# The Writer's Circle - Week #2 [Watch your Pace]



## Commissar Ploss (Feb 29, 2008)

*Writer's Circle – Week #2 [Watch Your Pace]
*
Welcome back to week #2 of the *Writer's Circle*. This week the discussion will be focused around pacing your story. I was once again flipping through the pages of a few back-issue “The Writer” magazines and came upon this intriguing article on pacing your story. Its written by Deborah Chester. She is the author of 38 novels, including “The pearls” and “The Crown” from Ace books, Deborah Chester teaches writing at the University of Oklahoma. Her work includes romance, young adult, science fiction and fantasy. Web: www.deborahchester.com

My face lit up when I saw that DC was the author of this article, she has been a big source of inspiration for me and many others who write in the sci-fi fantasy genre. And working in a library, as I do, her books are in constant circulation. That in itself is a testament to her prowess as an author. 

Lets get to the article shall we.

“Watch your pace” By: Deborah Chester from “The Writer” Magazine


> 'Watch your pace' Create a more engaging story by focusing on 5 critical elements
> 
> I used to live in horror of boring readers. As a result, I shot my characters through their plot lines like bullets,keeping them in trouble, barely letting them breathe before I plunged them into fresh difficulties.
> Eventually, I realized that in my rush to excite readers I was also shortchanging them. The constant zip of my prose often prevented people from savoring what should have been the best parts of my novels.
> ...


Before I had read this article, I must admit, I never really paid much attention to how I was pacing my story. Most of my work, it seems, is either narrative summary or dramatic action. Much to my displeasure, its almost entirely overwhelming. I like the ideas that Deborah Chester puts forth here in the above article with blending description, factual exposition, dialogue, dramatic action, and narrative summary. In accompaniment to this article she has a small “before and after” section as well separated by a box below the first page. It reads as such:

Before and After


> Losing the fizz
> 
> *DON'T BLAST* into action in your story at the expense of reader anticipation.
> 
> ...


As you can see, just using the narrative summary for that section is not very effective. However, if you combine a few different types of pacing in your story to slow down and extend important moments such as these, it gives the reader a better chance to catch their breath and take in the severity and importance of the situation. 

DC also gives us an additional section to benefit from with this article. There has been included a “workout” section. Don't worry everyone, shes not gonna make you do squats and wall-sits just to help you better understand pacing. Although its not a bad analogy...haha.

Here is the section I am referring to:

Workout


> *THESE EXERCISES* will help you improve your pace.
> 
> 1.Select a page or two from a published novel similar in theme or genre to your work-in-progress. Using colored pencils or markers, assign green for narrative summary, red for dramatic action, blue for dialogue, purple for description, and brown for factual exposition. Mark your selected pages, underlining each phrase, sentence or paragraph in the appropriate color. Observe the mix, or balance, of colors to see how the author controlled pacing.
> 2.Next, select pages from your manuscript and mark them with the same colors. Evaluate whether you have a balance of colors or are depending too heavily on one or two. This should help you determine which parts of your story need expanding and where you should consider cutting or summarizing.
> ...


Here is where I would like to open the discussion up to you all. 

Finish reviewing the article again if you would like as well as the Before and After and Workout sections. 

How do your stories fit in comparison with this article? What type of writing do you focus on the most? Are you centered around Narrative summary? Or perhaps Dramatic action? (i'm sure many of us are, seeing how the entire 40k universe was founded on “dramatic” action) What about dialogue, or description, or factual exposition? Do you have a balanced story? 

I'll start things off.

I've taken a look at my stories that i've posted here on Heresy. I've noticed that I tend to focus a lot on narrative summary or some slow description. Of course, if you read Chapter One of my novel “The Ghost of Iron” (link can be found on my userpage) you will notice that dialogue is the center of my story. I'd like to say that this is because I've introduced so many new characters in the first chapter that it was only right I include enough dialogue to say hello and explain my characters better. However, this may just be an overzealous attempt on my part to include every character in the story as best as I can. 

With this articles help, I've been able to see different ways to add dimension to my story while still keeping the reader engaged and interested throughout.

How about you? Perhaps you have more suggestions then what you see here. Then bang 'em out and lets hear 'em! 

Thanks for tuning into week #2 of the *Writer's Circle*. Where every week is a new discussion on writing, the written word, and even tips and tricks to help make your writing stand out.

