# An Inquisitor walks into a bar........



## The_Inquisitor (Jul 19, 2008)

Okay, this is a joke competition. Whoever can come up with the best joke starting with 

"An Inquisitor walks into a bar........"

will be awarded rep by yours truly. The joke has to be 40k related please and socially acceptable. Good luck.


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## Exitus Acta Probat (Apr 23, 2009)

"and inquisitor walks into a bar, the bartend......hey, wait....what're you do....but I didn't DOO anythin.....those look sharp." *muffled noises* *screams*


(note, don't EVER let the inquisition know that you KNOW where they are or how they oper.....hey, wait...but I was just warning the folks what not to..........wow, that looks sharp........noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo)


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## Calamari (Feb 13, 2009)

An Inquisitor walks into bar with a prostitute.

Im sure this competition would be alot better if you just said "40k joke competition". There would be alot more scope for hilarity.


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## effigy22 (Jun 29, 2008)

An Inquisitor walks into a bar and over hears a conversation between a man and woman, he hears the man say "Hey baby, want to see my 3rd leg?"...

It was only after the burning him alive that he learned what really meant.


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## The_Inquisitor (Jul 19, 2008)

Calamari said:


> Im sure this competition would be alot better if you just said "40k joke competition". There would be alot more scope for hilarity.


A bit too much scope I think. I'd like the competition to finish this year lol.

L.


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## Pauly55 (Sep 16, 2008)

An inquisitor walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. He says hello and then gets out an eldar wraithbone time piece and tells her that it can channel psychic energy in the universe around it and tell its user anything about the universe at that moment in time. "Thats incredible!" she exclaims, "I don't beleive you, prove it". 

With that, the Inquisitor looks at the eldar timepiece and fiddles with some dials "yes, it seems like the rogue traders in the Antaris system are selling more goods than ever before. There is a tyranid attack on the world Telanus V. Oh, Also....it would seem as though you aren't wearing any underwear." 

The woman replies "well, clearly your timepiece is broken, because I am certainly wearing underwear"

The inquisitor taps the timepiece a few times and says "Oh, yeah, you are correct, it is running about 20 minutes fast"


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## asianavatar (Aug 20, 2007)

An Inquisitor walks into a bar...*CLANG* - that is going to leave a mark on the power armour.


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## Khorothis (May 12, 2009)

An Inquisitor walks into a bar and walks up to the old bartender. He leans close to him and says "I'm an Inquisitor of the God Emperor, and..." "I'm sorry, I don't have a printer, you're looking at the wrong place." "What? How dare you? I told you I'm an Inquisitor..." "And I told you I don't have a typewriter! Whats wrong with that?" "BURN, HERETIC!!!"
Only after burning the whole bar to the ground did the Inquisitor realize that the old man must have had bad ears, and he thought that he was an Ink Visitor.


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## Pauly55 (Sep 16, 2008)

An inquisitor walks into a bar, and begins to look for warriors to do his heretic burning for him. He spys Fenrik the Flamboyant, a space wolf, drinking with some mates. The inquisitor uses his psychic telepathy to speak to the spacewolf.

"Fenrik the Flamboyant, This is Thor, god of your people and I have need of you"

to which Fenrick replied "You're Thor!? Im tho thor I can hardly thit!"


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## ooglatjama (May 20, 2009)

An Inquisitor walks into a bar, he is upset by the insolent bar refusing to move out of his way so he destroys the bar and all of the bar's little pole babies. Then blows up a planet.


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## The_Inquisitor (Jul 19, 2008)

Funny stuff people. Keep it coming.


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## Inquisitor Varrius (Jul 3, 2008)

A series of bad 'into a bar' jokes modified for 40k:

A blind Inquisitor walks into a bar, grabs his astropath by his leg and swings him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey, buddy, what are you doing?" The Inquisitor says, "don't mind me. I'm just looking around."

An Iquisitor walks into a bar with a tyrannid ripper emerging from his chest. The bartender asks, "What's gotten into you?"

