# Savin' stuff, da orky way!



## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

*Sum' orky stuff, an' den sum! (UPDATE, 7th February)*

Oy! Youz! Yeah, youz, da 'umiez at da komputa' bitz!

The first fanfic, *Savin' stuff, da orky way!*, can be found on pages 1 and 2.
It's sequeal, *Da green kruseid*, is on pages 2 and higher.

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Chapta' 1 - Ol' habitz die 'ard
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Message received...

From: Marnus Ekladam
To: High Inquisitor Lordeal
Subject: Your requested report
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Emperor be praised!

You gave me the honour of writing a report about the events that recently transpired upon the planet of Akhalam VI. After investigating the events and their outcome, I have come to the conclusion that the ork warband on the planet won't cause trouble. Not for some time, at least.

Let me briefly inform you about the events. Tell you, how ork warboss Nagosh Ubzug and his warband helped save the planet itself.

***

It was a nice sunny day around the ork fort... camp... thing.
Uncountable boyz were running here and there, preparing for the fight at hand. Except for one. He ran to the boss' hut. He nudged, hit or even tackled many boyz. Responses like these could be heard:
“Git!”
“Wotch wer ya goin!”
“I'z gunna get yo 'ead lata!
He was used to that. And he didn't care, since the boyz will probably forget that stuff pretty soon. Flashgit Gobroz was smart enough to know that.
He had been considered “un-orky”. Even more than the other flashgits. After the Big Mek, he was the smartest boy in the fort. Smartboy... or smart git, they called him. He knew the difference between the two only too well.

He reached a big hut, on which there was a sign. It said “De Boss”. The grot that wrote the thing stood there watching it. The grot knew something wasn't right.
“Oy,” the grot turned, “dat shud say DA Boss!”
“I will fix it right away! Pleaze, don't tell 'im!”
“Woteva'!”
He entered the hut. There, warboss Nagosh Ubzug stood. He was looking at a make-shift map of the area.
Nagosh was large, even by ork standards. His left leg was still organic, but the other one was cybernetic. Injuries. His right arm was replaced with a huge kustom shoota. Request from the boss. 'No boss iz complete without big shoota!' he used to say. His other weapon was a gigantic chain choppa. Mek had fun with a humie weapon.
'Course, every boss has a banner of his band or clan, no? The banner was currently hung on a wall. Blue, with a black skull and badly drawn foot over it. 'Da Skull smashaz.'
Nagosh didn't wear horns. He said they were 'Uncomfar... Uncomfuri... wot was da word?”'
“Who'z der?”
“Me, boss.”
Nagosh turned.
“Oy! Flashgit Gobroz! Wot ya doin 'ere?” The boss never called him Gobroz. Only flashgit Gobroz. No one in the whole fort knew why. But he got used to it.
“I'z got newz, boss. Sum git made da trukk blue!”
“I told da meks ta do dat!”
“Why, boss?”
“Blue onez go fasta!”
“Wot? RED onez go fasta!”
Silence.
“You'z right! GROT!”
The gretchin that was fixing the sign fell of his ladder. Gobroz didn't want to know how the sign looked now.
“Yeh, boss!”
“Go to da meks. Tell dem dat da trukk haz to be RED.”
“Goin, boss.”
The gretchin left. Several orks almost stepped on him.
“Drakk'z nervous, eh?”
“Yeh, boss.”
Nagosh was a strange warboss. He liked grots. For dinner, or otherwise. The boyz didn't like it at first, but they soon got used to it. Gobroz just knew this whole warband was a bit weird. Drakk, for instance, is probably the longest-living grot in the galaxy. He wasn't used as a bomb pilot, dinner, in dok experiments, simply nowhere fatal.
“I'z got da perfect plan, flashgit Gobroz!”
“Wot plan, boss?”
“Dis time, we'z gunna attack da humiez right 'ere!”
Gobroz looked at the point where Nagosh was looking. He wasn't the least bit surprised. But it still filled him with dread.
“Again, boss?”
“Yeh. Dey's not gunna expectz it!”
Gobroz wanted to show a sign of protest. But he knew the boss was too stubborn. He sighed.
“Yeh, boss. Wot shud I do?”
“Let'z see... make sure da trukk is red... and tell da boyz we'z goin in five hourz!”
“Yeh, boss.”

*** 

“Are they coming, old chap?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Stupid as always.”
General Alix Mosiv sat in the area's command bunker, his everyday cup of green tea next to him. Orks were right sometimes. Green IZ best! He sipped a bit and then scratched his bald head. He looked to the right.
Next to him was his best man. Commissar Anon Ymous. Strange name. Anon's short brown hair couldn't be seen through the large hat he wore. The same hat also concealed part of his face. Uniform-ordering errors can end in strange ways.
“Are the basilisks in place?”
“Just like the last twenty-three times, sir.”
“Quite right.”
Alix didn't know what kind of fool lead the orks and he didn't care. As long as the greenskins come into their firing range willingly, why complain?

***

The whole ork warband was on its way towards what Gobroz called “Da big field of def”. Warboss Nagosh... wasn't the brightest ork. Every time, the whole warband attacks from the same direction, and every time, almost the entire band gets wiped out. 
Somehow, the boss and he always survive. Is it luck? If that existed, the boss would grow a brain larger than a squigg's and attack a different position. And Gobroz didn't see that happening in the near future.
The earth trembled a bit.
“Boss! Dey'z found us again!”
Gobroz saw Muskit. A normal slugga boy, who seemed to have the same amount of 'luck' like the boss and himself.
Nagosh was furious. As always.
“Stupid humies! They neva' let us have any fightin'!
“Yeh, boss.”
Gobroz covered his ears as the artillery rounds hit the ground behind them. Screams, roars. It then stopped.
He looked around. He was alive. Check. The boss was alive. Check. Muskit was alive. Check.
And that was all... only the three of them survived this time.
“We'z lucky again, boss.”
Muskit had no idea how lucky.
“Yeh, I guess. Wait! Ova' der!”
The two other orks looked as uncountable guardsmen came into view.
“Wot now, boss!”
“Like before, flashgit Gobroz. We'z gunna RUN!”
Nagosh did make sense sometimes. The three turned and left 'Da big field of def' faster than Eldar ever could.


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## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