Write on,

Commissar Ploss


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## Mabrothrax (May 19, 2009)

A very interesting read. The pacing of the story is something that occupies alot of my thoughts and feelings as I write. Generally I don't like reading action, and dislike writing it even more, a bit odd considering my collection of Black Library fiction and current enthusiasm for writing 40k fanfiction!

Looking back over the two pieces I've posted here, 'The Last Testament...' is a short piece entirely retrospective first-person, and as such is almost entirely narrative summary and dramatic action. The pacing shifts here and there but overall I'm comfortable with it.

The Summit, slightly longer, has a greater mix of pacing and seems to repeat in a pattern of dialogue - narrative - drama. Although I am generally pleased with the story's pace, my main criticism of it is that I feel it tries to do too much in a short period of time - even if it is essentially about men going up a mountain and stuff hapening at the top, middle & bottom.

My own instinct is to start slow and get faster, and repeat, with each starting point being slightly quicker than before. I also think it is important to have a decent flow throughout the story and to avoid jarring changes of long-winded exposition to a sudden narrative summary. Think of it as changing gears - you'd usually go 1, 2, 3, 4 - not 2, 4, 1.

I'm going to have a look at soe other bits here on theoriginal works forum and see how they pan out k:


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## The_Inquisitor (Jul 19, 2008)

Very insightful article, offering a lot of valuable pointers to amateur writers. Whenever I write prose I find myself drawn into far more emphasis on dialogue. This is mainly due to me being an aspiring screen writer which requires dialogue first and foremost. 

I do find that putting in large amount of dialogue helps the reader know the characters far more inimately. After all, there is only so much can learn about someone from how they look and feel. The way a character interacts with others is one of the only definite way of determining what the character is about. Whether that's sociopathic murderer, or lovable rogue.

L.


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## Commissar Ploss (Feb 29, 2008)

Great comments guys! Thanks for taking the time to read it and post feedback! keep it coming everyone!

write on,
Commissar Ploss


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## Shogun_Nate (Aug 2, 2008)

When pacing a story, I try to use something similar to the above. However, most of my stories are narrative/action with a little description tossed in as filler. Dialogue is used only to forward my narrative or add spice to the action. 

For me, I read what I've written. If it looks like it's slowing in a spot, I try to rework it so the pace moves faster. When I write, I'm looking to plot out the story so the reader never feels the need to look away or skim/skip ahead. I might not achieve this, but it is what I am for. 40k is one of those genres that requires either good action or an involving story plot that makes up for the lack of action. We don't want to read about the mating habits of grox on Merchantile VII irregardless of the detail. We want blood and gore or suspense!

One problem I find is that in some stories the building anticipation goes too far. Here I think the pacing doesn't pan out as while keeping us on our toes, the writer fails to give us the proper action at the proper time. I think I build the anticipation well, depending on the story and the part. For me, I think that there should be some there. I probably don't word it as well as I should but it's there none the less.

Example:

_From below came a mounting cry of alarm from amongst the Blood Angels, snapping him back to the present. One of the great, winged daemons that had come from the portals smashed into the Blood Angel line with a furious charge. Its mighty axe swung left and right, carving a bloody path through the loyal astartes who fought to hold the line. Agmemnus knew that it would take a miracle to stop such a powerful foe and he hoped that the Blood Angels could find a way to defeat the beast. As he stood watching the carnage below a great golden bolt with snowy wings fell from the skies heading for the bloodthirster. Awe filled the old chaplain. It was Sanguinius himself, his silvery sword held high above his head; praises to the Emperor on his lips. Thunder reverberated across the battlefield as the Blood Angels primarch slammed into the roaring daemon. Agmemnus knew that what he witnessed now would never be forgotten. The power of Horus' daemonic champions warred with one of the Emperor's greatest sons._

Here I build up the suspense and then drop Sanguinius in right on top of the bloodthirster. For me, it's the right amount. As a plus, I can picture it in my mind. I always get goosebumps when I read it :biggrin:! For me that's another part of pacing. You want it to build to the proper crescendo, without it waffling too much here or there. 

Another one:

_The silence was broken by the gravelly sound of Dorn’s voice. “Who amongst you saw my son fall?” 

The Blood Angel spoke first. “It was upon the walls, Lord Dorn, as he battled with a great winged daemon.” Dorn nodded, turning to face his son once more. He was surprised when he heard the sound of the White Scar clearing his throat. “I saw him fall before the walls, great Primarch. He fought like a lion! His hammer rose and fell sending many traitors to their doom but even he could not hold the breech!” Dorn rounded on them, his choler darkening. “And you little man… How did my son die?” he snarled in rage as each man told him a different story. 