A guardsman walks into a bar and slips on some vomit. Minutes later an Inquisitor walks into the bar and slips on the vomit as well. The guardsman says, "I just did that." Then the Inquisitor hits him with a power sword.

An Inquisitor walks into a bar, and sees a known heretic quietly playing a lute and singing in the corner. He calls for an orbital strike from his ship, but his 1st officer tells him they can't. When the Inquisitor asks why he can't kill the heretic, the officer replies: "It's-a not a-loud!"


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## Euphrati (May 24, 2009)

An Inquisitor walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. A few minutes later he gets up and drops a handful of thrones on the bar. The barkeep raises an eyebrow and says, 'The drink is only one throne.' The Inquisitor smiles and reaches over, separating one of the coins from the pile. He then nods to the barkeep, 'That one is for the drink... the rest are for damages.'


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## bitsandkits (Mar 18, 2008)

An Inquisitor walks into a bar and ordered two drinks.
"How about a double instead?" asked the bartender.
"No. I'm drinking with my friend from Cadia."

So the bartender gives him the two drinks. He drinks them while alternately
sipping from each glass. This goes on for a few months. A couple of times a
week he comes into the bar to drink with his friend from Cadia.

One day the Inquisitor comes in and orders only one drink.
"Did your friend from Cadia die?" asked the bartender.
"No. My doctor told me to stop drinking."


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## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

Let's make something nonsensical!

An inquisitor enters a bar and, since he is residing in this insane writer's non-grimdark universe, waves to the handful of reasonable orks in the corner, who had just returned from their squig farm after a hard day of work.

He then passes a table with Grandpa Dreadnaught, who keeps muttering about the high prices of tea and the stupid whippersnappers who keep stomping on his lawn.

Another table would have a card game. A Thousand Sons sorcerer, a Tau fire warrior, a grot and an Eldar guardian. Three of them are quite cunning, so they don't loose. And since the Tau has no money, he has to give parts of his gear as payment.

One table overlooking some disco-dancing Necrons later, he reaches the bartender, a reasonable Bloodletter champion and his sorcerer-master Rakul and orders a blood beer.

The above 'joke' may not be funny and you may unleash the Emperor's holy wrath upon me, if you deem it fitting.


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## The_Inquisitor (Jul 19, 2008)

Yes. I deem it.


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## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

This is gonna hurt, isn't it?


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## The_Inquisitor (Jul 19, 2008)

Ask the last guy. *Points to crater in the distance*


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## terminatormonkey (May 6, 2009)

An Inquisitor walks into a bar and sits next to a few gentlemen laughing. he asks the men "whats so funny?" they said "it was a joke want to hear it? so An Inquisitor walks into a bar...eerrrrrrpp" his buddy next to him asks "whyd you kill him?" the inquisitors reply "the inqusition is nothing to laugh at!"

An Inquisitor walks into a bar, a man to his left has had a little too much to drink and throws up all over the floor, the inquisitor them smites him, his buddy asks why, his reply . "I thought he was a follower of nurgle"

An Inquisitor walks into a bar, has a few to many and stumbles towards the bathroom, inside the bathroom, there is an explson. the iquisitor stumbles back out mumbling somthing about the presence of nurgle in a toilet.

An Inquisitor walks into a bar, the bartender tells him to pick his poison, the inquisitor kills him thinking he was a follower of nurgle.

so as far as i can tell inquisitors should stay the hell out of bars and the inquisition is nothing to laugh at!


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## isalt (Jun 5, 2009)

Pauly55 said:


> An inquisitor walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. He says hello and then gets out an eldar wraithbone time piece and tells her that it can channel psychic energy in the universe around it and tell its user anything about the universe at that moment in time. "Thats incredible!" she exclaims, "I don't beleive you, prove it".
> 
> With that, the Inquisitor looks at the eldar timepiece and fiddles with some dials "yes, it seems like the rogue traders in the Antaris system are selling more goods than ever before. There is a tyranid attack on the world Telanus V. Oh, Also....it would seem as though you aren't wearing any underwear."
> 
> ...


This one is hilarious... LOL


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## NurglingStomper (Jan 31, 2009)

An inquisitor walks into a bar..... a cadian sees it and ducks just in time.


