# New Ork story



## Seabovine

My Ork Story

The Mercenary Ork Klan ‘Nidcrushas were assembling for another defence against the Tyranids, although it was a small clan, all its members were veterans at dealing with Tyranids. 
“Git ta yer defenses!” Roared the Nob, Zargof, “We said we do it fer da Humies, big ‘un, big pay!” 
The Fire Sluggaz were ready, the Stormboyz were read, but not the support, they were leagues off. 

“If dez suport no git ‘ere, I bash em gud!” Shouted Zargof, no one replied.
The clan quieted, they could here a rank slurping sound, and slowly the volume was rising. 
“Theyz ‘ere, dem Nids” called Gorluz Madslasha, a newcomer to the Fire Sluggaz. 
In the distance came the Tyranids, hundreds of them of all different sizes. 
“Waaaagh!” screamed Zargof, and they all charged.
There was no other sound for the first few moments of the charge besides the ork’s battlecry, Waaaagh! 

Gorluz fired his slugga at the Tyranids while he charged, stopping a gaunt’s stride then firing at the next, he finished the magazine with two more kills. Gorluz threw out the old magazine and slammed in another, he wasn’t even one hundred metres to the closest gaunt but he was accurate enough to take out a few more. during his next magazine he only took out one, but it didn’t matter, he drew out his choppa and threw down his slugga. 

The impact of the collision of the two armies was enormous. Though there we heavy casualties on both sides, they didn’t retreat, they just fought harder. Gorluz used his choppa to cut through a genestealer’s neck, then was smart enough to parry an attack from a gaunt’s claw, his choppa easily lopped off its head, this was his fun, this was his past time, he loved and he excelled in war. 

Half the Fire Sluggaz’ mob was killed, and the Stormboyz were down, and there was just less than one hundred Tyranids left, but the Orks knew this was the initial strike, not the main battle. One after the other the Orks retreated, all except Gorluz, he was surrounded, but he would not go down with out a fight. 

Gorluz cleaved through two Tyranids, but they kept coming, he took some minor hits and then counter-attacked the gaunt in front with a double slash. Right when he started getting bigger hits, he saw in the corner of his eye an explosion, just out of reach of him, which took out most of the Tyranids, he knew it was the support, so he kept on fighting, but it wasn’t the same with the Tyranids, they were stunned, so he took out a few more then retreated back to safety. 

Gorluz joined a group on a Wartrak and took the guns. After a few minutes of re-grouping, the support took off, riding past the corpses of the old battleground and heading to the army of Tyranids, the veteran army charged right into the enemy lines, tanks and all. The start of the battle was going at a one to five kill rate in the Ork’s favor, but still it wasn’t enough, the Orks didn’t have that many available.

Every Tyranid Gorluz killed, two more took it’s place, but he fought on, until defeat was apparent. With victory coming to an end, the Orks retreated, firing as they went, the Tyranids followed, being shot down one by one but seeming not to notice. When the Tyranids neared the Orks hopped out of their vehicles, drew out their choppas and charged, with the Warboss Gariff Out of his Battlewagon and on the front line. 

The Orks charged, but not as a final stand, but a charge to victory. During the retreat, they took out a large number of Tyranids, enough to see it through.
Whaaaaaagh!

The collision that followed was gargantuan, all of the Orks in the front lines were locked in grapples, trying to rip off head or gouging eyes. Gorluz gouged out a Gaunt’s eyes, then went for the kill with his choppa, lopping off it’s head then looking for another victim.
“Plenny ‘o teef ‘ere!” shouted Gorluz.
The Orks were gaining ground, and fast.

Gorluz picked up a dead Ork’s choppa, then threw it at the Hive Carnifex, which dug deep, but the Carnifex ripped it out with ease, then charged its newest opponent, but got no where near him, the lootas used there Lascannons and Heavy Bolters to take it down with no problem. The Tyranids Ran off, Frightened by the loss of their leader, but none survived, the Orks still had their guns.

During the battle, the Orks lost so much they could barely be called a Klan, but Orks individually prospered, losing so many teef that they could buy new weapons, vehicles and armor from other Klans, which was exactly what they did. Gorluz got new ‘Eavy Armor and a Combi-Skorcha.

