# Heresy-Online's Expeditious Stories Challenge 12-03: Rebirth Voting Thread



## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

This concludes Heresy-Online's Expeditious Stories Challenge 12-03!

Congratulations to all of you who participated in this month's competition and making it a success! Thank you all as well, for helping to add colour to the already exceptional fanfic forum here on Heresy. Hopefully in the following months, we can continue to build up interest and maybe bring some more fresh blood to HO's fanfic forums.

Voting works as such:
Each reader (not just writers) can cast three votes, ranking them 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. Feel free to share your thoughts, comments, or brief reviews on the stories as well, since each of the writers worked hard to get their entries up.

Scoring works like this:
1st place: 3 pts
2nd place: 2 pts
3rd place: 1 pt

*When you vote, ensure that you vote in the following format:*
1st Place: Author, Name of Story, 3 pts
and so on.

Unfortunately, to prevent any possible dramas, you cannot vote for your own story. If you cast any votes, you have to cast all three, no picking a single story and nothing more.

Additionally, if you wrote a story, you must vote! As the competition grows, I think it is necessary to point this out. If you enter but do not vote, any votes for your story(ies) will not be counted.

By the end of the voting period, all votes will be tallied and a winner declared.

Once this winner is declared, the winning story will be placed into the Winning HOES thread which has been stickied in this forum.

Just to emphasize again, _you do not need to have written a story to cast your votes!_ The more people that cast their votes, the better!

The deadline for voting will be midnight US Eastern Standard Time *Saturday, 31 March 2012*. At that time this thread will be completed, the winner declared, and the new HOES topic for Competition 12-02 will be posted.

Here are the entries from HOES 12-03:


*Table of Contents*

Adrian - Thus the Song of Legend Sings

Jonileth - Endless Reflection

gothik - Starting Over

VixusKragov - In the Womb of the Warp

Davidicus 40K - The Cycle

andygorn - Blameless Skies

Serpion5 - Old Acquaintances

Dicrel Seijin - Iron Grot

Zinegata - A Boarding Action

Dave T Hobbit - Luck of the Dice

KjellThorngaard - Vulture Down
​Let the voting begin!


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## VixusKragov (Feb 21, 2012)

"Thus the Song of Legend Sings" and "Vulture Down" have the wrong links.


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## VixusKragov (Feb 21, 2012)

1st Place: Davidicus 40k, The Cycle. 3 Points.
2nd Place:Adrian, Thus the Song of Legend Sings. 2 Points
3rd Place:Jonileth, Endless Reflection. 1 Point.


KjellThorngaard- Great story, it's concept of him dying three times was very cool. One thing I recommend is spacing out your dialogue instead of having it in blocks, makes it a lot easier to read.

andygorn- You describe your settings and characters in amazing detail, though the use of underlining was a bit awkward, as a personal opinion. Loved the story.

Davidicus 40k- Loved it. Was confused at first, but as it reached the end it was awesome. Gave me chills thinking of that happening to someone.

Dave T Hobbit- Great story, very interesting in it's structure of flashbacks and present. Only criticism I had was I couldn't figure out how his skull got in his pocket. Unless it meant something else, in which case ignore this 

Zinegata- The character of Battle-Brother Felix was very interesting, loved his return. I liked how well you describe your characters through their actions- Pontius was very interesting.

Adrian- No critcisms. Very interesting story, definitely in the top places.

Jonileth- Same as Adrian.

All of the stories were very good and interesting, and any criticisms above are to offer my personal opinion and possibly help their authors.


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## jonileth (Feb 1, 2012)

1st Place- 3 Pts; Serpion5 - Old Acquaintances
2nd Place- 2 Pts; Zinegata - A Boarding Action
3rd Place- 1Pt; VixusKragov - In the Womb of the Warp

While all of the stories are excellent, these are the three that stood out to me for various reasons. A good showing by all!


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

VixusKragov said:


> "Thus the Song of Legend Sings" and "Vulture Down" have the wrong links.


Crazy talk, clearly the links work! *cough*


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## KjellThorngaard (Oct 4, 2010)

1st Place- 3 Pts; Davidicus 40k- The Cycle
2nd Place- 2 Pts; Dicrel Seijin- Iron Got
3rd Place- 1Pt; Dave T Hobbit- Luck of the Dice

I am loathe to critize in any way, but I will try, as I appreciate the critques given to me.

@Adrian Nothing really to say, I just thought it read more like story synopsis. So much was covered in so few words. Still it was a good read.

@jonileth Can't really criticize this. It is solid, just not my fav. *shrugs* Not even sure why not, as it is a good story.

