# Worst Battle Report EVER!



## Stephen_Newman (Jul 14, 2009)

Simply put we must all be aware to some degree that the WD battle reports are rigged slightly in one way or another at times and the one last month in January with the Skaven was so hidious (both war machines misfire and blow up in the same 1st turn and one after another-I call BS). 

Getting back to the question what 40K battle report is the most hidious and unbalanced to you?

To get started I think the battle report in WD 304 was one of the worst. Having 1500 points of terminators is not such a problem since they wanted to show off the new models. However making them play against a necron force that could not use monoliths and having 2 necron lords of which NEITHER had a resurrection orb. Yep that was what was so stupid. You give the ultrasmurf a special force and pit them against a handicapped necron force? Be a little bit less inconspicous GW please!


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## KingOfCheese (Jan 4, 2010)

The DE vs IG one a couple of months ago was fairly bad.
Kill Point game, so they tried to fit as many Kill Points in the IG list as possible.

Basically, whatever army has the newest codex/models will be the army that wins.


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## ChaosRedCorsairLord (Apr 17, 2009)

I'm surprised people still buy WD, you can watch ads for free on TV.

I do vaguely remember the Terminator vs Necron one though. It was pretty pathetic, as if the Necrons weren't Hamstrung enough already.


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## MidnightSun (Feb 10, 2009)

Worst? Any of the the tiny, four paragraph pieces of crap they put in so they can squeeze a whole campaign into one article. Think Waaagh! Bork, the SM release one, etc.

Midnight


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## Darksider (Nov 18, 2009)

the last ork objective game for 40k, where the orks had no objectives all game. then mysteriously won exactly the number combats on objectives they needed to in order to win the game 3-2


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## C'Tan Chimera (Aug 16, 2008)

Do I really need to actually voice my opinion on GW and it's magazine? It wouldn't be pretty. Let's just say it'd involve a lot of clarification that I'm -not- referring to Ballistic Skill.


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## The Sullen One (Nov 9, 2008)

Darksider said:


> the last ork objective game for 40k, where the orks had no objectives all game. then mysteriously won exactly the number combats on objectives they needed to in order to win the game 3-2


Hmm... good strategy perhaps?

I'm not sure what it is people are hinting at here, but I don't think these reports are fixed. Yes sometimes it seems a bit one sided but who here hasn't had a game which seemed that one sided?

Personally I think the reports are pretty interesting, showing off the hobby for what it's meant to be about: Having fun!


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## Evil beaver2 (Feb 3, 2009)

KingOfCheese said:


> The DE vs IG one a couple of months ago was fairly bad.


That one was one of the worst Ive seen, the IG army was terribly chosen with the most useless tanks available and as many easy kill points as possable, and to add to that the game was rigged against them. How could they possably win an anhilation match on a board that is entirely covered in jungle. They couldnt even see the DE until they were in close combat and were already screwed. I dont even see the point in reading a battle report that is that rigged, I mean its already clear whats going to happen by the end of deployment and on top of that the DE had just been released so they had to win.


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## MidnightSun (Feb 10, 2009)

Evil beaver2 said:


> DE had just been released so they had to win.


The new race doesn't always win. If that new race is Space Marines then I agree with you, yes, but take the Tyranid release WD. And the IG (Admittedly, they only lost one third of that article so it's not so bad. But that was severely rigged so that demotes it down to crap once more.)

Whereas when Space Marines come out, they win two thirds IIRC of their article, BA come out and they beat the Chaos, Dark Angels come out and they beat the Tau, but strangely enough when Space Wolves are released they draw. Against Daemons. *Daemons.*

Midnight


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## IanC (Sep 3, 2010)

The DE vs IG one was horrid. This months one is good though - it feels like one of those games that im sure people have played before, where it goes one way, before suddenly going the other way.


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## darkreever (Apr 3, 2008)

The Sullen One said:


> I'm not sure what it is people are hinting at here, but I don't think these reports are fixed.


Its one thing to play a themed list, or one built around a certain idea, but its something entirely when the actual gaming looks and feels awkward.

