# The mistakes we made



## deathbringer (Feb 19, 2009)

This was inspired by the writing of Dirge eterna whose excellent writing is at level that this poor imitation cannot compare too. Please guys whether u think it’s terrible or average say so.... If u think it’s bad tell me why... I would really like to improve my writing and grammar so anything you can see to improve say. Thanks for reading. _________________________________________________________________ 
* May 9 40,012 
The planet of Arcadia Imperial Barracks *
Storm troopers are all arrogant bastards. Talented but arrogant. They are the elite of the imperial guard and fuck don’t they know it. Being inducted as the leader of a squad of storm troopers is always an unnerving experience. Arrogant men have the ability to put so much spite into two words "Yes sir". The trailing "r" rings with mockery and the hissing sound of the "s" is a slap across the face. As 9 storm troopers saluted their new sergeant the walls rang with mockery.

Eliza laughed to herself "9 arrogant men with authority problems, what fun!” After her last screw up, she really had something to prove. She withered each stormtrooper with a glare which broke into a cheeky smile as the irony overcame her. She turned sharply on her heel and moved away towards her room, ignoring the outbreak of muttering that erupted behind her. 

Steven Daniels flipped himself into his bunk bending his tall frame to fit its cramped quarters "A chick, I mean old Foghorn was a bit of an old woman but come on."

He stretched slightly to look over the lip of his bunk "What do you think Shaz?" 

'I need a smoke" 
Ralf laughed from the top bunk opposite Ben and tossed a pack down to him
"Got you that excited" 

Shaz's deep black eyes glinted with mischief "Hey, that chick can walk" 

He lit a cigarette and held the match up to Ralf. A cloud of smoke erupted from his lips and he let out a long sigh as his face became pensive for a moment
"So Steve you were second in command, got any info on where were going next" 
Steve's face fell and Shaz's face whitened in shock
"I'm sorry Steve" 

"You remembered?" Steve let out a bitter laugh

"My title was revoked after old Foghorn got shot" 

Ralf's eyes were suddenly serious and he sat up straight in his bunk "Steve. It wasn't your fault" Ralf threw a pillow but Steve's eyes were glazed Slowly, Steve turned to Ralf. His face was drawn and the harsh strobe lighting suddenly seemed to age him. The words choked on the air and Steve gulped as he painfully forced his trembling lips into speech
"It was" 
The words hung on the silence of a memory
_________________________________________________________________ 
*the tragedy of Steven Daniels 
April 13th 40,012 
Planet of Vengeance 
City of Persecution* 

City fights were our speciality but we had not been prepared for this mission. We had helped clear the city of the chaotic cultists yet the radio brought word we had never expected to hear. Such a plan was so subtle that none had expected it. A two prong attack to draw the forces of the city into one direction when the real aim was in another. 

We were drinking at ease, celebrating our victory when the radio burst into life "To vict...." 

(This is a red alert we have a 102 in sector 14. We are requesting all units, all units. The planetary governor is a hostage... I repeat the planetary governor is a hostage) 

The toast died in horror as all our heads turned to the radio pinned to our sergeants collar Old Foghorn slowly unclipped the mike and responded "Azul responding......How did they get in" 

(Only a skeleton defense force was left to defend the planetary governor, as we sent all available units to crush the rebellion. It was compromised by a second smaller but better armed unit of cultists. It appears the rebellion was just a diversion) 

Foghorn swore loudly and turned to his squad "You know what to do" 

Together we ran, snatching up our equipment. I turned back and saw Foghorn bent over the table desperately scribbling on his data slate. I turned to the haphazard pile of equipment in the corner and saw Shaz's flamer glint. I passed it to him whilst I saw Tommy Strak checking his sniper rifle. I picked up my hellgun and I strapped my long knife to my back as I quickly reloaded it. I felt Ralf push me forwards as he ran and I saw his hot shot lasgun glint in the life "You should have taken one of these' I laughed patting my trusted hellgun "This baby will kill more cultists than that fancy crap" 

The squad formed up silently in front of Astra, eyes down steeling themselves for the mission ahead, Astra was the baby of the company, our personal chimera transport and though she was dented we loved her like a child, caring for her and repairing her at every opportunity. In battle she had never let us down and we treated her with the respect that she deserved. The interior had a homely oil smell and we piled inside.