@gothik Cool tale. I like that you didn't shy from tackling a Primarch tale in so few words.

@VixusKragov Well written story. No real criticism.

@Davidicus 40K. Not much. The concept was very good. I could feel that poor sods pain. Endless pain and rebirth. nice job.

@andygorn Not a bad read, just a little wordy at time. I tend to write the same way, so I can't say much. 

@Serpion5 A good story, though, to me, a bit incomplete. There is the potential treachery of Serpin, but I was unclear what actually happened in the end.

@DicrelSeijin What a good, fun story. And many props for even attempting to write a whole story in Ork. Poor grots. 

@Zinegata I liked your story, and the willing self-sacrifice that wasn't. Killing a demon to me is much harder and more costly, though, and I didn't feel it. My opinion only. I think this super-short has great potential for fleshing out. I did wonder why the sergeant was so willing to lose a potentially potent weapon so easily. 

@Dave T Hobbit Another good story. It is so 40K with a poor citizen getting screwed just for being. The line from the Mechanicus dude is priceless, too, about the rough dice. Silly Mechanicus drone.

All in all, some really cool little tales. I will definately be taking part in this little gem from now one.


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## Dicrel Seijin (Apr 2, 2011)

1st place: Davidicus 40K, “The Cycle,” 3 pts
2nd place: Serpion5, “Old Acquaintances,” 2 pts
3rd place: Jonileth, “Endless Reflection,” 1 pt


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## Davidicus 40k (Jun 4, 2010)

1st Place: Dave T Hobbit - Luck of the Dice - 3 points.
2nd Place: Serpion5 - Old Acquaintences - 2 points.
3rd Place: Andygorn - Blameless Skies - 1 point.

Comments:

Adrian - Interesting story, told with the exaggeration and embellishment of any good legend, but for me, a few things detracted from the overall quality. Mostly minor grammar error and word choice, but also a few discrepancies (at the end, did he find a hammer or a sword?). Overall, though, I liked it. I thought he would be grateful to Chaos for the answers it had provided, but instead, those answers just made him MAD!! Chaos fail.

Jonileth - Good ol' Grey Knights, and as good a reason for rebirth as any. Only in death does duty end... well, 99% of the time!

Gothik - Nice origin tale - Horus had it pretty sweet in his early days! - but grammar issues dragged it down for me.

VixusKragov - A nice reminder of the perils of the Warp.

Andygorn - You certainly have a gift for diction, and I liked the depiction of the temptations of eternal ecstasy (as well as the contradictory line at the end, "...as unfeeling as her God", since the whole appeal of Slaanesh is feeling - well, experiencing emotions). Just wondering, though, about your note at the end... "As ever, the words of my tales are mine, but I can't lay claim to the concepts or inspiration." I hope you mean that in a general sense, because I'd hate to think you were... "interpreting" someone else's idea :laugh:. I don't think you would, but the wording made me do a double-take.

Serpion5 - If the next HOES theme is "SLAUGHTER!", then you've set things up perfectly. Great writing, as usual, and a story that gives me respect and awe for all things Necron.

Dicrel Senjin - Always love dem Orks! Amusing story, especially the "One of the face-biter squigs for the upcoming kissing contest..." line. Made me laugh!

Zinegata - Exciting incursion to liberate a ship from the claws (and/or tentacles) of Chaos. Flowed smoothly and felt "meaty", even with the low word count limit. Liked it, but alas, I only have 3 votes.

Dave T Hobbit - A very important reminder that machine spirits must not be angered, even when you're drunk. I definitely felt bad for the guy at the end! Gotta put you in first for originality and, well, he's reborn, but it wasn't exactly what he wanted or had expected.

KjellThorngaard - First, your name is tough to spell :biggrin:. Besides that, I guess it really sucks to be half-dead for that long. I'd talk to myself, too.

You guys are all to blame for making it difficult to vote this month! Ah well, it's a good problem. Hope it happens again.


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## KjellThorngaard (Oct 4, 2010)

Davidicus, just call me KT. :grin:


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

There are a bunch of good stories here, and it is only with much difficulty that I narrow things down to my top 3 votes:

3rd (1 point) - "A Boarding Action" by Zinegata
2nd (2 points) - "Thus the song of legend sings" by Adrian
1st (3 points) - "Luck of the Dice" by Dave T Hobbit


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## Dave T Hobbit (Dec 3, 2009)

Another tricky set to narrow down.

1st place: Davidicus 40k, The Cycle, 3 pts
2nd place: andygorn, Blameless Skies, 2 pts
3rd place: Sepion5, Old Acquaintances, 1 pt

I liked the futility of The Cycle; rebirth sounds positive, so making it a solely bad thing without forcing it appealed to me.