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## Inquisitor Varrius (Jul 3, 2008)

A Dyslexic Inquisitor walks into a bra...


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## The Blackadder (Jan 8, 2009)

Two Inquisitors wlak into a bar. You would think one of them would have shot it.


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## Asmodeun (Apr 26, 2009)

Ah my good friend wit. . . do continue


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

Damnit, can't think of anything!
I'll watch this though.


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## GiftofChaos1234 (Jan 27, 2009)

an inquisitor walks into a bar and puts up a sign saying

*post terminated by inquisition*.

the bar-goers get angry and start throwing glasses in the inquisitors general direction.
being drunk they didn't hit him as he walked out or hear the orbital bombardment orders until it was too late.


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

An inquisitor walks into a bar.
"Hey, give me a drink."
He says to the barman.

"Aah, I see you are of, special importance. On the house."
Says the barman.

"Now that's the kind of citizen I want to see in our fine Imperium more often!"
Exclaims the Inquisitor, jovially.

The Barman was infected by a genestealer, and he put nasty things in the drink.
And then Inquisitor was a zombee.


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## The Son of Horus (Dec 30, 2006)

An Inquisitor walks into a bar.


You'd think that with the intelligence it takes to be an Inquisitor, he'd have seen it before he walked into it.


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## Lupercal's Chosen (May 8, 2008)

An Inquisitor walks into a bar and over hears a conversation between a man and woman, he hears the man say "Hey baby, want to see my 3rd leg?"...

It was only after the burning him alive that he learned what really meant.


Thats funny


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## Caledor (Jan 15, 2008)

An Inquisitor walks into a bar, and wished he hadn't skimped on the cod-piece.


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## MJayC50 (Oct 30, 2007)

A psychic inquisitor floats into a bar looking for a heretic using his talents - he slips into a big muscle bound mary bouncer and sifts thru his mind. nothing. He uses the bouncers voice to say "im a big ballet teacher!" he piroettes and falls down dead. He then spies a lonely old crone and does the same. still nothing. she suddenly gets up and screams "im not washing your socks!" fall down stone dead. then the inquisitor sees a stunning joy girl at the bar talking and flirting outragousely with someone with 1 eyebrow and shifty eyes... he flies into the back of her skull - finally he has got his man. he keeps up the charade til his retinue can get to the bar and take the chaos loving skum down and make him shave the eyebrow into 2! he looks into the barman's eyes and says "2devilberry leg shakers and an aquilla slammer please! the barman who has seen it all before looks straight into the joygirls eyes and shakes his head as if disapointed. he looks up at the ceiling and says "im not serving you ravenor, your out of your skull again..." 

enjoy! (cant believe i spent the time doing that lol)


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## marcch (Apr 1, 2008)

An Inquisitor walks into a bar where a Slannesh follower asks him if he has anything for a headache and he replies "take two ass burns and call me in the morning".


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

MJayC50 said:


> A psychic inquisitor floats into a bar looking for a heretic using his talents - he slips into a big muscle bound mary bouncer and sifts thru his mind. nothing. He uses the bouncers voice to say "im a big ballet teacher!" he piroettes and falls down dead. He then spies a lonely old crone and does the same. still nothing. she suddenly gets up and screams "im not washing your socks!" fall down stone dead. then the inquisitor sees a stunning joy girl at the bar talking and flirting outragousely with someone with 1 eyebrow and shifty eyes... he flies into the back of her skull - finally he has got his man. he keeps up the charade til his retinue can get to the bar and take the chaos loving skum down and make him shave the eyebrow into 2! he looks into the barman's eyes and says "2devilberry leg shakers and an aquilla slammer please! the barman who has seen it all before looks straight into the joygirls eyes and shakes his head as if disapointed. he looks up at the ceiling and says "im not serving you ravenor, your out of your skull again..."
> 
> enjoy! (cant believe i spent the time doing that lol)


I um, don't get it.


