# Firefight



## jaggedjaw (Oct 2, 2010)

The streets were empty. The sun was at it's zenith and the streets were empty. The market day had come across and the streets were empty. 

No children dancing and playing, no vehicles moving to and fro, no birds filling the air with song and flight. The only children were far away, the only vehicles were left there days before, the birds were replaced by smoke and clouds. 

Silence in the highest regard, broken only by two things: marching and...

"WAVE INBOUND!" someone shouted.

Master Sergeant Ruderfor and his company were huddling behind broken autos and shattered roads bricks with sandbags and razor wire while the enemy, damn whoever made this street so wide, was marching forward 20 abreast and 30 deep, 6 times what he had. They were marching in perfect unison, the metal clank of their feet audible from here, combined with the hunched backs they so favored and the lightning guns that were so feared, the Heresy's Skel-8-10's at their finest. Unfortunately they were facing the B.S.S.' finest Regulars.

"GET READY!", Ruderfor announced, pausing only to let no shots get wasted, "FIRE!"

The clap of a hundred laser rifles was near deafening and the effects were almost instantaneous with tecnos falling like rocks. But not every shot hit and, as flimsy and ill protected as they are, not every shoot killed, one tecno in the front took a full side from a whole squad and was still staggering around.

"FIRE AT WILL!", Ruderfor shouted, not that it needed to be it was just reassuring.

Unfortunately the enemy had thought that he was talking to them and began letting loose. The lightning from their guns danced across the open, grounding itself in the cover or never at all. While they may be good shots, Regulars were known as cover hugers for a reason but the next volley was short a hand or two. All in all the pattern continued for only a few minuets and they got to the barricade, but couldn't get past it themselves, so they all died.

"Casualty report?", Ruderfor said.

"We have 6 men dead and 5 wounded", came the reply.

"Are they walking?", Ruderfor asked.

"Far from it", the reply stated, "the dead are luckier then they are."

"Alright you heard him men", Ruderfor began, "we lost 11 good men, but think of what you did, you held the town against an assault by those tecnos."

"They have 11 of us down, 100,000 more to go. We have 600 of them down...", Ruderfor's voice trailed as he looked down the street, "18 million more to go."

Beyond the mounds of dead tecnos was the rest of their battalion, marching with the same single mindedness of their kind, but they weren't alone. Strom troopers, comandos, Pikes, and Claw fish were in abundance adding skill in as much as their numbers. The same number came for this attack though the main difference was the first shout:

"THE MASTER SERGEANT'S BEEN HIT!"


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*Hi*



jaggedjaw said:


> The streets were empty. The sun was at it's zenith and the streets were empty. The market day had come across and the streets were empty. Here you establish that the streets were empty 3 times. Its not necessary to say the same thing three times in a single paragraph.
> 
> No children dancing and playing, no vehicles moving to and fro, no birds filling the air with with song and flight. Repeated words. Spell check will help with that.
> 
> ...


Take time to read through your story and make sure things flow well when you read it out loud. If you do not have spell check then I recommend 2007 Micro Soft Word. It makes things a lot better.

Clarify your stories. The story does not need to be rushed, but loved and slowly built. Battle scenes can go on for quite a while and character development can grow with each turn of phrase. 

Keep it up and don't quit. You will get the hang of it with a lot of work and a lot of effort.


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## Dave T Hobbit (Dec 3, 2009)

As the triple repetition of "_...streets were empty...._" is followed by two further re-iterations of points I thought it do be a deliberate style to establish list after list, so that the missing end to "_Silence in the highest regard, broken only by 2 things: marching and..._" came as more of a punch.


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## jaggedjaw (Oct 2, 2010)

Thanks for reading and commenting on my short story. I'm still not very good at this so I may post a couple more stories. Also I made some connections and am re-posting it.


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