# ork related jokes



## GiftofChaos1234 (Jan 27, 2009)

heres one to start

3 orks are walking along breaking things when they come to a waterslide with a deamon of chaos there. they stop and the deamon says: what ever you yell out while going down the slide will appear at the bottom for you.

the first ork says ok and slides down and in the middle he yells out "lotza Beer!" sure enough there are 2 barrels of beer at the bottom. he happily wanders off with one under each arm.

the 2nd ork yells "lotza teef!" (ork money) and sure enough there is "lotza teef" at the bottom. he wanders off thinking he is a pure genius because with the teef he can buy lotza beer instead of just wishing for beer.

the final ork is immensely stupid. even for an ork. so as he slides down the slide.

"WEEEEEEEEE!!!" :laugh:


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## Lupercal101 (Jan 26, 2009)

a orks walks into a bar. the bartender is human and has never seen an orks before so craps his pants and two S.W.A.T teams and almost the entire FBI are sent to kill him.

get it?


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## Crimson_fists (Oct 19, 2008)

Lol. Yeah Lupercal101, I got it, though I think it might have worked better with a commisar or something. 

You ever hear about the one about an intelligent Ork? No? Oh, wait-that's right, that never happend...:laugh:

What do orks say when they go on a roller-coaster?
:mrgreen: Waaaaagh!


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## Sangus Bane (Jun 17, 2009)

Its green and overly aggresive...


a green wrestler...

what? you thought it was an ork?


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## Inquisitor Einar (Mar 6, 2009)

An Eldar, a space marine and an orc walk down the road, suddenly a demon appears before them.

'Think only truth, lest ye be destroyed!'

The Eldar thinks 'My race is the eldest of races, hence we are the most intelligent'.. and passes.

The Space Marine thinks 'I am a superhuman soldier, dedicated to ridding the universe of any threat against the emperor.'... and passes.

The orc thinks... AND GOES SPLAT!


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## Sebi (Mar 3, 2009)

How many Gretchin are needed to change a light bulb?

Dunno... the BigMek is still scewing in the first on.


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## Inquisitor Varrius (Jul 3, 2008)

Sebi said:


> How many Gretchin are needed to change a light bulb?


I would've gone with: Dunno... as soon as the SAG Mek comes to hand them the bulb, they run.


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## Khorothis (May 12, 2009)

Orc Boyz - If they aren't solving all your problems, you simply aren't using enough.

If Orks can turn asteroids into ships by sticking engines to one end and a cockpit to the other, then can they make a "Deff Star" out of a planet?

If the Tyranids consumed every Ork, would we have green Carnifexes with Big Klaws screaming WAAAGH!!! at you?


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## thomas2 (Nov 4, 2007)

The Orks are entrenched in fortifications on a battlefield when they here some shouting from the enemy trenches.

"One Space Marine is worth 10 Orks" So the orks cant let their 'good' name be slandered so the Boss sends ten orks to run to the enemy trench shouting "ere we go". After a couple of minutes the orks here a voice shout " One Space Marine is worth 50 orks". So the Boss sends fifty orks charging towards the enemy trenches. Ten minutes later a voice shouts " One Space marine is worth 100 Orks". So 100 orks charge into the enemy trench on the Boss's orders. 15 minutes later a solitary ork returns and reports to the Boss that " They cheated boss, there was two of um!".


I went into my bookmarks and dug up probably the most complete 40K jokes thread (on a different forum) ever created. How many Ork jokes? Just this one. Alright, there was one other but it's already been posted, just slightly differently so I'll put it in spoilers for those who don't want to see the same joke twice.


An Ork, Space Marine and Eldar are walking down the road. They see a Chaos portal that has a sign on it. It says: 'say what is true or be sucked in'. The Space Marine says: "I think I'm the bravest" and walks past safely, the Eldar says: "I think I'm the most agile" and walks past safely. The Ork says: "Me thinks..." and gets sucked into the portal.


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## Col. Schafer (Apr 15, 2008)

The shooting phase. HAHAHAHAHA!!!


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## Tim/Steve (Jan 25, 2009)

Col. Schafer said:


> The shooting phase. HAHAHAHAHA!!!


LMAO- thats the first one I actually laughed at


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## Col. Schafer (Apr 15, 2008)

I'm glad you liked it.


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## Wolfgang_Molder (Mar 3, 2008)

How do you sink an ork sumbmarine? 

Knock on the door

How do you sink the second ork Submarine?

Knock on the door, they'll open a window and scream "WE'S NOT FALLIN FER DAT ONE AGEN!"


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## GiftofChaos1234 (Jan 27, 2009)

good job folks hope to hear some more i need some orky humour to lighten my day (god dammed assignments!)


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## Azkaellon (Jun 23, 2009)

What Did The Lictor Say After Eating a Warboss?

"Dis Green Thing Ain't Sitting So Well"

Get it????