What the Orks didn’t know was that they had just stopped the hive from destroying another planet, Gorluz Became a new Recruit for the Blaza Wartrak, which was the vehicle he rode to the main battle. 

Please tell me if it’s good or bad or needs some more editing 
there’s going to be more, if it’s good that is…

Ork story part 2

“Git ta ya trukks!” Yelled the Warboss over the sound of two dozen engines.
“Dis ‘uns rekked” said the Zargof’s Grot.
“Den Fiks it!” Shouted the Warboss right at the Grot.
They were fighting against Tyranids again, or so they thought.

When they were ready, they drove off into the distance, they stopped and positioned themselves behind their crude walls and bunkers. They heard the sound of marching in the distance, Gorluz took his binoculars and looked through, all he could see was desert landscape and small humanoid shaped silhouettes on the horizon.

“Humies! Humies! Not Nids! Not Nids! Humies!” Gorluz screamed at the top of his lungs, “Humies attacking!”
Most of the humans were holding something strange that the Orks had never seen before, then a strange floating pyramid appeared.
It stopped, and from it, more Humans appeared. The closer they got, the more apparent that these things weren’t human, they were skeletal abominations.

“Wot’r ya doin? Shoot da Gits!” The Warboss screamed
The Orks started shooting, and then the enemy started shooting. Even when large groups of enemies fell, they kept marching, seeming not to notice, coming like a never ending tide.

The Skeletons were getting closer with every step, at a close distance, they took on skeletal forms.
“Kill em!” Zargof shouted, “Kill em!
The was confusion for just one second, but one second was enough for the Skeletons to charge, enough time in that charge to get into close combat.

Gorluz used his Combi-Skorcha to first shoot an abomiation's face off, then incinerate the next one in line. Gorluz didn’t want to lose his Combi-Skorcha so he strapped it over his back, and then took out his choppa. He attempted to lop off the one of the skeleton's necks, but he barely even dented it. Gorluz threw down his choppa and brought out his Combi-Skorcha again, scorching the barely wounded opponent then shooting up two more.

Gorluz retreated back to the defensive line, where all the other Orks were.
"'It 'n run!" Shouted the Warboss,
They charged, taking out many of the strange humanoids, then ran back, but not all could, Zargof the Nob got torn apart by a few abominations before he could retreat, but besides that, there was only a small amount of Ork casualties during the charge.

Gorluz looked to the distance again, and saw that there was still the never ending tide coming his way. He thought that there had to be some weakness of these skeletons, after a few moments of hard thinking, he ran back, hopping into his Wartrak then shouting at the driver to take off towards the pyramids. Gorluz took the guns and off they went, shooting down a dozen of the incoming tide with the twin-linked big shoota and destroying anyone in front of them with their spikes up front.

When they got to the nearest floating pyramid, they circled around it, firing at it, but this was doing nothing, they tried grenades, this worked, but not well enough, they tried using Rokkits from their Kargo, most of the Rokkits did nothing, but a few well aimed hits destroyed vital parts. The floating pyramid fell with a giant thump, then exploded, they destroyed only one more by the time they ran out of Rokkits, but they had severely weakened the strange opponents, most of them would never be returning.

The Warboss noticed what was happening and shouting at his artillery to strike at the stange crafts, "Go fer da floaties!."
The Lobbas and Kannons started firing on the floating pyramids while the rest of the Orks tried to stem the weakened tide, destroying the rest with ease, some were still left to fight, including one massive skeletal abomination, very different from the rest, with a scythe. Not thinking properly, Gorluz charged the skeleton, scorching him with white hot flames. the Necron countered by chopping off his left forearm, Gorluz yelped, then scorched him again, melting some of his right arm, then shooting him up until he had large holes in him, the Necron fell. The rest of the army retreated because of low morale, then vanished, leaving no dead behind, a victory shout rang up throughout the whole Ork army.

"Da Humies takked us!" Yelled a very frightened Ork,
"Not Humies," Said the Warboss in a quiet tone, "Metal 'uns, Ded 'uns"

There were no bodies of these mysterious enemies left after the battle, the skeletons took them all. Gorluz became a Nob and got his left forearm fixed with a new mechanical one, he bought an iron gob and big horns as well as his own Grot.