I sank down in my familiar place, sinking into the groove that had been carved by over 50 missions. Old foghorn sat in the middle and began his briefing.

"I have been talking with the brigadier and he has given us permission to attack the building. We have to retake the planetary headquarters at any cost however I convinced him that Squad Azul is perfect for this job. Though we are not experienced in the world of hostage extraction, our city fighting skills are better than the local mob. 

The building was taken by approximately 50 cultists early this morning. At 3:50 as we crushed the cultist rebellion they issued the demands that the system of Vengeance accept itself under the will of the chaos gods and that all imperial guard regiments lay down their arms and surrender. Their threat is that they will kill 3 hostages every hour until they reach the planetary governor. Then they will send us his body in pieces"

He paused and swallowed before adding

"Remember that they also have full control of the planetary defenses so they could do some serious damage to the ships of the imperial fleet still in orbit. We have also detected a strange signal coming from the government building calling for Astarte’s reinforcement. This suggests that this plan goes deeper then we expect." 

"Therefore we have decided to send in a task force to destroy the cultists He held out a data slate "Here is the building plan? Any thoughts"? 

Ted Krose leaned forward "Roof. Parachute in and take it from the top"

Foghorn nodded but Ralf quickly pointed to the roof plan
"Look at the automatic defense systems. We would be cut to shreds before we hit the ground. I'm assuming their activated and also we couldn't cut the power as they have their own generator." 

The group fired suggestions yet I remained quiet studying the cellar plans. I looked at Foghorn and he smiled "Steven, I think you have an idea" I returned his smile 

"The sewers run down under the building. We could move in from the grating on 14th street. Then we could blow the roof of the tunnel and move into the building from below. If we were quick we could be on top of them before they even realize"

Stan Gratsky interjected "The noise would be immense. It would alert every cultist in the place. They would shoot the governor and the mission has failed."

Steve nodded slightly, desperately urging his mind to work "I don’t think so. It's three stories underground and the entrance is concealed." Foghorn interjected as the Chimera rocked and jilted to a halt 

"we haven’t got a better plan. Let’s go for it. Any objections?" Stan looked thoughtful for a moment, then his eyes lit with the fervor of battle 

"Lets do this" 

As soon as we entered the sewers I knew my plan was a mistake


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## Lord Ramo (Apr 12, 2009)

I actually think that it is really good deathbringer. Classic hostage taking.


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## waltzmelancholy_07 (Sep 30, 2008)

Good so fark:... Bit of advice about the way you tell the story... Don't change from 3rd to 1st person so suddenly... It confuses the reader... Expecting more to come:victory:.... Does Eliza have a major role?...


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## deathbringer (Feb 19, 2009)

thanks ramo and waltz
the change from 3rd to 1st is to show its someones memories
It was meant to be sharp to show the transition into the flashback
however if their is a way of doing it without confusing the reader 
tell me and ill change it


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## waltzmelancholy_07 (Sep 30, 2008)

Hmmmm... Normally... Switching is really discouraged... Because well... As I said earlier.... It confuses the reader... Decide beforehand when you write a story, the point of view or the perspective of your fluffs... When it's first person.. Stick to it... If it's otherwise... Stick to it... Expecting more in the future mate:victory:...


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## NurglingStomper (Jan 31, 2009)

Aww I want more!!
Really good stuff there bud.


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## deathbringer (Feb 19, 2009)

Ok in future I wont I admit I’m not really used to this conversational style I prefer the descriptive style I have tried to put in a subheading so as to make the transition clearer as I don’t truly fancy changing the tense of the whole thing Thanks nurgling glad to see people are commenting on fluff Thanks to everyone that took the time to read here is the second part _________________________________________________________________ 

Firstly it stank. There was an aroma of rotting garbage that assaulted my nostrils and I strained against the bile rising within my throat. The urge to vomit was a relentless wave and I bent double clutching my side as I wretched. I fought the tides of nausea but finally spewed into the water at the bottom of the tunnel. 