Anyone???


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

Witch King of Angmar said:


> What Did The Lictor Say After Eating a Warboss?
> 
> "Dis Green Thing Ain't Sitting So Well"
> 
> ...


...
Not really.
Unless you're insinuating that he's so big he needs to sit down in the Lictor.


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## Azkaellon (Jun 23, 2009)

Winterous said:


> ...
> Not really.
> Unless you're insinuating that he's so big he needs to sit down in the Lictor.


Sigh...Lictor's Eat there enemy's brains to try to gather information......aka eating the warboss made it Retarded.


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

Witch King of Angmar said:


> Sigh...Lictor's Eat there enemy's brains to try to gather information......aka eating the warboss made it Retarded.


OOoooooooOOOooOooooOOoh!
They don't actually eat the brains though 
They just 'absorb' information, probably detecting the neural impulses, and navigating their synapses.


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## Azkaellon (Jun 23, 2009)

Winterous said:


> OOoooooooOOOooOooooOOoh!
> They don't actually eat the brains though
> They just 'absorb' information, probably detecting the neural impulses, and navigating their synapses.


Still Enough Dumb in an orks brain to make a farseer's head explode.


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

Witch King of Angmar said:


> Still Enough Dumb in an orks brain to make a farseer's head explode.


Wait...
Since when did 2 + 3 = WAAAAAAGH...?


Oh well, he's still tasty *crunch*


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## Dafistofmork (Jan 9, 2009)

Col. Schafer said:


> The shooting phase. HAHAHAHAHA!!!


you have obviously never been on the reciving end of 25 lootas before. 75 s7 ap4 shots anyone?
now thats an ork joke!

i have just rolled 75 dice, and got 27 hits-enough to wipe out anything short of a combined guard squad or a full terminator squad, and thats what the waaaagh is for! [insert evil laugh here]


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

Dafistofmork said:


> you have obviously never been on the reciving end of 25 lootas before. 75 s7 ap4 shots anyone?
> now thats an ork joke!
> 
> i have just rolled 75 dice, and got 27 hits-enough to wipe out anything short of a combined guard squad or a full terminator squad, and thats what the waaaagh is for! [insert evil laugh here]


That IS assuming you roll a 3 for shots


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## Tim/Steve (Jan 25, 2009)

A 400pt unit should be able to do something... but killing 7-8 marines even when you get lucky with the number of shots doesnt seem all that good to me.


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## Inquisitor Einar (Mar 6, 2009)

I think the only way Orks can actually seriously hit something, is if they use burna's and pie plates.


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## Lord Khorne (May 6, 2008)

These Imperial Guardsman are holding out a Fortress from the Orks when they finally run out of ammo. Then the commander orders his troops to pretend to fire at the Orks and say dakka-dakka whenever they shoot. The commanders aid asks why they should do this, as it sounds ridiculously stupid. The commander tells his aid that whatever the Orks believe that will happen WILL happen. And sure enough as the first line of soldiers yell 'DAKKA DAKKA!!' the Orks begin to explode. The soldiers were cheering but then one gretchin, who believes that he is invincible runs to the trenches, jumps in and kills every last guardsman.


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## Inquisitor Varrius (Jul 3, 2008)

@Einar: Or other huge templates, such as, I don't know, ICBM's... but those gretchin pilots are unreliable at best.


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## Inquisitor Einar (Mar 6, 2009)

That's because Grot Guided Missiles rely on the suicidal tendencies of a grot.


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

Inquisitor Einar said:


> That's because Grot Guided Missiles rely on the suicidal tendencies of a grot.


Which just so happen to be minimal.
They rely less on their suicidal desire, and more on their logical thinking.


> Hmm, I seem to find myself in a bit of a Pickle if I do say.
> No matter what I do, I'm going to die.
> If I land thing thing, I'm going to explode, quite a quick and painless death when you think about it.
> If I somehow manage to escape, either by jumping off at low altitude or landing it in water, then I'm more than likely to be shot to death.
> ...


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## englanda (Dec 2, 2008)

Whoa whoa whoa. The ork shooting phase is no joke. 15 lootas get an average of 30 shots, which is 10 hits. Show me one other unit in the game that can get 10 S7 HITS at 48 inches reliably. Sure, sometimes you might only get 15 shots, but that's still 5 S7 hits. And don't get me started on shoota boyz.

Now, the ork movement phase, that's just fun for everybody! And guess what? Once you move your 180 guys 6", you get to move them d6" next phase! How great is that?!

How about another joke.. oh yeah, 6pts for a t4 model with a 4+ cover save! HAHAHA! Take that 16pt marine.


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## Azkaellon (Jun 23, 2009)

Winterous said:


> Wait...
> Since when did 2 + 3 = WAAAAAAGH...?
> 
> 
> Oh well, he's still tasty *crunch*


LOL!:biggrin:


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