Ork story part 3

Warboss Gorluz Madslasha… Warlord Gorluz Madslasha, Gorluz considered it, he had his own dreams in life. He wasn’t just an average Ork, he was an Ork that didn’t have a straight forward look on everything. This Ork thought outside of the box, he was a Nob, a high rank in Ork Klans. Gorluz was the biggest, toughest and most intelligent Nob in the ‘Nidcrushas Klan.

Two Battlefortresses and three Battlewagons, the Klan had grown much in the past weeks. Gorluz owned the first of the three battlewagons in line. All of the five large vehicles each had their own sleeping areas, no need to set up camps. The Klan was moving across the vast deserts, along a route marked by the Imperial Guard, the ones who hired them, to a location where they would do battle again.

The Klan stopped at the designated position, going into a circle formation. Gorluz’s Grot Grishnik Smalltoof fitted a small magazine into his Grot Blasta then hopped on Gorluz’s shoulder.
“Git ta yer gunz,” said Gorluz excitedly.
“Yes, to da gunz” repeated Grishnik.

The Klan waited, and waited, and waited, until they grew tired of waiting.
“Gimme yer Grot” said an Ork from the Fire Sluggaz, “I’m ‘ungry!”
“Shut yer face or me Grot’ll get da job ‘o killin ya!” Gorluz shouted.
The Orks in the Battlewagon silenced, they didn’t hear the shouting on the other vehicles, and there was just silence.

There was the sound of marching and the unmistakable sound of rumbling tanks, Gorluz looked to the distance, to see dark silhouettes heading towards them.
“Humies! Humies! Perial Humies!” shouted Grishnik,
Grishnik was right. It was the Imperial Guard, with Space Marines behind them.

“Fire!” yelled the Warboss from his own Battlefortess “Fire!”
Kannon shells, Lobba shells, Bullets and Zzap Gun shots started raining down on the enemy, who had surrounded them, the Orks were out numbered completely, but the Orks still had one advantage, they were on a hill, and the enemy was in the distance.

Spider like tanks came into view, along with hundreds and hundreds of small, fat, grotesque figures. The Humans were getting close, too close, it would soon come to close-combat, but Gorluz had a trick up his sleeve to keep the humans at bay for a while longer.

“Winin! Winin!” shouted Gorluz, as loud as he could, “Take ta dem! Let out da Runts!”
The Grots, not including Grishnik and a few others, took the bait and came charging out of a side door, then the Orks charged in to close-combat after them, barely taking hits. Only then did the Grots realize their mistake, they started to retreat, but got cut up, their legs were to small for them to be able to run fast.

With the Humans concentrated on killing the last of the Grots, the first few lines were easily wiped out. Gorluz strapped his Combi-Skorcha to his back and drew out his new Chainsword-Choppa; he stabbed a man in the gut, and then squeezed the trigger, accelerating the blades which caked him in blood. Gorluz went for his next victim, using his free right hand to smash his victim’s skull, and then using his main hand to slice another man in half.

Now the Humans stopped coming, and waves of the small grotesque forms charged them, which were finished off quick and easy. Waves of Space Marines wearing greenish brown armor with their guts showing came at them, with the spider-like tanks.

The Space Marines didn’t charge, they walked, but the Orks did and took down the first row with ease, but these were not normal humans and they were hard to kill, and overran the Warboss, ripping him to shred within mere seconds. Gorluz roared at the sight, and then cut down a few at first, then things changed, when a grotesque hound bit off his Metallic left forearm, he didn’t have a weapon anymore, so he retreated back to safety with Grishnak firing away on his shoulder.

All through the enemy ranks, there were shells exploding, but not small Kannon explosions, but larger explosions. Gorluz looked to the sky, to see aircraft with wings baring the Imperial Eagle, and larger craft he knew to be Funda ’awk Gunships.

The Orks knew they could not win, so they surrendered. Gorluz had his head down, with his hands up, and when he and the Klan weren’t fired upon; he looked up, and saw the Imperials coming towards him. 
“Get up,” said the Commander in a friendly tone,
The Orks got up without saying a word, surely they were going to die.
“Who is in command?” he asked,
“Nun,” Gorluz responded, “’E ded”
“Who are your so called ‘Nobs’?”
A few large Orks stepped forward, including Gorluz.