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## MJayC50 (Oct 30, 2007)

o dear... inquisitor is pyschic and can move move out of his own body and use others instead of his own. barman has seen this is such a guy and seeing he is "out of his skull" as it were psychically. then ordering drinks that would get you out of ur skull on booze provides a delicious irony hence the lolling your now doing...


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

MJayC50 said:


> o dear... inquisitor is pyschic and can move move out of his own body and use others instead of his own. barman has seen this is such a guy and seeing he is "out of his skull" as it were psychically. then ordering drinks that would get you out of ur skull on booze provides a delicious irony hence the lolling your now doing...


Ooh, I suspected as such.
Why'd he kill the other people then?


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## MJayC50 (Oct 30, 2007)

just a little something inquisitors do... i think your reading to much into mate lol


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## mcmuffin (Mar 1, 2009)

Inquisitor walks into a bar and looks around. he sees a woman sitting in the corner. he walks over to her, and sees she is wearing very little clothing. she starts to talk to him and he reaches down into his trousers. she asks "What are you doing?" he replies. "i am just preparing my Whore-whammer 40000" 

*further records deleted by inquisition*

this is corny i know, but what the hell:biggrin::biggrin: lol


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## MJayC50 (Oct 30, 2007)

corn is good! undigestable tho sometimes hence the yellow flecks...


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## Vaz (Mar 19, 2008)

An Inquisitor walks into a bar, with a pet Giraffe behind him. He orders a pint of lager for himself, and a bitter for the Giraffe. You always get some odd folks coming into the bar, so it was nothing new, and handed over the drinks in exchange for the money. The Inquisitor passes some more over, telling the barman to keep the drinks flowing all night.

Anyway, about 3 hours later, the giraffe and Inquisitor are well and truely off their rocker, when the giraffe falls asleep in a puddle of bitter.

The Inquisitor gets up, and begins to walk away, when suddenly, the barman shouts across, "Oi! You can't leave that lying there!"

To which the Inquisitor replies "It's not a Lion, it's a giraffe."

_______________________________________________________________

An Inquisitor an Ork and an Eldar Farseer walk into a bar. The barman says "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

_______________________________________________________________

An Inquisitor walks into a bar, and orders a pint. There are two guys next to him, one on either side, and he says to the one on the left, "hey, wanna here an accountant joke?" 

To which the man replies "Let me tell you, something, little man. I'm a 6 foot tall, 200 pound weight lifting champion, but I'm also an accountant. The guy on your right there, he's also an accountant, and he's a world class wrestling star. Still wanna tell that joke?"

"Not really. Don't want to tell it twice."

___________________________________________________________


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

Love the first one, don't get the third one.


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## Ordo Xeno Commander (Jan 17, 2007)

Gah, he's playing on the fact that there's two people to tell the joke too, and hes deliberately mis-interpreting the threat from the 'accountant'


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

Ooooooh I get it.
He was on the OTHER side.

Yeah, not a tard at all icknose:


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## NurglingStomper (Jan 31, 2009)

An inquisitor is sitting at the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant Cadians. They come to the bar and order five bottles of beer and ten glasses. They take their order over and sit down at a large table. The caps are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon three more Cadians arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more Cadians show up and soon their voices are are joined in raising the roof, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally the tenth Cadian comes in with a picture under his arm, he walks over to the table, and sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts.


Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The Inquisitor can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of a cat. When the frenzy dies down a little bit the Inquisitor asks one of the Cadians, "Whats all the chanting and celebration about?"

The Cadian who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that Cadians are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought this puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days."


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## Ordo Xeno Commander (Jan 17, 2007)

Ahh thats a very good one Nurgling. I had a decent laugh at that.


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

BWAHAHAHHAH!
That's fantastic.


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## b.anthracis (Nov 18, 2008)

An Inquisitor walks into a bar with a little daemon on his shoulder. The bartender asks him:" Where did you get this ugly guy?" The daemon answers:"I found him on a ship lurching through the warp!"


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## Vaz (Mar 19, 2008)

An Inquisitor walks into a bar with a steering wheel around his waist. The barman asks "What's that for?". To which the Inquisitor replies "Oh this? It's driving me nuts".

______________________

Two inquisitors walki into a bar; the third one ducks.