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Chapta' 2 - Forestz
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“I'z don't get it.”
“Wot, boss?”
“How did da humies find uz, flashgit Gobroz? I bought extra kamuflagez upgradez for 50 pointz!”
“Boss... dat only works in forestz.” said Gobroz, fighting the urge to 'facepalm'. 'How did da humies find uz', he says...
“Likez da one we'z in now?”
“Yeh.”
“Oh... darnz.”
“Oy! Ova' 'ere!”
The two looked over to Muskit. The seemingly endless 'forest', which was actually a jungle, seemed to give the slugga boy more energy. Maybe he would be good as a jungle kommando? If they get out of here, that is. For the twenty-fourth time. The damn place always seemed to be different than the last time.
“Wot, Muskit?”
“I'z found waterz! Lotz of waterz!”
The two came closer. Through a bunch of trees, a large lake, with strange creatures around it, could be seen.
“Gud work, Muskit! I'z thirsty!”
All three made their way towards the lake. The creatures, while kinda' scary, left the area immediately.
“Yeh! Run from da orks!”
“Boss!”
“Yeh, flashgit Gobroz?”
“One'z left!”
Gobroz pointed, Nagosh looked. On the edge of the lake, a small, black... ball, with legs, yellow eyes and a big mouth, watched them. They came closer. It didn't move an inch.
Muskit picked it up. It didn't struggle.
“Boss?”
“Yeh, Muskit?”
“After sum inspa... anspi... lookin', I sayz, that dis 'ere, iz a squig.”
“Squig? I'z neva' seen a black squig before.” Gobroz was truly surprised.
The little black squig roared. As much as a squig can.
“Yeh! Yeeeeeh! Nowz, we'z can EAT and DRINK!”
“Uhh, boss?”
“Wha'?”
Gobroz pointed at Muskit. He seemed a bit sad.
“But boss, da little fing iz so cutez!”
“Don' tell me... you'z wanna keep it?”
“Yeh!”
“Fine, we'z only gunna drink, den.”
Muskit seemed full of joy. He put the squig on the ground. It almost instantly ran into the jungle. Gobroz and Nagosh looked at Muskit.
“Dat'z wot ya get, for bein' nice.”
Muskit sheepishly looked at them.
A terrible roar could suddenly be heard. They looked towards the jungle. The little black squig emerged, towing a creature four times it size behind it. It then stopped and watched them.
“Yeh! DAT'Z what we'z get for bein' nice!”
All three orks gladly took the 'offering'. And drank some water. It actually tasted like fungus beer, a bit.
After the meal, all three just watched the squig.
“Well, we'z got here a gud attack squig.”
“Yeh, boss.”
“We shud call 'im somethin'.”
“Muskit'z right, boss.”
“Yeh.”
They sat like that for a moment.
“I'z gotz it,” screamed Muskit, “Ugu!”
“Ugu? Not bad, Muskit. Not bad at allz.”
“Thankz, boss.”
“We'z shud get going. I'z don't think even Ugu can helpz uz against da stuff in dis forest for long.”
The two nodded and the three orks and Ugu were on the way.

***

After five hours of walking, they really did find the way back home. When they reached the fort, the orks that stayed were gathered around a nob.
Nagosh always leaved SOME defenders. The boys that stayed either lost in a game of orkjack, or didn't want to die. Or both, in some cases.
They heard the nob's words clearly:
“Da boss iz dead. Even if he'z not, he'z a git. I'z da new boss.”
“O, yeh?”
The two mobs of orks swiftly left the immediate area. Battles for being boss can get violent for the watchers.
“Yeh! I'z gunna show ya, GIT!!”
The nob charged. Within five seconds, he flew through a wall twenty metres away.
Nagosh Ubzug may be a bit stupid. But Gork and Mork help you if you have to fight him.
“Who'z da boss?”
The nob came out of the rubble. He was shaking a bit.
“You'z da boss, boss.”
“Gud. Now, ya gits rememba'. I'z da biggest, so I'z wot?”
“DA BOSS!!” cried the mobs of orks
“Now, two fingz. One. Get da wall fixed. And two. Get uz sum fungus beer. And squig pie,” Ugu looked at him, “fine! No squig pie!”
They would have to try and find ANOTHER feral ork tribe to replace the losses. They would have to try hard.

***

In hiding behind the planets moon, several ships waited. The marks of the Thousand sons were on them.
On the bridge of the biggest ship, Rakul Manek stood, watching the planet. His upgraded armour still looked like the 'everyday' one, though. He wanted termie armour, but no! They said the stuff is too 'precious' for an officer like him. He will show them. All of them!
He pressed a buttton on his command panel. Another non-runic marine appeared.
“Report, Akitol.”
“We tried our best, my lord, but we couldn't pinpoint the temple's location. The chaos energies spread everywhere. We did, however, at least discover the area where it is. I am afraid we will have to send our forces to search.”
“It cannot be helped, I suppose. Any other news?”
“Well, yes. We lost Blagush, just ten minutes ago.”
“What happened?!”
“He was summoning a daemon.”
“What kind?”
“Ummm... a Daemonette. Two of them, sir. For uhhh... personal use.”
Who doesn't?
“And what happened? Error on his part?”
“No, sir. Gugulash found out. And you know how mad he gets when someone tries to summon non-Tzeench daemons.”
“Send him here. I want to talk to him ASAP.”
“Will do, sir!”
The transmission ended.
“I have to teach that idiot that summoning Daemonettes is GOOD. VERY good.”
He resumed the watching of the planet. Soon, he will show all of them.


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## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

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Chapta' 3 - Pointy friendz
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“Boss, are ya sure we'z goin' in da right directun?”
“'Course! Whaddaya think, flashgit Gobroz? That I'z stupid?”
“No, boss. It's just dat Muskit and me have seen dat rock over fifteen times.”
“Oh... well... FINE!! We'z lost! You'z happy?”
“Not in da slightest, boss.”
The three orks and Ugu went into the jungles alone. Searching for still-living feral orks is lots of work. Especially when your navigator is “directionally impaired”.
“Wot now, boss?”
“I'z don't know, Muskit.”
As the three were losing hope, Ugu suddenly squeaked and started running.
“UGU! Where ya goin'!?”
Muskit ran after the little squig, the other two close behind.

-

As they followed the little squig, the orks started hearing sounds. After a minute, they identified the sounds as screams. They were human-like.
“More orks?”
“No, Muskit. Voices are humie-like.”
“Yeh! We'z gonna have some fightin'!”
“Right, boss.”
Ugu suddenly stopped. They did too. Through the trees and foilage they could see three slim figures in white armour and... pointy helmets. Their armours were white, but with hints of green here and there.
The three were surrounded by a group of humanoids in gold and blue armour. Most just stood there, but one talked with the pointy-helmeted (is that a word?) ones.

“Wot are dose, boss?” whispered Muskit.
“Da onez wif da pointy helmetz are Eldarz. Da oderz are chaos boyz.”
“Quiet, ya two! I'z listenin'!”
“Sorry, flashgit Gobroz.”

They were quiet and listened as well. The chaos marine spoke:
“I will ask one last time, Eldar. Answer, and your death will be swift. Where is the temple?!”
“We will never tell the likes of you, follower of chaos.”
“Fine, have it your way. Destroy them!”
The remaining marines stepped forward like machines. The Eldar readied battle stances.
“We can't let da chaos boyz do dat!”
“Why, boss?”
“'Cause, flashgit Gobroz, dere'z more chaos boyz, derefore more fun. Plus, da Eldarz know where ta find more chaos boyz. I'z know it.”
Nagosh Ubzug sometimes shows a mind of a smart boy. Sometimes.
“Kay, boss. You'z go first, we'z goin' second.”
“Let's get 'em! WAAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!!”
The chaos marines turned to the source of the noise. The leader was shocked. The Eldar were as well.
A giant ork doesn't just run out of the jungle to smash stuff... most of the time.

-

Nagosh lifted his chain choppa and cut one of the chaos marines in half. The armour... was empty.
“Wot is dis?!”
Another of the marines readied his bolter.
“Not so fast, chaos boy!”
Gobroz, though a smart boy, was still a flashgit. And flashgits like BIG shootas. The marine learned that only too well. Again, only bits of armour were left. Gobroz exited the jungle.
“Boss! Dese chaos boyz are weird!”
“Yeh! Smashin' 'em is still fun, though!”
“Idiots!”
Nagosh and Gobroz looked at the chaos leader.
“You'z talkin' ta us, humie?”
“Yes. And I will gladly send your souls to Tzeentch, for all they're worth! Rubric marines! ATTACK!”

As one rubric marine moved, Muskit suddenly appeared and tackled it with such strength, that the helmet fell of. The marine's gauntlet rose and showed him... the finger. Another tackle sent the armour to the ground.

The Eldar started fighting. One disappeared only to reappear behind a marine and delivered a barrage of devastating energy shots... at least, they looked like energy shots.

