# a warhammer 40.5k parody- the emperor is finaly revived



## surreal-mind (Oct 11, 2008)

my friends and i are planning on making a parody on warhammer 40k called warhammer 40.5 - return of the emepror (deliberate starwars clash there), in either a comic or flash.

basicaly the emperor wakes up and he is given a run through of whats happend since he has been stuck in the golden toilet.

one scene is (will probably be smoother when we make it)

EMPEROR: ok so how has the spacemarine project been going?

INQUISITOR: we are finished sir they are perfect

_walks past a room of defect spacemarines, one is chasing a cat, one is licking his bolter another is running around in circles._

EMPEROR:*flat annnoyed look*... did you add the intelect chip?

INQUISITOR: the wha- oh right that sure why not...

EMPEROR:*sighs*

any ideas and C&C?


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## Crimson_fists (Oct 19, 2008)

Why not gather the imperium and lead it on a crusade through the eye of terror? Or Secretly be the chaos god Tzeentch, in an unexpected plot to destroy the imperium?
(How do you wake up if your a rotting corpse?)


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## surreal-mind (Oct 11, 2008)

its just a comedy, its ment for laughs not a long lasting series


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## officer kerky (Jun 12, 2008)

i dont really help with brain storms.

but what you got so far seems very good.

hahaha space marine licking his bolter *BANG blows head off*


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## Crimson_fists (Oct 19, 2008)

Okay then, being dead for that long and then going through the process of coming back has left him 'disabled' in the mind and highly confused. Maybe he decides he dosn't like being the emperor and goes to khorne........The emperor changing sides..........
Cheers
:drinks:


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## surreal-mind (Oct 11, 2008)

lol nice, i am making marneus calgar the retarded one, (think marneus picking his nose)


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## officer kerky (Jun 12, 2008)

he has to pick his nose with the gauntlets 

and any eldar farseer a geek with big glasses bloody nerds


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## surreal-mind (Oct 11, 2008)

yeah thats the point lol

and lol on the farseer nerd ill tell my friends


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## Crimson_fists (Oct 19, 2008)

how do you stick a huge metal fist into your nose? That would keep him busy for a while, and not throw any apocalyptic temper tamtrams....
Cheers
:drinks:


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## surreal-mind (Oct 11, 2008)

he forces it in lol, then has to call for an apocthery


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## Crimson_fists (Oct 19, 2008)

Sounds like a bloody mess.....
Cheers
:drinks:


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## officer kerky (Jun 12, 2008)

the emperor is walking past a room with an inquisitor and the curious emperor looks in 

and finds

2 squads of imperial guard playing football (gridirne, rugby so on what ever) and 1 guardsmen drops the ball to find out its a tyranid spore mine.


or with marneous that sounds painful


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## Tyrain (Oct 16, 2008)

surreal-mind said:


> he forces it in lol, then has to call for an apocthery


LOL, then after he starts cleaning his ear with his little finger and pushes it to far :laugh: *slight rise in voice* "Help... me.... plz?!" (We dont like him)


Only thing that concerns me Surreal my friend, is flash or Comic... If we did it in Comic, it would be easier but wouldn't b able to put all the stuff we wanted into it... but if we did it in flash, it will be twice as hard, but we can put more stuff into it... not sure yet tho... so yeah. 


Josh


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## Vanchet (Feb 28, 2008)

This talk of the Emperor returning just made me realise that Russ is the 40,000 Indiana Jones (At least where he is there's no Martians )


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## Crimson_fists (Oct 19, 2008)

I say you do it in flash, yeah it'll be harder, though nothing worth doing is easy.
Ha! Indiana in 40k. A martian is an allien, lots of thoose then.
Cheers!
:drinks:


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## Wolf_Lord_Skoll (Jun 9, 2008)

How bout the emp calling his primarchs back. They come back, but totally screwed. Rogal is handless, Corax had lost it, Lion has also lost it etc. Imagine the look on the emperors face :shok: :biggrin:


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## Crimson_fists (Oct 19, 2008)

He'd be pissed! I know i would....
Cheers!
:drinks:


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## surreal-mind (Oct 11, 2008)

we mention the primarchs lol, and even talk about the two missing primarchs

it will go something like:

EMPEROR:So where is Kate and James

INQUISITOR:Who?

EMPEROR:...the primarchs

INQUISTOR: OH! you mean the lost primarchs!