In one of the Human’s camps, they talked about what had happened.
“Through the good will of the Imperium of Man, we will let you live, and your clan shall not be attacked by the Imperium unless you yourself attack us,” Said the commander to every Nob,
“That is the payment for your acts, we will be on our way shortly, and you will be treated for your injuries.”

Shortly after the Humans left, Gorluz spoke up, raising his left arm, with a new forearm made of the mysterious Living Metal,
“I klare meself new Warboss of dis Klan!” with no one strong enough, or skilled enough to challenge him, he was declared the new Warboss.

Tell me if this one is good, bad or need more editing please


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## Ordo Xeno Commander

needs some more, well it isnt entrancing enough., moe descriptive stuuf would make it heaps better


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## Seabovine

thanks


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## Viscount Vash

"Youz needz ta praktis yur Orkish! or iz da exposur to da humies makin yur boyz soft?"

Its a nice little piece as far as it goes mate but needs a look through for typos and some more facts in it.

How many boyz are in this combat? Why did Gorluz become Da Boss (what happened to the original one? Tooks what Gunz? Etc.

It will give it a bit more depth  .

Keep at it, it has much promise.


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## Seabovine

Thanks, Ill try to fix it


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## Seabovine

Ive edited the First one (check the first post/story, its got big changes)


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## Ordo Xeno Commander

much beta, awaiting the next installment


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## Seabovine

thanks, next installment will be soon, today hopefully


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## Ordo Xeno Commander

gud stuff  keep it up, any advice, jus PM me and ill b glad to help. i have a kinda passion for writing emotional action scenes. and im good at it lol apparently


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## Seabovine

next installment done, check first post, you will see ork story part 2

soo there will be next one once this is editied to your liking


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## Initiate

seabovine, sweet stuff, the second part is a bit short and you need to get some info on crons, but considering you didnt, "floating pyramids" will do fine IMO.


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## Ordo Xeno Commander

yea i agree, and consider the advice i PMed you


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## Seabovine

I know i called them "floating pyramids," i know what they are actually called, but the Orks dont, so i didnt put it in, i did research on necron, and how they vanish, and i will keep to your advice

Editing will start in about an hour

thanks


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## Seabovine

ok, ive changed the second part, please tell me if its any better


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## Ordo Xeno Commander

definitly, much better than when i last read it. your doing well, maybe take a look at some of Initiate's work, hes done a great job on his story.

Good work, Keep it up


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## nightmarine

not too bad, the plot is there, now u need some more decription and variety. The phrase "this did work" is a little bland to be specific. Maybe think about saying something like 

"grenades scared the vehicle, but did nothing to stop it in its relentless advance toward the ork battle lines. Out of desperation they shot at the gargantuan structure with their rokkets. Many did little more than scratch the armor, but one penetrated deep into the mtealic hull and detonated causing the entire thing (for lack of better word) to fall from its mysterious levetation and crash into the rocky earth."

also try switching out pyramid, enemies, and huminoids with other words. it makes it feel a lot less repetative.


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## Seabovine

thanks for the advice, but i dont know what to put instead of humanoids, enemies, and other words without giving it away?

any ideas?


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## nightmarine

well once you mention their metalic skeleton bodies the readers will know they are necrons, so refering to them as the necrons in the narration wont be the worst thing ever and monolith is a generic term, so you could also refer to the pyramids as monolits. (just make sure the orks dont call them necrons and monolits) maybe think up an orky name that firts the necrons and if this fails some idead from the top of my head include:

abominations
fiends
skeletons
craft (monolith)
leviathin (monolith)
etc.
keep writing


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## Seabovine

ok, I think ive finally finished number 2, please comment, if its good I will write a third one, and I will use all your advice

cheers


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## Sei 'fir

thats quite good one fault you used the word ACCURATE in a story about orks :mrgreen:


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## nightmarine

EXCELENT!!! Im loving it more and more! (especially 'da' floaties' that was great!) an excelent variety of decriptive words and all of them leading to the end. More would be great, you have a tallent for writing these, maybe you shouldend the series with some overbearing war against the imperium and thair ork mercinaries or something like that. just a thought, i cant really see how thats possible with the only attackers being loner races, but maybe think along those lines. keep writing!!