The second charged at the marines. They shot, but he flew up and showered with fire from his blaster. The marine's armour seemed to deflect those shots. But he then descended, landing on the marine, crushing the armour. The other one drew a knife, but was too slow. A barrage of shots tore him to bits. The Eldar turned to see Gobroz and was surprised when the ork gave him a 'thumbs up' before resuming his shooting.

The third Eldar... was female. She gracefully danced between the marines, who were too slow to block. An extremely loud shriek from close range literally blew off a marine's helmet.

The marines' greatest nemesis was... Ugu, strangely enough. The little squig jumped from marine to marine, confusing the walking armours. The rubric's shot each other, trying to get the little thing. Muskit got those that 'survived'.

Meanwhile, Nagosh fought the chaos leader. Chain choppa against chain sword. The leader somehow mustered the power to keep the warboss at bay. Which was quite a feat, even for a corrupted space marine. 
“Wot, are you'z on steroids?!”
“Winners don't use drugs, ork! They use the might of chaos!”
A dark energy gathered in the leader's right hand. He released a blast of warp-fire at point-blank range, which scorched the boss' left side.
Nagosh was REALLY mad now. He applied more force and the chain sword broke in half. But he didn't push the choppa further. Instead, he picked up the leader and threw him upwards. He turned his choppa around and used it as an improvised club. He hit the chaos marine and the chaos worshipper was sent flying. For at least a few miles. NEVER make orks mad.

The two other orks and Ugu came closer.
“Boss, ya alright?”
“Yeh, flashgit Gobroz. It's just stingin' a bit.”
“Why did you do that?”
All four (don't forget Ugu) turned. It was the swooping hawk.
“Wot? Save ya arses?”
“Well... yes. Or perhaps you still want to fight?”
The three readies battle stances. The two orks and Ugu looked at Nagosh.
“Nah.”
“What?”
“I'z tired. And me left side 'urts.”
The hawk looked at the warp-fire wound.
“That needs treatment.”
“Wot?”
The hawk facepalmed.
“He meanz fixin', boss.”
“Oh... why?”
“Warp-fire is a dangerous weapon. The wound can start dissolving if not treated.”
“You Eldarz like big fancy wordz, eh?”
The hawk didn't know what to do. Gobroz felt like a translator.
“He sayz, dat da burned partz are gonna turn into somethin' dat has to be replaced by a dok.”
“No dok! I almost lost both mah eyez last time! During arm replacementz! So, you'z Eldarz can heal dis?”
“Yes. But we would have to get you near one of our warlocks. And that could be a problem.”
“Why?”
“We don't even know why you helped us. And then refused to attack us.”
“Why? We'z just wanted ta have some fun! Plus, you were outnumba'd. Dat ain't nice.”
“I see. Well, I supposse we do owe you our lives. We will help you.”
“Tanks. So... who are ye?”
“Oh, sorry. My name is Altian. My teleporting associate is Lokan and...”
“I am Kilina,” said the banshee, “thanks, Altian, but I can talk by myself.”
“Whatever. And you might be?”
“I'z warboss Nagosh Ubzug of da Skull smashaz!”
“I'z flashgit Gobroz. Just call me Gobroz.”
“And I'z Muskit,” he picked up our favourite squig, “and dis 'ere, is Ugu!”
“Pleased to mee...”
“Oh, what a cute little thing!”
Kilina ran to Muskit and took Ugu from his arms. She started squeezing him. The little guy seemed to like it.
“Oy! Wot ya doin'! Give 'im back!”
“No, he's mine! So cute and squishy!”

The ork and the banshee started arguing. Ugu freed himself from Kilina's grasp and headed towards Lokan. The warp spider just looked at the squig. He then stretched an arm and scratched the little thing on its back.
Altian and Nagosh separated the two.
“Enough of this!”
“Save da fightin' for lata', Muskit!”
The two looked at each other. The looks showed rivalry. The two leaders shook their heads and said together:
“Inner-conflicts/z are never good.”
After that sentence, they both stared at each other.
“We should find our warlock... yeah.”
“I agree! Come on, flashgit Gobroz! We'z goin'!”
“Yeh, boss! Come on, ya two!”
The three Eldar, three Orks and Ugu set course for the seeecret Eldar outpost. They went like so:
The first were Altian and Gobroz. Perhaps they will talk 'bout stuff?
Lokan was close behind. Strangely, Ugu walked beside him and the silent warp spider seemed to enjoy the squig's company.
Nagosh walked behind the unlikely duo.
Last were Muskit and Kilina. They were still arguing about Ugu, oblivious to the fact that the squig was with Lokan.


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## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

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Chapta' 4 - Testin', one, two, free
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Aboard the Thousand Sons cruiser, Magic Pwns, all was NOT well. And not just because the beer ran out.
You see, Rakul Manek, though a sorcerer, sometimes shows the rage of berzerkers. Like now.
“So, can any of you tell me, how exactly we LOST OVER ONE HUNDRED RUBRIC MARINES, ON SOME STUPID BACKWATER WORLD?!?!?!?!”
His twenty aspiring sorcerers were more than scared right now. They still remembered Gugulash's punishment... 24 hours Levan Polkka... the horror. The poor sorcerer promised to not even get irritated by non-Tzeentch daemons.
“M-my lord...?”
“WHAT!?!?!?”
The scream made the moon the fleet was hiding behind shake a bit.
“I-it was not our fault.”
“Oh? And how was it NOT your fault, Kran?”
“It was the Eldar. They set up ambushes all over the planet's jungles. They knew we were coming.”
“That is no excuse!”
“We were caught off guard, sir. And you know how slow to react rubric's are...”
Rakul had to admit that. Without sorcerers, they were kinda stupid.
“Fine. But we still lost one hundred.”
“Why does it matter?”
“What?!”
“I mean, they just reform back on the Planet of sorcerers, so why... Uggghhhhh!!!”
Rakul held Kran's neck. He then threw him into a wall.
“It matters, Kran, because the more that have to reform, the more my superiors will think of me as a failure. And I won't get termie armour in that case. Which would make me VERY mad.”
“I understand, sir.”
“Good. Did you encounter any other enemies?”
All the sorcerer's in the room looked at Akitol. He stood up.
“Y-yes. My unit met orks.”
“Yes, I knew of... wait, you got your arse kicked by ORKS?!”
“Let me explain!”
“You have one chance.”Akitol told his master everything. About his group's triumph over the Eldar ambush, (There was at least a hundred, but we pulled though.) the interrogation of the three survivors, (I gave one an extra arm, but he still wouldn't talk!) and the surprising ork ambush (A whole warband, at least! And they had a huge black beast with them!).
“Is that all, Akitol?”
“No, sir. The orks didn't even touch the Eldar.”
This truly surprised Rakul. What kind of orks DON'T kill everything in sight? Could this warband become allies with the Eldar? If so, Rakul has one more problem.
“And the warboss?”
“Yes. The biggest ork I have ever seen. Even I could only barely hold him off. He then got mad and I was forced to flee.”
Rakul tapped into Akitol's mind. The sorcerer was thinking of his fight with the ork. Truly a beast. He didn't need to see more.
“Dismissed.”
The sorcerer's were surprised, but they all left. For their own safety.

***
Rakul was in his personal quarters. He repeated the words that would summon one of his most trusted agents from the warp. When the incantation was complete, the room was filled with red light. The figure could then be seen in its full glory.
“You have summoned me, master?”
“Yes, Nebulon. You are the only daemon I can give such a task.”
“What is it that you need?”
Rakul motioned with his hand. The image he had taken from Akitol's head appeared. The ork warboss.
“I want this ork. Dead.”
“Excellent. Orks are my favourite.”
“Why so?”
“They fight in melee, they are strong. And their blood-lust is almost like mine.”

