# The Rising Star (working title)



## Master Kashnizel (Jan 5, 2008)

I have been working on what will be a short story about a marine who forgets what chapter he is from and becomes a sort of an anti hero. Here is the prologue and 1st chapter: 

Prologue

There are many myths and legends about the Emperor’s defeat. Whether it was a long and bloody battle or if it was a short but hate-filled affair has been lost in the annals of time. There are equal number of myths on the Emperor’s resurrection. If it will ever occur. If he will rejoin the Imperium and all its lost warriors in a last battle against chaos. Some even say that if the Emperor died the Imperium would be better of and that he would return in the form of a child. And then there are those who speak of the rising star, an entity that will destroy all that we know but at the same time create the galaxies and the planets anew. Weather these tales are true is unknown but those few that say they are, remain in hiding, for fear that they will be discovered and killed. This is one such man’s story.

Chapter I

Ravek walked through the arming chamber his squad was preparing in and sat on a small metal bench near his weapons rack. He was already in his power armor and the only things left were his bolter and chainaxe. Most sergeants did not use the chainaxe for they thought it was to brutal a weapon to use. Ravek on the other hand had a different outlook on the matter. He thought that if a weapon could destroy the foes of his chapter, and the Emperor, it would suffice. He always used his chainaxe. He had been using it since he had been a member of Sergeant Marik’s assault squad. That, of course, had been before Marik was given the honor of being encased in the holy sarcophogous of a dreadnought. Ravek loved his weapon, it was a part of him, a tool for him to use against the foes of the Imperium.

“We are ready for the drop brother, what would you have us do.”

Ravek looked up, awoken from his thoughts, at his squad’s heavy weapons specialist, Lucius, and simply nodded. Lucius did not need a verbal response, he knew what to do before he even asked Ravek. It was simply a matter of protocol. He swiftly turned on his heel and marched towards the rest of his squad.

Ravek stood and turned towards his weapon rack. He slipped his fingers around the hilt of his chainaxe and pulled it out of the metal rack. He stared at it for a moment and then reached for his bolter but his fingers couldn’t find the weapon.

“Looking for this?” Xavier, another marine from Ravek’s squad said with a grin.


“Hand me the weapon Xavier I wouldn’t want you confusing it with your mother’s tit.” Ravek joked.

“I’m not that young Brother Sergeant.”

“Your right but you are that dull. Now lets be off, I don’t want us to be late for the battle.” 

“As you wish brother.”

The two marines left the room with the rest of the squad in short order behind them and headed for the landing bay.

***

The Drop Pod wasn’t anything special. It didn’t even have a ceiling mounted storm bolter as most other drop pods did. But it wasn’t made for combat. It was made for transport, and that was exactly the intentions of Ravek. If he had thought they needed weapons then he would have asked for a Drop Pod with a Storm Bolter. But he didn’t, so they would have to make due with it.

Once they were inside the Drop Pod and they had fastened there harnesses they left it to the coordinating systems within the Pod to get them to there designated position. The doors closed and locked in position. Ravek felt the floor rumble for a moment and then he heard the faint sound of the housing for the pod opening. Then there was silence. Ravek knew what was going to happen next. They all knew. And it happened in an instant. The Drop Pod was rocketed out of the ship and into space. It wouldn’t take long for the pod to reach the outer atmosphere of the planet as the ship had been hanging in relatively low orbit above the planet. Once they did hit though Ravek took a sigh of relief. There had been many disturbances in the planets atmosphere lately that many pods never even got past it. Some exploded in mid flight and others zoomed off course. It happened very seldom but it still happened and Ravek was thankful that it didn’t happen now.

“Brother Sergeant,” called Brother Darius, the squad’s tech expert, from the other corner of the pod, “ shouldn’t we have landed by now, it’s been almost fifteen minutes since we broke through the atmosphere?”

“I’m not sure, check our coordinates see where we are…”

Ravek was cut off by a high - pitched screeching noise apparently coming from the pods thrusters. On the main screen inside the pod a flashing three – dimensional model of the pod appeared. The entire model was green except for the thrusters, which were red.

“Check our flight status, I want to see how far we are from the ground!” ordered Ravek.

“Why?” Darius screamed over the growing noise.

“I think we’ve been hit!”

And then the world went dark.


C+C welcome.


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## zboy234 (Dec 29, 2007)

looks good already, hope to see more, hope that chainaxe gets a workout:biggrin:


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## Master Kashnizel (Jan 5, 2008)

Actually (Although its just a piece of killy metal) it will have a big role in the plot. Not that its some like secret artifact of doom that is like the key to the whole story but it has an important role. I'm not gonna say anything else except that it bears down on Ravek's mind and in the end it has a MAJOR effect on him.


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## squeek (Jun 8, 2008)

Interesting story, could do with using a spell checker as, for me at least, poor spelling and grammar detract from the experience of reading it.

A few things I noticed are:

Weather should be whether, unless you are talking about rain and sunshine, etc.

"...amounts of myths..." would scan better as number of myths, in my opinion.

There are a few places with minor errors, where to should be too and and where punctuation is missing/wrong.

Overall I liked it though


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## Master Kashnizel (Jan 5, 2008)

Yeah at this point I don't really care about the spelling because this is only a rough draft. More will come later on this week but for the moment keep the comments coming!


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## squeek (Jun 8, 2008)

Fair enough 

I failed to mention that I specifically like the spoken parts, you have managed to make it sound like they are saying it, which isn't always easy.

So keep it up!


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## Master Kashnizel (Jan 5, 2008)

a little update: I am changing the premise of the story. Instead of him forgeting his Chapter, he finds out that the rest of his Chapter has basically turned traitor and he becomes a "renegade". He also needs to stop his Chapter from activating a Device known as the God Engine which would activate the Rising Star, destroying most, if not all of the Imperium. But don't worry he wont be doing it on his own....


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