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## Seabovine

thank you for the great feedback, the third one is yet to come.


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## Seabovine

New installment in, check my original post for next one, sorry for the long post


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## Sei 'fir

Quick question but is the "living metal" necrodermis and if so what were imperial guards/ orks doing with it don' tell me if you are going to include this in a latter story :mrgreen:


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## Seabovine

Living Metal can be used as sort of bionics stuff, Ferrus Manus's hands are made of it


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## Seabovine

I will make a fourth, depending on how you rate this one, you might not like they end of the third story, but they are mercenaries.


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## The Truth

Not bad if i'm being Truthful.


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## Sei 'fir

living metal again, there are rumours that that was necrodermis secondly ,correct me if i'm wrong but was he (ferrus)not the only one to have this 

sorry if it seems i'm critising i'm not i'm just trying to help


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## Seabovine

Im not sure of anyone else but i do know Ferrus Manus has, tell me if you think its stupid


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## Sei 'fir

NO you could use it as a story line that the unsuspecting guard had given him necrodermis 

you could use it as a storyline ork v c'tan 

get a copy of codex necs there good passage bout assasain fitin ctan


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## Seabovine

New installment soon


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## Seabovine

New Installment Here:


“Wotz theyz doin ‘ere?” Came the quite voice of Grishnik as he walked towards the edge of the Battlefortress, dragging his Kustom-Slugga across the hard metal floor.
“Not like de uda Humies we seen.” Whispered Warboss Gorluz Madslasha, just loud enough for everyone to hear.
Everyone was just to concerned with the black bulky figures to even notice the three hundred smaller Humans forming a base on their left flank.

Gorluz was excited, he hadn’t seen these large humans before, but he knew that if it came to blows, he was in for the bloodiest fight he’d ever seen. He put his Power Klaw on the rail, for extra balance, then drooled in anticipation for the battle that was hopefully to be. Gorluz fell forward, nearly going over the edge, but stopped at the last moment and looked around to see what could have happened. In his excitement he had accidentally broke off some of the rail with his Power Klaw, making a long screeching sound.

The figures looked like space marines, except that they were slightly bigger and wore black armor, except for one shoulder piece, which was a different color on each spacemarine, the other has an unknown insignia on it.

That night, Gorluz couldn’t sleep, he wondered why no fight had started yet. He climbed up to the lookout tower of the Battlefortress, and watched, until he eventually fell asleep, snoring as usual.

Gorluz had dreams during his sleep, he dreamt that he was killing Tyranids one by one with ease, then he dreamed of himself and a whole Waaagh laying waste to a jungle world, then finally he dreamt that he was fighting space marines in black armour. One of the space marines threw a grenade, he could hear it bouncing on metal.

Gorluz woke up, to hear cries of alarm, he struggled to get to his feet, then looked down. What Gorluz saw was a grenade, lying on the metal floor, spinning around in circles, then it exploded, temporarily making Gorluz deaf. The next thing he saw was a small dent in the place of the grenade and dozens of Humans boarding the Battlefortess.

Gorluz jumped down from the lookout tower, stunning half dozen men for a few seconds. Gorluz went for his first kill, grabbing a dazed man by the neck with his Power Klaw, lifting him up and crushing the life out of him, He went for his second, using his Power Klaw to pummel the victim, but the victim easily sidestepped the slow attack and thrusted at Gorluz. Gorluz never liked the idea of not being able to parry, so he had attached a blade to his Klaw to do that job, It worked. He brought his right hand up, the one with the Combi-Skorcha and skewered his opponent with the bayonet.

Gorluz fired his Combi-Skorcha, blasting holes through armor and flesh, half the rounds not even touching anything. The magazine was finished, so he used the Skorcha attachment to burn down a man wielding a power sword and a plasma pistol. Gorluz lowered his Combi-Skorcha and shouted to Grishnik to reload the massive gun, but Grishnik never came. Gorluz reluctantly dropped his Combi-Skorcha then charged forward with a fury never witnessed before.

