# Heresy-Online's Expeditious Stories 10: Deliverance Voting Thread



## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

This concludes the Tenth Heresy-Online Expeditious Stories Competition!

Congratulations to all of you who participated in this month's competition and making it a success! Thank you all as well, for helping to add colour to the already exceptional fanfic forum here on Heresy. Hopefully in the following months, we can continue to build up interest and maybe bring some more fresh blood to HO's fanfic forums.

Voting works as such:
Each reader (not just writers) can cast three votes, which works quite conveniently as there are only three stories, ranking them 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. Feel free to share your thoughts, comments, or brief reviews on the stories as well, since each of the writers worked hard to get their entries up.

Scoring works like this:
1st place: 3 pts
2nd place: 2 pts
3rd place: 1 pt

*When you vote, ensure that you vote in the following format:*
1st Place: Author, Name of Story, 3 pts
and so on.

Unfortunately, to prevent any possible dramas, you cannot vote for your own story. If you cast any votes, you have to cast all three, no picking a single story and nothing more.

Additionally, if you wrote a story, you must vote! As the competition grows, I think it is necessary to point this out. If you enter but do not vote, any votes for your story(ies) will not be counted.

By the end of the voting period, all votes will be tallied and a winner declared.

Once this winner is declared, the winning story will be placed into the Winning HOES thread which has been stickied in this forum.

Just to emphasize again, _you do not need to have written a story to cast your votes!_ The more people that cast their votes, the better!

The deadline for voting will be midnight US Eastern Standard Time *Saturday, 29 October 2011*. At that time this thread will be completed, the winner declared, and the new HOES topic for Competition 8 will be posted.

Here are the entries from HOES 10:

Adrian: What price can one put on deliverance?

gothik: Deliver Us from Evil

ThatOtherGuy: The Thing

C'tan Chimera: Barry's Last Broadcast

Brother Emund: The Emperor Protects

Taliesin: Deliverance

Todeswind: Savage

Andygorn: Upon Brotherhood...

Shogun_Nate: From the Depths of despair I cry to you, O Lord

VulkansNodosaurus: From Oneself

As a reminder, you don't need to have written a story to cast your votes! Any and all Heretics are more than welcome to check out the stories and cast their votes for their favorites. Feedback on the stories (whether just the ones that have earned your votes or all of them) is always greatly appreciated by the authors and more than welcome as well.

Now get voting!


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## VulkansNodosaurus (Dec 3, 2010)

I've mentioned several times in past contests how hard it has been to choose the winning story, or how good all the entries were, and I'll mention it again here. This contest really had above-average quality, IMO.

3rd Place: C'tan Chimera, Barry's Last Broadcast, 1 pt.

Good in many ways; certainly Exterminatus was a somewhat original interpretation of the title, yet comprehensible enough. Well-written and quite persuasive.

2nd Place: Todeswind, Savage, 2 pts.

Not sure how closely this relates to the topic; but the execution was great, as was the emotional side. Felt darker than most stories here, though I don't exactly know why.

1st Place: Taliesin, Deliverance, 3 pts.

Interprets the topic well with the two meanings, but also emotionally wonderful. Can't say much more on this, though.


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## Taliesin (Apr 26, 2011)

1. C'Tan Chimera: "Barry's Last Broadcast"

Simply amazing. The form reinforced the character of Tarin and creates a splendidly realistic effect. It even manages to cover for a plot-situation that even in the 40k universe would otherwise be a little fantastic and require some more in-depth explaining. The whole story was simultaneously hilarious and terrifying; an absolute spellbinder. 

2. Todeswind: "Savage"

A very, very richly descriptive story, and excellent use of metanarrative lends the lizardmen an even greater aura of exoticism. For some weird reason I kept thinking that this was the GrimDark version of Mark Twain's "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court." Kudos for that.

3. VulkansNodosaurus: "From Oneself"

Excellent execution, a nice smooth plot arc complete with surprise twist at the end, and good characterization. It is very difficult to fit all three things into a 1000 word story. A few minor flow-breaking hiccups in the dialogue and word choice were all that held it back.

**Edited for commentary and readability**


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*Hi*

1st C'tan Chimera: Barry's Last Broadcast

2nd Brother Emund: The Emperor Protects

3rd Andygorn: Upon Brotherhood...

