# Heresy-Online's Expeditious Stories Challenge 12-05: Falling Rain Voting Thread



## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

This concludes Heresy-Online's Expeditious Stories Challenge 12-05!

Congratulations to all of you who participated in this month's competition and making it a success! Thank you all as well, for helping to add colour to the already exceptional fanfic forum here on Heresy. Hopefully in the following months, we can continue to build up interest and maybe bring some more fresh blood to HO's fanfic forums.

Voting works as such:
Each reader (not just writers) can cast three votes, ranking them 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. Feel free to share your thoughts, comments, or brief reviews on the stories as well, since each of the writers worked hard to get their entries up.

Scoring works like this:
1st place: 3 pts
2nd place: 2 pts
3rd place: 1 pt

*When you vote, ensure that you vote in the following format:*
1st Place: Author, Name of Story, 3 pts
and so on.

Unfortunately, to prevent any possible dramas, you cannot vote for your own story. If you cast any votes, you have to cast all three, no picking a single story and nothing more.

Additionally, if you wrote a story, you must vote! As the competition grows, I think it is necessary to point this out. If you enter but do not vote, any votes for your story(ies) will not be counted.

By the end of the voting period, all votes will be tallied and a winner declared.

Once this winner is declared, the winning story will be placed into the Winning HOES thread which has been stickied in this forum.

Just to emphasize again, _you do not need to have written a story to cast your votes!_ The more people that cast their votes, the better!

The deadline for voting will be midnight US Eastern Standard Time *Friday, 01 June 2012*. At that time this thread will be completed, the winner declared, and the new HOES topic for Competition 12-06 will be posted.

Here are the entries from HOES 12-05:


*Table of Contents*

Bloody Mary: Unclean

Jonileth: Shards of Light; the Angels Come

Davidicus 40K: Bringing Life, Bringing Death

Liliedhe: Lacrimae Faralis or Tears of the Dead

Demonlord24: Civil War

Adrian: The End is Only the Beginning

Andygorn: What Happens when it Rains?

Andygorn: One Last Request

Dave T Hobbit: Blossom

Zinegata: Tears

KjellThorngaard: Night Rain

VulkansNodosaurus: Horizon
​


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## Davidicus 40k (Jun 4, 2010)

Good competition. Less entries than last month, but I think these are of an overall higher quality.

*1st Place:* Liliedhe - _Tears of the Dead_ - 3 points.
*2nd Place:* andygorn - _One Last Request_ - 2 points.
*3rd Place:* Zinegata - _Tears_ - 1 point.

Honorable mentions: _Unclean_ (nice tale of insanity), _Blossom_ (common bloke gets screwed!).

I dare say Liliedhe is going to be a worthy competitor from now on. I liked the descriptions, the word choice, and the emotion prevalent throughout the story. andygorn, as usual, did a great job writing his piece, and while his other entry was interesting, _One Last Request_ had an epic factor that made me enjoy it more. As for Zinegata, well, I love tales of heroic machine spirits. I liked how he told the story mainly from the tank's point of view, with the Space Marines being almost auxiliary characters - a nice twist. I felt a connection with that brave little tank.


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## jonileth (Feb 1, 2012)

Dave T Hobbit: Blossom - 3 points
Adrian: The End is Only the Beginning - 2 points
Liliedhe: Lacrimae Faralis or Tears of the Dead - 1 point


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## KjellThorngaard (Oct 4, 2010)

+1 to Davidicus' comments.

*1st Place:* Liledhe-Tears of the Dead - 3 points
*2nd Place:* Zinegata- Tears - 2 points
*3rd Place:* Adrian- The End is Only the Beginning - 1 point

Honorables: _Blossom_,_ Bringing Life _ and _What Happens_I liked Liledhe's tale alot. The emotion that it evoked and the descriptions were excellant, and the whole idea was so interesting. Zingata's tank tale was cool, differant and new. The End was disturbing, GrimDark and sad.

No time this month for the monolouge from last month. Keep up the good work everyone!


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## Liliedhe (Apr 29, 2012)

1st Place: Dave T Hobbit - Blossom; 3 pts
2nd Place: Zinegata - Tears; 2 pts
3rd Place: Bloody Mary - Unclean; 1 pt

And I thank everyone who voted for my humble entry so far


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## Dave T Hobbit (Dec 3, 2009)

A very hard decision this month bothe to choose my three favourites and place them in order. However, after some effort, I have narowed it down to:

*1st place:* Liliedhe, Lacrimae faralis, 3 pts
*2nd place:* Bloody Mary, Unclean, 2 pts
*3rd place:* KjellThorngaard,Night Rain, 1 pt


*Adrian - The End is only the Beginning*: I liked the concept and the ending was a good conclusion ot the idea. However the horror did not quite seem real.