Gorluz came in fast, too fast for his next victim to react; the small man went flying over the edge of the Battlefortress. Gorluz brought out his trusty choppa and hacked at the nearest man, then crushed the life of another with his Power Klaw, getting hit hard on the shoulder in the process, but too enraged to even notice. He hacked and slashed at anyone who happened to be in his way, then, out of the corner of his eye he saw a Grot on the ground, a Grot he knew all too well.

Gorluz turned around completely, keeping the Grot in his full view, and seeing a man standing over him with a Chainsword above his head. Gorluz charged, also taking minor hits on his ‘Eavy armor. He easily sliced off the man’s head and started hacking at the man’s body, until each limb was cut off.

The Grot was unconscious, so Gorluz grabbed him and put him down away from the fighting. Gorluz felt tremendous pain coming from his right shoulder, where it was bleeding, and wrapped it up with his unconscious comrade’s small shirt. Gorluz hopped up, only to be shot on the shoulder again by a fellow Ork’s misguided shot. The last few words he heard were “sorry” and then “Get him to der Dok!”


Gorluz woke up the next day, to learn that the fighting had stopped and the Mad Dok was successful in healing his wounds, with a few big adjustments. The Ork who accidentally shot him was brutally murdered by the Dok.
“What about da big Humies?” Gorluz asked,
“Still ner der Kamp” replied the Dok.

“Just sum Kustoms dun to yer arma” said the Dok, smiling all the while.
Gorluz hopped down off the make-shift bed he was laying on, stomping the ground. He was curious about how heavy he felt now, he only had to look at his armor to see what was wrong. Gorluz had been equipped with Mega Armor, a bigger Power Klaw with a blade attached and a Mega Blasta with a Chainsword attachment.

“Where’d ya get dis?!” demanded Gorluz
“Its kustom dun, thort ya’d like it” squealed the Dok.
“Oh, dis un’s betta den Eavy armor” Gorluz said, with a smile spreading across his face, barely visible because of the Iron Gob. He rushed out of the room, exited the Battlefortress, leading the rest of the Orks out with him.


“Sergeant Tarlos! The Orks have a dreadnaught!” Shouted Brother Vernus,
“Go signal the charge, Brother Vernus, the Emperor shall have victory” replied Tarlos
“But we only have fifty men, against two hundred”
“We are the Ordo Xenos, do not fear”


“Charge!” shouted Gorluz, louder than all the other Orks put together.
“Waaagh!” screamed all the other Orks in unison, and they all charged at the humans, as fast as they could go.

Gorluz had trouble running in his gargantuan armor, but he ran as fast as he could anyway. He fired at the enemy, killing two, and making a small gap.

As always, the collision of the two armies was massive, but with a small amount of casualties on each side. Gorluz came in hard, smashing aside a black armored man then crushing the life out of the next. He was continually getting shot at by the enemy, but they all seemed to bounce off his thick armor. The two hundred Orks were overwhelming the enemy, but that was slowly changing.

Gorluz took some minor hits, making holes small holes in his armor but they were slowly turning into bigger, and maybe even turn out life threatening life threatening. 

Gorluz brought his Chainsword attachment up and stabbed the gut of his victim, then used his Power Klaw to rip of his head. He smashed his next opponent’s head in then parried a blow to his side; he finished his opponent by cutting off the man’s left arm then lopping off his head.

The Orks were losing the battle against the experienced fighters, but they weren’t losing by much, they had just less than half of their force left. 


Brother Vernus charged in, firing at the heavily armored foe with his plasma pistol, making holes in the nearly impenetrable armor with a few precise shots. He was fighting side by side his battle-brothers and his sergeant, all trying to kill the so called dreadnaught. Vernus turned around to face a charging Ork, but didn’t get his weapon up, for the so called dreadnaught had lifted him up. He dropped to the floor, in two pieces.

Sergeant Tarlos ran up to the dreadnaught, hacking at its legs and firing at it's massive body with his hellfire pistol, burning it's way through, but barely doing damage. He kept hacking away, until it toppled over, then jumped onto it’s back, but the so called dreadnaught got up. The dreadnaughts that Tarlos was used to fighting weren’t made to get up if they fell, but this one could, so it definitely wasn’t a dreadnaught.