I turned, wiping my mouth and wincing at the bitter taste, in time to see Ralf vomit against the side of the wall. The semi digested food trickled down the wall and I started in surprise as it disappeared into the darkness without trace. I shuddered before pushing it from my mind. 

*Another mistake. My fault *

As we adjusted to the stench we formed up and began to move down the sewer towards a dim light. The liquid at the bottom of the sewer pipe was waist high and globulous and we desperately pushed through it. I felt my eyes focus upon the ghostly light. 

It fixated me, tempted me, yet within my desperation to escape the dark cocoon of the cellar I felt a hint of doubt rising within me. Where did it come from? I shuddered before pushing it from my mind. 

*Another mistake. My fault * 

Old Foghorn led the group and I could see his chest rising with the effort of pushing through the watery mixture of decomposed refuse. Behind him Ralf's lasgun glinted as a bead of sweat dripped from the edge of his dark brown hairline and he swatted it away as he swept his fringe over his left eye. We turned slightly as the tunnel curved gently and I saw Stan Gratzky's furrowed brow as his eyes flitted round the tunnel. He shook his head slightly and opened his mouth to speak, swallowed then closed it. Ted Krose whispered something in his ear and Stan tittered slightly, before his brow creased again. I saw Ted's stocky frame pushing through the sewage with ease and I smiled slightly. 

"Salt of the Earth" 

I muttered under my breath I felt the butt of a flamer in the crook of my back and Shaz whispered in my ear "Studying Ted Krose's sweet ass again"

I laughed and the sound echoed eerily round the tunnel and I stifled it quickly. I turned to Shaz and saw his mouth twitch showing a set of beautifully white teeth. I rolled my eyes and turned to the front as the darkness faded into a dim light. I looked upwards and saw a hole in the ceiling and I muttered desperately to Ted 'Tell Foghorn to stop. Look up?" 

He stared upwards for a moment before passing the message on. Foghorn stopped and the group warily backed up, desperately looking for any signs of life on the floor above. I felt Tommy Strak push past me hoisting his sniper onto his shoulder and staring around at the hole in the ceiling.

"I can’t see anything" he muttered to Foghorn

"Toss a frag up their" Foghorn muttered. His voice echoed slightly and I felt Sam Cralan push past me and I forced myself to Foghorn's side staring up at the hole. I felt him tap my shoulder and I bent to listen 

"They got in this way" Foghorn muttered "This means we can’t tell how many got into the building. We are facing unknown numbers and there could be traps, defenses. We have to go back and find another way in" 

"There is no other way in. We have to do this sir. It's our only chance. Don’t frag them. If we can take them by surprise we have a chance" 
I saw Foghorn bow his head and saw the grey hairs that lined his scalp. He looked up at me slowly and I saw the doubt in his eyes. He shuddered before pushing it from his mind. 

*Another mistake. My fault * 

"Sam. No frag yet. Harry. Give Sam a bunk up. Sam see what u can see. If u see something... frag it" Harry Breal wiped the sweat from his eyes and lifted Sam. Sam snatched the lip of the hole in the roof. 

"All clear" he muttered pulling himself up into the room. His booted feet disappeared yet I saw a shimmer of light upon the wall as his rifle glinted as he prepared to cover the squad. One by one, the team disappeared and formed around the hole in what had become the floor. I stared around at the maze of filing cabinets and I heard Ted Krose swear. 

"Their must be a million places for people to hide. I saw Foghorn look down at the data slate. "2 floors of filing cabinets, two floors of offices. Fuck. Is it too early to retire" 

I saw Shaz snigger slightly and stared around at the ceiling. The first traces of mould were emerging from a few thin cracks in the wall. I looked to my left and saw a second growth of mould emerging from behind one of the filing cabinet. I felt my brow crease as my eyes found the air conditioning system that sat silent behind me and my confusion grew. I shuddered before pushing it from my mind. 

*Another mistake. My fault *

"Lets go!" I said quietly. Foghorn paused and I felt the tension build in a crescendo of suffocating silence. With a pained jerk he nodded once. I took 6 steps forward and the silence exploded.


