# Tell me if you like it!



## Androxine Vortex (Jan 20, 2010)

Hello fellow Heretics! 
I've been working on my own Space Marine Chapter's background for some time now but before I get too far into it, I want YOUR opinions on it. Their background is a little long and so I'm going to have to leave out some details and not all of it is 100% decided yet. And please excuse me for not making it all "formal."  Enjoy

FERRUGOTHIAN KNIGHTS

(pre-imperial) Androxine is part of a knightly order. Chaos daemons constantly attack their only remaining city because they destroyed the rest. Civilians of the city have developed cults, tapping into their daemonic power, and thus religion of any sort has been prohibited.

But one of the high knights (who eventually gains control of the city) becomes corrupt with Chaos by a cursed pendant with a daemon inside it. When Androxine and his party return from a campaign, he sees that his home has been tainted. He leads an assault against his former friend as hundreds upon hundreds of daemons are summoned through a gate by his traitor friends. But when all hope seems lost, vast ships descend from the sky and land, killing off the daemonic invasion. They finally meet the Imperium.

(part two, years after becoming Chapter-like i said, havnt figured out how this will work out yet)

Androxine (and his chapter brothers) love the Emperor for building his imperium of man and not gods. They come from the Iron hands Chapter.
Androxine is second in command and the Chapter master is an Iron Father (not sure on name yet, we'll just call him Iron Father for now :biggrin they fight blah blah blah but then they return to their homeworld after recieveing distress calls reporting daemon attacks similar to the ones they had when the Imperium ships landed.

(big fight) 

Androxine finds the body of the former knight who started the rebellion in the first place. It is tradition in their culture (since they hate religion) to take the holy artifacts of slain priests and wear it as trophies, so he takes the pendant without knowing it is corrupt.

After awhile, he becomes aware that a daemon is inside his consciousness, but he keeps quiet about it and allows it to stay because of the knowledge it grants him. (its a daemon of Tzeentch and it knows that Androxine desires knowledge) The daemon's name is Nexverxe and it is very cunning. instead of forcing a complete corruption, it is manipulating Androxine in ways to bring about great harm
(it would be too hard to explain how in a simple post but it leads to an eventual rebelion on their homeworld. And the entire Chapter does not use psykers, they hate psykers since it ties to their hisorical background of psychic cults bringing anarchy on their homeworld. So it is ironic that Androxine keeps this daemon a secret)

The ancient cults that Androxine thought were wiped out have spread over the years. They love Mechanicum but hate Androxine and the Legion for not trusting them because they worship the Machine God (as i said, Androxine is VERY against religion) They see Chaos as a gateway to greater technology, able to obtain more information without restriction so they steal A LOT of ships and escape the planet (cultists and mechanicum people. And again, this was a large number of traitors) 

The Iron Fathers and parent legion astartes remained on the world as the new Chapter fought by itself, proving their honor (all orchestrated by Nexverxe of course) They chase them into the warp.

Androxine and his fleets go in pursuit of their brothers. They arrive at a moon that is in Iron Warriors possesion. Nexverxe lead the traitors here because the IW could use the tech from the Chapter to make their Titans. They arrive after the "parents" have fought for days.

(fighting fighting fightning)

Androxine finds the leader of the one who betrayed him and sees how it was his fault and how the daemon did this. but he falls in battle alongside the Chapter Master (Iron father). They are both critically wounded. 

Then, Androxine's right hand man, Cordat, fights the mechanical traitor. They are at a stalemate and he yells at Androxine to use the fallen lascannon on the ground to shoot the traitor. Androxine does not wish to because it would surely also kill his closet brother (they are locked in combat), but sees that he must. And during this fight, Nexverxe shows how the Iron Warriors are the mirror of his own Chapter and tempts him to join them and let Cordat die in return for greater knowledge and power. (of course Androxine refuses) 

They escape and Iron Father dies, but before death grants Androxine the title of Chapter Master. Androxine stays secluded for days when the daemon Nexverxe confronts him. He sees how all along he kept his faith towards the Emperor but was slowly falling to corruption by the daemon. Through a strong determination of will and grief of causing his brother's death, he expunges the daemon from his mind. (i originaly was going to make him like an illuminati here but am not sure)

So then it leaves off there, having Androxine 100% completely loyal to the Emperor, never to sway in his oaths to serve.

...
so, what do you think?
Again, I appologize for leaving out lots of kind of important details but you get the main idea. And even though the main character is androxine, it goes into depth of other characters as well.


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*Interesting...*

this sounds like an interesting story. write it all out and orginize it in a way that brings out all the details. have fun with it and leave out the smily-faces when you present the finnished work. so far sounds like a great plot...if not a little scatterbrained. cant wait for the finnished work. Adrian


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## WinZip (Oct 9, 2010)

I like it :good: Like Adrian said just clean it up a little bit and you've got a winner!


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## ThatOtherGuy (Apr 13, 2010)

I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT


Nah just messin with ya. Its sounds pretty good.


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## Androxine Vortex (Jan 20, 2010)

Well thanks guys! So far I've got about sixty pages typed and of course that version is formal. I don't usually have too much time to work on it so don't expect me to be finished anytime soon
It was hard for me to try and explain it because it was like explaining an entire book in all its aspects...hey wait-thats exactly what I was doing!

Now that I think about it, maybe the Chapter Master shouldn't be an Iron Father...or maybe he could be since he's already a Chaplain/Techmarine.
Suggestions?


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