_____________________

An Inquisitor walks into a bar with a giant newt on his shoulder. The barman asks "Who's that?", to which the Inquisitor Replies "Oh, sorry, I forgot to introduce him - this is Tiny."

The barman asks "Why do you call him tiny?"

"Because he's my newt." Replies the Inquisitor

________________________

Did you hear the story about the Magic Inquisitor? He walked down a street and turned into a bar.

________________________

An Inquisitor walks into a bar, and asks for a triple scotch. As he drains the last drop, the Inquisitor says "I shouldn't be drinking this with what I've got." To which the barman asks "Why? What have you got?"

"40p"

___________________________

A drunk inquisitor staggers out of a bar, barging into two priests. Grinning like a retard, he looks up at them and says "I'm Jesus Christ". To which the priests are shocked at this and say that he cannot be.

The drunk is having none of their bible bashing, and says "Look, I can prove it." Dragging the two priests inside the pub, the barman looks up from polishing the glasses.

"Jesus Christ, not you again!"

________________________

It's not really an Inquisitor in a bar, but I love the joke;

A Canoness is sitting in the bath tub, having a nice long soak, when she hears a knock at the door.

Suddenly she remembers that there were supposed to be decorators coming in today, but they were earlier than she expected. Wondering what to do, as she had left her clothes in the nuns quarters, she tried to stall for time.

"Who is it?"

"It's the blind man, ma'am", came the answer.

Figuring this would be alright, and he couldn't see her nakedness, she unlocked the door, and let the blind man in.

"Nice tits luv, where do you want the curtains?"


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## Aenarian (Dec 28, 2008)

I love you Vaz. :biggrin:


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

...
Minute.
That's terrible.
I laughed my ASS off you bastard XD


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## NurglingStomper (Jan 31, 2009)

My god that was hysterical Vaz, damn funny.


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## Sebi (Mar 3, 2009)

An Iquisitor walks into a bar, looks at the glasses behind the bartender and shouts:
"Purge the unclean!"


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## The_Inquisitor (Jul 19, 2008)

Some hilarious ones in there Vaz and Nurglingstomper, kudos. had me chuckling for quite a while. Keep em coming people.


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## Inquisitor Varrius (Jul 3, 2008)

An Inquisitor walks into a bar and orders a drink. After he's finished, the bartender asks if he wants another. The Inquisitor looks in his pocket, pauses, and says yes. This repeats several times, untill the barkeep gets curious. "Why do you keep checking your pocket?" he asks. "It's a picture of a Slaaneshi Daemon," he answers."When I think she looks good, it's time to stop drinking."


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## jjohnny5 (Feb 25, 2009)

an inquisitor walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer when the bartender hands him cider the inquisitor immediately shouts "WHAT?!?! I ASKED FOR BEER!!! BURN HERETIC!!!"
The inquisitor later learns that the bartenders hearing aid was broken
"oops!...."


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## jjohnny5 (Feb 25, 2009)

lol i just read all the jokes there's loads of really funny 1s!!


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## NurglingStomper (Jan 31, 2009)

Two Malleus Inquisitors boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Mosta, headed for Quog. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.

Just before take-off, A Hereticus Inquisitor got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Malleus Inquisitors. The Witch Hunter kicked off his boots, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Malleus in the window seat said,"I think I'll get up and get a coke."

"No problem," said the Witch Hunter, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Malleus picked up the Witch Hunter's boot and spit in it.

When the Witch Hunter returned with the coke, the other Malleus said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."

Again, the Witch Hunter obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Malleus picked up the other boot and spit in it.

The Witch Hunter returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to Quog.

As the plane was landing, the Witch Hunter slipped his feet into his boots and knew immediately what had happened.

"How long must this go on?" the Witch Hunter asked. "This fighting between our groups? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in boots and pissing in cokes?"


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

That's just dirty :S
I'm going on the assumption that most of these are just word changes.


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## NurglingStomper (Jan 31, 2009)

Haha you got me Winterous. I'm just switching my jokes I know with 40K themes.