EMPEROR: the wha- YOU LOST THEM TOO!!!!

he is refering to how they lost the STCs


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## Crimson_fists (Oct 19, 2008)

LOL! How about he lost his short term memory and can't remember the horus heresy?

Emp: So how's Horus doing?

Inquisitor: You killed the traitor

Emp: Wha? When was that? When he become a traitor?

Inquisitor: Before you died, he fell to chaos.

Emp: Holy F*@K!

Cheers!
:drinks:


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## Wolf_Lord_Skoll (Jun 9, 2008)

Haha, nice. I'd expect he'd be pissed at the religion they made as well. If you make a flash one, or a comic, make sure you send it round. Should be great. In fact +rep just for the idea!


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## Crimson_fists (Oct 19, 2008)

Same here! + rep!
Cheers!
:drinks:


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## Crimson_fists (Oct 19, 2008)

Make sure you send it to me too! I'd love to see it!
Cheers!
:drinks:


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## surreal-mind (Oct 11, 2008)

thanks =D

dont worry when we are done the first one we will put it up here, right now we are thinking of doing it as a flash =D (as i own the entire adobe cs3 suite and manga studio i am equiped well enough for it, it will take a while though )


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## Vanchet (Feb 28, 2008)

Hehehe
High Lords-"THE EMPEROR'S BACK!!"
Emp-"Have you been winning like I told you too?"
HL-"Eeerrrrr"
*Emp Lokks at the results in the past*
Emp-"You guys are so fired -_-"
HL_"O_O;;;"
Emp-"WHERE THE HELL ALL MY COOL STUFF GONE!?!? MY PRIMARCHS, EXPERIMENTAL TITANS AND MY VAST AMOUNT OF SYSTEMS!?!?!"


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## marcch (Apr 1, 2008)

What if the emperor is a 12 year old farm boy from Ontario. He wakes up and has to milk cows, go to school etc... he can only take care of the imperium stuff when he's sleeping?


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## shas'o_mi'ros'kai (Jun 16, 2008)

how about when the emperor sees a tau?

Emp: what the hell is that thing? *looks at tau*
Inquisitor: Its a tau...
Emp: a what? how big is their empire?
Inquisitor: they own the eastern fringe...
Emp: oh, you are soo fired...
Inquisitor: 0.0
Emp: I GOT TO SLEEP FOR 10000 YEARS AND I FIND THIS THING TAKING OVER THE GALAXY!?
Tau: Want to join the Tau and help us with the furtherence of the Greater Good?
Emp: *whispers* This thing fucking scares me, including that thing over there! *points to Kroot devouring an IG corpse.*


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## Deneris (Jul 23, 2008)

The God-Emperor begins to stir as a strident 'beeping' noice arises deep in the machinery of the Golden Throne. With a groan from ages past he slowly raises one arm and begins fumbling with the inner workings of the throne, as if looking for a key system. With a grunt of titanic effort, he withdraws a small device with a digital read-out on the front. He brings the device up to his face, and with a whispered curse, turns to one of his Custodes and says...

"Who forgot to set my alarm? I HATE it when I oversleep, and now I'm REALLY late..."


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## officer kerky (Jun 12, 2008)

i gots another one.

the emperor is walking with an inquisitor lord.
inquisitor " my lord these are very dark times"
emperor "why yes it is"
inquistor and emperor keep walking and talking.
blah blah blah......
inquistor "do you want me to turn the light on"
emperor "that's better"

:victory:


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## surreal-mind (Oct 11, 2008)

lol there are some good ones there i think will be put in (dark times, overslept(awesome were using it +1 rep =D), space marine football)

we are going to refer to tau as the "walking fish"

soemthing like this

EMPEROR: Man this is fucked up bad...

Inquisitor: just wait until you see the walking fish

EMPEROR: huh?

*change scene to a pimped out hammer head with the bass up high and a kroot half way done eating a imperial guardsmen*

EMPEROR: *angry/stunned look*... what the fu-

kroot runs past with a space marine arm and a spacemarine with one arm behind yelling "HEY give that back!!!"


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## Netganks (Oct 16, 2008)

man this comic/flash is going to be awsome when you finish it nice work.


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## Asamodai (Oct 19, 2008)

I think some random inappropriate flirting and mild sexual harrassment of Sisters of Battle would definatly be in order. Emperor's gotta have a thing for girls with guns.


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## Tyrain (Oct 16, 2008)

We also have an idea about the Alpha legion. 