The question of how people fall to a chaos power has always intrigued me, and Blameless Skies described a believable answer.

The descriptions of the crypteks in Old Acquaintances really display their histories, which is great in such a short form.


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*My Votes*

1st place - Jonileth - Endless Reflection

2nd place - KjellThorngaard - Vulture down

3rd place - Serpion 5 - Old Acquaintances


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## Zinegata (Jan 25, 2012)

Thanks for the votes so far. I'm just finishing up reading all the entries and coming up with comments for each


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## andygorn (Apr 1, 2011)

*Trying to explain my posting*



Davidicus 40k said:


> Andygorn - You certainly have a gift for diction, and I liked the depiction of the temptations of eternal ecstasy (as well as the contradictory line at the end, "...as unfeeling as her God", since the whole appeal of Slaanesh is feeling - well, experiencing emotions). Just wondering, though, about your note at the end... "As ever, the words of my tales are mine, but I can't lay claim to the concepts or inspiration." I hope you mean that in a general sense, because I'd hate to think you were... "interpreting" someone else's idea :laugh:. I don't think you would, but the wording made me do a double-take.


Glad you liked it.

Re. "concepts/inspiration not my own":
I hope this isn't hubris, but I thought I'd maybe said in previous HOES/threads/etc, but happy to explain (as best I can).
Although I type them out, or physically put them onto paper, I don't actually 'write' the stories which I post (as in I sit down and imagine something or try to deliberately think about x situation or theme).

Instead, as far as I can tell, what I do is 'transcribe' the thoughts which come to me.
Sometimes, I might get no visions abut GW/WFB/40K tales/characters for ages...other times, I get swamped by them.

Because I'm not consciously thinking or concentrating upon them, I think the visions or the general stories don't actually come from me...they come from somewhere else (call it a Muse, or guidance/inspiration, or a 'bolt out of the blue', etc).

My words/language just tries to make sense of it all (sometimes it works, other times it doesn't - lol).
Because I only get snapshots and glimpses of the themes and ideas, all of my tales seem to be 'a small part of something bigger'.

However, the next thing I post might be a continuation of where the last one left off.
Or a previous time of those characters (either in the same place or somewhere else).
Or that world with different characters at an earlier or later point in time.
Or it might be something completely different and nothing to do with any of these.
But I don't have any control over what images occur to me.

For me, the stories are "100% inspiration, 0% perspiration".

I can't claim to have read everything by BL or fan fiction, but just to assure that I'd never deliberately/knowingly use anyone else's stuff (at least not without giving them full credit, or saying something like "this is based on character(s) from xxx story or person").

Hope this helps,
Andygorn.


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## Dave T Hobbit (Dec 3, 2009)

andygorn said:


> For me, the stories are "100% inspiration, 0% perspiration".


You lucky bastard.

Apart from the occasional spell of rapid typing most of my work is harder to get out than teeth.:ireful2:


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## Zinegata (Jan 25, 2012)

A note: I tend to judge entries based on their completeness as a _story_. As in having a beginning, a conflict, and a resolution. My rankings will sort of reflect that. 

1st Place: Adrian - Thus the Song of Legend Sings

Clear winner for me. A nice self-contained story about the makings of a legend. Nicely done.

2nd Place: andygorn - Blameless Skies

The transformation scene creeped me out a little, which means it accomplished what it's meant to do. But what made this piece a winner was the subtle nature of its conflict - like a corruption that hits you only when you realize you're doomed. Formating needed improvement though.

3rd Place: VixusKragov - In the Womb of the Warp

A tale of daemonic incursion and converting the crew into monsters. Nice that we have a bit of a struggle in there before the daemons take over. My only issue would be the use of the word "Engineer" - isn't there some other 40K analogue? 

========

Jonileth - Endless Reflection

I enjoyed the characterization of the GKs. Needed a meatier "conflict" though as I felt it was a little abrupt. Almost made 3rd.

Davidicus 40K - The Cycle

I enjoyed the concept. Needed a meatier "conflict" as well, but the twist was very interesting.

KjellThorngaard - Vulture Down

A great piece for a "trailer" material of sorts, but it really needed a bit more exposition. I felt it was a great scene but lacking in story.

Serpion5 - Old Acquaintances

A lot of detailed setup for the Necrons (a nicely done "Bro-Time" scene), but I couldn't give it a higher ranking as I felt it lacked a real conflict to keep the reader glued unless you're really into Necrons. 