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

NurglingStomper said:


> Haha you got me Winterous. I'm just switching my jokes I know with 40K themes.


:3
10catfaces


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## NurglingStomper (Jan 31, 2009)

Winterous said:


> :3
> 10catfaces


Umm... what?


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

NurglingStomper said:


> Umm... what?


XD
I was just going  but with catface :3
And it has a character requirement, hence 10catfaces.


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## NurglingStomper (Jan 31, 2009)

Oh haha, I see.

Edit: 600 post woo-hoo!!


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## Vaz (Mar 19, 2008)

Winterous said:


> That's just dirty :S
> I'm going on the assumption that most of these are just word changes.


Naturally. You can't really make up a classic over the internet to do with 40K.

An Inquisitor walks into a bar, and goes over to the barman, and orders a drink. Next to the barman is a huge jar, full of £10 notes. "What's that for?" asks the Inquisitor.

"Oh, you see that donkey in the corner? The jar is full of money off people who have thought they could make it laugh. The prize is everything in this jar."

"Sounds good. Mind if I have a go?"

"Sure, go ahead." So off the Inquisitor goes, and whispers in its ear. And, sure enough, the Donkey starts laughing. Uncontrollably. And it doesn't stop. It just keeps going and going and going. Anyway, the Inquisitor walks out not too long after, happy with his winnings.

The next week however, the Inquisitor walks back in, and the donkey's still laughing. The jar on the bar is nearly full to the brim once again. 

"What's the jar for this time, barman?" Asks the Inquisitor. 

"Well, you know you made it laugh? This time it's to stop it laughing."

"Mind if I have a go?"

"Sure, go ahead." So off sidles the Inquisitor, and has a little word in the donkeys ear. Anyway, the donkey trots off to the beer garden, with the Inquisitor following it.

A couple of seconds later, the donkey trots back in, crying his eyes out, followed by the Inquisitor.

"Here's your winnings, then sir. By the way... What did you say to make it laugh?"

"I told it I had a bigger cock than it."

"That'll make it laugh" said the barman. "What about to make it cry?"

"I proved it."

________________________________

An Inquisitor walks into a bar, and the barman asks "What are you having then?"

"I'll have a double scotch." So the barman serves him, the Inquisitor drains it, and begins to walk off.

"Oi! You haven't paid! Come back here." At which point, the Administatum Representative next to him said "Actually, by your wording, you were buying him a drink. Within rights, he has no need to pay."

Grumbling, the Barman lets it slide, and the Inquisitor walks out.

The next day, the Inquisitor walks back in, and the barman sees him. "You've got some cheek coming back in here after what you just pulled yesterday."

"What do you mean?" asks the Inquisitor. "First time I've ever been in this pub."

"Oh, sorry, you must have a double."

"Thanks, make it a scotch."


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

Oh god, I've heard the donkey one, but the other one is new and fantastic :laugh:


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## Sangus Bane (Jun 17, 2009)

An underaged inquisitor walks into a bar... he orders a beer... the bartender asks him to identify himself, The inquisitor shows his fake ID. the bartender says: I dont believe... the inquisitor kills him and says: die heretic!

not funny, is it? it was the best I could think of...


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

Sangus Bane said:


> An underaged inquisitor walks into a bar... he orders a beer... the bartender asks him to identify himself, The inquisitor shows his fake ID. the bartender says: I dont believe... the inquisitor kills him and says: die heretic!
> 
> not funny, is it? it was the best I could think of...


I would have said:

An Inquisitor walks into a bar, and he looks mighty young.
The Barman asks him for his ID.
The inquisitor shows him his inquisitorial symbol.
"Ok, so you're one year old, now I KNOW you're lying."


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## thomas2 (Nov 4, 2007)

Vaz said:


> An Inquisitor walks into a bar, and orders a pint. There are two guys next to him, one on either side, and he says to the one on the left, "hey, wanna here an accountant joke?"
> 
> To which the man replies "Let me tell you, something, little man. I'm a 6 foot tall, 200 pound weight lifting champion, but I'm also an accountant. The guy on your right there, he's also an accountant, and he's a world class wrestling star. Still wanna tell that joke?"
> 
> "Not really. Don't want to tell it twice."