Nebulon came closer to his master. The daemon's two horns had an almost golden colour. The rest of his humanoid body, however, was black, with red fur on his back. His giant battle axe had drunk uncountable souls. He was much more than a simple Bloodletter.

“I see.”
“Master? May I ask something?”
“Yes.”
“Why do you not summon Tzeentch daemons to do your work?”
“Heheh. You see... they are too unpredictable. Tzeentch may be the master of change, but he overdoes it, most of the time. Besides, it's not like any of the three 'big boys' or even the 'girl' give a damn.”
“You got a point there. But, why me?”
“Because daemons of Khorne are the best at bloodshed. But you also have more IQ than a slug.”
“To think I have been shunned for that... no matter. I will bring you the ork on a 'pointy stik' by tomorrow.”
“Excellent. Now go. And take some... backup. The more chaos, the better.”
Nebulon left, grinning. Rakul knew how to motivate his servants. Either with a whip, or the promise of fun. And Nebulon had all the fun.
Now... all he needs is a Daemonette.

******

“Are we'z dere, yet?”
“For da fifteenf time, boss. NO!!”
“Okay, flashgit Gobroz.”
The group made its way through the jungle, avoiding open spaces. Altian and Gobroz talked about general things, Lokan just walked with Ugu, Nagosh kept asking that question and Kilina and Muskit were still arguing.
Altian just had to ask:
“Gobroz?”
“Yeh?”
“Why... do you follow a warboss like Nagosh?”
“Well... he iz da biggest.”
“Not just because of things like that. I mean, if what you say about him is true, you could just run away. He wouldn't know.”
“Dat's da fing 'bout ya Eldarz and humiez.”
“What?”
“Ya alwayz thinkin' 'bout bein' sumwhere where it's betta'. We orks don't care. We'z just live. Plus, I likes da boss. He can be stupid like a squig, but also smart like a grot. And he wants da best for our warband. Even if da best doesn't happen.”
“I see. You orks are perhaps wiser than even we.”
“Well... I know dese fings. Da otha' boyz don't care. Most just care 'bout fightin'. Or how ta get grog.”
“Sometimes, the simple thoughts are better. We are almost there. When I raise my hand, stop and don't move.”
“Yeh.”
Gobroz looked at Nagosh, who nodded. Nahosh nudged Muskit and told him to shut up.

They walked for another fifteen minutes, when Altian raised his hand. The whole group froze. From the woods around them, the sound of rifles getting ready to shoot came. Gobroz was a bit scared.

From the jungle came a tall figure. He wore green armour with white lines on it. On his helmet was a single, red gem. He spoke:
“Altian... what is the meaning of this?”
“Warlock Ash'nu! We can explain!”
“You'd better.”

As Eldar rangers appeared from the jungle, Altian told their tale. The unsuccessful ambush, the chaos questioning and the unexpected rescuers. Ash'nu listened carefully. When Altian finished, the warlock showed amusement.
“And you now ant me to heal an ORK?! Preposterous!”
“But they saved us!”
“Perhaps. But they are still barbarians and I will no...”
“Ya know, ya Eldarz fink you'z so smart.” the owner of the voice was Nagosh.
“How dare...”
“I darez, cuz any ork cud kick yo arse. Humiez are betta' at fightin'. 'Least dey don't have tanks dat break when ya sneeze.”
“Are you mocking us, ork?”
“Not all of ya. Altian and da two are fine. It's da rest dat makes me sick.”
“What do you want?!”
“I'z want a way ta make ya see us like more dan barboriuns.”
Ash'nu was interested.
“Fine, ork. Three tests. You pass all three, you gain my respect. You fail even one, we kill you.”
Altian wanted to protest, but Nagosh gave him an 'It's okay.' look. The hawk hoped the warboss knew what he was doing.

***

“Fine. Your first test will be a test of strength.”
Gobroz, Muskit and Ugu looked at Nagosh.
“Yeh, bring it.”
Ash'nu motioned with his hands. A group of three wraithguards showed up, with no weapons. Gobroz knew what those were.
“Boss!”
“Yeh?”
“Dose fings are wraithguarderz! Dey'z tough.”
“Good. More fun.”
Altian, Lokan and Kilina were outraged. Ash'nu and the other Eldar were amused. Gobroz and Muskit were scared. Ugu closed his eyes. And Nagosh?
...
Nagosh felt like smashin'.
The wraithguards advanced as one. Nagosh caught one by the arm and used him as an improvised club.
He hit the second wraithguard on the head. The force of the blow made it burry into the earth, with only the head above-ground.
The third guard received a thrown 'club' as a present.
Three Eldar, two orks and a squig cheered. One ork made a victory pose. Ash'nu was furious. Other Eldar had mixed feelings of surprise and... respect.

Nagosh was eager to continue.
“Oy! Wot's da next testin'? Dis is lotsa fun!”
Ash'nu triumphantly said:
“A test of mind.”
Nagosh frowned, then looked at Gobroz.
“On it, boss.”

Gobroz came closer to the warlock.
“I will ask you five questions that were prepared by my brethren. Answer all of them.”
“Okay.”
“Good. First question. What is the Eye of Terror?”
“Da place were all da chaos boyz come from. It'z all red and swirly.”
Ash'nu looked at the 'jury', which sat behind a long white table was made out of female Eldar. All five nodded.
“Good answer. Question number two. Who are the Necrons?”
“Dose are da metal skeletony boyz, right? Da ones wif da green gunz.”
The jury again nodded.
“Correct,” irritation was in the warlock's voice, “third. Who was Indrick Boreale?”
“Heheheh. Dat humie wuz a SPESS MAHREEN leada' and forcey commanda'. He fought for TEH EMPRAH.”
The jury laughed, then nodded.
“Not bad, ork. Four. Wha... wait!! Who wrote this?!?!?!”
Silence.
“Wrote wot?”
“Fine. Easy one. What is an ork's favourite activity?”
“Easy. Fightin'. Or drinkin'. Or smashin', stompin'...”
“We get it! Fifth and final question. Heheh. How does a D/cannon function?”
Ash'nu smelled victory. Gobroz took a deep breath... and started.

Started a nearly one hour long lecture, in which he told about every aspect of a D-cannon. Parts, function, HOW it functions as well as some other bits, like effect on targets.
The jury was so astonished that it automatically nodded.
Ash'nu was furious, again. Nagosh and Muskit retrieved their jaws form the ground.
Gobroz returned to his group. Nagosh had to ask:
“Where'd ya learn dat, flashgit Gobroz?!”
“I likes readin'. Found a book unda' mek's stuff.”
“Weird.”
“Yeh.”
“SILENCE!!!”
All of them looked at Ash'nu.
“The final test... is a test... of CUTENESS!!!!”
“Ya totally pulled dat out of yer arse.”
“I do not care. Show me something cute of orkoid origin and I will bow before you!”
Kilina nudged Muskit and they both looked at Ugu. The slugga boy lifted the little black squig and showed it to Ash'nu.
“Dis! Little Ugu!”
“This?! You have got to be...”
“Look at that little thingie!”
Ash'nu turned to see the ex-jury and many more howling banshees and whatnot.
“Yeah! It's SO CUTE!!!”
The group of nearly thirty Eldar '(fan)girls' swarmed Muskit. They threw the ork out of the way and started squeezing Ugu.
Most of the other Eldar sweat dropped. One guardian said:
“Lucky black... ball.”
Ash'nu was left speechless. Nagosh came closer to him.
“I'z think we passed da testin'. Now, will ya fix dis? Oh, don't forget ta bow.”
Nagosh enjoyed every moment of the bow.


