# The long Hold- Behind enemy lines



## Resistance443 (May 10, 2008)

As the 101st company marched, so did the opposing forces... A mission set to be completed by no other means. To infiltrate enemy lines and cause havoc, we wished it would be that simple. But as the bright star of our ship disapeared we knew what the real mission was... our comanders didnt want us to fufil a request of the emperor, no... it was to get rid of the emperors right hand. A company so vast that the last soldier who stept into combat would look at a site of an obliterated enemy. Obviously our comanders thought such a formidibal force so loyal to the emperor would be dangerous to them if any form of war between the emperor and his pupils began. But this time it was different, there was no way that reinforcements were coming. But as the sun rose we saw the extent of horor. The other loyalist companies, bones and dust. This was the happening... the planet of death, were great companies were sent to die. Knowing that by dark the tyranids would be upon us we took arms, ready to fight...to die for the emperor. Even if any of us made it off the god forsaken planet, it would be with empty clips and comrades on our backs. If the tyranids wanted a fight then they would have to work for it...soon the bullets fired and the screams began but soon we had lost the battle and as the final survivour took the flag that we carried so valiantly he lept into the enemy ranks and plunged the pole through the tyranid comander. Soon they were upon the sargent and with his last breath he yelled..."For the emperor"...


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## vacantghost (Feb 16, 2008)

Lacks realism, but okay story i guess.


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## TrentLanthier (Apr 28, 2008)

Its not bad needs a bit cleaning up and for me there is way too much use of the word "Soon"

Since 4-5 things are happening "Soon" you could just use link words .. then, after, etc.



> If the tyranids wanted a fight then they would have to work for it...soon the bullets fired and the screams began but soon we had lost the battle and as the final survivour took the flag that we carried so valiantly he lept into the enemy ranks and plunged the pole through the tyranid comander. Soon they were upon the sargent and with his last breath he yelled..."For the emperor"..


If the Tyranids wanted a fight they would have to work for it, it wasn't long before the bullets started firing, then the screams of pain started, the battle was brief and the champions of the emperor were overwhelmed. The Sgt looking around seeing a lost cause raised up the Chapter Flag and charged the invading horde. Leaping over the first line of enemies, the Sgt plunged the Chapter Flag into the Tyranid Commander, standing over the still warm corpse of the lead alien, the Sgt pulled out his chain sword he started it, while pulling out the Chapter Flag. The Sgt gave one last scream "FOR THE EMPEROR!" as he charged into to a living wave of Claws and Teeth.

Not saying I'm any better but you can definitely try and pull more out of your idea's and not be so brief on descriptions.


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