# 40k Jokes



## Mikeybx (Jul 8, 2009)

Please everyone who has any Pleasee SUBMIIIITTT  i recon we can get some good ones  illl start off: whys the mag called white dwarf, well its better than black midget  :laugh: cheers guys


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## GiftofChaos1234 (Jan 27, 2009)

you do realise this kind of thread has been done WAY too many times right? :grin:


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## Mikeybx (Jul 8, 2009)

GiftofChaos1234 said:


> you do realise this kind of thread has been done WAY too many times right? :grin:


has ahhh cool well im a noob see :grin::grin:


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## Col. Schafer (Apr 15, 2008)

Its always good to have another one floating around tho, give the noobs somthing to do. :wink:

An inquisitior walks into a bar... I dont remember what hapened next. 

A catholic priest, a rabi, an imam, and an imperial priest walk into a bar. An athiest sees this procesion of religios persons and aproches them.

"I'm loosing confidence in the arguments against religion, this is a good oprotunity for one of you to convert me."

The catholic jumps at the oprotunity.

"My child! If you come to us, god will love you and reward you in heaven!" Sais the priest.

The man seems interested so the rabbi makes his move.

"I'll see your heven, and raise you an awsome hat!" Sais the Rabbi and the man looks at the rabis hat apreciating for the first time how awsome it is.

Then the Imam makes his argument "Ah, but would you rather have one of those hats, or a great tan?" Sais the Imam smugly, the man was won over in an instant. 

5 muinets later, the imperial priest walks out of the bar with his brand new student, and the heads of 3 heretics as an example to those who stray from the emporers path. 

Priests: almost as scary as commisars!


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## Khorothis (May 12, 2009)

The one about the priests was awesome. :laugh:

BTW Mikeybx if you're interested in 40K jokes just look for the older threads. In the few months I've been around I remember seeing at least two, plus extra funny threads with less fortunate fates (which were awesome regardless).


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## hells_fury (Apr 17, 2008)

heres a good read, long but funny

http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/390/208316.page


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## ninja skills (Aug 4, 2009)

power fist in the rear.

'nough said


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## bitsandkits (Mar 18, 2008)

Dark Eldar


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## Mikeybx (Jul 8, 2009)

"One Space Marine is worth 10 Orks" So the orks cant let their 'good' name be slandered so the Boss sends ten orks to run to the enemy trench shouting "ere we go". After a couple of minutes the orks here a voice shout " One Space Marine is worth 50 orks". So the Boss sends fifty orks charging towards the enemy trenches. Ten minutes later a voice shouts " One Space marine is worth 100 Orks". So 100 orks charge into the enemy trench on the Boss's orders. 15 minutes later a solitary ork returns and reports to the Boss that " They cheated boss, there was two of um!".


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## Khorothis (May 12, 2009)

I remember reading that in an older thread, but its hilarious anyway. :grin:


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## jimmyhoppityhop (Aug 10, 2009)

lol, i didnt expect that lol,


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## DeathJester921 (Feb 15, 2009)

How many guardsmen does it take to paint a Lemun Russ? 

Depends on how hard you throw them.

XD


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## Mikeybx (Jul 8, 2009)

hells_fury said:


> heres a good read, long but funny
> 
> http://www.dakkadakka.com/dakkaforum/posts/list/390/208316.page


look at the 100 ways to anooy your oppenent on this its classic :biggrin:


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## BloodAngelsfan (Jan 22, 2009)

Angron walks into a bar...


Everyone dies. Seriously, what did you think was going to happen?


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## TerranRaida (Jul 28, 2009)

BloodAngelsfan said:


> Angron walks into a bar...



Angron walks into a bar....his alcoholism is destroying his legion


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## Inquisitor Varrius (Jul 3, 2008)

A dyslexic Inquisitor walks into a bra, then orders a double.


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## Chocobuncle (Feb 5, 2009)

Col. Schafer said:


> Let me do a spell check
> Its always good to have another one floating around tho, give the noobs somthing to do. :wink:
> something
> An inquisitior walks into a bar... I dont remember what hapened next.
> ...


Commissars[/QUOTE]


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## hells_fury (Apr 17, 2008)

ahahahaha, choco, that was as funny as the joke and the joke is good ^^


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## Blue Liger (Apr 25, 2008)

2 Orks find themselves running away from a legion of space marines when they come across a place to hide, at which point one ork turns to the other and says "should we keep running or wait here till we outnumber them".