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## Lord Ramo (Apr 12, 2009)

Cool more fluff please. Lol good stuff again


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## NurglingStomper (Jan 31, 2009)

Please more, and it's really good by the way. Keep it up!!


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## deathbringer (Feb 19, 2009)

Thanks for all your comments. I'd be happy to hear any improvements that people can see
___________________________________________________________________
Time seemed to slow; I felt the metal of a wire cool against my leg. It resisted the pull of my weight and tightened as my eyes widened in horror. The momentum of my sixth step carried me forward. I felt my right leg push against the taught wire and it cut deep into my leg. The tension built and the pain in my leg grew. Panic flared and sirens rang in my head as the line broke. I looked left and saw one end of the wire was tied to the wall and from the corner of my eye I noticed a slight glitter as a small pin slid from a gap in the filing cabinet. I heard it clatter on the tiled floor breaking the silence with a resounding thud. As one the squad turned, I felt my body brace itself for the impact. Their was a momentous pause and the clatter of the pin on the tiles seemed to resound around the walls echoing eerily. Nothing happened and my body relaxed and I wiped sweat from my brow. Without warning, the cabinet was ripped apart by the force of an explosion and the walls rang in a deep boom mixing with a shrill cacophony of screams as shrapnel pierced skin. 

A body slammed me to the ground, desperately protecting me from the blast. My head spun sickeningly and light exploded before my eyes as I was slammed against the tiled floor. I felt my protector recoil and heard a guttural grunt of pain. His trailing arm shifted and I felt the wind rush as a shard fizzed over my head only to slam into the wall embedding itself deep into the reinforced concrete. It quivered with suppressed energy only to be blasted by a ricocheting bolt of energy.

I heard Foghorn swear, a shout of "HOSTILES" before a second scream of pain reverberated around the corridor. 

The man on top of me lay still and I shifted him desperately reaching for my hellgun. I stared around searching for the enemy but the room swam sickeningly and I slumped recoiling from the nausea that rose inside of me. The images cleared slightly and I saw 2 shadowed figures crouched in the gap in the filing cabinets. A bolt of light flashed from the pistol in his hand illuminating a few smoking documents and a bent iron frame. I shook my head and the shadowy figures became more defined. My eyes fell upon my and hellgun and I felt my fingers close upon it. 

It slipped slightly through my clumsy disorientated fingers yet I clasped it to my chest,hugging it tightly desperately holding it close. My hand shook slightly as I raised it and fired two shots at the head of the first cultist. He jerked upon impact and he stood suspended for a second before crumpling to the ground. The other cultist jerked slightly in surprise as his comrade fell and his eyes stared wildly round the walls before locking with mine. The hellgun kicked in my hand as his throat exploded throwing him backwards leaving an arcing curve of blood suspended tracing the trajectory of his fall. It seemed to hang upon the air before spattering to the floor. I pulled myself to my feet and stared around at the battle. Further down the corridor I saw Foghorn's blade emerge as it slashed through the throat of a cultist whilst the muzzle of Tommy's rifle flashed and I heard a shrill scream from the end of the corridor. I turned ducking round the side of a bulky filling cabinet. I saw 4 cultists charge and their swords seemed to absorb the light as they slipped from their scabbards. 

They were met by a hail of bullets and I saw two cultists fall, whilst another cultist buckled under the impact to his mould stained armor I saw the lips of the leading cultist form the word "Nurgleth" The word surrounded me and the situation became clear. In one second my mistakes were revealed to me and the horror of my erroneous decisions crashed down upon me. I felt myself slump as remorse filled me piercing my very soul. I stood their immobile before my sorrow broke in a wave of murderous fury. 

I stepped outwards hellgun raised and placed a bullet into the chest of the leading cultist. He buckled stumbled forward. I drew my long knife from over my shoulder and stepped back slashing a cut in the throat of the flailing cultist. Another volley of shots slammed into the remaining cultist and his head was blasted from his shoulders. The decapitated corpse stood pointlessly for a second before slumping forwards. Blood seeped between the cracks of the tiles and mold sprung up along the scarlet line till it had cocooned the body in its destructive grasp. The air was suddenly filled with the smell of putrification and I winced turning to the slumped figure that had saved my life. 