Come on, a battle of Ultramarines first company against Necrons without either a monolith or a resurrection orb? If I remember right, the Necrons didn't even start deployed together; was it half the army not even being on the field while the Ultramarines got everything they didn't choose to deepstrike? And lets not forget that while the Necrons got no monoliths, the marines brought one or two land raiders with them.

How about the Guard vs. Dark Eldar match? Easy to kill choices or not, did the Guard army bunch up its infantry squads in order to decrease the number of kill points? How about the board itself? Since when does a fairly static heavy gunline army that loves line of sight benefit from massed sight blocking cover? I have played against people who did this to me with the sole intention of winning.

Or how about the game showcasing Tau when the empire book came out? Pretty damn sure one or two units of Dark Eldar charged through open terrain to get at squads of Tau holed up in cover. Seriously? I know sometimes you have to do something that doesn't feel right but this wasn't a last minute tactic or anything.

Next on the list, Black Templars vs. Lost and the Damned, a squad of chaos marines, and an archon and company. The board had no cover in the middle, it was an eighteen inch killing ground favouring the Templars. That game saw the Dark Eldar charge their raider right up the side of the Templars, out in the fucking open, and then get shot to shit in the following turns.



Of all the battle reports I have read, the one that sticks with me above all others is the one during the start of the eye of terror campaign. It featured a themed Space Wolf army against a Lost and the Damned army. The game was fixed for the Damned to win, but it at least read pretty well. The leader of the damned force was illegal as all hell (he had chaos lord stats, which the Lost and the Damned did not have access to) and the Space Wolves got chewed apart. But unlike many other battle reports, that one at least had the tide of the game shift back and forth a number of times.


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## Stephen_Newman (Jul 14, 2009)

darkreever said:


> Come on, a battle of Ultramarines first company against Necrons without either a monolith or a resurrection orb? If I remember right, the Necrons didn't even start deployed together; was it half the army not even being on the field while the Ultramarines got everything they didn't choose to deepstrike? And lets not forget that while the Necrons got no monoliths, the marines brought one or two land raiders with them.
> 
> I had forgotten that only a few warriors and one of the lords started on the board. They only had to face 4 terminators. and a land raider. AND Marneus Calgar. Not too hopeless them odds
> 
> Of all the battle reports I have read, the one that sticks with me above all others is the one during the start of the eye of terror campaign. It featured a themed Space Wolf army against a Lost and the Damned army. The game was fixed for the Damned to win, but it at least read pretty well. The leader of the damned force was illegal as all hell (he had chaos lord stats, which the Lost and the Damned did not have access to) and the Space Wolves got chewed apart. But unlike many other battle reports, that one at least had the tide of the game shift back and forth a number of times.


Can't say I have ever read this one. Might be because you live in the US and their battle report was somewhat different. The one we got in a similar month was Plague zombies/traitors/Death Guard lead by Typhus against the Imperial Guard.


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## Tim/Steve (Jan 25, 2009)

I dont think they rig the games- and new armies dont always win. I think it was beastmen release where beastmen got hammered... 

There is no way on earth that I'll buy another WD now- I barely read them when I got them free and was supposed to read them as part of my job, but now I no longer work for GW there is no chance. The sad thing is that I remember back to the mid 90s when WD was an awesome magasine, full of useful insights, hint/tips/tricks and excellent battle reports.... while now we have an expensive ad mag with a total of about 10 pages of worthwhile material and a battle report that is a short story with pics.

Don't get me wrong- narrative is great, I really love the black library... but WD battle reps try to hit a mid ground between a decent battle rep and a novel, and fail horribly.

- by decent battle rep I mean the old style where narrative was minimal (unless a character was doing something heroic), every turn (if not player turn) there was a overhead map showing the movement/firing (often down to individual explosions/templates) and the players included their thoughts as they played: why they chose that army list, why they set up as they did, why they were moving that way (or staying in reserve) and how they were intending to win the game.
... back when I was young I could read a WD battle rep, be inspired *and* learn some of the tactics that good gamers used, it really helped me develop in the hobby, while now it seems that I keep playing people (even vets) who have the barest understanding of tactics.