Gorluz spun around, picked up the small, bulky human and crushed the life out of him, but not before the man was able to destroy his Combi-Skorcha. Now the battle was In the Ork’s favor, or so they thought, with five more Humans against the thirty remaining Orks, which were defeated with twenty-five casualties for the Orks.

Gorluz couldn’t trust humans anymore, or at least the bigger, bulkier humans. It was a victory, but at a big cost, because the rest of the tribe separated from Gorluz’s Klan, having only two hundred, now down to thirty, but it would grow. Gorluz walked back to the Battlefortress, in search of Grishnik.

Gorluz had come into the battle with a new set of armor and felt like a champion, but in the end his armor made him look like a rusty old Dreadnaught.

Tell me what you think


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## Ordo Xeno Commander

i definitly like, especially because i used to collect death watch, as you can tell by my name. great story, very tension filled at the end


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## Seabovine

thanks, should I write more?


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## Ordo Xeno Commander

yes, definitly. maybe make the battles a little longer and up the description of how the Deathwatch fight, because they arent exactly easy to kill, yet you portray they are most of the way though the story. also they carry special bolters and heavy bolters with different rounds, try inculde the inferno rounds, which burn instead of explode, in essence they penetrate and begin to burn. and hellfire rounds for HB have a large explosion, so they are great against horde armies like the orks. try include that, if you can.


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## nightmarine

lol ordo, have you read the book "Warrior Brood" by C. S. Goto? If not you should, its the deathwatch in all thair glory. 

any who, back to the subject, nice story in a way, the biggest problem i have (other than a grammer mistake in the first paragraph with the word 'has') is that the deathwatch were doubting their chances when they had 50 SMs on the planet. I know about the deathwatch (and im planning on fielding a couple soon) and they go in in squads of 10 without a second thought fighting thousands of Nids without a seconds hesitation, completing missions without error. The story is great, but i think you made the SMs sound a little too cowardly. (this comming from a huge SM player that hates to see them deglorifed) keep writing!!


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## Ordo Xeno Commander

haha, i totally agree being yet another SM player. and yes the deathwatch need more *glorification*


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## Seabovine

ill try to make it better


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## Ordo Xeno Commander

good on you. keep the stories coming.


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## Seabovine

Ive edited it. and started on next one.


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## Seabovine

Next one is going to be different, you wont guess what happens.


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## Seabovine

Sorry the next one has been taking a while, i havnt had time because the exams are coming up and i need to study


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## Seabovine

Heres part of the next one, though not complete, and read the PS: at the end please.



He had no Tribe, no Klan, only one friend, his Grot Grishnik. Gorluz had lost his Tribe after the battle against the powerful Ordo Xenos; they all fled, joining other Klans and Tribes. Now Gorluz was left with nothing except his possessions and Grishnik.

Gorluz had been wondering the desert world known to the Orks as Teef Glore, but mainly known as Kalinrukk for three days and couldn’t survive much longer; he had already received enough punishment from the native Sand Behemoths. Gorluz was searching everywhere for a Klan, otherwise he would surely die.

Gorluz came across a rock in the ground and decided to take a rest; he sat down, choosing a new direction to take. Suddenly, the ground beneath him began to rumble, and then he was hurled up into the air, coming down with a loud thump, not taking any serious damage. The so called rock he was sitting on was a Sand Behemoth, he would have fired at it and finished it off quickly, but his Combi-Skorcha had been destroyed in his last battle.

Gorluz came in quick and hard, got hit on his chest plate, but that wasn’t enough to slow him. He his the behemoth’s right knee with the back of his Power Klaw, making a loud crunch, the Sand Behemoth toppled forward, nearly hitting Gorluz, but Gorluz dodged it. He jumped on it’s back and started for the head. Gorluz put his Klaw around the thing’s heavily armored neck and squeezed, the Klaw groaned in protest, then after a few seconds, the Power Klaw had penetrated the Behemoth’s armor and it was over.

As usual, Gorluz had to hide again, for a group of land speeders were visible on the horizon, and they were coming his way. He hid behind the large carcass of the fallen Sand Behemoth, and waited. They Land Speeders came zooming past, but just as they were nearing the horizon, they turned around coming towards him. They fired at him, but not with bullets, but with smaller darts, meant for immobilizing their prey, and then Gorluz saw the blackness that was unconsciousness.