3 alpha legion units are sneaking up on these marines, then pull their pants/armour (watever!) down and gasp :shok:
Marine: Wat?... The genetic engineering didn't affect u guys? 
Marine 2: Now i can see why u guys turned chaos


ANd another one for the Necrons:
Full rave party inside a monolith with the "Dr. Roboto Music"
*Necrons doing the robot*


And one more, paying out the ultramarines... again. Another scene where the failure of implanting the intelligence booster into the Geneseed has screwed around with how the Marines think:

marine 1: OK! We need to infilitrate the Chaos Forces and learn of their plans!
marine 2 and 3: OK!
*all make bull horns with their hands and sneak up to the chaos forces*
Chaos marine 1: ... shuold i kill them or should u?
Chaos marine 2: no... i have a better idea. U three, i want u all to take these charges... and plant them on the Space Marine Main HQ, u got it?
Marines: YES BROTHER!
*Marines run off with charges*
Chaos marine 1: F***ing idiots....
*marines plant it*
Marine 2: Alright! .... wait...
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!*

Josh


PS: Thnx guys, ur involvement and comments and everything has given us more ideas and can now fill in a bit mroe time. :good: 
Keep the ideas coming =D


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## officer kerky (Jun 12, 2008)

more like nuns with guns.

if you dont want to be offended dont red this:

emperor: woa what that.
rhino drives past *pshhhhhh* hydrolics lower the pimped out rhino. inquisitor is drving all pimped bling and everything. sisters of battle in the back.
a second later the rhino roof rack closes over and the tank starts rocking.
emperor starts to get mad. shouts "what are you doing!"
inquisitor looks out the window and puts a sign up "if tha rhino's a rockin dont come a knockin"
emperor shakes his fist and leaves "i want that." leaves room sulking


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## comrade (Jun 30, 2008)

Emperor- "So.. whats up with our technology, where are we at?"

-Custode leans towards the Emperor and whispers something-

"WTF?!?!? Why in the hell did you let a bunch of brain degenerating loons hold all the tech... wait.. did you say we have gotten WORSE over the fucking centuries?!?!? Your all fucking fired, all of you."


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## surreal-mind (Oct 11, 2008)

The joke in censoured writting is great, its in, so are some aspects of the degenerate loons (no ones getting fired , kinda ends a lot of jokes and adds in needless time of saying why they wern't actually fired)

keep it up guys this is going great =D


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## shas'o_mi'ros'kai (Jun 16, 2008)

Emp: I hope the exterminator is doing his job in getting rid of the bugs in the galaxy
*inquisitor points to area of hive fleet kraken*
Emp: ... oh you are so fired... and that exterminator too!


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## Red Orc (Jun 14, 2007)

You could make the "You are so fired" a running joke/catchphrase. A bit like your equivalent of Darth Vader constantly executing Admirals in the first/4th Star Wars movie (man I really don't know how to refer to them any more).

Kinda depends on how you want your Emperor to be. I see him as a bit like Ricky Gervais. "Ooh, you are so fired!" in a slightly West-country accent (replace with country specific 'unsophisticated rural dweller accent' of your choice). But then he doesn't or if he does the next person has to be fired minutes later.

The point is he must be pretty disappointed with the way his Empire turned out. In fact, I'd think he'd be ****ing livid. But a big ragey Emperor wouldn't be half as funny as a weedy, quite crap and ineffectual one, called Norman or Derek or something, because the whole Imperium would still have to worship him.

And he should do stuff that really pisses of the Administratum. Like inviting the Eldar over to play Risk. And demanding improbable biscuits or toast and getting Inquisitor Lords or Cardinal-Generals and the like to cut the crusts off.

Maybe he should be a mutant.

"Well fellers, Oi've had a long toime to think about it, and Oi've deceoided, Horus was roight after all..."

:kinda thinking out loud cyclops:


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## Dessel_Ordo (Jul 28, 2008)

Have the Emperor walk past a shrine to himself... and either worship at it or kill everyone in sight.

Walks past some Sisters of Battle, the mob-rape him (virgins for the emporer... who is finally up and about :mrgreen::no


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## Tyrain (Oct 16, 2008)

Hey Guys!

Just a heads up, by about next weekend, i should have finished a quick little trailor for it. I'll put it up when i finish it! :good:

Josh :biggrin:

PS: KEEP IT COMING GUYS!