***********************
Here are quotes, gathered by imperial scholars or any other people. Or Xenos, whatever. They contain the words of many famous or not as famous characters in the galaxy.

“Dey'z retreatin'! But why'z dey retreatin' towardz us?” - slugga boy Muskit

“Don't ask Eldarz questuns. Ya won't unda'stand da answerz.” - warboss Nagosh Ubzug

“If we'z made for fightin' and winnin', why do we'z have morale?” - flashgit Gobroz

“Enemies of the Imperium! Can you shout a bit louder? We can't hear you from up here!” - imperial Warhound titan pilot Akim

“Hmmm... did dis boy have three armz before?” - dok Grimog

“Mutations, mutations! That's all the idiots want! I need a vacation.” - Tzeentch himself

“That's nine executions for today. No one laughs at my hat.” - commissar Anon Ymous' secret logs

“*Roar*” - Ugu, the cute little black squig


----------



## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

************************************************************
Chapta' 5 - Fightin' and likin' it!
************************************************************

A hour had passed. Nagosh stood up and looked at his, now-healed, left side. He was grinning, which showed his tusks. Ash'nu seemed a bit tired.
“There, it is fixed. Ork.”
“Don't fink I'z don't know dat ya don't like me. But we'z gotta work togetha' dis time.”
Ash'nu sighed.
“Your words show wisdom. Come, your allies need to know what we're facing, too.”
“Oh, and...”
“What?”
“Thanks.”
Ash'nu was a bit surprised.
“You are... welcome?”
“Oy! Boss! You'z okay”
Nagosh turned to see Muskit. The slugga boy radiated joy. Gobroz and the rest were close behind.
“'Course I am! No chaos boys are gonna beat me!”
“Glad ta hear dat, boss!”
“Settle! I must tell you about our situation.”
Muskit, Gobroz and Nagosh all sat down. Altian, Kilina and Lokan stayed, too. Ugu sat with Lokan, who kept scratching the squig's head.
“Good. Now... long ago, when the Horus Heresy began...”
“Dis is startin' like a bedtime story.”
“QUIET, NAGOSH!!! Anyway, during that time, when the forces of Chaos manifested, a large force of the Thousand Sons came. The same who you attacked earlier.
“Got it.”
“Glad you did. Their forces destroyed unchecked, because the Imperium knew not of them. They created a fortress in the region. Which would not have been uncommon, but they started a strange ritual. We, the Eldar of Biel-tan, felt that something was amiss. We sent our forces to the planet and stopped the Thousand Sons and their ritual, but even we do not know what its purpose was.
“So... wot's da problem? Da chaos boys wud hafta fight humies now... dey'z won't have an easy time makin' sum ritualz.”
“I am afraid that the human forces in the area are insufficient. Our sensors have detected seven Chaos assault-class cruisers. Those have enough forces to wipe out the entire imperial population on the planet. They cannot win this battle alone. That is why we came. To help.”
“Wait... if da chaos boys win... den...”
“They will complete that same old ritual.”
“Why can't dey do it somewhere else?”
“Chaos does have some rules. To the Warp, the ritual is not cancelled. It is merely paused. And we know this is a special, one of a kind rite. If the Thousand sons want to finish the ritual, they have to to do it on Akhalam VI.”
“Strange. Well... we'z gunna help any way we'z can, right boys?”
“Yeh, boss!” Gobroz and Muskit shouted.
“Your help is appreciated. But, as I've heard, your numbers are low.”
“He'z right, boss. We'z got too little boys ta fight.”
“Yeh. And if da Eldar fight, dey die. And dere are too little Eldar already. We'z need more boys!”

Ash'nu was astonished. An ork actually that cared about something else than fighting? He had misjudged Nagosh. Suddenly, a guardian appeared.
“Warlock Ash'nu!”
“Yes?”
“We have detected a large flying object! It is heading for the planet!”
“The Thousand sons?!”
“No, sir. This is something new. And it's big!”
“Let me see!”
The guardian showed them the sensor readings.
“It is increasing in speed... as if it wanted to... RAM the planet.”
“Ram, eh? Sound like somefin' orky.”
They Eldar looked at the orks. Gobroz spoke:
“Da boss is right. Ya know wot we'z mean, yeh?”
“A... spce hulk?”
“Yeh! Dat means, more orks are on da way 'ere! Maybe ya can fight deir boss, boss, and be da new boss!”
“Don't dat seem awfully convenient, flashgit Gobroz?”
“No. We'z just lucky.”
“I guess so.”
“It is breaching the atmosphere!”
The whole Eldar camp watched as a huge object flew over them. It continued on its path, until it hit the ground some miles away, causing a monstrous earthquake. When it ended, Nagosh rose from the ground.
“Eveyone'z okay?”
After everyone said yes, Nagosh grinned again.
“Well, let's get goin'! We'z need more boys!”
Muskit, Gobroz and Ugu immediately rose. Altian, Kilina and Lokan rose as well.
“You wish to go with them?”
“Yes, Ash'nu.”
“As you wish. But be careful.”
“We will.”
As the three Eldar followed the three orks... and Ugu, Ash'nu had a feeling that an uncommon friendship was present.

******

“How many orks will there be, boss?”
“I dunno, Muskit. I hope there'z a lot of 'em, though.”
“The hulk was quite large. We can assume that there WILL be many.”
“And dat's gud. 'Cause we'z gonna need all da help we'z can get.”
“Yeh, flashgit Gobroz.”
They reached the end of the jungle. A huge crater was in front of them, the ork space hulk could be seen in its full glory. It wasn't that big, actually, but still easily the size of an imperial cruiser. The seven could see hundreds of orks going out of the hulk, including vehicles killa kans and trukks. In the sea of green, a larger ork could be seen. Larger than his nob bodyguard, he watched the unlooading. He was probably thinking of a big stompin'. Nagosh had other plans.

“He don't look so tough. I'z can take 'im.”
“Ya sure, boss?”
“Yeh, flashgit Gobroz.”
“And what should we do?”
Nagosh turned to Altian.
“You stay 'ere. When I wave to ya, den ya come. Come on, boys! And Ugu!”

The four made their way into the crater. Other orks that noticed them either just watched, or also readied their weapons. Muskit and Gobroz were getting a bit nervous. Nagosh was grinning like a madman. And Ugu was looking around, seemingly amused.
The orks wore light-blue armour. Their banners had a white skull on them.
“Dey'z got a fumiliar banner, eh Muskit?”
“Yeh. Looks nice and blue, like ours. Dey'z gotta be lucky like us!”
Blue... the ork colour of luck. If it was so, then Da Skull smashaz' luck was restricted to three orks. 
The other boss noticed them and started moving.
When he came closer, it could clearly be seen that Nagosh was bigger. Not that much, but still bigger. The other boss wasn't scared, though his nobs were.
“Who are ya?”
“I'z warboss Nagosh Ubzug and dis 'ere is MY planet.”
“O yeh? Well, I'z warboss Abzog Nugush and I sez dat dis is MY planet. And I'z got more boys!”
After that sentence, Gobroz knew the creator of this fic was running out of names.
“O yeh? Well, you'z smalla' den me. Your boys shud follow da biggest ork.”
The mass of orks around them started talking. Some even nodded. Even Abzog's nob bodyguards were considering the words.
“You'z maybe da biggest, but I'z stronga'!”
“O yeh?!”
“Yeh! And I'z gonna fight ya ta prove it!”

