# Imperial Guard rant.



## Genenku (Apr 22, 2010)

:angry: This post is in response to the poll about the manliest race in 40K. I voted and found that the Imperial Guard is in third. In front of them is the Space Wolves. Really? Whatever. Now in first is Orc. SERIOUSLY? :ireful2: This has gone on for long enough and I shall not stand by watching the Guard be bashed no longer. It is an insult that FUNGUS is more manly that the Guard.

Imperial Guard.....a lot of you see them as weak weaponed cowards. In comparison to super humans, ancient alien races, and the like, I can see why. But in all truth, the Imperial Guard is the most couragous and relentless force in the universe, and no matter what, it can *not* be stopped. 

Let's just think about this for a moment, and pretend you are a gnormal human in the 41st milenium. You grow up on a planet full of strife and misery. Your parents work long hours and money is low. The empire is in a constant state of war with no end in sight. You KNOW millions die EVERY day. Now as a normal human being, very much like yourself today, you decide to join the Guard. You enter and are put through rigorous training. You are yelled at by those training you at all times. You are seperated from your family and friends. Forced to make a new family and friends with the men at your side, it comes easy though. Now you have to deal with Commissars that are with in an inch of blowing your head off if you mess up severely, Emporer forbid you lose your Uplifting Primer. Now you finally make it through training and are shipped of to a planet thousands of lightyears away from your life. You are thrown into combat with alien creatures, heretics, massive machines of war, and daemons. Lets just take a moment and compare individual soldiers.

*Guard*
A normal human is in every way like people today, height around 5'4" - 6'2" on average with varying weight based on height, usually not exceeding 230 pounds, more for heavier muscled guardsmen. They feel the same emotions you feel, are saddened by the same things, and enjoy the same things you enjoy. These are your desendants. Though tough lives make them a bit gruffer. 

When you read the following, imagine you are up againt this threat, the only thing you have is your relatively light armor, a lasgun, and the men at your side. You stand toe to toe with this enemy.

*Orcs*
A normal orc is a being driven by war and violence. They do not know of fear and have no concern with dieing. They stand about the same height of a human, only due to their posture, they in fact stand roughly a foot taller if they stood up straight. They are heavier than humans, always clad in slabs of muscle and teeth. Imagine now going against a large green gorilla in close combat that is weilding a metal claw and can fit your head in his mouth. Now don't forget the three hundred near identicle borthers he has running next to him wanting nothing more than to "crush dem humies". 

*Necrons*
Necrons are cold calculating robots who never truley die. Their weapons sear flesh from bone and rip through tanks like tissue. They are heavier and taller than humans, being made of metal. Also consider how they attack in silence and without mercy. The terminator series comes to mind. Imagine an army of these machines slowly walking towards you, unhindered by your relentless fire. Now imagine fighting these things in close combat, eat hit they land is like being hit by a sledge hammer. 

*Eldar/Dark Eldar*
An alien race far more technologically advanced, and more agile that most humans can dream to be. They are taller than most humans, and are about the same weight. These beings are quite capable of ripping apart a mere man in close combat and their long range weapons are elagant and equally destructive. 

*Tau*
Tall and close to the same weight as humans. These aliens are always wearing suits of armor and bearing long range rifles. These are highly technological creatures they rely of suits of armor and drones to fight. They may not be the most dangerous in close combat, but closing that distance is the hardest part.

*Tyranid*
The most alien of all races to mankind. They are utter monsters that want nothing more than to devour every living organism in sight. Their size and weight vary, but their ferociousness does not. Their long range attacks are almost laughable, but their close combat is far from that. Now I want to go off the normal unit here and like to look at the Carnifex, imagine a monster the size of an elephant running at you with the sole intent of ripping you into dozens of pieces. Tell me that is not frightening. Now those of you who have actually stood near a real elephant know how massive they truley are and how pictures and videos give no justice. 

*Heretics*
Normal humans who have lost their way and need to be purged with lasgun fire, not the scariest thing in the world, but consider one of the variations. Undead creatures trying to eat you in massive swarms of pussy, decaying, flesh. Zombie armies of death. 

*Chaos Daemons*
Imagine every nightmare you have ever had coming to life in one instant where your friend who you have fought alongside is ripped inside out to form this horror. Everything that should not becomes, and reality to you is changed forever. The impossible happens, blood rains from the sky, hell opens up in front of you and they want you to join them in death. Unknown powers surge through the battlefield melting flesh and metal alike. Thoughts of disbelief and paranoia run rampant. 

*Space Marines*
The super humans, genetically engineered humans. These things are nearly all armoured in powered suits of armor that stop all but the most critial of hits. These humans stand far taller and weigh far more than a normal person, they have lost all emotion and want nothing more than glory in battle. The weapons they carry are devestating, their melee capabilities are equally fearsom. They have the luxury of not carrying about dieing. 

