# Agony



## Eviltim (Sep 25, 2008)

OOC: The idea behind this thread is the concept of a 40K agony aunt column, you write your issue, I reply, 

To make this interesting we have 2 Agony Aunts, the well spoken yet somewhat dim-witted Company Captain Kabus of the 42nd Imperial Fist Company, and Warboss Lugnut, of "Da Bone'Edz" Ork clan (yes an Company Captain and an Ork Warboss, kinda like a 40K Odd Couple!)

To help here, Kabus will Reply in Blue, Lugnut in Red 

Heres an Example:

_"Dear (Lugnut, Kabus, or Lugnut & Kabus, Your choice)

I lead a small tactical squad of marines in the Blood Angels Chapter, and I often over hear talk of heresy from my brothers, can you give any advice?

From Sergeant Steve"_


To which you would recieve something like:

_"Dear Steve,

Heresy can never be allowed within ranks of us Astares, You'd best report such to your superiors, or you may take blame as well!"

"NO! Teach 'um to Obey! Make an example of 'Em! Nuttin says loyalty lika Oomie 'ed on a stick!"_

etc, etc, you get the Idea,

Who you post as, what you post as is entirely up to you!


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## WoRLoKKeD (Apr 1, 2008)

Oi, ya gitz! I'z needin' to get my boyz trukks goin' fasta! Der'z already red everywhere, so 'ow can dis be done?!


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## Eviltim (Sep 25, 2008)

_Ah, the Old "My Truck is to slow" Issue, I dont quite see how it woul be faster because its red? I suggest you find yourself a good servitor, and give that engine a jolly good seeing to! 

ITS CALLED A TRUKK! And everyone knows that da red unz go fastest! you got two choices, kick ya snotlings inta gear! or kicks some boyz out! if dey is got some heavy Armour, or shootaz that gonna slow ya down! so paint dem red too! _


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## solitaire (Mar 24, 2008)

Dear Lugnus & Kabus

I may be only a lowly Bloodletter but the fact that I am only formed of, and therefore only own, the emotion of rage is starting to make me feel very sad and depressed. How can you help me?

From Tchastalkat the Blood Drencher of Death!


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## Discy (Oct 23, 2008)

Oi, me need some help! Me boyz keep gettin' shot up by those zogging Marine boyz. What in the name of Mork should I do?


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## Crimson_fists (Oct 19, 2008)

Dear Lugnus & Kabus,

Dis' gun I found in Warboss Discys hut ain't workin, what the hell'z i spos ta do with it? Sell it'z for some teeth? It got an empty 'ting stikkin out the side of it, think it taste nice?

Druzka, Deathskullz Loota


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## BlackApostleVilhelm (May 14, 2008)

Deer Lugnutz an' Kabooses,

Oi i gots a problem ere. me boyz iz 'avin sum truble understandin wut to do wit a boomstick. dey alwayz pull da pin and den trow dat! can you beleeve dat?! stupid gitz! day wont listen neetha, wut can i do to git them to understandz?

sincerealy,

Warboss Dakka Dakka Jihad


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## Eviltim (Sep 25, 2008)

_Sorry Boyz Me 'un Kaybers been getting ah tan, Ima great shade of Greeny-brown now!

...Call me "Kaybers" again, and i will demand fisticuffs!

Dakka Dakka Jihad(OOC: Genius name btw), I had a similar problem when my company and I where in conflict in the further spirals of the galaxy...

My Captain adjutant was trying to bake a Pie, and had no filling, so we used ammunition, when he placed it in the over, well im sure you can imagine the consiquences!

I guess what im trying to say is, "Kindness goes along way" 

You wot? wot has pie gotta do with anything! Its simples, if your boyz dont do as dere told, BAKE EM IN A PIE!


Anywayz, Druzka, dats not a gun, dats a cup, you drunk from it

Dear Tchastalkat,

I believe i know what your problem is, It is indeed that time of the year when we must find ourselves a mate, now we all know your rage is just a false exterior, inside your heart is breaking!

I suggest firstly, you go to your commanding Officer/God/Puddle, and request a few days leave, then perhaps you should try meeting people, I went speed dating myself recently, and I suggest it for you too! However, maybe tone down the "Chaos" in your personality, for example, when they ask you what you do for a living, I suggest you dont immediatly jump up shouting "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!" and then decapitate them.

Hope this Helps

Commander Kabus_


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## Discy (Oct 23, 2008)

Re Druzka: Dat where me grog cup got to, yeh thievin' blighter! Me coming te bash yer zoggin' head in! An' you two buggers, answer me question!
Warboss Discy


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## Eviltim (Sep 25, 2008)

_My Apologise Discy, Maybe you should send your boys on a "Team building day" get them working together as a team! Then make sure to setup some kind of firing range for practice.

Iz Simplez, Explain to 'um, if they dont shoot, they get shot! 

Kabus and Lugnut_


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## Crimson_fists (Oct 19, 2008)

Dear Kabus and Lugnut, 

Lately, strange things have started to happend in my presence, like that small bolts of energy have begun to fly from my hands and there is a whisper that won't get out of my head. What do I do? The voice is so soothing.....

Guardsmen Elistan


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## Benidem (May 13, 2008)

Dear Kabus and Lugnut,

I am a humble guardsmen currently serving with the Th Cadian, during our last battle on a planet we served alongside some of the Honorable battle brothers of the Imperial Fists when one of the battle brother asked me about the defenses of our current location when i realized i didn't know how to properly address him. I was so afraid to offend one of the Emperor's space marines i didn't say anything. So how do I address a space marine?

-Trooper Lexon


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