I've heard a very similar version of this joke, but it's not too similar so I'm going to 'inquisitorise' it.


An Inquisitor walks into a bar, and orders a pint. There is someone on the bar stool next to him, and he says "Hey, want to hear a joke about Orks?"

Looking at them for the first time the Inquisitor sees a muscled greenskin wielding a massive axe who says "Let me tell ya stoopid 'ummie, I'ze a Ork an' I'ze proud of it. I'ze stronga and tuffa than youze, an' could split yer in two with one strike of me choppa. Still wanna tell dat joke?"

"Not really. Don't want to have to explain it afterwards."


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## raverboi (Jan 15, 2009)

an inquisitor walks into a bar and slumps down on a stool looking very depressed
"why so down?"
"i rolled double sixes for my morale this morning"

he walks back into the bar the next day all cheery and happy
"le'me guess, you rolled double ones for your morale this morning?"
"nope, i just got laid."


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## Sangus Bane (Jun 17, 2009)

Winterous said:


> I would have said:
> 
> An Inquisitor walks into a bar, and he looks mighty young.
> The Barman asks him for his ID.
> ...


Yeah, that is way better


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## The_Inquisitor (Jul 19, 2008)

I really didn't think there were this many "walked into a bar" jokes. I'm amazed and amused all at the same time. 

L.


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## Grand Master Z (May 18, 2009)

An Inquisitor walks into a bar, ummm, give me a second, I got it!, I lost it again, um, uhhh, oh well.


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

Sangus Bane said:


> Yeah, that is way better


Just thought of it as I was writing it :3


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## heartoffury (Jun 17, 2009)

An inquistor walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink for himself and one for the empty stool next to him. He then quietly has his drink and walk out, leaving the drink next to him untouched.

He then returns every night for several weeks and does the same thing until the bartender asks what the deal is. To which he replies: "Well, warp mechanics dictates that there is a chance that a beautiful woman will pop out of the warp, accept my offer for a drink and fall in love with me".

The bartender says: "Well, there are plenty of beautiful women in the bar every night, why don't you try offering a drink to one of them and maybe she will fall in love with you?"

"Yeah," replies the inquistor, looking longingly at one of said women, "but what are the odds of that?"
_____________________________________________

An inquistor, a space marine and a guardsman walk into a bar.

The guardsman says "Ow". The space marine doesn't notice and walks right through it. The inquistor accuses the bar of heracy and puts it through intensive screening to learn who he serves and, upon failure, annihilates the bar with an orbital strike and blames the guardsman for his inefficiency and failure to destroy the bar.
_____________________________________________

Well, there's my best shot


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

The first one was great :laugh:


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## Lupercal101 (Jan 26, 2009)

An Inquisitor walks into a bar, and the bartender begins to cry. The Inquisitor becomes Inqusistive and aks why. The bartender punches him in the face and the Inquisistor shoots him in the head. Drawn by the noise outside, a mushroom walks inside. The bartender sees him and with an extreme effort says "We don't serve mushrooms" The mushroom replies "But I'm a fungi!". But the bartender can't say anything back cause he is dead. The Inqusistor them commits suicide because he thinks a deamon is taking over him because he just a mushroom talk to a dying bartender.

boring joke as hell but meh


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## Lupercal101 (Jan 26, 2009)

heartoffury said:


> An inquistor, a space marine and a guardsman walk into a bar.
> 
> The guardsman says "Ow". The space marine doesn't notice and walks right through it. The inquistor accuses the bar of heracy and puts it through intensive screening to learn who he serves and, upon failure, annihilates the bar with an orbital strike and blames the guardsman for his inefficiency and failure to destroy the bar.
> _____________________________________________
> ...


omg i pissed myself laughing +rep


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## air (May 11, 2009)

... ouch

simple


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## Wolfgang_Molder (Mar 3, 2008)

An Inquisitor walks into a bar followed by an emu and a black cat, he walks up to the counter and orders three beers, The emu pulls out a $10 note and gives it to the inquisitor to pay for the drinks, When the inquisitor asks the cat for his share he is ignored, the bartender asks "whats with the emu and cat?" The inquisitor replies "well you see not long ago i did some work for the high lords of terra and they decided to grant me any one request I had. Not wanting to waste such an opportunity i asked for a bird with long legs and a tight pussy.