Dicrel Seijin - Iron Grot

I am admittedly not a fan of Orks. And while there's conflict (mainly resolved through shock prodding), I didn't really see the point beyond "Orks being Orks". Sorry 

Dave T Hobbit - Luck of the Dice

A little hard to follow, and maybe I missed it but I felt that it was a bit lacking in the "conflict" department as well. See above re: "Scene vs story".

gothik - Starting Over

The Horus reveal was interesting, but I felt it was too much setup and not enough "story"


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## Dicrel Seijin (Apr 2, 2011)

Zinegata said:


> Dicrel Seijin - Iron Grot
> 
> I am admittedly not a fan of Orks. And while there's conflict (mainly resolved through shock prodding), I didn't really see the point beyond "Orks being Orks". Sorry


If I had Orks (and Gretchin) being anything other than Orks (and Gretchin), then that would be a problem wouldn't it?  And the conflict wasn't just resolved through shock prodding. It also involved neck crushing. Oh, and quite a number of Gretchin were killed through suffocation or crushing damage as well :biggrin: . 

And no worries, I know Orks aren't for everyone.


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## Dave T Hobbit (Dec 3, 2009)

VixusKragov said:


> ...I couldn't figure out how his skull got in his pocket.





KjellThorngaard said:


> The line from the Mechanicus dude is priceless, too, about the rough dice.


As KjellThorngaard says, it is supposed to be a die; in the pub they are playing Skulls and Coffins, a very simplistic gambling game. I was aiming for a parallel; both the die and Ibdah are flawed at the beginning and are fit for purpose at the end.



Zinegata said:


> Dave T Hobbit... A little hard to follow, and maybe I missed it but I felt that it was a bit lacking in the "conflict" department as well.


As Ibdah had a hangover and was undergoing surgery I was trying to evoke some of his confusion. As I knew what was going on, and did not want it too be obvious straight away, there was always a risk I would make it slightly too confusing, so this is useful feedback.

Whilst some people advise that a story must have a conflict I find the idea overly restrictive due to the unconscious connotations of "conflict". I favour an event-reaction model, which in this case was intended to be Ibdah starting with little knowledge and achieving understanding by integrating his returning memory and his body's experiences of the surgery.


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## VixusKragov (Feb 21, 2012)

Dave T Hobbit said:


> As KjellThorngaard says, it is supposed to be a die; in the pub they are playing Skulls and Coffins, a very simplistic gambling game. I was aiming for a parallel; both the die and Ibdah are flawed at the beginning and are fit for purpose at the end.


Oh! Well, that certainly makes me feel stupid. Very enjoyable story despite my inability to put together 2 and 2


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## KjellThorngaard (Oct 4, 2010)

No worries. The first time I read it I was wondering, too. Then a second read and I was smiling at the nice duality and the slightly hidden joke/reference. It is small things like that, IMO, that make a decent story great.


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## Dave T Hobbit (Dec 3, 2009)

VixusKragov said:


> Oh! Well, that certainly makes me feel stupid. Very enjoyable story despite my inability to put together 2 and 2


Do not feel stupid. If it was not clear it is an issue on my part caused by the word limit; my first draft was considerably over, so some areas became less explicit.


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## Davidicus 40k (Jun 4, 2010)

andygorn said:


> Although I type them out, or physically put them onto paper, I don't actually 'write' the stories which I post (as in I sit down and imagine something or try to deliberately think about x situation or theme).
> 
> Instead, as far as I can tell, what I do is 'transcribe' the thoughts which come to me.
> Sometimes, I might get no visions abut GW/WFB/40K tales/characters for ages...other times, I get swamped by them.


That's actually very cool, and I can say I experience a similar phenomenon, though not to your extent. Inspiration usually doesn't come to me unless I'm consciously brainstorming, but sometimes, I get that "A-ha!" moment and scrabble to write it down! Again, I never thought you'd use someone else's ideas, so I hope you didn't think that. Thanks for the clarification.


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## andygorn (Apr 1, 2011)

Dave T Hobbit said:


> You lucky bastard.


Lucky?
Yep, I'm forever in awe of the world and glad & realise how fortunate I am to be sharing it with wonderful people like yourselves here at HOES, Heresy and Planet Earth in general.

B******?
Yep, 'fraid so. But I try to pay it no mind, because I'm not going to be able to find my parents (whoever they are) or meet up with them (wherever & whenever they might be). I wish them well, but it's no 'big deal' for me anymore.



Davidicus 40k said:


> That's actually very cool, and I can say I experience a similar phenomenon, though not to your extent. Inspiration usually doesn't come to me unless I'm consciously brainstorming, but sometimes, I get that "A-ha!" moment and scrabble to write it down! Again, I never thought you'd use someone else's ideas, so I hope you didn't think that. Thanks for the clarification.