******

Within twenty minutes, orks made an improvised ring for the two bosses.
Nagosh on one side, with a fanclub of... three.
Abzog had a mandatory fanclub of... OVER 9000!!!!
“Writa', dat joke is overused.”
Fine, Gobroz! He had a fanclub of 3000. Happy?!
“Yeh.”
Anyway, back to where we were before I was so rudely interrupted.
Nagosh looked... like he was having fun.
Abzog was mad, with burning eyes and everything. The smaller boss roared with all his might:
“WAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHH!!!!”
The landscape actually shook, a bit. A tiny bit, but still a bit.
Nagosh was prepared to charge... but then he noticed something. Everyone except for Abzog did. Their sights aimed above.
Abzog looked up, only to see a glint of metal.
As a nearly three ton piece from the space hulk landed on the boss, Gobroz swore to never yell near hulks. Ever. And that this was the shortest battle ever.
Nagosh looked at the hulk-piece and grinned. He then laughed. Gobroz, Muskit and the other orks soon joined in.
Nagosh waved towards the cliffs. Every ork turned. As the three Eldar left their hiding place, some started aiming. A mighty roar stopped:
“WAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH! Dere'z gonna be no shootin' right now! Dose pointy helmets are gud!”
Sluggas, shootas, nobs and others looked at him with disbelief. But they listened.
Why?
'Cause he was da biggest, so he was da BOSS!!

******

Nagosh stood on the hulk-piece with a loud 'Speeka' as one of the hulk-meks called it. Gobroz, Muskit and the three Eldar were behind him. Altian and the other two felt kinda... vulnerable. Which was understandable. Nagosh took a deep breath.
“Orks of da Skull smashaz klan! I'z Nagosh Ubzug and I'z wot?”
“DA BIGGEST!!!”
“Gud! So, I'z wot?”
“DA BOSS!!!”
The orks' voices could be heard for miles.
“Very gud! Now, listen up! I'z got a few new rulez for ya,” Nagosh took out a piece of paper, “one. Ya gitz ain't gonna fight Eldar. No exceptunz. If ya do, I'z gonna personally take yo' 'eads,” orks in the crowd nodded. Altian thought about how Ash'nu would react to that, “two. Ya can fight humies, but only when I sez so, or when deyz attack first. Three. Grots can no longa' be eaten. Or used as bomb pilots,” part of the crowd screamed with joy, “kickin' 'em is still allowed when dey deserve it, though,” part of the crowd started crying, “and last, but not least, four. Da ingrediunts of squig piez are limited to eatin' squigs, ONLY. No otha' type o' squigs can be used in piez.”
Squiggus, the owner of the most profiting squig pie chain on the space hulk, fought tears.

Gobroz turned to Nagosh.
“Boss, ain't ya forgettin' somefin'?”
“Yeh! Thanks, flashgit Gobroz! One more rule, boys! Dis one'z 'bout colourz'! If da klan is painted blue, we'z lucky. But our trukks and kans and stuff needs ta be fast. So, every vehicule has ta be painted red AND blue! Give 'em more red, though. Goin' fasta is gud!” the crowd seemed to be happy with the changes and shouted Nagosh's name.
“Dey'z like ya. Boss!”
“I see dat, Muskit. I'z so moved, I can only say dis,” he lifted da 'Speeka' again, “okay, boys! Let'z move to da Eldar'z camp and den to OUR camp!”
With a loud 'WAAAAAAGGGGGHHH!', the orks started moving.

******

Ash'nu was surprised beyond words when the ork force strode through the jungle. He was even more surprised when the host didn't start attacking. Then, he saw Nagosh and the others. He sent a 'Hello!' to them and they did the same for him. The six and Ugu then continued towards the ork fort... camp... thing.

******

Nagosh, Gobroz and Muskit couldn't believe their eyes. Altian knew how they felt.
The whole ork camp was destroyed. Fires, craters where there had been buildings. And bodies. Green bodies. They would have had to rebuild the camp anyay, but seeing it like this was... sad. Nagosh was the first to enter. At first, he saw nothing but wreckage. But then, some of it moved. He quickly ran to it and lifted it. There, he saw the longest-living grot, Drakk.
“Drakk!”
“Boss! Thank Gork,” Drakk noticed the substantial number of orks, “we'z got new boys?”
“Yeh, but that ain't important! Wot happened 'ere?!”
“Well... we were just doin' stuff. Playin' orkjack and like that. Den, dese humies came.”
“Da onez we'z been fightin'?”
“No, boss. Dese were new. With shiny, yellow armour with blue stripes here and there. Da boys tried ta stop 'em, but dey'z were too strong!
“The Thousand sons...” Altian already wanted to fight.
“Yeh. Chaos boys... anyfin' else?”
“Yeh, boss.” It was a new voice.
Nagosh turned to see the fort's dok, Grimog and its mek, Darug.
“Grimog! Darug! You'z alive!”
“Yeh, boss,” it was Darug, “but we'z got some newz.”
“Wot newz?”
“Dere wuz dis really strong beast-humie with 'em. Killed da nob with one chop of his big axe.”
“What did it look like?” Altian feared the worst.
“Oy! We'z got ol' pointy 'elmetz with us? Gud. Well, he wuz tall, black skin, two big 'orns and red fur on the back.”
“Hmmm... that sounds like a Bloodletter champion. They are rare, but exist.”
“Bloodletta'z are dose ork-big, red daemunz?”
“Yes.”
“I see. How many of 'em were dere?”
“'Bout twice as many as our boys, boss.”
Gobroz counted... two mobs... twenty orks each had been in the fort... that means about eighty.
“Dat'z 'bout eighty boys, boss.”
“I see. Okay, we'z gonna do it like dis,” he looked at his new host, “get me two mobs o' sluggas, a mob of shootas and a kan! Da rest o' ya start makin' a bigga' fort,” he then looked at Altian, “you'z comin'?”
Altian looked at Lokan and Kilina, who nodded.
“It would be our pleasure.”
“I'z gonna take that as a yes. Come, flashgit Gobroz, Muskit! We'z gonna stomp some chaos boys!”
The small ork force left the camp. They would find the Thousand Sons no matter what.

******

Two guardsmen hid behind some rubble. The Thousand Sons' attack had been quick, unexpected and without mercy. They had been overrun. And the two were probably the only imperial survivors in this area. They whispered:
“Damnit! What do we do now?”
“I don't know! They're everywhere!”
“What would commissar Yarrick do?”
Images of untold awesomeness and epicness filled their mind. Such epicness, in fact, that this low-budget (0.000000 dollars) fic would implode if I even tried to describe them. Therefore, if you ain't afraid of your HEAD imploding, imagine them.
Suddenly, they heard a noise. Their cover disappeared in a cloud of plasma. Two rubric marines looked straight at them. They could feel their doom approaching.
The rubrics' guns were aimed. One of the two humans closed his eyes.
“Not so fast, chaos boy!”
The rubric's were caught off-guard. A large barrage destroyed one and the other was heavily damaged.
A huge ork came into view. He raised his chain-choppa and cut the rubric in half. The guardsman were afraid. Weren't the Thousand Sons enough?
The ork looked at them and grinned.
“Don't worry, humies. We'z not 'ere for ya. We'z 'ere for da chaos boys. Go tell your captain or somefin'. Da orks will ally with ya!”
The guardsmen just stood there, with open mouths. Then, they swiftly ran. They would never forget that ork.

Nagosh was full of adrenaline, ready to fight. Gobroz, Muskit, Ugu, their Eldar allies and the boys were behind him. The rubric marines, feeling the fall of two of their own, started converging on their location.
“Yeh! Let'z start fightin'!”
Nagosh moved a bit forward, only to stop. A dark cloud appeared and from it, the daemon Grimog had described. All of the orks stopped.
“Flashgit Gobroz?”
“Yeh, boss?”
“Take da mobs and smash da chaos boys. Dis daemun is mine!”
“Okay boss. gud luck.”
The mobs of orks and the three Eldar left the two combatants alone. The sounds of battle could be heard.