BUH-BUMP-CHH!


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## Sangus Bane (Jun 17, 2009)

An inquisitor walks into a bar, after a couple of drinks he is COMPLETELY wasted... He is now so wasted he can't talk straight... He opens a vox channel with the fleet in orbit... Instead of saying: I want a barrel of that nice beer. he says: I want a bomb on the hives here... and the entire city is destroyed...

dammit not funny... again...


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## heartoffury (Jun 17, 2009)

I guess I'll give it another shot
____________________________________
An inquistor walks into a bar after rolling a 6. A guardsman rolls a 1 and, passing his initiative test, manages to duck in time.
____________________________________

An inquistor walks into a bar with a astropath. Shortly after sitting at the bar and ordering drinks the astropath goes into violent convulsions and falls off his bar stool. 

The inquistor, seeing that the astropath is motionless and not breathing, proptly dials 911. An operator answers and in a calm soothing voice asks: "911, what is your emergency?"
"My astropath just had a seizure, I think he's dead. What do I do?"
"First, I need you to make sure he's dead," replies the operator.

The inquistor then says, "Just a second" before setting down the comm device. The operator then hears the unmistakable sound of a bolt pistol discharge before the inquistor returns to his comm device.

"OK, now what?"


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## The_Inquisitor (Jul 19, 2008)

heartoffury said:


> An inquistor walks into a bar with a astropath. Shortly after sitting at the bar and ordering drinks the astropath goes into violent convulsions and falls off his bar stool.
> 
> The inquistor, seeing that the astropath is motionless and not breathing, proptly dials 911. An operator answers and in a calm soothing voice asks: "911, what is your emergency?"
> "My astropath just had a seizure, I think he's dead. What do I do?"
> ...



Now that was hilarious. I actually laughed out loud.


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

heartoffury said:


> An inquistor walks into a bar with a astropath. Shortly after sitting at the bar and ordering drinks the astropath goes into violent convulsions and falls off his bar stool.
> 
> The inquistor, seeing that the astropath is motionless and not breathing, proptly dials 911. An operator answers and in a calm soothing voice asks: "911, what is your emergency?"
> "My astropath just had a seizure, I think he's dead. What do I do?"
> ...


[email protected]
Fantastic.


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## Dafistofmork (Jan 9, 2009)

the first time i heard that one, it was two irish guys playing golf. the 40k one is much better though. i love it.


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## thomas2 (Nov 4, 2007)

An Inquisitor goes into a bar, and seeing a pool table goes up and asks the guy standing there if he wants a game. He says yes, and the Inquisitor starts, doing pretty well with a few balls. The other guy manages to miss the ball he was going for.

"Emperor's damnation, I missed!"

"You mustn't say the Emperor's name in vain, for He shall strike you down!"

"Yeah yeah, whatever."

So they take their next goes, once again the Inquisitor doing all right, but the other guy manages to hit the white ball too hard and it flies off the table to break someone's drink.

"Emperor's damnation, I missed!"

"I told you, you mustn't say the Emperor's name in vain, for He shall strike you down!"

"OK ok!"

This goes on for the entire game, until the Inquisitor has nearly won so the game and the guy needs to pull of something really spectacular, but fails again.

"Emperor's damnation, I missed!"

"You shouldn't have said that! He shall strike you down!"

All of a sudden, a huge white light appears, and the Inquisitor is obliterated. All over the bar, every living being hears the same words in their head:

"EMPEROR'S DAMNATION, I MISSED."


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## Winterous (Mar 30, 2009)

BWBAHAHHAHAHJAK!G#j1
Aaw man, that's great.

And clearly just a joke replacing God with Emperor 

Doesn't make it any less awesome though.


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## Inquisitor Varrius (Jul 3, 2008)

Possibly the best one yet thomas2, good job. :grin:


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