Ted Krose's eyes were closed and his white teeth were stained with blood as he bared them in agony. His hand gripped at a spike of shrapnel that protruded like a withered arm from his abdomen. I turned and saw another prostrate figures writhing upon the ground clutching at his face. Blood seeped through his fingers and I could hear his soft whimpers of pain.

His hands moved slightly and I saw the handsome face of Stan Gratsky, white with blood loss and I winced at the deep chasm branded across his cheek. At the end of the corridor the unhurt remnants of Azul clustered around Foghorn, quickly reloading weapons. From the cluster one man broke towards the wounded. 

Felix Mendi was the squad’s medic. A diminutive pessimistic man that was well know as the worst shot in the army yet he was described by other surgeons as having "crazy hands". Often criticized and dismissed by other squads he had found his place with squad Azul and had rewarded their patience by patching them upon several occasions. I saw him kneel pushing Gratzky's hands to his sides, saw him pause for a moment before my tears obscured the image.

I fell to my knees by Ted Krose's agonized form head bowed in a prayer of anguished remorse. I felt his hand grasp my shoulder 
"Toughen up kid. I'm the injured one not you. Mendi will have me up in no time. The barb is stopping me from loosing blood. " 
I wiped my bloodshot eyes and leaned on my hand as I looked at the grizzled features of the hardened veteran His eyes seemed to hold mine for a moment and I thought I saw a flicker of a smile flit across his face 
"Come on kid, toughen up, put your hands down"
I obeyed without question dropping my arms His face broke into a smile as his left hand swung in a hard slap across my face 

"Stupid Twat" spat Ted "You better not be this stupid every day. Now make yourself useful get Mendi for me" 

He clapped my shoulder as I stood and my quivering lip broke into a smile. I saw Mendi straighten from Stan Gratsky and move towards me and he grimaced as he saw the shrapnel protruding from Ted's chest 
"Big bastard got you Ted" 
Ted nodded

"Is Stan OK?" I muttered quietly 

"Yeah he's fine. Shrapnel whipped across his face. Scarred his rosy cheek but nothing too bad. Hurt more than anything. I gave him a shot he'll be fine. Now then Ted" he said kneeling by his side I stood back to give him room and bent slowly to pick up my hellgun. I reloaded quickly and turned to scout the area ahead.

"It's a maze isn't it" muttered a gruff voice in my ear as Ralf moved to my side I merely swallowed "Your kicking yourself about the tripwire" he stated calmly yet I heard the concern in his voice. Slowly 

I nodded and I felt his nails dig into the flesh of my shoulder "None of us saw it. It was a clever trap. 6 guys in the next aisle. 10 waiting by the stairs. We have to thank god for Tommy. He nailed 6 of the bastards." Out of the corner of my eye I could see the concern in his eyes.

"Steve it wasn't your fault" I turned to look at him deliberately keeping my face impassive
"Ok" I murmered with a weak smile. He looked at me before leaving me to stare along the corridor through unseeing eyes. I shuddered yet I could not push my failure from my mind. 

*Another mistake. My fault. *


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## deathbringer (Feb 19, 2009)

I stood alone, alone with my failures. They haunted me, taunted me and I surrendered to them allowed them to place the seeds of doubt within my mind. From a great distance I heard Mendi mutter "You're good to go Ted" and heard the congratulations and jibes of Azul squad, however I could hear the relief in their airy voices. 
"Ted got forked by a filing cabinet" 

"Just cos you want me" 

"that’s what your mu...' 

"Oh come on! No mum jokes... come on Harry you do that every time. It’s so dull" 

"Actually that’s what Ted's mum said to Harry last night'

I heard the sound of laughter and a slap before I heard Foghorn's voice 

"Squad gather round... quickly" 
My limbs moved on their own trajectory whilst my mind searched desperately for a loop hole... something... anything to kill the guilt that rose like bile in my throat. 

