# Dark Angels Short Story



## HOGGLORD (Jan 25, 2012)

*DA short story*

I just found out about this sub-forum. Enjoy!

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Zathos lowered himself behind a wall. He knew they were close. He looked briefly over the edge of the broken window, judging the distance. Four meters down. He could make it. He stood and took a few steps back readying himself for the jump. Suddenly he heard footsteps behind him. There were shouts and the thuds of heavy armoured footfalls coming up the stairs.

He levelled his bolt pistol and fired three consecutive shots at the supports on the doorway, the supports cracking and buckling under the pressure. Just as the first power armoured bodies came up into the doorway, he fired one final shot at the doorframe and it collapsed, crushing the warriors beneath five floors of Ceramite. It wouldn’t hold them for long, but it was enough. Enough to buy him a few minutes.

He turned and ran towards the window, turning his shoulder towards it as he leaped, his armour smashing through the lithe window frame. He landed on his feet, already running. Two of his assailants were firing from the window, bolts struck the floor around him. He turned back, firing his pistol in the general direction, still running, not sure whether or not his shot were true, nor did he care.

Another power-armoured warrior stepped out of a building to his right. The warrior spotted Zathos and began to level his bolter, but before he was half done, Zathos drew his chainsword and swung it, cleaving neatly through the soldier’s abdomen.

A shot struck his shoulder plate and he turned to see another solder holding a bolt pistol, his own chainsword held low in his hand. He shot again, but this time Zathos was ready and he dodged before running forwards, a knife in his hand. He lowered himself and skidded under a shot before leaping at the marine, forcing the knife into his opponent’s eye. Blood jetted briefly and Zathos kicked the sprawling body aside, already continuing his escape. As he left through the back door he dropped two grenades in the doorframe. The explosion collapsed the building and hopefully delayed anyone else inside.

He ran towards another building, seeing another opponent coming through an empty doorway. He twisted and leapt forward, smashing through the wall, right next to the warrior.

He ran through alleyways and rounded a corner into a huge square. In the centre was a figure in Jet-black armour, he stood alone and turned to face Zathos. 
The unfamiliar sensation of fear prickled down Zathos’ spine, he stepped forwards, his hood obscuring his darting eyes. He drew his chainsword and issued a wordless challenge. The figure nodded and stepped forwards.

The Black-armoured warrior shouted across the courtyard. “I am Interrogator-Chaplain Leontus of the Dark Angels chapter. You are a traitor and I am charged with absolving you of your sins. Will you admit you treachery and repent?”

“You know the answer to that, Chaplain.” Spat Zathos. He ran forwards, Blade raised towards the Chaplain, who remained motionless. A shot struck Zathos in the chest and he twisted away from it. Dark green armoured warriors were filing into the courtyard, bolters raised. 

Zathos looked around, seeing no way out.

“I have fought across a thousand battlefields, over four hundred years!” Spat Zathos. "I have battled alongside your Primarch, Lion El'johnson!"

there was a hiss of rage from the chaplain at the mention of the name of his patron and spiritual father.

"I have even set eyes upon the countenance of the Emperor himself!" Roared Zathos. "And yet you dare to face me?"

He looked into the chaplain’s soulless skull mask, there was no pity, no remorse in any of the Dark Angels’ faceplates.

He dropped the chainsword and the bolt pistol. Seven Dark angels warriors came forwards, slowly bolters still raised. Zathos' wrists seemed to flicker and two blurs spun from his fingertips. The knives embedded themselves cleanly in the throat of one marine and the stomach of another. A third Dark Angel stepped forwards and Zathos grabbed his outstreched arm, spinning him round with unexpected force. There was the unmistakeable sound of bones snapping and the ceramite plates of the warrior's gauntlet buckling under the pressure. Zathos kicked the marine down to the floor, before crushing the helmet and head under a mighty boot. A fist came from nowhere and struck Zathos on the head, he span and collapsed on his knees.

