# Heresy Online's Expeditious Stories 2: Thirst Voting Thread



## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

This concludes the second Heresy-Online Expeditious Stories Competition!

Congratulations to all of you who participated in this month's competition and making it a success! Turnout imrpoved a little bit, which is great! Hopefully in the following months, we can continue to build up interest and maybe bring some more fresh blood to HO's fanfic forums.

Voting works as such:
Each reader (not just writers) can cast three votes, which works quite conveniently as there are only three stories, ranking them 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. Feel free to share your thoughts, comments, or brief reviews on the stories as well, since each of the writers worked hard to get their entries up.

Scoring works like this:
1st place: 3 pts
2nd place: 2 pts
3rd place: 1 pt

By the end of the voting period, all votes will be tallied and a winner declared.

Once this winner is declared, I'll create a HOES Winner's Thread which will include Month 1's winner and that story will be highlighted, hopefully followed by many, many more as the competition continues.

As a reminder, *this month's winner will be placed in the next issue of The Heretic*! 

Just to emphasize again, _you do not need to have written a story to cast your votes!_ The more people that cast their votes, the better!

The deadline for voting will be *Sunday, 6 March 2011*. At that time this thread will be completed, the winner declared, and the new HOES topic for Competition 3 will be posted.

Here are the entries for HOES #2:
Bane_of_Kings: Night of the Hunter
gothik: Pleasure Palace
jaggedjaw: Shut Yer Yap Before I Clober Ya Wit Me Chopa
C'Tan Chimera: A Wretched Silence Examined
Boc: Grey
Kaiden: We Hunger
VulkansNodosaurus: Of the Ether

Now get voting!


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## Bane_of_Kings (Oct 28, 2009)

1st Place - Grey by Boc.
2nd Place - A Wretched Silence Examined by C'Tan Chimera
3rd Place - Pleasure Palace by Gothik.

Bane of Kings Out.


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

Going to go ahead and say you can't vote for yourself, since that seems like it would lead to some problems lol. I'll make sure I add that to next month's voting thread blurb.


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## C'Tan Chimera (Aug 16, 2008)

So in my case that would mean I only get to vote twice then?


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

Seven entries total, so if you put your own in the top 3, just place whoever you would consider the 4th up there as #3.


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## jaggedjaw (Oct 2, 2010)

1. Of the Ether VulkansNodosaurus
i honestly want to read more about this.
2.we hunger Kaiden
while i may hate tyranids with my every fiber i can't belittle such a great view point
3. Night of the Hunter Bane_of_Kings
gotta love those vampires.


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## C'Tan Chimera (Aug 16, 2008)

1. *Of the Ether*- Maybe I'm biased towards Necrons, but it was just a unique read and fun to see someone breath some life into the C'tan. I tried to do the same with the Lords in mine, but it just came across as dull and depressing. Here it seems lively and fascinating- we should hate the ever living shit out of something as evil as the Deceiver, but I found myself rooting for him here.

2.*Shut yer yap before i clober ya wit me chopa*- this one was just plain fun. I couldn't place it first because of the simple story, but the way it was delivered gave me quite a few laughs.

3.* Grey-* Grey is interesting in a sort of foreboding way. Everything about it is macabre and fetish'ed (Fetishized? Fetishy?)- exactly what Slaanesh is all about, in other words. It's simple, but the execution really sucks one into it no matter how reluctant- just like Slaanesh.


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

wretched silence - 3
night of the hunter - 2
grey - 1


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## Kaiden (Apr 1, 2010)

I enjoyed all the posts for this month but here are my top 3

1) Wretched Silence - C'Tan Chimera
2) Grey - Boc
3) Night of the Hunter - Bane of Kings

Great stories guys :victory:


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

Awesome, keep voting guys! Remember as well, if you think you've got a cool idea for a future theme, PM it to me and I'll get it on the to-do list


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## increaso (Jun 5, 2010)

They were all quite interesting and different.