Dorn felt his anger ebb as he looked into the bloodshot, weary eyes of the Imperial soldier. They were the eyes of a man who had seen such terrible things, things no mortal man should see in his lifetime. But, in those dark-ringed eyes, Dorn saw something. Steel and fire. The man did not shirk nor skulk before the primarch. He stood taller, straightening his back, as he returned Dorn’s stern gaze. He coughed up a gob of bloody phlegm and spoke. His voice was a croaked whisper but even Dorn could hear the strength in them even as the wounded man shuffled forward. 

“It was glorious…”_

The build up again I like but in this one I toss in a little dialogue. Dialogue, for how I pretend to write, better fills the role of filler in between narrative and action. I'm not a fan of long lines of dialogue unless they're giving me information/pushing the story forward. The devil is in the details, and I like details (as long as they are drawn-out and boring etc lol). Narrative/action is what I like. Toss in 'factual' tidbits (for the Warhammer universe that is) here and there (but at a minimum for me) and you have it. 

Good luck and good gaming,

Nate


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## Dirge Eterna (Apr 30, 2007)

Most of mine are narrative/action as well, and I usually run through action quickly for small fights, say two on two. But for pitched battles they usually last an entire update, perhaps five or more paragraphs. I try to do a blow-by-blow, but sometimes I have to sacrifice that, because it becomes bogged down and plodding. The narrative scenes run longer then the action, and usually include more description, as it fits the character's thinking at the time. Am I thinking of things as I try to deflect a spear? No. But if I see something after a battle, I may think of it, and thus the character's thoughts might include the description.


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## deathbringer (Feb 19, 2009)

I'm the opposite I write with more description but it is difficult with that style to keep the pace going and you do tend to find your story stagnating a little.
I think you have to make your description as graphic as possible and really try and impress a certain emotion on the reader in order to keep them interested.
Tension is also very useful in keeping the reader interested in your descriptions.

However one thing I have to mention is that changes in pace are as vital as maintaining it
the reason Dirge's writing works so well is that the pace changes 
Where as if the writing is at one pace I find myself becoming bored.
Sometimes its vital to slow it down just to keep the reader guessing.
Thats just me tho ;-)


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## Svartmetall (Jun 16, 2008)

A good read, thank you 

On the "Don't blast into action...at the expense of reader anticipation" thing, I would offer an alternative view - kicking off with fast-paced action is fine as long as it raises enough questions that you're left wanting to find out the whys and wherefores of the action itself, so it's not just an empty fight scene devoid of rhyme or reason. The opening segment of my ongoing story _Incursion_ is an example of this a brutal piece of arse-kicking that gets the violence across, but poses several questions - who is watching a recording of a fight that obviously involves Traitor Marines, and why...and also who _are_ the protagonists, and why are they fighting? What is this a fragment of? I like to use episodic elements that contrast with each other in pace and format, to give the impression of different pieces of a puzzle clicking into place over time. 

Contrasting fast-paced action with dialogue is an obvious way of varying pace, my favourite analogy being that it's rather like having songs of varying tempos (and lengths) across the length of an album; it's also nice to spice up a dialogue-heavy segment with action, and vice versa, so the separation of elements isn't so blatant. It also makes passages of exposition, whether in prose or delivered by a character, seem more natural as the overall structure allows this more readily. 

One of my favourite sci-fi writers is Iain M. Banks. His 'Culture' novels are just bloody great stuff, and he is a master of giving narrative at various points throughout the story so you have enough to make sort-of-sense of what's going on at an early stage but only start to see the whole story by the end of the whole tale. I would strongly recommend his _The Algebraist_ (ironically, a non-Culture novel) as a great example of how to spread factual exposition along the course of a book. _Excession_ is also a great example of how to vary POV (Point Of View) between characters and types of characters (humans, aliens, AIs) to a sublime overall effect; it's usually the Culture novel that I recommend people start with, not least for this very reason. Watching hyper-intelligent 50-kilometre-long spaceships bicker about who should be allowed to talk to who is just priceless...

