# First attempt. Honest crit asked



## The Wraithlord (Jan 1, 2007)

Writing up some fluff for a tourney that Fist and I are playing in. It is a doubles tourney and one of the things they want is fluff that explains why you would be fighting together. Here is my attempt at it. Honest criticism is appreciated.




*Planet Moracre, Segmentum Ultima.

Imperial Fists*


Moracre was a planet on the edge of the Tau Empire. While it was currently under the yoke of the Imperium, it had once before pledged its allegiance to the foul xenos and was consequently under close watch for such an occurrence happening again. Even now, the Tau often used the more remote parts of the planet as a staging ground for its operations, usually without any interference from the human population. Captain Lysander, leader of the 1st Company of Imperial Fists, had been routed to this backwater five days ago to impress upon the populace the rule of the Imperium and wipe out any of the xenos he found on the planet with extreme prejudice. While only leading a small force of Imperial Fists, Lysander had accomplished his mission with continuing success, annihilating small forces of Tau across the planet. The going had been hard and not without losses as fully half of the strike force he had brought with him had been killed or wounded so gravely that they would see no further action for many months, despite the hardiness of the Emperors finest Space Marines.

All that remained was a single core force of the foul xenos breed for the planet to be freed of their presence. This however was proving difficult to do as the Tau seemed to melt away before they could be brought to battle, always seeming one step ahead of the Imperial Fists, frustrating their efforts with ease. This morning had brought with it the blessings of the Emperor and Lysander and his force had finally located the heathen aliens, moving in time to position themselves to bring the Tau to battle despite the seeming reluctance they had since shown. 

"Captain Lysander!" The voice calling him belonged to Brother Theos, longtime friend and self appointed bodyguard to Lysander. Theos was one of the small retinue of marines that accompanied Lysander at all times, each of them veterans of countless battles. The retinue were all part of the 1st Company, each wearing the holy Terminator armour granted to only the most courageous and accomplished of the entire Chapter. Unlike most others of the first company, Lysander’s Bodyguard were armed with Thunderhammers in imitation of their captain along with Storm Shields that granted even further protection. Together with Lysander they were the deadliest squad in the entire Chapter.

Lysander turned to Theos, his grim and forbidding features softening in the slightest of smiles, "You seem excited Theos. After all the grumbling out of you during this chase I take it to mean that we have located our foes finally?"
"Yes Captain," came the immediate reply. "The xenos are less than 15 kilometers distant my lord. They seem to be digging in, preparing to fight. Even more, they seem to be completely unaware of us so far and are preparing for battle in an entirely different direction."

Something in this pronouncement sat ill with Lysander. He had fought the Tau on many occasions and had yet to see them at anything less than fully prepared. Their recon teams, the so called Pathfinders, were very capable, enough that Lysander had to admit that he had rarely seen finer. His patrician features hardened once again as a frown appeared on his brow, thoughts racing. Each time they had come upon the Tau on Moracre it had been the same thing, the xenos unprepared or ready for attack from the wrong direction. This combined with the fact that they seemed to be avoiding the Imperial Fists not by design but chance fitted together in Lysander’s mind in an unsettling way. Were the aliens here to fight the Imperium and once again claim this planet? Or were they here for some other reason? And who did they prepare to fight if not his own forces?

Captain Darnath Lysander had the feeling that the answer would not be one he would enjoy learning...