No problemo (realised I probably owed people a bit of an explanation anyway).
As long as I can remember, I've always been fascinated by hearing about how other people 'write', or 'transcribe', or otherwise just put stuff down into words.
I'm not trying to say there's a 'right' or 'wrong' way, btw, all I'm saying is it's "horses for courses" and (IMHO) really important for people to find (& know) whatever works for them.

That's part of the reason why I like HOES so much (+ muchos kudos to people here):
Everyone gets the same theme, but then there are so many different slants, styles and really good surprises which all always make for enthralling reads.

Will try to get my own votes down tomorrow night (Friday) when I'm not as tired.


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## Dave T Hobbit (Dec 3, 2009)

andygorn said:


> Lucky?
> Yep, I'm forever in awe of the world and glad & realise how fortunate I am to be sharing it with wonderful people like yourselves here at HOES, Heresy and Planet Earth in general.
> 
> B******?
> Yep, 'fraid so. But I try to pay it no mind, because I'm not going to be able to find my parents (whoever they are) or meet up with them (wherever & whenever they might be). I wish them well, but it's no 'big deal' for me anymore.


An excellent riff on my comment.


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

1st: The Cycle - Davidicus 40k = 3pts

2nd: Blameless Skies - andygorn = 2pts

3rd: Luck of the Dice - Dave T Hobbit = 1pt


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## andygorn (Apr 1, 2011)

Really good stories, all. Hard to pick favourites, but here goes:
1st (3pts) = VixusKragov "In The Womb Of The Warp"
2nd (2pts) = Davidicus 40K "The Cycle"
3rd (1pt) = Dicrel Serjin "Iron Grot"
Many thanks for sharing all these tales, I know I'll keep revisiting them in the future.


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

Gothik PMd me her votes earlier in the week, I suck for not getting them posted sooner.

Here are gothik's votes:

1st Place: Dave T Hobbit's "Luck of the Dice" - 3 points
2nd Place: Davidicus 40K's "The Cycle" - 2 points
3rd Place: VixusKragov's "In the Womb of the Warp" - 1 point

I'm tallying up all the votes even as we speak...


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

And a crushing victory for HOES 12-03!

*Third Place:* - 9 points
Serpion5's _Old Acquaintances_

*Second Place:* - 11 points
Dave T Hobbit's _Luck of the Dice_

and the undisputed winner!
*First Place:* - 19 points
Davidicus 40k's _The Cycle_

Congratulations to Davidicus 40K for absolutely kicking everyone's collective butts! A well deserved win, mate!

I'll pass out the rep for the entries and winners then get 12-04's thread posted. Thanks again everyone for making March awesome!


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

Once again, it's the month of the Daves. Or at least, Dav-s.

Next month is _Annihilation_, eh? I think I can do something about that...


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## Davidicus 40k (Jun 4, 2010)

Thanks for the votes everyone! Good competition. I don't think I "crushed" anyone because it was tough to pick only 3 stories, lol. Sounds like Mossy's ready for April, though...


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

It was tough to pick only 3 stories--which is why your story getting almost twice as many points as the next competitor is a mark of significant accomplishment.


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*Hi*

Great job Davidicus. I know how hard it is to win around here. I won my first two contests and I said, 'Oh yea! This is easy.' :biggrin: But since then ... uke:

The stories are getting better, so the win is well deserved. :so_happy:


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## VixusKragov (Feb 21, 2012)

Congrats Davidicus! Well-deserved! 

Great job to everyone with their stories. Looking forward to April's.


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## Zinegata (Jan 25, 2012)

Congrats to the winners and thanks for the votes I got. 

I like the nice topic for the next HoE too.


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

For the next "Heresy-Online's Expeditious"? :wink:


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## andygorn (Apr 1, 2011)

Well done winners and all, thanks for people's votes for me, too.


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

Gratz all and thanks! :victory: 

Man I'm gonna struggle with an annihilation themed story. :crazy:


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

:shok:well done all winners there were some great stories this month...hmmm tough one this next one


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## Dave T Hobbit (Dec 3, 2009)

Mossy Toes said:


> Once again, it's the month of the Daves. Or at least, Dav-s.


As it should be: Dav is the best phoneme.:laugh:


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## KjellThorngaard (Oct 4, 2010)

congrats to davidicus and thanks to all who read my story.


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## Dicrel Seijin (Apr 2, 2011)

Congratulations to the winners. 

Annihilation, huh?


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