"Boys, we are losing time, so we are going to move quickly. Our enemies are alert and the stairs are certainly going to be ambushed. So I am going to suggest the original plan. We will take the next floor using a hole in the roof. We have the required equipment. Come on boys lets hit this'

I heard a small cough and the squad turned to look at Mendi surprised to hear his interjection 
"Boys these are Nurgles spawn so for god’s sake don’t get touched or its amputation time" 
He bowed his head slowly and gave a nervous cough 
"Just be careful, ok" he whispered as his voice cracked with emotion Foghorn placed a hand on his arm and nodded at Sam 
"Let's get the fuckers" 

Sam Cralan was a recluse. He did his work silently and without comment. There were two schools of thought on why he was a silent the first was that he was just a quiet guy the second was that he was a fucking nutter. He had two passions in life, general knowledge and blowing stuff up and both of them had saved the squad in the past. 

The squad watched in awe as he vaulted onto the filing cabinet extracting some tape and 4 small sticks of dynamite from the leather pouch perched jauntily on his hip. He strapped the dynamite to the ceiling carefully extending the fuse wires. He rolled the wires his fingers twisting them together. A leering smile twisted his face and he nodded carefully at Foghorn. 

"Harry the grappling hook." Harry moved from the crowd carefully hefting his rifle to his shoulder. He squinted slightly and fired into the centre of the ceiling. The recoil was immense and he staggered backwards as the hook lodged itself firmly in the ceiling.

He threw one end of a rope to Sam who nodded curtly and looped it through the grappling irons hook tying it carefully, tightening the knot with a slight grimace. He tugged on the hook testing its strength and a satisfied leer appeared on his face as it held. A lighter appeared in his hand and he lit the ball of fuse in his hand before flattening himself to the filing cabinet. 

On the ground Foghorn took charge as the fuse crackled and crumbled away smoking away into ashes 

"Squad form up. As soon as the ceiling falls I want Ralf and Shaz up through that hole covering Sam. Mendi I want that ceiling down, you and Harry keep as much tension on that rope as you can. Tommy, see what you can see with the rifle." 

The fuse wire burned away, the four flames rose simultaneously coiling, snaking upwards towards the small sticks of destruction strapped above. I saw Harry and Mendi tense on the rope and I could feel Shaz and Ralf edging slowly forward. In one swift movement Tommy Straks rifle swung and his eye was pressed to the scope as Sam Cralans hunting knife gleamed in the strobe light as it slid slowly from its sheath. 

The fuse fizzed and the flame died as the dynamite erupted in a wave of sonorous energy and plaster. Cracks emerged upon the ceiling like rivers of congealed blood whilst a cascade of dust fell in satanic spirals, slashing at my eyes and I staggered back a step. My vision cleared as I blinked furiously, as Mendi's muscles bulged slightly and he strained desperately against the ceiling. It buckled slightly as they heaved on the rope and then with a collosal groan it gave way showering Sam with rock. 

Amidst the swirling dust I saw a shape writhing as it fell through the air and heard a cry of surprise through the clatter of rock on metal and I started forward as the figure knocked Sam to the ground. I saw Ralf's new lasgun gleaming and it bucked in his hand and I saw the stunned cultist thrown backwards by the force of the blast. 

Sam straightened and Shaz vaulted onto the filing cabinet as I heard Tommy’s sniper rifle burst and a second figure toppled backwards through the hole knocking Shaz aside. I rushed forward to help him as the figure struggled to find his feet. A second later, he spasmed as Sam's knife pierced his eye socket. I reached the cabinet and vaulted it kicking the second cultist off Shaz's trapped legs. He looked up to thank me and I saw his eyes widen in horror, transmogrifying into black pools of terror. I heard a strange shuffling sound and I whipped around and I felt myself scream.

A mound of dead flesh loomed above me the gross mass of its engorged stomach bursting through the combat slacks that barely contained his swollen bulk. Its face had a dead disgusting pallor and blisters upon its skin oozed a sickly yellow puss. It shuffled towards me and the stench of putrefied flesh assaulted my nostrils. The repellent, decaying mutation disgusted me and I forced my lips to move but no sound came, and I stared transfixed at the bullet hole in the center of the creatures engorged, rotting forehead. 

I desperately raised my hellgun yet doubts surfaced in my mind. Alarm bells rang in my head as a rotting hand reached towards me but they faded into insignificance compared to the nagging voice of doubt that echoed in my ears. 