*Ya'Ar'Por, Third Sphere Expansion

Tau Cadre*


Moracre. Silly gue'la name if he had ever heard one. The human language was one of little grace he thought, full of gutturals and clunky, lacking the flowing cadences of his own tongue. Shas'El Sa'cea D'Nan was typical of the Fire caste, given to the Path with his every fiber, a warrior of note and well on his way to becoming Shas'O. When the A'un had learned of the encroaching threat here on Ya'Ar'Por they had entrusted the task of keeping it safe to him and his cadre. Each time he thought back to the briefing his heart swelled with pride. Of all the cadre commanders the Ethereals could have chosen, it was him they had picked. Him! Ensconced within his Fireknife pattern battlesuit, D'Nan once again swore he would not let the A'un down. While the planet was considered by the human Imperium to be theirs, the Tau had not forgotten that the populace had joined the Greater Good freely and willingly not that long ago, tired of the brutal regime of the Throne of Earth. The fact that they left the Tau unmolested when planetfall was needed, spoke to the fact that they would gladly do so again. Thus, the protection of the cadre had been sent to the planet. The gue'la had sent out a message for help to the nearby Tau Empire, claiming that the Y'he had been sighted on the planet.

The Tau Empire had already faced this menace and knew that swift action would be required if it was to be contained. The Y'he devoured all in their path like a swarm of locusts, consuming all matter until there was nothing left. This close to the Tau Empire, the A'uns were not prepared to allow one of the hivefleets to establish a toehold on any planet. D'Nan would see to it even if it claimed his life. After all, such was the way of the Path and the Greater Good. Several squads of Firewarriors and Battlesuits had already been lost attested to this, gone without any final contact at all.
With a thought, D'Nan opened a com channel to his force, spreading the broadcast to all the Tau with him, from the lowest and newest Shas'la to the veterans in the Crisis suits beside him. "Prepare for battle, Mont'ka pattern. Crisis and Broadside teams to attack the larger organisms, Shas'las will have the smaller creatures to deal with. Kor'el, you and your Hammerhead may be deployed as best you see fit but I would suggest using your firepower to engage the same creatures as the Firewarriors as there will be far more of them. Disruption of the hivemind is a priority. All teams acknowledge".
A quick series of replies returned to him, ensuring the readiness of the cadre. El'D'Nan brought up the suits powerful sensors and signalled all units to move into position. It proved to be a wise decision as no sooner had the order gone out but the sensors on his suit chimed softly, indicating contacts. The com channel hummed to life with the voices of one of the Shas'vres piloting the Crisis squad with him.

"Contact Shas'el, to the north. A large number of targets is approaching rapidly" said Shas'vre Sa'cea Kiovash. "They will be in weapons range within moments."

"Acknowledged Kiovash" said D'Nan. "What say you Kio, who will get the first kill on one of the larger beasts?" Kiovash and D'Nan had served together since being Saal rookies in the training domes of Sa'cea and had come to trust and rely on each other implicitly. They had under gone the Ritual Bonding to show this fact, telling all who saw them of the strong friendship the two shared. "My guess is it will be Kor'El and his Hammerhead".

Kiovash grunted in disgust. "Possibly El but my money is on Vre'Ula. I have never seen anyone so skilled at piloting a Broadside battlesuit as she."

As if his words were a prophecy Ula's suit, a far heavier version of D'Nans own that carried twin Railguns on its shoulders, stepped forward and opened fire. Trees in the path of the shot were shorn in two like paper under the sharpest of blades. Just within the tree line, almost at the extreme edge of the powerful weapons reach, a gigantic form pitched forward with everything above its chitinous shoulders vapourized, knocking down a couple of the smaller trees in its path.

"What did I tell you El" asked Kiovash with a chuckle. “First kill to Vre’Ula”.

D'Nan couldn't help but smile at the satisfaction in his friends voice, knowing that Kiovash was somewhat taken with the pretty Broadside pilot. Opening his comm channel to the rest of the battlesuit squad once again he said "Time for us to join in squad. For the Greater Good!"

As one, the rest of the battlesuits joined in the fight, followed shortly after by the Shas'las. Battle was joined.



*Imperial Fists*



The Imperial Fists were making good time, approaching the Tau from the west, staying in cover as much as possible so as not to give the heathens any warning of their presence. Lysander did not want them slipping off yet again. He was entirely sick of this cat and mouse game he seemed to be playing with the Tau and wanted nothing more than to crush them utterly, making a final end to the situation. Within minutes they would be within striking distance and battle would be joined. Lysander’s blood sang at the prospect of dispensing the Emperors judgment upon his enemies and, joined by the members of his unit, began to chant the Litanies of Hate in preparation. 