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## The Blackadder (Jan 8, 2009)

Not necessarily a joke but
Yuo can not spell slaughter without laughter


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## Asmodeun (Apr 26, 2009)

Who's Yuo?


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## The Blackadder (Jan 8, 2009)

Sorry "You can not spell slaughter without laughter"


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## DeathJester921 (Feb 15, 2009)

5. Thou shalt not refer to the Almighty Emperor as "The Righteous Dead Dude."

XDXDXD

that link to the dakkadakka forums is full of hilarious jokes.


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## Azkaellon (Jun 23, 2009)

Dark Angels.


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## Abbo (May 30, 2008)

Heh, found this on 1d4chanhttp://1d4chan.org/wiki/The_Toilets_of_the_41st_Millenium


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## Khorothis (May 12, 2009)

I read that before, its awesome. :grin:


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## DeathJester921 (Feb 15, 2009)

Angry Marines one was the funniest :laugh:

Black Templar one was second funniest


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## CaptainLoken (May 13, 2009)

Heres a very long joke/story/mick take.....

http://forums.sciflicks.com/showthread.php?t=15723


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## Inquisitor Varrius (Jul 3, 2008)

That is very, very cool.


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## blood for khorne (Jul 26, 2009)

Kharn the Betrayer and Abaddon the Despoiler walk into a bar.

Kharn: Give me Blood for the Blood God.

Bartender: We have none.

Kharn: ARGHHH!

Abaddon: Stay calm Kharn.

Kharn: Fine, give me a beer then.

Bartender: We have none.

Kharn: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Abaddon: Calm.

Kharn: ( Angrily) give me wine then.

Bartender: We have none.

Kharn: BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! ( swings axe at bartender)
Damn i rolled a 1, watch out Abaddon.

Abaddon: Ha i rolled a 2.

Kharn: Give me orange juice then.

Bartender: We have none.

Kharn: DIE YOU LOYALIST IMPERIAL GUARD SCUM!

Abaddon: ( holds Kharn back) Stop.

Kharn: Right bartender last chance i want......... BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! ( Kharn goes on a rampage and kills 5 people in the bar) Ha Ha Ha!

Abaddon: If you can't beat them join them. ( Abaddon and Kharn kill everyone in the bar except the Bartender)

Bartender: Ha you fools it is truly I Marneus Calgar of the Noble Ultra.....

Kharn: Yeah we get the point Calgar.

Abaddon: I'll go find some more blood for your blood god Kharn. ( runs out of the door)

Kharn: Wimp. ( raises axe and chops Calgar's hand off) 
Ha i broke one of your Powerfists Calgar!

(Abaddon is seen out side running away from a puppy)

(Kharn shakes his head and fires his plasma pistol at the puppy)

Calgar: You sick man, die! ( raises powerfist)

Kharn: is that the only weapon you've got? ( starts throwing grenades everywhere)

( A bloody fight sees Kharn lying on the ground barely alive)

Calgar: Die Heretic! ( shoots Kharn in the leg)

Kharn: What the hell was that Calgar?

( Abaddon re-enters and shoots Calgar in the back)

Calgar: ARGHHH! (falls on top of Kharn)

Kharn: Get this fat dead guy off me!

(Abaddon and Kharn roll Calgar off)

Abaddon: Let's go.

Kharn: You know..... i still have 1 attack left.

Abaddon: Roll a die then.

( Kharn rolls a 3 and chops a passer-by in half.)

Abaddon: Uh Kharn.

Kharn: Yeah.

Abaddon: You just killed Huron Blackheart.

Kharn: So what who cares.

Abaddon: Good point.


Will Kharn ever get his beer.Will Abaddon overcome his fear of puppies?And will Huron Blackheart ever get back up? well in the words of Kharn "Who cares."

The End


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## blood for khorne (Jul 26, 2009)

Got another one:

Gun Commercial

Space Marine: If you shoot me with an ork boy thre's an 80% chance i'll live. If you shoot me with Kharn the Betrayer there's a 100% chance i'll die.


Narrator: Think. Don't fight Kharn the Betrayer.

Kharn: Or i'll KILL YOU!!!!!!!


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## Lone (Sep 6, 2007)

In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only taxes.


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## The Tomb of Strange (Aug 17, 2009)

Lol that's dead funny BFK.


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