Great stories, but these are the ones I liked the most this time around.


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

1st thatotherguy the thing 3pts
2nd Adrian what price on deliverance 2pts
3rd Andy Gorn upon brotherhood 1pt


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## C'Tan Chimera (Aug 16, 2008)

1. *Deliverance by Taliesin:* This was the rare case where I saw a portray of Space Marines that actually appealed to me. I usually see them as arrogant, close minded, jerkoffs who want to do nothing more than raze everything that isn't insanely loyal to the Imperium. Here though, you did something much more. Here you painted them in a way where all that went away. They seem genuinely strong, but most importantly, they feel tested. I see a lot of strength, but many scars that might genuinely hurt or even burden them with each day of waiting. Strength and service taking its toll even on the mightiest, who do feel pain and great doubt, but they suck it up and wait on regardless, even if it means becoming loathed by many others. 

You made them human. Worth well more than just 3 points, but that's all I can give. 

2. *From Oneself by VulkansNodosaurus:* This was a surprisingly fun read. There was a conflict in the characters early on, and it only intensified with the twist at the end- I genuinely did not expect Chaos Marines to show up! This was a story with two characters taking different approaches to solving the conflict, and it turned out great. - 2 points

3. Oh man, I'm so torn on the third, but indecisiveness apparently cost me a near victory awhile back in Contagion so I'm going to suck it up and let it loose. 

*What Price Can Be Put on Deliverance? by Adrian:* This was cool, straight up. I almost never give the demons of 40k much thought, but here you gave them the spotlight with some truly horrific detail. The Governor could be forgiven for cracking under that sort of pressure. - 1 point

*
Honorable Mention: The Thing by ThatOtherGuy*. I love John Carpenter's The Thing. I love 40k. The Thing would go with 40k like peanut butter and jelly, Siskel and Ebert, pickup trucks and tailgating.



Well done, guys! :victory:


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## Shogun_Nate (Aug 2, 2008)

1. Andygorn, _Upon Brotherhood..._, 3pts.

Awesome story. Absolutely loved the Titan angle and you get bonus points for picking my favorite legio! :biggrin:

2. Todeswind, _Savage_, 2pts.

Love the Lustrian angle. I found it hilarious at the end when the supposed 'deliverance' backfired! 

3. gothik, _Deliver Us from Evil_, 1pt.

Another lovely tale set in the Fantasy universe. Well done!

All were great but these three really captured the essence of 'deliverance' for me. Wonderful job all around folks!

Good luck and good gaming,

Nate


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## andygorn (Apr 1, 2011)

I don't know how you do it, but the writing here just keeps getting better and better.
Loads of different takes on the theme and really hard to choose.

*1st (=3pts) = Taliesin: Deliverance*
I thought this really captured the essence of this Chapter of dutiful Marines very well. For the deliverance idea, I also got an impression of these Marines were actually _hoping_ for the Primarch to come and save them from something.
"and they shall known no fear" is great...to a point...but then there's other things which only a Primarch can accomplish/solve, even if they can't acknowledge it.

*2nd (= 2pts) = Adrian: What price can one put on deliverance?*
A real mystery as to who the psyker is and what would he demand in return - a cracking read.

*3rd = C'tan Chimera: Barry's Last Broadcast*
I really got an impression of "overrun world" from this and a lone guy spitting out his fury at events, but still upstanding enough to hold onto his duty and trying to get his message across of "kill this thing for me".

All in all, really characterful writing from everyone here & thanks for sharing your skills.


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## Todeswind (Mar 2, 2010)

1st: Taliesen: Deliverance

2nd: Adrian :What price? 

3rd: C'Tan Chimera: Barry's Last Broadcast


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## C'Tan Chimera (Aug 16, 2008)

So... You guys ever plan on posting the results?


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*Hello?*

Boc... where are you man? We neeeeed you! The sheep are left with no direction.


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## Taliesin (Apr 26, 2011)

Baaaaaaa.....Baaaaa..... *munch munch munch* Baaaaa....


