# Why do dead men need suits?



## aboytervigon (Jul 6, 2010)

Why does a dead man need a suit….?

Adrian contemplated it every night while lying in his sleeping bag, his regiment held a mass burial ceremony every week where every dead man was buried in a huge pit; in a 3 Piece suit, no work was done to the body so sometimes they were a bit hard to look at but still why would they be buried in a suit?

“Hey Chris” said Adrian “why do they bury us in a suit?”

“I’m asleep” said Chris, his blonde hair peaking through his sleeping bag “I advise you try too”

“Yeah… I guess” Yawned Adrian.

It was cold on Frigus, the name itself you tell you that, the only natives were giant crabs called Bubble’s; a funny name for a deadly creature there claws can chop a man in half and their natural anti-freeze in their blood means that they need to hunted…Daily…

Chris and Adrian were in the Ice-Chimera hunting them when it happened. The number of Bubble’s has been declining massively, the Sergeants are afraid there hunting them to extinction but the Xeno-Biologists that came with this force keep telling them that the Bubbles breed far to rapidly to ever decline in number when they die they release millions of airborne Sperm or eggs that seek each other out so killing them actually increases their numbers. 

While searching for a Bubbles Chris spotted a wandering soldier out in the ice fields, he was bleeding severely and didn’t seem to be able to talk but when the on hand Medic tried to tend to the wound the stranger simply butted the hand away as if he was hiding something beneath his shirt. Just then a Bubble’s erupted out of the snow its four massive claws swiping at the Ice-Chimera, large as a Mansion it was near impossible to destroy without demolition charges. 

“Get the charges, we can’t let are charge get hurt” said Chris.

The first man who tried to retrieve them was quartered almost instantly and the seconded impaled on one of the crabs giant legs but while pre-occupied with trying to kill the small troop that had gone to kill it, a third man had managed to get them and was already arming them .

“What are you waiting for, throw the charges!” said Adrian.

The soldier was gob-struck, unable to move and was staring at the stranger which normally would be a very strange thing to do to a normal man but it was perfectly understandable in this case as a skeletal figure with huge claws and jumped out of the stranger’s skin and was now vivisecting the giant crab. Unsure of what to do the Soldier threw the charge into the hole the creature was carving, in a flash the crab and the creature were obscured in a blinding light and what was left was a charred exoskeleton and a half dismantled robotic skeleton. Though it didn’t stay dead for long, it’s form was already re-assembling itself, servos knitting together and broken metal turning liquid and flowing into the cracked areas.

“Throne, can’t this thing die?” said Adrian 

“I don’t want to see what else it can do, launch the charges boys”

Several demo charges where launched into the air and they exploded on contact with the metal beast but after the blinding flash subsided the men could see the creature was not destroyed, its form was re-knitting and re-moulding but a strange baleful glowing orb was revealed where the creature was.

“I got an idea” said Adrian.

He aimed his las-gun at the orb and pulled the trigger, the orbed crashed into a million pieces as soon as the las-bullet penetrated it and then the creature stopped; its energy spent the creature merely froze in place. On the way back Chris and Adrian contemplated what they had just seen and were both dreading the burial ceremony when they got back.

“I just hope it’s not a machinery accident, those ones are just to hard to look at” said Chris

“Yeah” agreed Adrian. 

Back at the camp Adrian finally learned why they need suits for dead men, as he looked into the pit he saw many men just in uniforms; who outnumbered the men in suits, the main problem was that these corpses, where moving…..


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## Todeswind (Mar 2, 2010)

Ok, buddy you need to proof read this a bit better. You have a bit of a problem with run on sentences. This sentence for example.



> Adrian contemplated it every night while lying in his sleeping bag, his regiment held a mass burial ceremony every week where every dead man was buried in a huge pit; in a 3 Piece suit, no work was done to the body so sometimes they were a bit hard to look at but still why would they be buried in a suit?


Would work better as this paragraph.



> Adrian contemplated it every night while lying in his sleeping bag. His regiment held a mass burial ceremony every week. _Every_ dead man was buried in a huge pit in a _three_-piece-suit. No work was done to the body. Sometimes they were a bit hard to look at but why would they be buried in a suit?


You also have a tendency to use very passive language in describing very active actions. For example the "several demo charges were launched" paragraph puts all the action on the demo charges rather than any protagonist or antagonist.



> Several demo charges where launched into the air and they exploded on contact with the metal beast but after the blinding flash subsided the men could see the creature was not destroyed, its form was re-knitting and re-moulding but a strange baleful glowing orb was revealed where the creature was.


There's a lot of action actually happening in this sentence but you're putting the emphasis on your protagonists "seeing" rather than "doing." I'd suggest choosing one of your characters and having them responsible for the act. "Sgt. Everyman tossed launched several charges," or "the squad launched" continues to give the reader the impression that the protagonists are active participants. 

Cheers and keep writing m8.


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*good job.*

I do like the way you paragraphed the story. It made it a lot easier to read. 

And as much as I hate to admit it, TW is right. Shorter sentences are sometimes better. But if you do make longer sentences, make sure the grammar is correct or as close to it as possible. I use Micro soft word on my computer as well as a dictionary and a Roget's A-Z Thesaurus.

Word has spell check as well as grammar options that cover for a lot of my mistakes. I also read through my own work two to four times before posting it most of the time, unless I'm being lazy. then I pay for it from people like TW. If you have the options then use them. Not a bad story though, funny in places and full of imagination. k:


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