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## surreal-mind (Oct 11, 2008)

we are keeping the emperor himself as a normal sort of guy (the sort of guy you dont hate or like that much, not a lot of charisma really) and everyone else as fucktards


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## officer kerky (Jun 12, 2008)

emperor sits down on a chair and thinks. 'hmmmmm'
inquisitor "we have an intruder"
emperor "well kill it stupid"
inquisitor "i cant"
eldar fasrseer comes in looks at emperor through thick glasses.
emperor "your fired *points to eldar* and you are to inquisitor"
inquisitor "that's are enemy"
emperor "fine inquisitor you're hired, kill it then you're FIRED!"
eldar "don't do it. i know stuff you don't.
BANG eldar drops dead.
inquisitor "stupid bloody nerd they never learn."


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## Crimson_fists (Oct 19, 2008)

Lol! Good one! +rep
Cheers!
:drinks:


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## shas'o_mi'ros'kai (Jun 16, 2008)

wat about the orks, surely they need a role in this escapade.

*loud music blasts out of a local Da Boyz Hut*
Emp: OI, TURN THAT DARN MUSIC DOWN!
*Orks headbang to the hit single 'WAAAGH!'*


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## surreal-mind (Oct 11, 2008)

yeah they are in this, but we dont really have any material for them, any other help on them would be good =D


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## TattooedGreenMan (Nov 4, 2008)

You have to do something with Nids. Something like:

Emp: Did you at least take care of the bug problem?
Cust: Wetried sir but they are over running the empire.
Emp: Did you at least try the bug spray I left you?
Cust: You mean that big can out back of the Imperium? The one with the big black flag on it?
Emp: Yeah, that's it. Did it have any effect?
Cust: Well, er... we thought that was special bio juice for our marines.
Emp: You idiot don't tell me you injected my marines with bug spray! What effect did it have on the men?
Cust: Well sir, How can I put this? It made them believe they were smart enough for strategy.
Emp: *smacks hand to forhead* What happened?
Cust: We lost Mac Cragge to the bugs and then Black Reach to the Orks and lost half the empire to the Tau and half of our own to Chaos.
Emp: *Rubbing temples* You are so fired! *pulls out laspistol and shoots cust right between the eyes*:taunt:


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## Crimson_fists (Oct 19, 2008)

Here's one for orks......

Emp: "You know that ork waaagh! that came out of the octavian empire, where is it now? 

Cust: "I beleive they took an industrial planet a few weeks ago, then just stayed there........

Emp: "Wouldn't they have moved on?"

*Ork rides a roller coaster down an the industrial pipes, screaming Waaaaaaaaaaaaagh!*



The sisters of battle act like high schoolers, talk about the emperor and asking him out. :laugh:


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## muffinman82 (Oct 29, 2008)

you got to put some comment the emperor makes about his coffin looking like a gold plated toilet!:laugh:


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## Abbo (May 30, 2008)

Emp: Explain it to me one more time...
Inq:Well some time after you were wounded, there were the first 4 inquisitors, they had a choice: either too let you work in the golden throne, or to revive you, using a new technique....
Emp: And they chose to let me rot there, sucking 1000's of souls everyday like a leech because...?
Inq: Unknown, maybe they hated paperwork...


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## Marneus Calgar (Dec 5, 2007)

surreal-mind said:


> lol nice, i am making marneus calgar the retarded one, (think marneus picking his nose)


Oh... Thanks...


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## shas'o_mi'ros'kai (Jun 16, 2008)

Marneus Calgar said:


> Oh... Thanks...


Lol

another idea

Emperor: Why is it called the eye of terror?


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## Air Meister (Nov 19, 2008)

lol sounds like a laugh


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## kholek09 (Feb 4, 2009)

1)how many inquisitors will this need?!!?
2)how about this:
(emperor and inquisitor walk into a room. suddenly tyranid leaps out in)
inq:what the fu-
(takes out his gun)
emp:WAIT!
(claps his hands and tyranid comes like a dog, wagging its tail)
(emp starts to rub its chest)
emp:awwww... its cute!
inq:erm....sir... thats a tyranid.you know, the all devouring evil alien bugs?
emp:no its not. its ...i'll call it kissy woo!
inq:but sir.... those things kill and eat us!
emp:you have a problem with my kissy woo?
inq:well.....erm... yes.
emp: you're fired! kissy woo....KILL!
( tyranid leaps at inq and starts eating him)


:laugh::laugh::laugh:


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## Joshau-k (Jan 31, 2009)

You should definitely include a battle scene.

space marine fires heavy weapon at enemy
Empra: Where'd that huge energy beam go?
inq: Just wait a second
marine rolls dice
projectile suddenly reapears to hit enemy
empra: The Frak? How'd that happen and why isn't the enemy dead.
inq: we still have two more dice rolls to go before that happens, and still its not guaranteed to kill him. This dice thing may not be the most efficient but increases profits but 2.3%.
Orkz rush in rush in and obliterate the marines
Marine: Noooo, but we haven't even rolled the <bleh>

Also another idea to add in somewhere
empra: Stuff this place, i'm going back to bed for another 1000 years.