Peter F. Hamilton (if you haven't read his _Night's Dawn_ trilogy, go and buy the whole thing right now. Seriously - it's fucking brilliant stuff) is another writer who is very good at this sort of thing; he and Banks write possibly the best sci-fi dialogue I've read, as well. It all reads like stuff real people might actually _say_, even when it's being relatively expositional itself. Half-way through Hamilton's _Pandora's Star_ there is a passage of pure narrative exposition that's basically just one big reveal of who the Bad Guy really is, and yet it works so well since it's placed far enough along in proceedings that by then you're _dying_ to find out who the human characters are about to butt heads with. Also, MorningLightMountain is one of the most compellingly scary Bad Guys in sci-fi for a long time, not least because it's such a _credible_ and self-consistent entity and not some empty, one-dimensional moustache-twirling cipher.


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## Commissar Ploss (Feb 29, 2008)

Brilliant rundown there, Svartmetall! You information and participation is priceless!

CP


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## Commissar Ploss (Feb 29, 2008)

Week Three of the *Writer's Circle* will be another step-by-step, keep your eyes peeled on monday! 

*The Writer's Circle - Week #3 [The Big 'Bang' Approach]
*
write on,

CP


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## andygorn (Apr 1, 2011)

Amazing insight here, everyone!

Because of the way I write (and that I've only written the short stories style for things like the HOES competitions) in my ignorance, I never really thought about changes of tempo and pace.

In terms of levels of detail, I think I try to put down the ones that a character involved in the scene would take notice of or remember.
For example, I imagine a PDF Guardsman to be more human but also based on that world, so they may take more notice of familiar surroundings (or make contrasts with things they see on another planet and how these compare to their home world).

Whereas a Marine -I think- would be more able to see the bigger picture (more about tactics, motivations and strategic deployments, etc), but less able to see the smaller details such as this. 

As such, I think I might tailor the scenes they are in in the same way...I'm afraid in case this is me doing an injustice to the characters themselves, though, so I think I'll go back and have a look at things.

I agree, Night's Dawn Trilogy is amazing.
I think I have a few Banks novels like "Feersum Endjinn", but not read them yet. However, will start shortly and will also definitely be trying to find the Culture novels based on Svartmetall's recommendation.


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*Merry Christmas.*

Though I have read this piece before, it still helps to refocus me. When I write I try to delve deeply into my emotions, things I have felt before or have had to face, like being in debt for an example. 

Debt is like a creature from the darkest reaches of my psyche, that both weighs down on me and stalks me into every peaceful place I seek to go. 

As I am writing, if I find that I am getting board with the story most likely the readers are too. Boredom flat out kills the story. I have learned from many of the writers here on H.O. that I don't always have to make action happen. Most of the time it happens on its own.

A well written story does not even have to be violent or brutal, it does, however have to hook the reader with emotion, desire and proper spelling, punctuation and a decent beginning. It has to flow well, not choppy and rushed.

A good writer does not have to hurry through a story or scene or rely on cursing to get the proper emotion conveyed. A story should be respected. If I start a story I will give it my best effort and not be lazy. I will not take shortcuts or just try to post something just to say I did. 

Writing is work and any work you do should be done as good as it can be done. My work is never good enough. Most of the time I can go back to something I have written before and find that it looks like crap. I will re-write the story and smile, re-post and walk away, only to come back sometime later and say, 'What the hell is this?' 

Finally I try to take CC and apply it to my future works. I am not so proud that pain does not teach me something, failure does not hone my skills and loss does not give me something to act upon. 

Finally, if you love writing it will show. When I first started here I could not write well, (some would argue that I still can't) but I persisted because of the attention that those who had been here a long time gave me.

They mentored me and took the time to guide me, but not control me. May I always be so kind as to help others. Great examples were shown and for that I am a better person.


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

i am still learning even after all these years of doing this as a hobby. however the recent comments i have recieved on both my renegades stories and the Flawless Host tales i am currently doing have encouraged me. 

i try to balance it out and it seems to be working and i know that if i have a writers block it is best to leave it rather then continue on with it and go back to it another time less it ruin something that is enjoyable to read. 

since joining the heretics i have been overwhelemd by the kindness people have shown and thier CC has never been disencouraging always encouraging, and for that i thank each and every one of you.

this article is great because i can now go back and re read something so i can enssure that it is not boring and that is it enjoyable to read. thanks CP


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## Commissar Ploss (Feb 29, 2008)

I'm glad you all have found this as useful as i intended.  warms my heart, it does.

CP


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