_"Don’t shoot it. You will miss. You are a failure. You will make another mistake, give up, you are not worthy of your squad. Your destiny is to become a corpse mutated and gross. So drop the gun"_

My hand wavered and I felt my knees weaken before a roar of rage awoke me to the situation. Foghorn had vaulted the filling cabinet and though I sensed his back arching in fear he raised his hell pistol and I saw the distaste etched across his faced. The pistol cracked as he unloaded the clip into the creature. Chunks of rancid flesh exploded from its rancid torso and I raised my hellgun and fired 3 shots into the corpses’s forehead. It exploded showering the walls with putrescent meat.

I felt Sam and Foghorn pull themselves up into the room and I heard Foghorn yell and heard Sam shriek. The sound was high, cold and pierced the heart of each member of Azul. I felt Ted Krose bulldozer his way through and side by side we pulled ourselves into the room above. I saw Ted's jaw drop at the wall of diseased corpses that blocked the stairs ahead. I turned to see a small group of cultists charging towards us from the stairs. We were trapped. I saw Ted stagger backwards and I thought his courage had failed but a second later he had turned drawing his power sword and was charging the cultists the hellgun barked in his hands and a cultists head exploded. 

In a split second I made my choice and I sprinted after Ted, easily catching him. My hellgun barked and I saw a cultist duck swiftly rolling forward yet as he straightened raising his sword a second bolt of light hit him in the chest. It seared a dark hole in his armor and he screamed as the bolt burnt a cavity into his chest. 

I turned to see Ralf at my elbow Shaz following close behind. My doubts flickered and died to be filled with one feeling of certainty. "I would die to defend my brothers" The knife slid easily from it sheath and I fired the hellgun once into the cultist ranks before charging the nearest cultist. I heard Ralf’s knife slip from his leather belt and heard the grind of Shaz’s broadsword. 

4 cultists met the 4 storm troopers of Azul squadron and the sound of steel on steel provided an eerie background to the oaths that were running through my mind "You will not step back from danger and you will cleanse all that stand before you for you are squad Azul and like water you will cleanse all that oppose the will of the emperor." My light blue eyes met the cultist’s dark brown eyes and my long knife hissed through the air decapitating him. The dark brown eyes froze and then fell out of sight and I rushed forward certain in the knowledge that I had almost failed my oath and that it was my brothers that had carried me through. I would not fail them again. I would have revenge for my mistakes. 

*Revenge *


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## dark angel (Jun 11, 2008)

Good Work DB, DA


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## Dirge Eterna (Apr 30, 2007)

deathbringer said:


> This was inspired by the writing of Dirge eterna whose excellent writing is at level that this poor imitation cannot compare too.


You cheapen yourself, sir. This, to me, is an excellent start of what will hopefully be a long and prosperous career of writing! Keep at it, and practice always makes perfect. 

I do love the mention of me, though.

*Dirge's ego inflates a little more*


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## deathbringer (Feb 19, 2009)

Haha to be honest u deserve to have a swollen ego
ur writing is of an excellent quality
its not the complete start i have posted on other thing called the fall of ahriman
http://www.heresy-online.net/forums/showthread.php?t=29891
if u care to look
Thanks my ego has risen
Thanks dark
I will update this tomorrow


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## Shogun_Nate (Aug 2, 2008)

Howdy bud!

Looks like a damned good start. If I may, I'd suggest a few simple things to help neaten it up a bit. First off, use a program with a grammar/spellcheck function. I see a fair few spots where the word might fit but its the wrong one (ex: 'their' instead of 'there'). Also, break up your dialogue sections when characters are speaking to each other. A simple line between them makes it a lot easier to read and follow. Check your punctuation as well. You hit it spot on in parts but seem to forget it in others. Remember: proof-read it a few times, grammar/spellcheck it, proof-read it again and then post it. Of course, I'm guilty of doing the same thing. I write it up and get in a hurry. It shows in a couple recent postings I've made (something I'll need to fix soon when I have time).

However, having said this, the story is still good mate. Keep working at it. The more you strive to improve your works the better they become. Patience and hardwork are just as key to writing as creativity. 