3 - shut yer yap before i clober ya wit me chopa by Jaggedjaw - Ork POV are usually terrible, but this was really good

2 - Pleasure Palace by Gothik - It really doesn't need the bong stuff though. Takes you out of the story and not needed. Otherwise really good.

1 - A Wretched Silence Examined by C'tan Chimera - I would change penultimate sentence to 'I can not' (only personal preference though!)


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## VulkansNodosaurus (Dec 3, 2010)

1st- Shut yer yap...
2nd- Grey
3rd- Night of the Hunter


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## Commissar Ploss (Feb 29, 2008)

looking forward to hosting the winner in the next issue of the Heretic.  keep voting.

CP


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

increaso said:


> They were all quite interesting and different.
> 
> 3 - shut yer yap before i clober ya wit me chopa by Jaggedjaw - Ork POV are usually terrible, but this was really good
> 
> ...


in hindsight i should have took that out but it was too late to do anything about it by the time i thought about it...glad you like it tho


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

*Bane_of_Kings* – Night of the Hunter
A few sentences seemed as though they were run on, like you were trying to cram in too much description into too little room. Although it didn’t really detract from the storyline itself, it did not permit ‘mental breaks.’ However, a very enjoyable tale of a mentor and (albeit unwilling) mentee as the latter learns about what it is to be undead.

*gothik* – Pleasure Palace
You had a couple of grammatical mixups in here (missing periods at the end of a quotation, random words capitalized), some of which were slightly grating. However, the story did flow well, especially the end sequence, with the narrator going into the whore house and his eventual surrender to Slaanesh. The finale was very stop and go, stop and go, which fit with the sensations he was feeling quite well. Good job at a twisted story.

*jaggedjaw* – Shut yer yap
I can’t lie, I detest reading ork-speak. But, in the interest of the competition (and because it’d be rather rude of me not to!) I pushed on and was not disappointed. While, I admit, it took sheer willpower to get started on it, once I got into the flow of the story it was easy to ignore the disjointedness. You began and ended the story very well, pleasingly closing it with the narrator chasing us off, assumedly with a large bludgeoning tool in his hands 

*C’tan Chimera* – A Wretched Silence Examined
An interesting an melancholic look into the mind of a Lord. I haven’t really read too much literature (read: none!) on Necrons, and I suppose that this was as good of a place as any to start haha. It flowed very well, and reminded me of my own piece _Awakening_. Excellent work, I’ll have to keep my eye on more of your works!

*Boc* – Grey
Absolute shit, you should be shot for writing this.

*Kaiden* – We Hunger
This one, in my mind, best illustrates and applies the theme. The voice I read the tyranid’s lines with in my mind made the parts appropriately... I dunno, creepy. The battle scenes were well wrought, and flowed very well into the over-arching thoughts of (I presume) the hive mind. Great application of the theme as well as an incredibly appropriate and out of the box approach.

*Vulkansnodosaurus* – Of the Ether
First things first (because I prefer bad news then good news ), in the future try to add some spaces between your lines, it’s just a bit painful to look at as a giant block-o-text. Moving on to the actual story though, another story from an interesting perspective that I’ve never read. The thoughts of the Deceiver were appropriately inhuman, though possibly not as sinister (if thoughts can be sinister?) as it could be. Nevertheless, I did love the conclusion of the story, silly priests haha. Another solid entry!

And now, I’ll kind of go over what criteria I apply when looking at the entries. First and foremost, of course, is a good standard of writing. Something wrought with (accidental) errors is automatically moved to the bottom of the pack, simply because, as a competition, the standard should be rather high (jaggedjaw, I know you did them purposefully in your ork piece, hence why I added the quantifier ‘accidental’ errors ). Next is a strong use of the theme. If a story skirts around the theme or does not use it as a central tenet, then it is moved down in the pack compared to a story of similar overall quality yet more of the theme applied. The last is originality, and the author’s attempt to try something new or explore an alternate view of the 40k/WHF/their own universes. This does not mean that it cannot be similar to existing material, but thinking outside of the box benefits you more than it hurts.