Now the weapons, imperial guards weapons are in comparison weak, but are still powerful none the less. Consider a weapon that can fire a beam of light that can pierce through steel. This is truley a powerful weapon. But when put up against weapons that fire rounds the size of a human fist that explode once they enter a body, or weapons that fire bursts of pure energy that make flesh evaporate, and weapons of pure psychic energy that make the impossible possible. With that comparison, then yes, the weapons are "Weak" but look what they go against. 

Lack of sleep, lack of food, physical pain and high demand of energy, alien hordes, nightmarish creatures, weapons of unfathomable destruction, low pay, and don't forget the Commissar with a boltpistol standing behind you; all of this and you continue you drive on. Fighting for the Emporer. Now if all of this does not make you the most couragous in the universe, PLEASE, tell me what does, because I need to convert now. 

Ok. I am done ranting for now. I would love to hear some opinion and rebuttles on this. But be forewarned.....we have Marbo....:biggrin:


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## when in doubt shoot! (Oct 19, 2008)

Hahahaha, oh wow. Snap. It's a mans life in the guard :biggrin:


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## chromedog (Oct 31, 2007)

It's a game.
Some people take it Waaaaaaaaay too seriously.

Lighten up a tad. 


Besides: Sisters of Battle are the MANliest army in the game.


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## Genenku (Apr 22, 2010)

chromedog said:


> It's a game.
> Some people take it Waaaaaaaaay too seriously.
> 
> Lighten up a tad.
> ...


Sorry, got bored and wanted to rant. And they are pretty butch. =P


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## Azezel (May 23, 2010)

chromedog said:


> Besides: Sisters of Battle are the MANliest army in the game.


I was going to make exactly that point.


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## Chumbalaya (May 17, 2010)

Cool story, bro.


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## Genenku (Apr 22, 2010)

thanks, get went on a rant and couldn't stop lol


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

I wouldn't call the tyranids shooting laughable considering that they shoot at you with live ammo that eats it's way through you.

But yeah, the guard are the manliest army out there, just because of what they face and still charge forwards to meet it head on.


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## The Sullen One (Nov 9, 2008)

You make some good points there mate. The Imperial Guard are easily the underdogs of the galaxy, which is why I might start my own Guard army next year.

Anyway for more of my thoughts on the men (and the odd woman) of the Imperial Guard, check out the following link:

http://www.thebestwargame.com/warhammer-40k-armies/warhammer-40k-army-overview-imperial-guard


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## hungryugolino (Sep 12, 2009)

Hey, who let the Cadian whiteshield near a vox-caster? Meethinks they've read too much Uplifting Primer... :grin:


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## Genenku (Apr 22, 2010)

hungryugolino said:


> Hey, who let the Cadian whiteshield near a vox-caster? Meethinks they've read too much Uplifting Primer... :grin:


I literally lol'd when I read this. The funny thing is I LITERALLY ordered the actual Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer off of Amazon like two days ago. :biggrin:


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## Geist (Mar 9, 2010)

^Gotta buy that thing.

Dude, I completely agree with everything from the OP. The common man isn't given enough credit for facing everything a space marine faces with a flashlight and paper armour.


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## ItsPug (Apr 5, 2009)

Guardsmen Rock!

I believe Mark Twain hit the nail on the head with "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear."

Ergo IG are braver then SM because Marines cannot be brave because "They Shall Know No Fear":sarcastichand:


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## LordofFenris (Mar 10, 2010)

As an avid Space Marine player, (Salamanders, Space Wolves, and Sons of the Firemind), I must agree with the OP. The Guard are "mere humans", yet they face the galaxies most horrific creatures. They do this alongside forces far more protected and technologically advanced then them, and in most cases gain the respect and admiration of those forces. (At least with the SM). At one point, even Logan Grimnar Great Wolf of the Space Wolves was ready to rip apart an Inquistion force for detaining and forcing into hard labor the very colonists and Imperial Guardsman he found alongside in the first Armageddon war against Angron. The Space Wolves. Who hate EVERYONE!!! 

I think when you play an army and really get into it, you take on the mindset of the army you select. I have a 3 man team consisting of my Salamanders, my friends Black Templars, and my other friends Imperial Guard. The Guard player regularly puts his forces into the front with us, and sometimes even into situations I won't commit my Salamanders too. I so go Guard. My Space Marines will stand beside any Guard army against any xeno or heretic force!


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## Lucio (Aug 10, 2009)

Don't forget those big guns! Nothing I can imagine would be more uplifting than watching a salvo from a battery of basilisks hit home. Guard is awesome. My marines are honored to fight alongside them and happy to 'have a chat with' any trigger happy commissars.