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## The Sullen One (Nov 9, 2008)

@darkreever:

Two things about the IG vs DE match come to mind.

First Phil Kelly is an excellent player using a codex he wrote against a player who isn't that good (decent editor though).

Second IG can be deadly with up-close shooting, so cover isn't a problem. Had they been given line of sight I'm sure people would have been moaning that it was fixed against the DE.

Seriously all this moaning and quoting of this or that battle is pointless. If you don't like White Dwarf you don't have to read it.


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## MetalHandkerchief (Aug 3, 2009)

The Sullen One said:


> If you don't like White Dwarf you don't have to read it.












Found you! Hint, it's opposite to the top right corner!

Anyway, I don't like White Dwarf and I reserve the right to bitch and moan about it in public until editors take heed or bankruptcy hits.

Although I'm more upset with WD for filling half of it with ads, listings, and LoTR, the game noone plays.


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## DeathKlokk (Jun 9, 2008)

The Sullen One said:


> I'm not sure what it is people are hinting at here, but I don't think these reports are fixed. Yes sometimes it seems a bit one sided but who here hasn't had a game which seemed that one sided?


They have all but admitted it. They play several games with the same armies and scenario. The one that gets published is the one where the new hottness stomps face.

That and there are a lot of GW staff that are HORRIBLE at the game. Guess who gets invited to play the new army's opposition?


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## stubze (Jan 5, 2010)

i saw the necrons vs the space marines match and i agree


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## Brother Arnold (Aug 29, 2010)

For all those who say that the new stuff always wins: I cite last year's Tyranid release, where the Space Marines won the battle report. But that was kind of rigged in the SM's favour, since Captain Varn, one of the Tyranid objectives, was just surrounded by Assault Terminators (with armour that just wouldn't crack from anything that allowed them armour saves) from the start of the game. Tyranids could only get about a total of four victory points to win the special "narrative" scenario, IIRC. Meanwhile, Tyranid troops could come back on over and over again if a synapse creature was still alive, and synapse broods killed gave the Salamanders 1 victory point each. Warriors are now Troops choices and synapse, so the Space Marines could just keep farming them all game.


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## The Sullen One (Nov 9, 2008)

MetalHandkerchief said:


> Found you! Hint, it's opposite to the top right corner!
> 
> Anyway, I don't like White Dwarf and I reserve the right to bitch and moan about it in public until editors take heed or bankruptcy hits.
> 
> Although I'm more upset with WD for filling half of it with ads, listings, and LoTR, the game noone plays.


I reiterate my earlier point. If you don't like White Dwarf you don't have to read it, there being no law that states "and on the day that be the seventh, thou shalt read thy White Dwarf".



DeathKlokk said:


> They have all but admitted it. They play several games with the same armies and scenario. The one that gets published is the one where the new hottness stomps face.
> 
> That and there are a lot of GW staff that are HORRIBLE at the game. Guess who gets invited to play the new army's opposition?


Which presumably is why the Space Marines only won one of three games in WD 346 or why the IG were beaten by the Tyranids in 353.


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## Harland (Jan 24, 2011)

KingOfCheese said:


> The DE vs IG one a couple of months ago was fairly bad.
> Kill Point game, so they tried to fit as many Kill Points in the IG list as possible.
> 
> Basically, whatever army has the newest codex/models will be the army that wins.


Not entirely true. When the new VC were released, it was a draw.


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## MidnightSun (Feb 10, 2009)

The Sullen One said:


> Which presumably is why the Space Marines only won one of three games in WD 346 or why the IG were beaten by the Tyranids in 353.


They wrote a story about what would happen. Did you think for a *moment* that Von Blacke would lose or die in the first two games? It said there were three games. Imperial Guard can't lose the first two, because they still have the third game to play. It would be like everyone dying in Lord of the Rings with two hours still to go, it just can't happen! The small box at the beginning about Von Blacke's career told me what wthe results would be before I'd even read the army lists.

Midnight


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## Stella Cadente (Dec 25, 2006)

can't I just chose every single one after they stopped allowing staff armies to play and got rid of fat bloke?

*remembers Rorks drifts*
good days.


