# The Dark Angel



## spanner94ezekiel (Jan 6, 2011)

Eh, just something new I've been playing with. This is the opening scene, so plenty more to come.



> Running.
> Just keep running.
> Through the streets, a dark shadow flickers overhead.
> Just keep running.
> ...


Any good for a first attempt? Or should I stick to my day job?


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## Old Man78 (Nov 3, 2011)

It is a bit short to make a ruling on mate to be honest, you could flesh it out a bit maybe, I can see where you are going with the whole fear of being hunted and building tension, I'd like to see more if you have it. And so I can compare, what is your day job?


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## Insanity (Oct 25, 2011)

I would very much enjoy reading more.


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## spanner94ezekiel (Jan 6, 2011)

It's only the intro, hence the shortness, but I plan for it to actually be quite a long story. Though at the moment I'm still working out characters and plotlines - this was a taster as such.

Thanks for the encouragement from you both though, and for reference my job is actually just a full time student.


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## Gret79 (May 11, 2012)

I liked it

I got the urge to shout/growl "I'm BATMAN" at the end...but that'll go away once there's more I think


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## spanner94ezekiel (Jan 6, 2011)

:laugh: Yeh, I was a bit worried it would turn out like that, but hopefully as the story progresses it'll become more unique.


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## Old Man78 (Nov 3, 2011)

I was not thinking batman, I was thinking something creepy 40kish, like the guy trying to get away from something nasty in a bladerunner esque hive city, as for your job as a full time student you can do whatever you like, it is like a perk!


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## Dave T Hobbit (Dec 3, 2009)

The staccato, almost chopped-off sentences convey fear and running well; I suggest following it with a scene using longer more complex sentences (possibly a flashback to a safer time before he started running) to provide emotional contrast.


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

will wait to see the rest of this, before i say owt, wont be on for a bit after friday as its moving day for us so hope to see a bit more when i get back on


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## spanner94ezekiel (Jan 6, 2011)

> "Upon Caliban, at the time of greatness,
> Stood two brothers, each an enigma.
> For the favour of the Lion
> And the glory of Mankind they fought,
> ...


That's the last part of the introduction/setting as such, so will be followed by the crux of the story. However, I'm away from Friday for 10 days or so, so I won't be able to post any updates until I get back.


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## Old Man78 (Nov 3, 2011)

Gooood ,gooood, I like that, I like it a lot Mr Spanner, looking forward to more


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