# The Legion



## Broguts (Jul 15, 2009)

Anethemisis: home world of the legion. It is ruled by chapter master: Odysseus. Many people wish to know the story of Anethemisis, their wish will be answered this day. A long time ago in the Abelard Tullus system Odysseus broke off from the Dark angels and started the Legion of the Emperor's Fury. Jason was designated the master of the fleet and captain of fourth company, Heracles was designated master of the arsenal and captain of the third company, Lazarus was designated master of the watch and captain of the fifth company (an odd choice seeing how the second company captain is usually the master of the watch.) and Leonidas was designated as master of the crusade and captain of the first company. 

Jason hired Daedalus (who later became the master of the forge) as a commission to build the Argo, a battle barge capable of holding the entire chapter (at the time). when they got their new equipment they searched the system for a suitable homeworld. They had found it: Anethemisis, Odysseus lead a landing party to find any artifacts, Odysseus had found his prize; a relic from the heresy; a sword impaled in a stone. Upon retrieving the blade from its resting place he dubbed it: Excalibur

the rest is a tale for another time


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## Inquisitor Varrius (Jul 3, 2008)

Broguts said:


> Anethemisis. Home world of the legion. It is ruled by chapter master, Odysseus. Many people wish to know the story of Anethemisis, their wish will be answered this day. A long time ago in the Abelard Tullus system, Odysseus broke off from the Dark angels and started the Legion of the Emperor's Fury. Jason was designated the master of the fleet and captain of fourth company. Heracles was designated master of the arsenal and captain of the third company. Lazarus was designated master of the watch and captain of the fifth company (an odd choice seeing how the second company captain is usually the master of the watch.) You can't have a period in the parenthesis and continue the sentence. Consider "watch) and" or " watch.) Leonidas" was designated as master of the crusade and captain of the first company.
> 
> Jason hired Daedalus (who later became the master of the forge) as a commission to build the Argo, a battle barge capable of holding the entire chapter at that time. when they got their new equipment they searched the system for a suitable homeworld. They had found it: Anethemisis. Odysseus lead a landing party to find any artifacts, and found his prize. A sword impaled in a stone, a relic from the heresy. Upon retrieving the blade from its resting place he dubbed it Excalibur.
> 
> The rest is a tale for another time


Not too bad.  I might suggest saving up your writing until you've a little bit more before sending it around, but it's good. Most of the tweaks I made affect flow; you can ignore them if you want. Watch your semicolons!

Check this out:
A semicolon laugh


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## waltzmelancholy_07 (Sep 30, 2008)

Don't use parenthesis, its inappropriate.... Use commas and semi colons...


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