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

Maaaaa-ah-ah-ah. Maaaaa. *nibbles earlier posts*


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## C'Tan Chimera (Aug 16, 2008)

Hello? Anyone? I mean, baaaaa


baahaaaaa-haaaa


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa - woof woof - uh 0h someone left the cybr mechanicum dogs out.....baaaaa for your lifesssssssss - (i have been oding on Walking dead comics i do appologise)


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## Taliesin (Apr 26, 2011)

DEPLOY THE LEGIO CYBERSHEEPICA


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

Many apologies for the delayed response, I've been in the woods for the past 3 weeks shooting cannons, and unfortunately this last week was at a location where I had no cell reception...

Anyways, congratulations to the winner of HOES #10!

*1st Place:* Taliesin's _Deliverance_ - 12 points

*2nd Place:* C'tan Chimera's _Barry's Last Broadcast_ - 9 points

*3rd Place:* Adrian's _What Price Can One Put on Deliverance?_ - 7 points

Thanks again to all who participated and made this competition a success, great stories all!


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## C'Tan Chimera (Aug 16, 2008)

Ah, you counted the extra vote that came after the deadline- no worries though, I loved Taliesin's story. Congrats man, pushing aside technicalities, the vote says what people thought and hell, if that wasn't deserving of a win I don't know what was!:good:


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*Hi*

Taliesin, good job. - Adriank:


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## Taliesin (Apr 26, 2011)

Thanks, guys. I'm glad you had as much fun reading it as I had writing it -- I'm incredibly flattered. Everyone else's stories were pretty freakin' awesome too. 

I can't wait to get working on the next HOES.


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## Todeswind (Mar 2, 2010)

C'Tan Chimera said:


> Ah, you counted the extra vote that came after the deadline- no worries though, I loved Taliesin's story. Congrats man, pushing aside technicalities, the vote says what people thought and hell, if that wasn't deserving of a win I don't know what was!:good:


Actually speaking of this is there any realistic way that we could vote in a less public manner? I'm not going to lie it was kind of painful to vote, knowing that my votes were taking my own story out of the running.

Could we vote via PM in the future? I see it as potentially getting too tempting to fudge the results in your own favor.


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## andygorn (Apr 1, 2011)

Well done Taliesin, C'tan Chimera and Adrian.

All the general stories (including the HOES ones) are great reads and the fiction here is nothing short of inspirational.

If these were published, I'd gladly be forking out some of my hard-earnt £ for them, as (IMHO) they beat Black Library things for quality and characterisation. 

I'm not sure if I can actually make my own stories any 'better', but people's criticism and ideas always make me want to at least _try_ to 'raise my writing game'.

My thanks to Boc for bringing me into the light over here @ Heresy.

Good luck to everyone in the next one & I'm looking forward to it already.


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

it is addiictive this hoes thing....well done Taliesin


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*Hi*

Actually public voting is the best way. Even though I would love to vote for myself (because I'm kinda bias since unrealistically I think my work is better then everyone elses since I wrote it) public voting keeps me honest and forces me to read everyone's stories.

It also keeps everyone else honest. If a story is not as good as someone elses but is voted on in a P.M. we would not know who allied with someone else.

Public voting keeps the coward away since every vote we do puts our names on it and everyone sees it. 

There are times when the stories are so good that I do not know which is better. When that happens I take in the grammar and smoothness of the pieces presented and make my decision based on that. 

Now, when will the new contest begin and what word do we need to focus on?


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## Todeswind (Mar 2, 2010)

Adrian, you seem to have missed my point. Clearly this isn't something that I'm guilty of doing, but all of us can count.

If we can see who has received votes for what it and by whom is a matter of simple arithmetic to vote for stories that other people haven't in order to get a winners slot. There isn't any reason why it shouldn't be public *after* the results are in, but there isn't much of a reason for anyone other than BOC to see what the results are before the votes are counted.


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*Hi*



Todeswind said:


> Adrian, you seem to have missed my point. Clearly this isn't something that I'm guilty of doing, but all of us can count.
> 
> If we can see who has received votes for what it and by whom is a matter of simple arithmetic to vote for stories that other people haven't in order to get a winners slot. There isn't any reason why it shouldn't be public *after* the results are in, but there isn't much of a reason for anyone other than BOC to see what the results are before the votes are counted.


Got ya.

Boc, give us a word so we can get started on the next contest, please.


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

Ask, and ye shall receive...


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