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## Orochi (Jan 28, 2009)

Stella Cadente said:


> can't I just chose every single one after they stopped allowing staff armies to play and got rid of fat bloke?
> 
> *remembers Rorks drifts*
> good days.


Hits the nail on the head.


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## Nave Senrag (Jul 8, 2010)

The Sullen One said:


> I reiterate my earlier point. If you don't like White Dwarf you don't have to read it, there being no law that states "and on the day that be the seventh, thou shalt read thy White Dwarf.


Precisely, I saw the picture and thought lawful evil.


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## Sethis (Jun 4, 2009)

This months is pretty funny too - "I'm going to move my Reaver Jetbikes to the middle of the board, and into assault range of everything, for, um, no perceptible reason"

Good times.

Which one was the one with Adrian Wood playing his Orks vs Praetorians? That was about the last one I remember being even vaguely interesting.


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## Orochi (Jan 28, 2009)

What happened in this months? I know it's BA vs DE. I'm guessing the BA with their new toys (especially the Storm Raven) raped DE ass to hell and back?


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## Bane_of_Kings (Oct 28, 2009)

actually, it was pretty evenly matched. The only model left, I think, was a Furioso Dreadnought on the BA side, or something along those lines, I haven't read it in a couple of days though


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## Wysten (Dec 14, 2010)

Bane_of_Kings said:


> actually, it was pretty evenly matched. The only model left, I think, was a Furioso Dreadnought on the BA side, or something along those lines, I haven't read it in a couple of days though




They drew, though there was plenty of Dark Eldar left to one dreadnort. So the Dark Eldar list definately had the advantage, coming from heavy losses to outnumbering the BA greatly.


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## The Sullen One (Nov 9, 2008)

Orochi said:


> What happened in this months? I know it's BA vs DE. I'm guessing the BA with their new toys (especially the Storm Raven) raped DE ass to hell and back?


No actually it was a draw, which was a fair outcome to a game between two comparatively good players.



Nave Senrag said:


> Precisely, I saw the picture and thought lawful evil.


Actually I really like killing wookies and rebel snipers with a shocktrooper's rocket launcher. 



MidnightSun said:


> They wrote a story about what would happen. Did you think for a *moment* that Von Blacke would lose or die in the first two games? It said there were three games. Imperial Guard can't lose the first two, because they still have the third game to play. It would be like everyone dying in Lord of the Rings with two hours still to go, it just can't happen! The small box at the beginning about Von Blacke's career told me what wthe results would be before I'd even read the army lists.
> 
> Midnight


Hmm... Just a thought, but maybe they wrote that part of the article *AFTER* they had played the three games. Just a thought.


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## Keith (Jul 26, 2010)

The Sullen One said:


> No actually it was a draw, which was a fair outcome to a game between two comparatively good players.


Hey! You ruined the end, I was gonna read that! :angry:


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## The Sullen One (Nov 9, 2008)

Keith said:


> Hey! You ruined the end, I was gonna read that! :angry:


Sorry. Would it help if I say I was lying and that I never tell the truth?


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## Keith (Jul 26, 2010)

The Sullen One said:


> Sorry. Would it help if I say I was lying and that I never tell the truth?


I was just messing with you because the previous posters had said the same thing in their spoiler things.


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## SilverTabby (Jul 31, 2009)

In all my time witnessing these things, I saw very few 'rigged' Battle reports. Most that were replayed, were done because everything dying horribly in turn two doesn't make for good reading, and other similar reasons. 

Don't forget, not all Battle reports are between Games Dev and Tourney-class players. Some opponents are playing armies they are unfamiliar with, or handed lists they don't know well. Your average spod from pre-production or White Dwarf are not going to be a tactical match for the likes of Phil or Alessio (god, playing him was hard work!). 

Battle reports are played over the course of a whole day, sometimes two. There are long breaks between turns for the WD guy writing it up to make notes, take quick photos, note positions of troops. The opponents frequently will sit down and get some more work done in these gaps, or go for a smoke break, or lunch. It's easy when you come back in a broken game like that to forget what manoevour you were going to do next, or what decisions you had made the last turn. Hence stupid moves get made. 