And now, my votes:

1st place: Kaiden “We Hunger”
2nd place: Vulkansnodosaurus “Of the Ether”
3rd place: C’tan Chimera “A Wretched Silence Examined”

*Reminder*
TWO MORE DAYS TO VOTE! Anyone can vote, you don’t have to have entered the competition!


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

gothik said:


> wretched silence - 3
> night of the hunter - 2
> grey - 1





increaso said:


> They were all quite interesting and different.
> 
> 3 - shut yer yap before i clober ya wit me chopa by Jaggedjaw - Ork POV are usually terrible, but this was really good
> 
> ...



Gents, in the interest of making sure I've got the places/points awarded correctly, could you clarify if you are posting by points awarded or by the place that you have ranked them?


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

points awarded Boc and thanks for the critque much appreciated


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## increaso (Jun 5, 2010)

Sorry for grammar and briefness- on phone - my score is by points, not rank


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

Gotcha, thanks for clarifying. In the future though, please award placements so that it can be clear, or 1st place: Bob's "Story" - 3 pts to make sure I don't get tooo confused


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

10.5 hours left to vote, let's go folks!

Also, should have done this earlier, but added in links to the first post in this thread that will take you directly to each of the 7 short stories entered in this month's competition.


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## Shogun_Nate (Aug 2, 2008)

Kaiden – We Hunger - 3 pts.
Boc – Grey - 2 pts.
C’tan Chimera – A Wretched Silence Examined - 1 pt.

While I liked all of what I read, these are the ones that stood out to me this time. Still, you all did fine jobs all around fellas. Keep up the good works, all of you!

Good luck and good gaming,

Nate


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

3 hours and 15 minutes left!

Need a tie-breaker to come in and vote, there's a 2-way tie for first and a 3-way tie for 3rd!


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

Well, the appointed hour has come and gone, and I'd like to thank you all again for making this month's competition a success! Of our 7 entries, each earned multiple votes, so the standards for HOES are quite high to create such a level playing field. Thanks to all of the forumites who wrote, and thanks to all of those who cast their votes!

And without any further ado, here are the results:

*FIRST PLACE* - 11 pts
C'Tan Chimera - A Wretched Silence Examined
Boc - Grey

*THIRD PLACE* - 8 pts
Jaggedjaw - Shut Yer Yap Before I Cloba Ya Wit Me Chopa
Kaiden - We Hunger
Vulkansnodosaurus - Of the Ether

Now, since we have a tie for 1st, I've asked a moderator to cast the winning vote, as it will be the first HOES winner to be included in The Heretic Magazine. Hopefully this will happen at some point tomorrow, so that the tie can be broken and the complete winner announced.


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## C'Tan Chimera (Aug 16, 2008)

Well, I thought the tension would be over at this point. Guess I was wrong, heh. Best of luck, everyone!


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

same here c'tan lol good luck guys


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## Commissar Ploss (Feb 29, 2008)

Winner! *C'tan Chimera: A Wretched Silence Examined*

C'tan Chimera has won this month's HOES competition, with his wonderfully intriguing story about death, and the unbreakable shackles that hold so many from achieving it.

CP

I very much enjoyed your story as well Boc, however, there was something very interesting about what C'tan Chimera had written. a bit of in-depth examination of what the feelings are of the highest intelligence members of the Necrons/C'tan. very well done. 

I've read some of the stuff surrounding your Venom Guard, and i hope that you will continue to develop it, you have something really good going.


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

And a big congrats to C'Tan for the photo-finish win! I'll get the short posted in the Winner's thread as well as the new competition up tonight when I get home from work.

Again, huge thanks to everyone that participated this month to make it a success, hopefully we can continue to grow with HOES #3.

And on that note, consider HOES #2 closed.


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

well done c'tan i enjoyed reading your work


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