of agony left its maw as the disruptive energies of the blade as well as the gauss radiation tore through its abdomen and left a gaping hole just below its throbbing lungs and heart.

A fatal blow for any lesser creature, but Serpion`s body was the pinnacle of evolution and he survived the devious attack. He spun on the spot and parried the necron`s renewed attacks. His wound, while not necessarily fatal, had slowed him down and he was now forced to fight the machine on similar grounds. His advantage was two weapons to one, and he made full use of it. He attacked from both sides, forcing the necron to dodge as well as parry, a style it seemed infuriatingly well accustomed to. Seeking to break the necron`s rythmn, He roared, forcing the creature to take a step back, before raising both blades and bringing them both down with the full force of his massive strength.
The Lord raised his staff two handed to block the attack. Though the staff itself held true, The necron`s own body was evidently not so resilient. Its legs and spine buckled heavily under the paired strikes before giving way. The robot`s left leg shattered under the weight and the metal creature fell to the ground. Serpion capitalised on his advantage and raised his left sword again. Wasting no time he plunged it downwards into the necron`s torso, pumping as much energy as he could into the blade.

Misery screamed in outrage. Unnatural energies pulsated and ruptured his form, destroying his motor functions. But it was not over. Not yet...

Serpion roared in triumph as the necron shattered at his feet. Withdrawing his sword from the pile of scrap now before him, raised his head and roared again, sending the impulse to all of his warriors to keep fighting.

A voice disturbed his moment of victory.

"_I can see you._" It said. "_I can see what you really are._"

Serpion snapped his vision back to the ground. The shattered remains of the necron lord were enveloped by shadows and vanished. Moments later it reappeared in an orb of darkness, whole and undamaged.

"You can pretend to be a monster," Misery said. "But no matter what you do, no matter how long you serve your new master, you will always be..."

Out of nowhere, two mercurially agile necron creatures attacked Serpion from the flanks, hitting hard and fast. His left arm was severed completely in the sudden wraith attack and his right was left a mangled mess. At the same time Misery fired with his staff, vaporising the tyranid`s right leg. 
With a plainative cry of agony the creature fell to the ground. He thrashed about, vainly trying to right itself. Misery laughed as he approached. The wraiths retreated, their work done. 

Misery reached out with a cold metal hand and twisted Serpion`s head around, bringing them face to face, eye to eye.

"...Human." He said. Serpion`s featureless eyes widened as he stared into the fathomless depths of the machine`s. Somehow it knew what he was.
"You are just like me." Misery continued. "You think you could escape death this way? You think you will be your own master? You delude yourself. I was you, I thought to use my master`s blessing to gain ascension, I thought my service would grant power. Like you, I was a fool." Misery paused, his eyes reflecting his own memories alongside those of Cregg logan, the human Serpion had been before joining the collective of the Hive Mind.

Serpion felt cold, primordial fear for the first time ever since joining the fold. This creature, this ancient undead construct, had more power, more strength and resolve than he had ever dreamed of, yet it still considered itself a mere slave?

"No matter how much you accomplish, The Old Ones will never view you as more than a slave." Misery said, raising his staff. With one final glance at the human tyranid`s horrified and mauled form, he struck, ending its life, but he knew that its torment would continue.
Misery looked at the sky, almost wanting to cry out in despair...



_L A T E R_

In the metaphysical collective of the Hive Mind, Serpion had become reclusive and silent. In his effective absence, others had stepped in to take command. 
Hydrake approached Serpion after several days.
_You thought you could fight it._ He said.
_I thought I was ready. I thought I could lead._ Serpion replied.
_In time._ Hydrake replied. _We are young by the standards of the collective. Your problem is that you are unwilling to surrender your individuality. Your personality._
_It is who I am._ Serpion said.
_No, it is your past._ Hydrake said. _I think you should sleep. Forgrt who you were, who you are. Simply let your knowledge flow freely, and when all that weakens you is gone, you shall rise, stronger than ever, to take your place. _ His mind might have expressed sympathy, but Hydrake had advanced more quickly than Serpion, and such emotions had all but left him. _You still have great potential, if only you would... share it._

Serpion thought for what seemed like hours.
_Very well._ He said at last. _The hive is yours, Hydrake. Until I wake..._


_M E A N W H I L E_

The Necron Lord stood on the surface of the dead world. Memories flooded back to him, his past life and deaths, his service, his loyalty.

But also his sadness. His pain. His soul and mind were forever divided, his identity but a shadow of what it once was. He cursed himself, agonising over this weakness, this taint that would forever hinder him...


End.

This is my final fiction on this line. I`m letting the "origins" thread die after this. I hope some of you have enjoyed it.


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

Zodd said:


> High Noon showdown, will they get physical or just psychic ?
> And I support the idea that 'Nids are able to assimilate a mind. They are, according to fluff, able to assimilate anything. And they allways respond very quickly to what new things/metodes/weapons their enemies come up with. The easy way to do that is to take the knowledge from your enemies minds. So if they encounter a mind, that could bolster the hive, why not take it and use it ?


That`s my reasoning. I am glad you agree. Thanks for your support through these, Zodd and everyone. :victory:


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