******

“So, we meet, Nagosh Ubzug.”
“How do ya know me, git?”
“I know many things, ork. More than you could even imagine.”
“O' yeh?”
“Yes. But I do not expect you to understand. I was sent to destroy you. I tried to find you at your little camp, but I had no luck. I figured that if I cause enough chaos, you would show up on your own. Though, I did not expect Eldar... or so many extra orks.”
“Ya know, eh?”
“Yes, I am not blind. That space hulk brought a whole tribe, at LEAST. Numbers are meaningless. Once my master finds the place, chaos will prevail.”
“Can ya shut up and jus' start fightin'!?!?!?”
“Hmph!!! Fine! Prepare for your destruction! Prepare for the wrath of Nebulon!”
“Ya talk too much.”
“Grrrrr.”
Nebulon raised his axe and charged. Nagosh did the same with his chain-choppa. The two weapons met and the two combatants stood. Nevulon was impressed. The ork could actually withstood his attacks. Impressive.
But he was not here for amusement. This fight would be quick. Warp-magic had been his expertise for long. He warper behind the ork, wanting to kill him.
*
But Nagosh would not be so easily fooled. He swiftly turned turned around and bashed the Bloodletter on the head. The daemon stumbled. Nagosh used this and grabbed Nebulen, then threw him through the wall of a nearby building.
Suddenly, the whole building collapsed. Nebulon appeared, warp flames around him.
“Uh-oh.” was all Nagosh said.

******

Gobroz was actually having fun. Shootin' has always been fun, but this was extra fun.
The rubric marines were strong, but too slow. The sluggas bashed them from up close, the shootas kept moving from place to place and the rubric's couldn't hit them. And the kan was just killy.
Altian, Kilina and Lokan were good, too.
Lokan just warped here and there, confusing the rubric's, while Altian came from above and finished them off.
And Kilina was just too nimble with her blade to be hit.
Muskit and Ugu also proved to be a great team. Again. Ugu distracts and Muskit attacks. And the rubric's are stupid enough to shoot each other. But you knew that, didn't you, reader?
There would soon be no more rubric's left.
But then Gobroz saw something in the corner of his eye. It was a pinkish red. And green. He turned. Nebulon was above Nagosh, axe ready.
“BOSS!!!!”
Muskit, Ugu and the three Eldar turned. The other orks were too busy in battle. All of them ran... but one ran faster than the others.

******

“Any last words, ork?”
“Yeh. You'z a sneeky git.”
“Why, thank you! Now, DIE!!!”
Nebulon raised his axe. But then, Nagosh spotted something in the air behind Nebulon. His eyes grew wider.
The daemon's curiosity won over his logic. He looked behind... and saw big teeth. Around those teeth was black. And it had two yellow orbs, too. Ugu bit.
“GRAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!!”
Nebulon threw away his axe and started running, arms flailing in random directions. Nagosh just stared. When the others reached the place, they stared as well.
“GET IT OFF!!! GET IT OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF!”
“Dis is quite entartainin', eh boss?”
“Yeh, flashgit Gobroz. Very entartainin'.”
Nebulon ran here and there for a while, then he finally managed to get Ugu of his face. He had a few marks.
“Damn! Oh, well. Nothing a few days in the warp spa can't fix,” he looked at the group that had assembled, “ummm... I just remembered I have an important appointment at the... warp dentist Toothus the terrible... yeaaaah. SEE YA LATER!!!!”
Nebulon quickly picked up his axe. Before Gobroz's shots could reach the daemon, he was gone in a dark cloud.
“Well, dat wasn't bad. Actuelly kinda fun.”
“Yeh, boss. Muskit, Ugu was a gud boy.”
“Yeh! And he'z gonna get more meaty bits for that!”
Ugu screeched, then jumped on Muskit's shoulder and licked his face.
“Stop it, dat ticklees!”
Ugu then jumped on Kilina's shoulder and did the same. Only licked the helmet, though.
“How cute!!”
The little squig then just landed on the ground. Nagosh started laughing. The ork mobs came, almost every ork carrying some kind of trophy.

******

“DAMNIT! NOT as planned! Hanumos, get me some tea! Horror flavour!”
The lord of change quickly left its master alone. Tzeentch currently had the form of a three-headed avian with four sets of colour-changing wings. Tzeentch said it was his favourite form.
The god of change cancelled the image. He was frustrated enough already.

“What's the matter, Tzeentchey?” came a female voice. Tzeentch knew it only too well.
“Slaanesh! How many times have I told you to not add that 'ey' at the end of my name!?”
She, which is a relative term, since she can swich genders, appeared. Long purple hair. One of her eyes was yellow, the other was black. With a... revealing, robe. Her skin was a light brown. 
“I forgot, Tzeentchey. Geez, you don't have to be such a grouch!”
“She has a point, Tzeentch.”
One of his heads looked at the new intruder.
Blood-red armour, with a skull-like helmet. His teeth were bloody. A massive sword was on his back. 
“Hi Khor...”
“Don't even think about it, Slaanesh. My name sounds like you know what when you do that.”
“Well, okay Khorne. What took ya so long to get here.”
“Mister change here has too many frikin' lairs. Had to smash a few of the wrong ones. Sorry, Tzeentch.”
“No apology needed.”
“Huh?”
“They'll just regrow.”
“Why the heck do your lairs regrow?!”
“Because last time Slaanesh made you drink all of that Super beer, you smashed ALL of them.”
“Oh... right.”
“What are you two doing here, anyway?”
“You mean three, Tzeentch? *cough*”
The god of change's third head looked at a big, green, bloated creature. Nurgle...
“Hi, Nurgley!”
“Nurgle? Okay, what is going on here?!”
“Calm down, Tzeentchey.”
“Yeah. Slaanesh here just heard you scream. Which had to be quite a sound for it to be louder than the... OTHER noises from her citadel.”
“So?”
“Umm... she called me and Nurgle here and we came to ckeck on you. So, what's wrong?”
“Well... thanks. It is just that my followers are... having trouble.”
“With what? *cough*”
“They cannot secure a certain location. Eldar and orks are in their way.”
“Ooooh! I like Eldar! They're so handsome!”
“Riiiigghhhht. Orks ain't bad either. At least they can fight.”
“Yes, yes. The strange thing is, that these two groups fight together. No in-fighting.”
“Interesting. No bloodshed coming from orks. Interesting.”
Nurgle vomitted on the floor.
“DUDE!! I just finished cleaning!”
“*cough* Sorry... *cough*... Tzeentch. So, what do you want to do?” 
“I... do not know.”
“Did I hear right? Tzeentchey doesn't have a plan?”
“Well, there is one.”
“Tell us! Tell us!”
“Okay! Calm down! You REALLY should inhale less of those special plants. Anyway, I have an important asset on the planet. It could prove beneficial to all of us.”
“Oh, I see where you're goin'. You want our forces to help your forces, eh?”
“You understood perfectly, Khorne.”
“That sounds like fun, Tzeentchey! Whaddaya say, Khorne? Nurgley?”
“*cough* Yes, that would be... *cough* splendid.”
“Yeeees! More blood for me!”
“Excellent. The Thousand Sons are already in place. Who will be next?”
Which meant 'Who will receive a psychic signal telling them to go to Akhalam VI?'.
Slaanesh raised her arms. Her eyes glowed purple.