The Chaplain stepped forward, a set of heavy shackles in his hands. Two soldiers forced his wrists up to face the thick chains. Zathos stared into the eye sockets of the Chaplain. He opened his clenched fists.

Six small pieces of metal dropped From Zathos’ hands. The Chaplain looked down at them, then up at Zathos.
“Emperor curse you, traitor.”

The grenade pins clattered to the floor. The grenades on Zathos’ belt all detonated, ending the confrontation in a scream of fire.

All C&C welcome (provided it's constructive)

Merged threads - DTH


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## Insanity (Oct 25, 2011)

Interesting read, would be great if it were a longer story, had some more background on Zathos. I'm assuming he is a fallen angel? +Rep for the good read


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## HOGGLORD (Jan 25, 2012)

I could try and add a bit more backstory, I guess. Though I tried to keep Zathos' identity as shrouded as possible (at least the fallen bit) until the end.


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## spanner94ezekiel (Jan 6, 2011)

Looks good so far, and nice action scenes. +rep


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## HOGGLORD (Jan 25, 2012)

I added a bit of extra background+action, see what you think. 
C&C still welcome.
Enjoy!


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## Dave T Hobbit (Dec 3, 2009)

Excellent pacing; you have kept the action tight without omitting necessary details.

I also found the ending very satisfying.

There were two points when your style did not quite flow:

(1) _Suddenly he heard footsteps behind him. There were shouts and the thuds of heavy armoured footfalls coming up the stairs._ - "...behind him...." in the first sentence made me feel the footsteps are close, so it broke my mental picture when they were described as coming up the stairs.

(2) _"...not sure whether or not his shot were true, nor did he care."_ - I found the placement of the two verbs regarding his mental state on either side of the object of the sentence a little clumsy: it might read better as "...neither knowing nor caring whether his shots were true."


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## HOGGLORD (Jan 25, 2012)

Ok, how about this?
_Zathos lowered himself behind a wall. He knew they were close. He looked briefly over the edge of the broken window, judging the distance. Four meters down. He could make it. He stood and took a few steps back readying himself for the jump. Suddenly he heard footsteps from below him. There were shouts and the thuds of heavy armoured footfalls coming up the stairs.

He levelled his bolt pistol and fired three consecutive shots at the supports on the doorway, the supports cracking and buckling under the pressure. Just as the first power armoured bodies came up into the doorway, he fired one final shot at the doorframe and it collapsed, crushing the warriors beneath five floors of Ceramite. It wouldn’t hold them for long, but it was enough. Enough to buy him a few minutes.

He turned and ran towards the window, turning his shoulder towards it as he leaped, his armour smashing through the lithe window frame. He landed on his feet, already running. Two of his assailants were firing from the window, bolts struck the floor around him. He turned back, firing his pistol in the general direction, still running, neither knowing nor caring whether his shots were true..._


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## Dave T Hobbit (Dec 3, 2009)

HOGGLORD said:


> Ok, how about this?


Good stuff.:victory:


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## ExchangedHades (Dec 6, 2011)

Good read, just two questions.

A: The building is made of ceramite? I'm only asking due to the power armour of every Astartes warrior is made of the same stuff, rockcrete is the more commonly used building substance.

And B is a more personal question, where did Zathos make his name for you? Only wondering due to him being my Chaos Lord in both Warhammer Fantasy and 40k, and is my Midnight Fangs (Loyalist) Chapter Master...... <_< He has a rep at the local GW lol.


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## Pusser (May 26, 2011)

What he said, about Ceramite used for buildings...

Also:
I found it a bit amusing and then a bit confusing that he was afraid all of the sudden. It made me wonder for a moment wether he was Guardsman/human in power armor, or a Spacemarine.
"...And they shall know no fear"


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## Dicrel Seijin (Apr 2, 2011)

The pacing on this piece is rather good. For the most part, I enjoyed reading this.