Good luck and good gaming,

Nate


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## deathbringer (Feb 19, 2009)

Thanks Nate I attempted to act upon ur criticism by editing all the previous chapters . Thanks for all comments and sorry for the delay ________________________________________________________________ 

The red mist spurred me to act and I sprinted towards the cultist assaulting Ralf as the blood on my blade congealed into a black stain. He saw me coming dropping to one knee to avoid Ralf's desperate right hook. The cultist’s sword slashed towards my knee caps and I leapt to avoid it. I saw Ralf's boot swing and the cultist’s nose erupted with a sickening crunch.

The white of splintered bone was quickly tinted ruby red as blood flowed freely from the crumpled mass of flesh. My knife flashed as the cultist fell backward and the cultist was pinned to the ground as he desperately scrambled away. I saw him wince as his face contorted in a silent scream and pity rose from the red mist of rage. 

I raised my hellgun and shot him once in the face as a second scream pierced the hallway. From behind me the scream was cut short by a single mercy shot and I heard the heavy strides advancing upon me. I turned to see Ted Krose sprinting up the passage as Ralf's lasgun exploded in a beam of light blinding me slightly. I heard a second scream and Shaz's shout of appreciation as the 4th cultist slid down the wall. 

I felt my chest begin to burn as I sprinted after Ted towards the retreating firing line of Azul as the shuffling monstrosities moved closer to the retreating squad. I saw Ted shuffle in next to Mendi who was working franticly to reload his pistol. His eyes were wide and he stared at the mutated bodies with a repulsed awe. 

I slipped into the line next to Sam Cralan as he dropped to his knees, fumbling in his pouch for more ammunition. I stepped backwards planting a shot into the head of the first corpse as Foghorn barked out 
"Headshots only. Where is that flamer? Shaz, do your duty" 

The shambling horde seemed like an endless tide as Shaz stepped forward past me to face the horde. I thought I saw him pause for a moment yet his jet black eyes were determined and I saw his flamer rise as he stepped from the line towards the beasts. He raised the flamer as a rotting hand extended towards his throat.

The beast lunged with a sudden spurt of speed and Shaz pulled the trigger. The rotting maggot infested hand burst into flames which rushed, dancing along his body causing the corpse to crumble into ash. It tumbled backwards and suddenly a second bloated form was wreathed in flames. 

Shaz stepped nimbly backwards as a 3rd body lunged towards his throat. The pus covered face erupted into a fiery abyss as the flamer spat and the corpse crumpled to the floor burning quickly to ash. All along the corridor more bodies where bursting into flames as the shuffling animations collided falling to the ground as the spell broke and flames danced, eating, consuming the rank flesh with ruthless efficiency.

Shaz moved slowly backwards as the corridor was filled with the stink of roasting flesh as thick black smoke rose from the funeral pyre of the deadly fiends of Nurgleth. I thought I heard shrill screams and roars of agony yet Foghorns voice rose loud above the din. 

"Form into ranks. Walking retreat!" 

Shapes moved in the smoke as we moved slowly backwards. As a shape burst from the flames I heard the crack of Tommy's sniper rifle and the fiery figure died away as the smoke billowed around it, swallowing it like a cavernous mouth. 
The smoke thickened and Ted Krose shouted above the noise 
"We can’t move into the smoke it would be suicide. We will have to wait till it dies." 
I heard Foghorn grunt in agreement "Wasting time. They know we are here." 

"I know but the smoke won’t die for about 30 minutes. We have no choice but to wait" 

In two strides I reached the wall and slammed my fist into the fire alarm. A siren blared from the roof and the sprinklers burst into life. The water rained down upon my back and the smell of fried meat melded with the damp into an even more repugnant odor. The black smoke died revealing a deserted corridor. 

At our sodden feet the water was blackened by the ashes of the dead. I pressed the button again and the alarm died and the sprinklers failed, leaving the members of Azul squadron standing sodden in the deserted corridor that had once swarmed with the rotting fiends of Nurgle. The squad dripped gently staring silently down the deserted corridor. 
Then a voice broke the silence as Ted Krose turned to me 
"Oh fuck you!"


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