“Enemy contact, 2 minutes to weapons range” came the voice of Theos over the vox. 

“All squads prepare for battle. Units will now sound off” growled Lysander into his mic. Immediately acknowledgment runes lit up in the HUD of his helmet, showing the readiness of the force under his command. “Move into position and wait for my signal before attacking. We are lucky to have avoided their scouts thus far, let’s not waste the opportunity to take them by surprise”.
Slowly cresting the slight rise they had approached behind, Lysander took a moment to survey the enemy and their dispositions. Theos had been utterly correct. The Tau forces were facing to the north, seeming to be completely unaware of the approaching Space Marines. Just as Lysander was about to give the orders to move forward and attack, one of the large battlesuits stepped forwards and unleashed a shot of staggering power into the distant tree line. 

“Contact” shouted Theos, his voice ringing out almost simultaneously with the shot of the battlesuit. “From the north, multiple targets, approaching fast.”

“Throne, did they somehow flank us?” wondered Lysander, looking back towards the Tau over the top of the rise. As he did so, the entire Tau force opened fire on the tree line, putting out a staggering volume of fire. Looking to the north of his own forces he could see nothing yet but he knew that the Tau weren’t simply firing to put on a show. There was obviously a third enemy on Moracre. Lysander snarled under his breath and came to a snap decision.

“Brothers, weapons to the north! The Tau are busy for the moment and I have no wish to engage them before we find out just what is going on here.” Lysander’s curiosity was satisfied mere moments later when a tide of Tyranids came pouring out of the tree line, seeming to fly across the ground at the exposed Imperial Fists.

With the efficiency inherent to the Space Marines, the Imperial Fists turned as one and opened fire. Waves of Hormogaunts and other lesser creatures were scythed down by bolter fire. The larger, slower creatures in the back were targeted by the Devastators with their heavier weapons, ripping them apart in detonations of gore. 

And still the Tyranids came on.



*Tau Cadre*



El’D’Nan was proud of his force. They were performing admirably, keeping to the Tau’va with extreme dedication, scything down the Y’he like a farmer does to wheat. Already the bodies of the creatures were forcing the ones behind to leap and claw their way ahead instead of the flat out run they normally would employ. This only served to give the Tau forces more time to fire at them, holding them back longer than they might otherwise.
But they were doomed.

The estimates of the Y’he infestation on Ya'Ar'Por had been grossly off. The beasts must have been on the surface for a long time before being discovered and reported. There was no way that his forces would be able to eliminate this threat without assistance as they had lost too many warriors prior to this battle. Even as he watched, the point squad of Firewarriors was overrun, hacked and clawed to death in mere moments.

Firing his missile pods into the offending brood, he blew several apart in an instant, stunning them for a brief second, allowing another unit of Firewarriors to rip them apart with a double volley of shots from their pulse rifles. A bright flash told him that Kor’El had fired the main weapon of his Hammerhead again, blowing a massive crater in the enemy forces.

“Shas’El!” The Hammerhead commander’s voice came over the comm, sounding strained. “Contact to the west! Space Marines!”

_By the Path thought _D’Nan,_how am I supposed to deal with both the Y’he AND gue’la Space Marines? _Opening a channel to Kor’El he asked “Can you hold them off Kor’el? We cannot afford to divide more attention than that from the Y’he or we will be overrun.”

Kor’el didn’t respond for several long moments and D’Nan was about to repeat his request when Kor’El said “I don’t think that will be required commander. They seem to be in the same danger as we are”. A violent explosion on the rise punctuated his words. D’Nan used the jump jets in his suit to get to the rise quickly and took in the situation himself. A brief look was all he needed, enough to show him burning vehicles and dead gue’la soldiers strewn about. It was disconcertingly similar to how his own forces were doing.