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## LukeValantine (Dec 2, 2008)

On a side note I really believe chaos shouldn't be in the running for manliest army, since most of them became monsters to transcend fear and suffering. Hence no matter how many enemies they kill they really can't be said to be brave or tough since most of the resilience both physical and mental is granted by inter dimensional beings that are themselves without a concept of fear or true strife. 

So in other words I am willing to gladly say guard are manlier then chaos, just not even remotely as powerful or dangerous on a one to one (...well actually its often more like 1-1000) basis. After all guard are men, chaos followers are often quite literally monsters.


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## Genenku (Apr 22, 2010)

LordofFenris said:


> I think when you play an army and really get into it, you take on the mindset of the army you select. I have a 3 man team consisting of my Salamanders, my friends Black Templars, and my other friends Imperial Guard. The Guard player regularly puts his forces into the front with us, and sometimes even into situations I won't commit my Salamanders too. I so go Guard. My Space Marines will stand beside any Guard army against any xeno or heretic force!


I agree that you start taking on the mindset of the army you play. It makes the game so much more rewarding when you understand and start to care about your army. It makes each victory better, especially against heretics and daemons =D.


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## jasonfly (Feb 1, 2009)

+ it always pisses the opponent off when your puny guardsmen acheive something unbelievable (meaning killing something :biggrin


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## Genenku (Apr 22, 2010)

jasonfly said:


> + it always pisses the opponent off when your puny guardsmen acheive something unbelievable (meaning killing something :biggrin


I always throw a normal squad against my friends Greater Daemon in hopes that my "puny humans" take down that beast in an unbelievable wave of 6s rolled. I will do it one day, when that day comes, the killing model will have a new daemon head modeled under his foot =D!!!!


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## Masonicon (Dec 3, 2011)

Genenku said:


> :angry: This post is in response to the poll about the manliest race in 40K. I voted and found that the Imperial Guard is in third. In front of them is the Space Wolves. Really? Whatever. Now in first is Orc. SERIOUSLY? :ireful2: This has gone on for long enough and I shall not stand by watching the Guard be bashed no longer. It is an insult that FUNGUS is more manly that the Guard.
> 
> Imperial Guard.....a lot of you see them as weak weaponed cowards. In comparison to super humans, ancient alien races, and the like, I can see why. But in all truth, the Imperial Guard is the most couragous and relentless force in the universe, and no matter what, it can *not* be stopped.
> 
> ...


You forget Psykers(Normal Humans that simply gifted with Supernatural Powers) and Adeptus Mechanicus(normal humans with cyborg enhancements and body parts that their vehicles is Giant Robots) in this rant


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## Masonicon (Dec 3, 2011)

Also, this is the good reason I view Imperial Guardsmen(particularly Cadians) as my Punching Bags


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## ThoseKrazyKasrkin (Aug 2, 2011)

http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=&section=&global=1&q=40k+funnies#/d2b2zlj

Nuff said


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## spanner94ezekiel (Jan 6, 2011)

Genenku said:


> massive swarms of pussy


I got happy for a second there...


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## Masonicon (Dec 3, 2011)

ThoseKrazyKasrkin said:


> http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=&section=&global=1&q=40k+funnies#/d2b2zlj
> 
> Nuff said


Like it or not! Real Man wears Flak Armor and Wields Lasgun because Real Man have balls when fights with nothing but these


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## shaantitus (Aug 3, 2009)

jasonfly said:


> + it always pisses the opponent off when your puny guardsmen acheive something unbelievable (meaning killing something :biggrin


I have a meltagun armed stormtrooper who finished off a demon prince in cc. A memorable fellow with balls of steel.


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## LukeValantine (Dec 2, 2008)

I had a traitor guardsmen kill a chapter master with relic blade once....good times. That was the bravest nutter to ever walk the 40k universe if I ever did see a brave man (Plastic figurine) in my life.


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## Alsojames (Oct 25, 2010)

Let's not forget the Imp Guard have those nasty-as-hell Baneblades.


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## jaysen (Jul 7, 2011)

Why do people resurrect these year old threads?


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## Samules (Oct 13, 2010)

I think it happens when people google search and find a thread they like, then without noticing the date sign up to post a reply then often never come back. Seen it before. :biggrin:


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## Fire Lord (Feb 15, 2009)

> Why do people resurrect these year old threads?


 Who cares. It brought this thread to my attention. I read it. I am now complete after I read the line about "massive swarms of pussy." Made my day.


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## Bogg (Mar 2, 2008)

lol, i didnt even noticed the date until I +rep the OP for a good read! rofl


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## aboytervigon (Jul 6, 2010)

A guardsmen isn't brave he simply knows he will die so he evacuates his bowls and charges in to get one more thrill....It's that or shot in the head by your commissar.


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