Of course, this is from experience between 2000-2008. I remember a battle report from before then, when the original necrons (the list in WD) came out (sometime in 95-6, maybe?), which was a Mad Dog challenge between Sisters and Necrons, where the Sisters were out-pointed 2-1. That was a whitewash, and rightly derided by all who read it.


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## Caliban (Nov 27, 2010)

MidnightSun said:


> The new race doesn't always win. If that new race is Space Marines then I agree with you, yes, but take the Tyranid release WD. And the IG (Admittedly, they only lost one third of that article so it's not so bad. But that was severely rigged so that demotes it down to crap once more.)
> 
> Whereas when Space Marines come out, they win two thirds IIRC of their article, BA come out and they beat the Chaos, Dark Angels come out and they beat the Tau, but strangely enough when Space Wolves are released they draw. Against Daemons. *Daemons.*
> 
> Midnight


 
But when something is released which we really do expect to be a killer, such as the tyranids and Wolves, you have to show players that they are beatable (or at least drawable) and as such thats what happens.


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## Azezel (May 23, 2010)

SilverTabby said:


> I remember a battle report from before then, when the original necrons (the list in WD) came out (sometime in 95-6, maybe?), which was a Mad Dog challenge between Sisters and Necrons, where the Sisters were out-pointed 2-1. That was a whitewash, and rightly derided by all who read it.


That was Massacre* at Sanctuary 101

The 'crons did indeed out-point the Sisters (I believe it was 2'000 points to 1'000, and thems were 1998 points!).

That said, it wasn't as completely one-sided as it seems (Bloody nearly, though). The Sisterhood's win condition was setting off an Astropathic beacon. On turn two, and every turn thereafter, the Sisters player rolled a die. If he got six, the beacon was activated, and the Sisters would win, unless the 'crons wiped them out that turn.

Naturally, the 'crons won long before the beacon was activated.


*And 'massacre' is the right word.


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## Stephen_Newman (Jul 14, 2009)

Ouch! Where can one find this battle report? I assume the WD in question is now out of print.


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## Azezel (May 23, 2010)

By an amazing, million-to-one coincidense (not really, I obsesively collect most anything that mentions the sisterhood), I happen to have some details from said report, which I just dug out after writing my last post.

So here's how it went down.










And when they say Massacre, they _mean_ it.










So the 'crons have dob;e the Sisters' points. Not objectively a deathblow, considering the Sisterhood doesn't have to win the battle, just survive until a six is rolled. The rest of the rules are an explicit 'you're not allowed to win' to the Sisters. Back in the day, the Sisters weren't even considered a full army, but an allies codex to suppliment your other armies. The damned codex even said that they lacked the options required to fight alone. 

In this scenario, the Sisters are restricted exclusively to female units. Wanna guess how many female units there were in 40k, besides the Sisters themselves? I don't know, but I don't imagine there were a lot.

In adition, the board for this scenario was almost entirely flat, with a single peice of terrain, the Sanctuary itself. A very bad thing for the Sisters, who excell only in short-range shooting and are vulnerable without cover.

Let's meet the teams!


















The Sisters have two squads, one unit of seraphim (the hell?) and a canonness, backed up by a rhino and an Immolator. No weapons with worthwhile range, though the meltas will help a bit. The Seraphim are a terrible choice! It's a defencive scenario with almost no cover, so the Sisters have close-combat jump-troops. Remember, in 2e the Crons could ignore wargear in CC (some damned thing, I don't know).

Essentially, the Sisters force, even with the restrictions given, is almost as badly chosen as possible.

The Necrons have... Well, I have no idea what Necrons have _now_ they could have had anything in second edition, you tell me.


The result was the Sisters being utterly anihilated, without ever setting off the beacon. As I understand, the Necrons barely lost a model.


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## SilverTabby (Jul 31, 2009)

One other thing to bear in mind back then, was all armies were chosen from what was available in the army cabinets. Which was what had been painted for the Codexes. Back then they didn't paint armies to show off, they painted one of each unit, two if you were lucky, and that was it. 