Quickly, before he had the chance to second guess himself, he opened a comm channel.



*Imperial Fists*



“Kill those damn Genestealers!” yelled Lysander. His bodyguards leapt to obey, their Terminator armour giving them a far better chance against the foul beasts than a normal brother would have had. Lysander had already killed the Broodlord that came with them, a brutally fast creature that had nearly got the best of him, ripping off his right pauldron entirely before the Fist of Dorn crushed the life from it.

One of the Rhinos was burning, along with a Land Speeder. Several of his Marines were down and the Tyranids were still coming. The Space Marines were doing their best, each one of them performing feats of valour worthy of the ages but attrition was slowly getting the best of them.

_Perhaps if we had not lost so many to the Tau already _he thought. _Then we may have had enough to destroy these aliens. _As it was, Lysander knew it was only a matter of time.

“…. ear me? I rep…t, can you hear….e?” The unknown voice broke in over the vox, sounding somehow odd, as if the speaker had a musical, lilting quality to its voice. Lysander had is bodyguard hold a spot clear around him.

“Who is this? Identify yourself!” returned Lysander.

The vox screeched momentarily, then came across clearly, “This is Shas’El D’Nan of the Tau Cadre immediately to your east. Who am I speaking to? Are you in charge of the Marines here?”

“I am Captain Lysander of the Emperors Imperial Fists. And yes, I am in charge here. What do you want alien? I am somewhat busy as you can see.”

“Captain, our scans show that the Y’he, Tyranids, are far more numerous than either of us can deal with on our own. Already I have lost many warriors and I can see you have as well. I propose a temporary alliance between our forces until these vile creatures are gone. It is in the greater good of all for us to do so.”

The very idea went against the very core of Lysanders being, an abhorrent thought that churned his guts in a grinder. But Lysander had not gotten to be the Captain of the First Company by being stupid. As much as it pained him to admit it, the xenos bastard was right.

Lysander gritted his teeth, “Very well alien. We will work together. For now.”


----------



## waltzmelancholy_07 (Sep 30, 2008)

Is this really your first time:shok:?... Hahaha:laugh:... I can't give any critic because it was just amazing... Your story captivated me menk:... POST SOME SEQUEL!!!!!!... I DEMANDS IT:biggrin:...


----------



## The Wraithlord (Jan 1, 2007)

Heh, thanks Waltz. Yeah it is my first time writing fluff. Normally not into it at all but you have to do what you can for tourneys


----------



## Commissar Ploss (Feb 29, 2008)

honestly it sounds great, i can't say much against it. It is a little choppy, not as smooth as say a BL novel would be, but what can one expect for your first time. Otherwise, i didn't notice anything that strayed from teh point of the story, which was to explain why the Tau and Imps were working together. Overall, very well done! Looks fine by me. lol

write on,

Commissar Ploss

p.s. you'll have to make your battle report into a fluff story, just so we (who can't figure battle reports out...me) can see how it ended. lol


----------



## Damned Fist (Nov 2, 2007)

Excellent work Wraith! I am seriously impressed.k: There are a couple of questions that came to mind as I read through this but I will bring them up to you at work to see what you think. But really..., this is _*very*_ well done. I hope the display base will be up to par with the quality of work that you have done here.:victory:


----------



## dark angel (Jun 11, 2008)

Rather enjoyable Wraith! :victory:


----------



## deathbringer (Feb 19, 2009)

I'm being harsh considering you asked... I dont get worse
The story itself stands up well and the language is good
Occasionally your sentences dont sound right to me but maybe thats just the difference between two sides of the pond and a superior vocabulary (yours).

The only thing I can say is read it through aloud because occassionally your sentances fail to flow into one another and thus the story feels fragmented and is less enjoyable to read

Having said that its better than pretty much anything I have written and it nigh on perfect for a competition


----------



## Eviltim (Sep 25, 2008)

Very good work, I hope your tourney goes well!


----------