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## Col. Schafer (Apr 15, 2008)

How about the emporer in a defeated tau city. 

Marine(retarded):"ooh shiny! Whats this do?"
EMP: "That is a shield drone. It dosent really do much."
*drone shoots the marine dead*
EMP:... Ok, its a gun drone.... They dont really do much.
*Drones swarm around the emporer*
EMP: I'm quite sure that they told me that tau technology was inefective...


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## Joshau-k (Jan 31, 2009)

Another idea.

emp: How have the space marines been doing?
inq: Exellent sir, they have reclaimed many worlds from xeno and heretic alike.
emp: We've lost worlds?
inq: Well we did halve the guard budget to fund the marines, and the marines are only good at reclaiming world in cool sounding crusades.
emp: <facepalm>


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## Col. Schafer (Apr 15, 2008)

Oh! I have another one!

EMP: So, you guys been useing those STC's I left lying around?
Adept: Yes! Lasguns are now produced in the billions, and the imperial guard make good use of them!
EMP: ...Come again?
Adept: Uh, lasguns, the guard use them their week but reliable?
EMP: Still dont folow you, never heard of a lasgun.
Adept: These things.
EMP: Thats a laser pointer from the toilet's gift shop. 
Adept: What? That cant be true, this technology is the basis for the imperial guards weaponry!
EMP: Wow, that sucks. Your fired.


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## Joshau-k (Jan 31, 2009)

crowd: All hail the god emperor
Emperor: You guys have been reading WAY too many Frank Herbert books.


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## shas'o_mi'ros'kai (Jun 16, 2008)

Emperor: So, lemme get this straight. You're the Blood Ravens
Gabriel + Thule: yep
Emp: you have no idea how your chapter began?
Gabriel + Thule: Yep
Emp: you've released a dangerous daemon onto the imperium?
Thule: Gabriel's fault
Emp: aaaannnnd each and every time you guys go on a crusade which has Orks in it, you always miss one Ork, which is the reason why you go onto other crusades, AND YOU STILL CANT KILL ONE F***ING ORK!
Gabriel + Thule: ...yeah...
Emp: *sigh* *rubs temples* you're both fired... Wait.. since when were you in a dreadnought?


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## Dafistofmork (Jan 9, 2009)

maybe have one of the primaches return, but he thinks hes an ork. russ would be best IMO.


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## Inquisitor Einar (Mar 6, 2009)

*Emperor meets sisters...*

The emperor and the inquisitor walk past a cathedral, several sisters of battle look at them and mumble to eachother, gigling and eyeballing the emperor.

EMP: Who are they?
Inq: The Adepta Sororitas, milord.
EMP: The Adepta who?
Inq: Adepta Sororitas, the Sisters of battle. They are the militant arm of the ecclesiarchy. Since after the age of apostacy, they couldn't have men under arms, they recruited Vandire's old bodyguard the brides of the emperor.
EMP: Wait.. since when am I married?
Inq: Actually, he renamed them as such, originally, they were called The Daughters of The Emperor, when he found them.
EMP: He wouldn't happened to have found them on San Leon, would he?
Inq: Why yes sir, how did you know?
EMP: And howmany of them are there now?
* The Inquisitor councils his lexmechanic that begins rattling of some numbers *
Inq: Well, based on the number of planets in the empire, the number of shrines and default deployment, added to that the ecclesiarchy worlds, and ofcourse Ophelia VII and Terra's main training centers.. Hmm about 9 million sir.
EMP: Ohhhh Shit...


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## Dafistofmork (Jan 9, 2009)

EMP:so, how is the eldar/human aliance going then?
inq: uh...
EMPkay, how about the ork/human aliance?
inq:um...
EMP:do we have any allies at all?
inq: ah...


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## kholek09 (Feb 4, 2009)

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:


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## Dafistofmork (Jan 9, 2009)

glad to see i can make people laugh.


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