So that Sister's army was pretty much all there was to play with. The seraphim likely weren't from choice, but lack of other choices


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## Stella Cadente (Dec 25, 2006)

SilverTabby said:


> One other thing to bear in mind back then, was all armies were chosen from what was available in the army cabinets. Which was what had been painted for the Codexes.


still the same today, what you see on tables is what GW have painted, anything extra is usually a photoshop


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## MidnightSun (Feb 10, 2009)

Stella Cadente said:


> anything extra is usually a photoshop


What I really, really HATE about WD and the Codices. So many of the pictures in there aren't even real, it sucks! When you see an 'army' and two of the squads look the exact same. Worst offender of this is the Speed Freak army in the Ork Codex. Then the Cadian 8th Regiment in the old Imperial Guard Codex, but that was so big and awesome it didn't stand out as much.

Midnight


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## SilverTabby (Jul 31, 2009)

@Stella and MidnightSun:
Actually, apart from the really huge pictures what you see in the current Codexes is real. For most of the books, Games Dev wrote a full army list and said "we want that painted please, with those weapons". Then on top of / incorporating that there was at least one of every unit painted, often a colour varient as well. 

The Nid armies are huge, with things like Gaunts getting multiple 10-20 strong units. Each Hive Fleet has a workable army list. The Ultramarines have a huge force (built up over numerous Codex releases), and the Speed Freek army you mention actually has 9 bikes painted for it (I did 6 of the buggers), at least one battlewagon and numerous trukks. 

So yes, the massive shots where you see 5 or 6k of troops are photoshopped, but every army has at least 3000 points fully painted. Each project took the team of 7 (sometimes 8, sometimes 6) painters over 3 months of combined work to do, painting (and cleaning and assembling) 9-5, 5 days a week.


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## Azezel (May 23, 2010)

I understand that they have the entire Ultramarines chapter on display in Nottingham. 1'000+ Marines, scouts, vehicles, you-name-it.


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## Tarvitz210300 (Jan 27, 2011)

arggh:ireful2: i hate ultramarines so (little kids look away know) fucking much they make me want to kill myself:russianroulette:
i liked the september 2007 one chaos one and it was defiantly rigged but i like chaos killing lots of IG yeah and i also did not like the DE v IG so so rigged anyway back to raving about ultramarines those pussys i wish i could get magnus caelgar (probably spelt his name wrong) and shove him up every eldars buts i dont like eldar :ireful2:
what was i talking about again


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## Stephen_Newman (Jul 14, 2009)

Dunno completely lost track halfway through.


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## MidnightSun (Feb 10, 2009)

SilverTabby said:


> @Stella and MidnightSun:
> Actually, apart from the really huge pictures what you see in the current Codexes is real. For most of the books, Games Dev wrote a full army list and said "we want that painted please, with those weapons". Then on top of / incorporating that there was at least one of every unit painted, often a colour varient as well..


Not so for the Orks, it seems. 1500pts of Speed Freeks, with just two squads of Boyz copy-pasted over to make it four squads, 1 squad of bikers copy-pasted into two squads, and then the Nobz form that squad is copy-pasted to be the leader of a Nob biker unit. I wouldn't mind so much if it were less obvious. Next page, an Apocalypse army. Not one copy-paste in there. 

Midnight


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## Xela (Dec 22, 2010)

In the Nids one they gave a kill point to the Space Marines they didn't deserve. They got the points for killing synapse, when the raveners died, the marines got a point, but raveners aren't synapse....


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## SilverTabby (Jul 31, 2009)

MidnightSun said:


> Not so for the Orks, it seems. 1500pts of Speed Freeks, with just two squads of Boyz copy-pasted over to make it four squads, 1 squad of bikers copy-pasted into two squads, and then the Nobz form that squad is copy-pasted to be the leader of a Nob biker unit. I wouldn't mind so much if it were less obvious. Next page, an Apocalypse army. Not one copy-paste in there.
> 
> Midnight


Uhm, could you point me to that exact page please? I *know* there are at least what I stated, as I assembled and painted the damned things. Red is one fo the most awkward colours to get to work, and match across a big unit...


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