*andygorn - One Last Request:* An interesting concept. which mostly flowed well. however, the beginning _"...Alluriad of Iyanden deliberately remains behind, traitorously derelicting his duty to his species."_ conflicted directly with the ending rather than setting it. I also felt the Nurgle daemon split the focus of the ending as it was not clear if hew was involved in events or just watching.

*andygorn - What Happens When It Rains?:* An excellent portrayal of a descent into madness and the reveal was well written. However the Necron conversation at the end broke the low without adding much information so left it feeling a touch flat to me.

*Bloody Mary - Unclean:* Another excellent portrayal of madness

*Davidicus 40k - Bringing Life, Bringing Death:* The concept and writing were both excellent. however the description of the battle lines seemed too academic to fit with the first person narrative of a participant.

*demonlord24 - Civil War:* The idea behind this feels like it is a true epic. However the union of so many past enemies requires a large explanation which meant too much of the work was telling the reader the new alliances instead of showing the story. I felt tihs would have worked much better as a longer woerk with more space to show events.

*jonileth - Shards of Light: The Angels Come: *I really liked the inner monologue. It captured her wonder very well. However _"In the span of seconds it took for the bolter round to reach her skull, "_ broke the flow for me at the end as I was confused by how long the shell took.

*KjellThorngaard - Night Rain:* I really like vampire stories and the escalating horror was great in this one. However, the dialogue seemed a touch oddly formatted in places especially at the start.

*Liliedhe - Lacrimae faralis or Tears of the Dead: *The depth of description made it seem natural that the planet would bring back memories.

*VulkansNodosaurus - Horizon:* This captured the instinctive self-sacrifice of Marines very well. However, the combat seemed too brief to be the epic struggle a Daemon Prince justifies.

*Zinegata - Tears:* The character of the machine spirit was just similar enough to human to be sympathetic but clearly different.


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*My votes*

1st place - Liliedhe: Lacrimae Faralis or Tears of the Dead - 3 points. Great job.

2nd place - Davidicus 40K: Bringing Life, Bringing Death. - 2 points. Just wow!

3rd place - Bloody Mary: Unclean. 1 point. 

For me third place was the hardest to pick. The talent and skill of the writers here has become so good and formidable it is hard to compare.


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## Bloody Mary (Nov 6, 2009)

1. _Lacrimae faralis or Tears of the Dead_ - Liledhe, 3pts
2. _Blossom_ - Dave T Hobbit, 2 pts
3. _Tears_ - Zinegata, 1 pt

Honourable mention goes to Adrian _The End is only the Beginning_.


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## andygorn (Apr 1, 2011)

Firstly, thanks to everyone for reading - incredible imagination and vision that you all have here.
Sure, it would be a ‘dream come true’ (whatever that is) for me to be published one day, but I mainly transcribe for your enjoyment, so your feedback is really invaluable and I hope the stories which come to me are feeding/satisfying people’s imaginations out there.

Thanks Davidicus 40K, yes it seemed on a grander scale to me as well.
Putting the words down, it felt like an epic sacrifice...not necessarily for noble concepts, but just for quite a selfish one of pride and reputation.
But the feeling I got before typing was that it was supposed to be a kind of pride that’s worth dying for (if such a feeling exists) and which will have a good ending, rather than a bucket-load of boastful arrogance whose swagger achieves nothing or maybe even makes things worse.


@DaveTHobbit:

_andygorn - One Last Request: An interesting concept. which mostly flowed well. however, the beginning "...Alluriad of Iyanden deliberately remains behind, traitorously derelicting his duty to his species." conflicted directly with the ending rather than setting it. I also felt the Nurgle daemon split the focus of the ending as it was not clear if he was involved in events or just watching._

I think the idea was that the Eldar seem to me to be a species which husbands it’s resources:
Yes, certainly passionate and wild when needed, but mainly also carefully calculating losses and gains; knowing when a good situation can be turned into a great one, but also knowing when to leave if there is no merit in staying just to get killed for no reason.
Alluriad is a coward and the stones seek to rid their bloodline of the shame he has brought upon them, even at the expense of their own (and his) lives.