He woke up in a cell somewhere, feeling weakened and dizzy; they hadn’t taken his Mega armor as it was near impossible to remove. Gorluz was too weak to hop up, so he lay back and waited, until eventually he fell asleep.

During his sleep he heard someone calling to him.
“Ork…” whispered the voice.
“Ork” the voice said in a more demanding tone.
“Ork!” the voice shouted.
Gorluz woke up, opened his eyes, and saw a human standing in front of him.
“You now serve the Emperor” said the man, “Come with me.”

Gorluz was led into a room that looked like a new medical facility, where he was put to sleep.

Later, Gorluz woke up dizzy, but felt invigorated, felt stronger, and a lot more intelligent. 
“Who do you serve?!” demanded a voice, the same voice of the man that brought him in here.
“For der Empera!” yelled Gorluz, he felt as if it was his new war cry, and that he wanted to serve the Emperor.
“Well, we do have to work on your accent… but it does not matter” said the man.

Gorluz sat back and waited, trying to hear the two men whispering close by. He heard a few sentences, such as, ‘Prototype Life Support System’, ‘That Makes Eleven’ and then ‘But there’s a new member coming…’ that was all he heard.



Banik Headsmasher, previously from the Kanak Skull Takers, had just come aboard the Prison Hulk known as The Hulk of Chances, for people who got sent there had a chance to redeem themselves. Banik had been sent aboard for killing a senior officer, who was the Officer of a traitor regiment, though no one else knew that at the time.

Banik was a big man, like the rest of the Kanak Skull Takers; he wore a dark brown vest and torn black pants, which had lasted him a few years. He had made his name from being able to deal a lot of damage to his opponent’s heads.

Banik was led to a dim lighted cell, next to an old man, with raggy clothes and a pair of big brown boots, which were worn. He was also next to a skinny, bald man, wearing no shirt, and was crouching under a chair, eyes darting left to right, shouting “I’ll kill you for this!”
Banik fell asleep, lying down with his back against the hard, metal wall.

Banik opened his eyelids straight away, sensing someone approaching. 
“Get up, you’ll have a chance to redeem yourself,” said the man, small compared to Banik.
Thoradin hesitated for a second, then reluctantly hopped up, he was happy alone, away from the yells of ‘He killed the Officer, Execute him!’

After what seemed like thirty minutes of walking, the man took him in to a room, which looked like a medical centre. Banik was put to sleep after answering a few questions, the men saying he had to be in top shape before his release.



Later that day, Gorluz found himself in a room with eleven other beings in it, three Orks, one odd thing which he knew to be Tau and seven humans, six small and one giant, almost as big as himself. They were all wearing very thick armor. 

PS: Dont think that Gorluz and Banik will become great friends and it will eventually sort of become a stroy and not fluff or anything like that, because as yet it is not yet completed.


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## Initiate

thats wierd... an imperial ork. was he implanted with gene-seeds or anything? Because if so than Gorluz would have to be under close examination and also have to go almost five to ten years without having the gene-seed fully developed. Some of the implants need physical therapy to mature and others might not even work with an ork's body. Intelligence is also a factor. If an ork hooked up to a lie detector test said "i think..." it would turn up a giant negative on the machine. Dumb people, no matter how strong or big cannot become space marines as every single soldier is designed to be a great tactician. Also a gene-seed does not make you suddenly worship the emperor, it takes many long hours of psychoconditioning to get some one to be that loyal to the Emperor. You cannot make someone zealous as they must do it of their own free will. Also, ive never heard of space marines using tranquilizer darts. it seems too... unimportant for a space marine to hunt down orks and tranquilize them for use as imperial soldiers. I also think that it is a giant mistake to make an ork smart as that might jeopardize the lives of untold billions of Imperial citizens if the ork escapes and uses his enhancements to unite the orks of dozens of worlds and launch a war on the Imperium.

Sorry for the more than a little harsh comment. :wink: but its important that you know this.


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## Seabovine

You forgot one very important thing mate... im captain jack sparrow.

Well, the real fluff ended just before this piece of crap, but i had nothing else to do so i made this, and i dont plan on finishing and or editing it. i dont plan to make a new one.


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## Initiate

lol. Good answer


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