Here are a few things I'll comment on.

Standardize what you are going to call the Dark Angels. You use warriors (which is OK) and soldiers (I think IG when I see this term).

The final combat I had some concerns.... 

What kind of knives did Zathos possess as they seem to ignore ceramite and usually only power weapons do that. Also consider that most versions of power armor have a gorget which specifically protects the neck from attacks such as the thrown knife one.

On the Dark Angels side, I have to wonder why they didn't switch to CCW when they closed in? And once two had been attacked, why didn't they just rush him? 

And finally, wouldn't the Interrogator-Chaplain's Rosarius have protected him from the grenade blast?


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## Dave T Hobbit (Dec 3, 2009)

Dicrel Seijin said:


> ...wouldn't the Interrogator-Chaplain's Rosarius have protected him from the grenade blast?


As he was fitting manacles at the time the blast could have been partially inside the field.

Of course it is written from the PoV of Zathos so the confrontation (and story) is over when Zathos dies whether or not the Chaplain survives.


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## HOGGLORD (Jan 25, 2012)

Ok
I'll change the ceramite thing, thanks for pointing it out.
Maybe fear is the wrong word, that will also get changed.
I'll drop the use of the term 'soldiers', it doesn't have the right feel. Though I didn't want to repeat my self by saying 'The Marines this, The Marines that.' which is why I varied a little.
There wasn't supposed to be anything particularly special about the knives. I meant them to hit only in places where the armour was weak (abdomen, eyes, throat) though evidently there are parts of space marine armour/physiology that I didn't know about. 
I think I failed to correctly write the last bit in a way that conveys the speed of the actions properly. He takes the last one as they are all closing in. I have no idea why they didn't switch to close combat, no time? Didn't think of switching to combat? ('Cause I sure as hell didn't) 
Tell me if I missed anything out and thanks for all the comments so far, they have made me think about this story in a lot of new ways.


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## Dicrel Seijin (Apr 2, 2011)

Dave T Hobbit said:


> As he was fitting manacles at the time the blast could have been partially inside the field.
> 
> Of course it is written from the PoV of Zathos so the confrontation (and story) is over when Zathos dies whether or not the Chaplain survives.


I hadn't considered the blast could have been inside the field. And yes, that is a valid point, it is from Zathos' POV.

@HOGGLORD: repetition isn't always a bad thing. But if you are looking for other terms to use other than "marines," you could use "Astartes."

It looks like you want to improve, the best advice I can give is just read the Black Library novels. They will help a lot if you want to write about the 40K universe. 

Read through the threads and you can find the authors that are held in esteem and the ones that are not. (I feel I should mention C.S. Goto as I read his work when I was just starting out in the hobby. His factual errors hindered my understanding and I had to read quite a bit more before realizing some of what he wrote about could not be considered canon.)


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## HOGGLORD (Jan 25, 2012)

I've read very few Black Library books, as my 'Local' GW is a good 45 mins away from me and I have little time to go. But I've just found a nearby shop that sells a few Black Library books, any specific ones I should go for?


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## Dave T Hobbit (Dec 3, 2009)

HOGGLORD said:


> I've read very few Black Library books, as my 'Local' GW is a good 45 mins away from me and I have little time to go. But I've just found a nearby shop that sells a few Black Library books, any specific ones I should go for?


My favourite of all time is Dan Abnett's Eisenhorn Trilogy, which is about the Inquisition.

If you are looking for something more lie a war story then Brotherhood of the Snake (SM) or any of the Gaunt's Ghosts (IG), both also by Dan Abnett are superb work.


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

Also, as a heads up, the majority of posts need to be in the standard text. Use italics to emphasize certain portions, but forum rules state that posts should be made in the standard font and style. I've edited your original post accordingly.


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## HOGGLORD (Jan 25, 2012)

Sorry, must have missed that when reading the rules, thanks.


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