I think that the line was to represent his comrade’s view of him.
With the battle lost, their training should have meant that everyone gets back to the transports to get out of there. Or to maybe hurl himself at a daemon who is trying to attack a retreating comrade. Yet he doesn’t attempt to throw himself in the way to save anyone. He doesn’t even have the bravery to spit into a daemon’s face or to shout a last curse of defiance.
Instead, all he does is stay still, ignoring his training, ignoring any wounded comrades who he might have been able to ‘buy time’ for.
He stays still, sacrificing himself needlessly in their eyes (only the seer and the soul-stones themselves can see what he is unconsciously doing).

About the Nurgle daemon...hmm, interesting take on things, good to have a fresh pair of eyes sometimes.

I think the ending explosion was purely an Eldar-crafted psychic/spiritual-backlash-bomb...if someone takes too much energy into themselves, they explode -even daemons of the warp- and especially if the energy is something that is anathema to them.

Chaos always feeds upon itself. To some, the realm of mortals is a playground. To others, it’s the only thing that matters. Yet more still know it is but one avenue or power, no more or less worthy than any of the other ones.
I think the daemons in this part of the warp are able to see some others, but not everyone.
Maybe these islands float around, others stay still, but none of them know -or have much control about- if or when they may (or may not) be moving, or even where they are going to end up (random nature of Chaos and all that).
Nurgle for me was always about a grandfatherly figure: humorous yet honest, harsh yet fair. Swollen and corpulent, unable to move, these daemons give the impression that some of them might never move, eking out every morsel of vicarious pleasure that they can muster from their decaying bedchambers.
So, they may have to make alliances with neighbours from time to time, but (just like the Chaos Gods themselves) they all take great joy in the defeats of their opponents and allies.

_andygorn - What Happens When It Rains?: An excellent portrayal of a descent into madness and the reveal was well written. However the Necron conversation at the end broke the low without adding much information so left it feeling a touch flat to me._

Yeah, I wasn’t sure about that ending, either. Must try harder .


Bloody Mary: Unclean
A stunning piece of work...I was blown away by this.

Jonileth: Shards of Light; the Angels Come
I definitely liked this; dreamlike in a good way and the Marines(?) just don’t even care what they are wiping out – a nice addition.

Davidicus 40K: Bringing Life, Bringing Death
Even amidst the battle, it was very nice that you added in a touching side to the tale, as well.

Liliedhe: Lacrimae Faralis or Tears of the Dead
Very nice story. Despite a battle-hardened life, the simple pleasure of weather brings out the human qualities which he’s not sure if he remembers, or has forgotten.

Demonlord24: Civil War
I think it’s an intriguing concept, but I wasn’t sure it captured the theme as well as others here. However I reckon this suits a longer style of telling. 

Adrian: The End is Only the Beginning
Great to see that you brought your usual true flair for description to this HOES; fantastic concepts as well. 

Dave T Hobbit: Blossom
I liked this a lot. Interesting take on the human side of people who the PDF/Guard leave behind.

Zinegata: Tears
Really good interpretation of the theme – I’d never thought of vehicles doing that before but (with Chaos using possessed-stuff all the time) I’m not sure why it surprised me...but it’s a cool concept.

KjellThorngaard: Night Rain
A very good read, I certainly wanted to know more (e.g. like this story, but expanded for more background or detail, or perhaps even a prequel or two about how the hunters got started?).

VulkansNodosaurus: Horizon
Not quite as much ‘on-theme’ as others here, but nevertheless a pretty interesting read.

1st = 3 points = Bloody Mary: Unclean
2nd = 2 points = Adrian: The End is Only the Beginning
3rd = 1 point = Liliedhe: Lacrimae Faralis or Tears of the Dead


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## Zinegata (Jan 25, 2012)

1st place: Liliedhe: *Lacrimae Faralis or Tears of the Dead*
2nd Place: Dave T Hobbit: *Blossom*
3rd Place: KjellThorngaard: *Night Rain*

Have to keep it short this time, though I'll prolly put up my usual review later when I have more time.


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

Thanks again to all that participated this month!

Third Place: *Bloody Mary's* _Unclean_ - 7 points

Second Place: *Dave T Hobbit's* _Blossom_ - 10 points

And with a landslide victory on a debut performance...

First Place: *Liliedhe's* _Lacrimae Faralis or Tears of the Dead_ - 20 points

I'll be passing out rep shortly and expect the topic for June up by the end of the day.


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## Liliedhe (Apr 29, 2012)

*jumps up and down* Horay 

Thanks to everyone who voted for me. *party*


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*Good job*

Liliedhe, Great job. The story was truly cool.


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## Davidicus 40k (Jun 4, 2010)

Grats, Liliedhe. Heck of an entrance to the competition .


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## Dave T Hobbit (Dec 3, 2009)

Impressive first entry Liliedhe.

And thank you to everyone who voted for me.


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