# First short story



## Mindlessness (Dec 22, 2009)

This is my first attempt at writing 40k fiction or even fiction in general...
*warning* Contains some foul language :grin:

The Broodlord sniffed. The stench of its prey hung heavy in the air. Its arms twitched in anticipation. It had been tracking this squad of lost humans for two days, observing their strengths and weaknesses. Its waiting had paid off, they had stumbled into a small marsh, perfect for an ambush. 

“Another fucking marsh” Groaned Lorenzo as he tripped on another fallen log.
“Shut up Lorenzo, want to give our position away?” Hushed Marley
“You two quit your bitching” Shouted the Sarg.

A low growl was heard some 20 meters ahead of the teams current position. The squad dropped to their knees and raised their lasguns, ready to unleash a barrage of lasfire on whatever showed its head next.
“Lorenzo, move up, check the noise!” Commanded the Sargent “The rest of us will give you covering fire.”

Lorenzo walked up to the spot carefully. Sweeping left, then right with his lasgun, no one flinched as he let off a couple of warning shots on whatever moved. He turned back around to face the squad, giving the okay sign with his hands.

“Nothing he-” His voice was cut off as a red chitinous blade, slashed Lorenzo's jaw from the rest of his head, a crimson spray covering the rest of the platoon. The rest of the squad barely had time to register Lorenzo's death before the Broodlord was on them. Its claws ripped the sargents head from his body before he could pull up his chainsword in time. It dived on Marley next, biting into his neck and severing his jugular, he bled out before he hit the ground. Lasfire erupted all over it's body
no-one seeming to find a weakness. He moved at lightning speed, a blur in the peripherals of your vision. His rending talons sliced a soldiers arm from his body, his screams filled the air, as he slowly bled to death. The last guardsmen tried to out run it, his attempts futile as the Broodlord easily caught him, and ripped him apart with his diamond hard claws.

The Broodlord, now finished with his prey moved on, finding more victims for their inevitable slaughter...


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## Commissar Ploss (Feb 29, 2008)

its not bad at all.  i quite enjoyed the story. Please keep writing, can't wait to read more of this or another story of yours. For your first time writing you are doing a good job.

Commissar Ploss


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## Mindlessness (Dec 22, 2009)

Thanks 
I'm trying to write a larger story based around this broodlord. Have a minor case of writers block though =/


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## Commissar Ploss (Feb 29, 2008)

Mindlessness said:


> Thanks
> I'm trying to write a larger story based around this broodlord. Have a minor case of writers block though =/


Perhaps this article will help.  

http://www.heresy-online.net/forums/showthread.php?t=38711

have a read through the "Writer's Circle Discussion Index" thread in the Original Works forum (this one) its a sticky'd post at the top. They are articles i've written about various subjects to help you with your writing. I try and recommend them to new authors whenever they are having trouble.

cheers, the link is to one about writer's block. :wink:

CP


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## Mindlessness (Dec 22, 2009)

Thanks again. 
I'm thinking about, a squad of inquisitorial stormtroopers investigating a lost space hulk that has resurfaced, its infested with 'nids. 

Trying to see if I can link this story to the new one though....


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## Mindlessness (Dec 22, 2009)

Okay, I thought I'd try and improve on the original, added a few bits here and there, took some bits out, all the general stuff :victory:

The Broodlord sniffed. The stench of its prey hung heavy in the air. Its arms twitched in anticipation. It had been tracking this squad of lost humans for two days, observing their strengths and weaknesses. Its waiting had paid off, they had stumbled into a small marsh, perfect for an ambush. 

“Another fucking marsh” Groaned Lorenzo as he tripped on another fallen log.
“Shut up Lorenzo, want to give our position away?” Hushed Marley
“You two quit your bitching” Shouted the Sarge.

A low growl was heard some 20 meters ahead of the teams current position. The squad dropped to their knees and raised their lasguns, ready to unleash a barrage of lasfire on whatever showed its head next.
“Lorenzo, move up, check the noise!” Commanded the Sargent “The rest of us will give you covering fire.”

Lorenzo walked up to the spot carefully. Sweeping left, then right with his lasgun, no one flinched as he let off a couple of warning shots on whatever moved. He turned back around to face the squad, giving the okay sign with his hands with a massive grin on his face. 

“Nothing he-” His voice was cut off as a red chitinous blade, slashed Lorenzo's jaw from the rest of his head, a crimson spray covering the rest of the platoon, his body hitting the ground with a sickening crunch. The rest of the squad barely had time to register Lorenzo's death before the Broodlord was on them. With a long tearing sound, the Sargent's screams where cut off as his head was torn from the rest of his rugged body. Crimson blood splattered all over the creature, making it seem even more intimidating as it dived onto Marly next, biting into his neck and severing his jugular, he bled out before he hit the ground. Lasfire erupted all over it's body no-one seeming to find a weakness. He moved at lightning speed, a blur in the peripherals of your vision. His rending talons sliced another soldiers arm from his body, his screams filled the air, as he slowly bled to death. The last guardsmen tried to out run it, his attempts futile as the Broodlord easily caught him, and ripped him apart with his diamond hard claws.

Its red eyes glowered as it feasted on the remains of its prey, letting out a satisfied growl as it bounded off into the swamp, searching for more prey.


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