“Hear me... my devoted. Emperor's Children. There is great fun to be had on Akhalam VI. Join with some others and party hard!
Tzeentch raised three eyebrows, but remained silent.
Khorne was next. His blood-red eyes glowed.

“Listen to me! Eaters of worlds! Killers of thousands! There is great bloodshed to be had on Akhalam VI. Join with the weaker ones and show them how to wreak havoc!”
The three others looked at Khorne.
“What?! Have to motivate them somehow!”
“Whatever. Nurgle, you are left.”

“Yes, *cough*” papa Nurgle's eyes glowed in a sickly green, “hear me! My children! *cough* The Death Guard is needed to spread the gifts of Nurgle on Akhalam VI. *cough* Many will join you and you will together spread death!”

All of Tzeentch's heads nodded.
“Excellent. So far, just as planned.”
“Yeah. But I could really use some blood beer.”
“Your tea, your changeliness!” Hanumos had finally returned.
Tzeentch extended one of his many arms and took the coop. He sipped it, one head at a time.

**************************
Here are quotes, gathered by imperial scholars or any other people. Or xenos, whatever. They contain the words of many famous or not as famous characters in the galaxy.

"Sindriiiiii!" - chaos lord Bale

"Because of you, we've lost a temple!" - chaos lord Crull, even though it was HIS fault for being such an idiotic leader

"METAL BOXEEEEEES!!!" - chaos lord Firaveous Carron on Rhinos

"Why am I the only sane, competent chaos lord in these frikin' games?!" - Eliphas the Inheritor on above idiots

"Why do I worship Slaanesh? Ain't it frikin' obvious?!" - chaos marine surrounded by Daemonettes

"Zerg rush!!!" - Maximus Geekymus, chapter master of the Comp Marines on Tyranids

"Good. VERY good." - ANYONE on Daemonettes

"Macha is too hot to not get laid, /tg/!" - me on absurd MEME.... wait... pretend you didn't read this.


----------



## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

**********************************************************
Chapta' 6 - Fightin' wif friendz!
**********************************************************

Damnit!”
“What is it, master?”
“Well, not only did your little raid end in failure...”
“Sorry, master.”
“Whatever. Now, I've got three fleets that came here to help us.”
“But... master... isn't that good?”
“Perhaps. But they are fleets from the three other 'elite' legions. The Emperor's Children, the Death Guard and the World Eaters.”
“And that is bad, because...?
“Because this means the other guys want a piece of our reward. Or they just want to prove who's the biggest. Biggest arsehole, if ya ask me.”
“I see. I was sent to inform you that the leaders of the individual forces sent here wish to meet with you. Strategy plannin' and stuff.”
“Oh, boy. When will they come?”
“Ummm.... they're already here.”
“What?! When did you want to tell me?!”
“Now?”
“Whatever. Lead me to 'em.”
Rakul and Nebulon walked towards the ship's quest chamber. As they got closer, laughter could be heard.
“Hmmm?”
“What is it, master?”
“I can never forget that laughter. Heheheh.”
Rakul opened the door. There, three figures stood. Figures he knew only too well.

A Khorne commander in red armour, like most others. A mighty hammer was on the man's back, his helmet had ten horns on it. His eyes shone with blue. Sangus the generic.

A Nurgle sorcerer who wore a sturdy set of power armour. His staff was made of a rare kind of swiftly-regrowing wood. On the staff's top was a black gem. His helmet had no horns on it, but he had a long, torn cape. And torn capes are AWESOME. Morbus the itchy.

And then there was the slaanesh lord. His armour was painted in many different colours, each symbolising an emotion... at least, Rakul thought they did. The lord's exotic power chain blade hung by his side. Which is NOT like a chain sword. It was a sword made of smaller parts that could be extended. A warrior with such a weapon could hit an enemy several metres appart. And since it was a power weapon, it has a -2 armour modifier, what's not to like? The lord wore not a helmet, but a Eldar Harlequin-like mask. Carito the picky had always told Rakul that he loved how the masks looked.

“Well, look what the chaos cat's dragged in!”
“Well, excuse me, Rakul! I thought you would be happy to see my beautiful self and these two.”
“I sure am, Carito! Come here, guys!”
The four chaos leaders came together and clasped hands, laughing. Nebulon was more than just confused.
“Master? You know them?”
Rakul turned to him, grinning.
“Why, yes. We were in the same advanced summoning class. Oh, sorry. Guys, this is my best daemon, Nebulon”
The three gave Nebulon slight bows.
“Thank you. But, why would a khornate want to summon daemons?”
Sangus seemed amused.
“Because I can't be arsed to call a different sorcerer to do it. Plus, it's fun.”
“Riiight... what were you summoning, anyway?”
“Well, Nebulon,” it was Morbus, “ Khorne'ssss beastssss, papa Nurgle'ssss sssstuff... Daemonettessss... you know, regular thingssss.”
“Yes. We got to know each other there. It was a delicious time, indeed.”
“Everything's delicious for you, Carito.”
“Well, that was more delicious than some other stuff, Rakul.”
The four laughed again. Nebulon thought it was a little awkward. Rakul then spoke again:
“Well, then. Let's get down to business. I could REALLY use help from some competent leaders.”
The four started planning the invasion. Nebulon stood close by... until he noticed something in a door on the opposite side of the room.

He went through the door and there... he saw an empty hallway. A noise behind him made him turn. It was a Daemonette. One he knew well.
“Why, Mithara! I didn't expect to see you here.”
“I bet you didn't, you handsome Bloodletter, you. Heh. You wanna have some fun? ”
“What kind?” Nebulon was grinning.
“You ever hear the Children boys play music? They rock. Literally. Wanna come with me?”
“Sure.”
The two daemons left... hand in hand, strangely.
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
WHAT DID YOU THINK SHE WAS GONNA SAY, PERVERT?!?!?!?!?!?!?

*****************************

Akhalam VI, PDF HQ:

“So, you offer us aid?”
“Yes, you are in a time of need. The Eldar will help you.”
“Yeh, what he said. We'z gonna help ya wif da fightin'!”
Alix Mossiv had seen many things in his younger days. From squig-hair to Gargants. But an Eldar-ork-human alliance? Unheard of.
“Well, do ya accept, humie?”
He was silent for a moment. Then:
“Yes. I agree. We'll show the forces of Chaos not to mess with us, eh?”
“Yeh! I'z like were dis is goin'!”
Gobroz suddenly ran into the room.
“Boss!!”
“Wot is it, flashgit Gobroz?”
“Da chaos boys! Hearin' dat they'z attackin'! I hear dere'z more!”
“What!?” Ash'nu was nervous now.
“Dere'z da onez we fought before. Den I heard some guardies sayin' dat there were red, green and purple onez too!”
“What guardsmen, Gobroz!”
“Da onez dat had ta retreet, Ash'nu!”
“Darnit,” Alix turned on all commucations, “report!”
From nowhere in particular, the voice of Anon Ymous came. It was kinda fuzzy.
“We *Static* multiple Chaos *Static* everywhere *Static* 9-Z! *Static* tried *Static* eak through, *Static* too many!”
“Fiddlesticks! Enemy numbers and type?”
“*Static* elite legio *Static* several thou *Static* NEED REINFORCEMENTS!!!”
“Signal lost!” came from one of the operators
“That can't be good! Can you defeat that many?”
Ash'nu and Nagosh looked at each-other, then back.
“Well, it is obvious that we are fighting the World Eaters, the Death Guard, the Emperor's children AND the Thousand sons. Individually, they are strong, but together...”
“Yeh. Plus, if dey'z fightin' togetha, dat rituel fingy has ta be VERY important.”
“You'z right, flashgit Gobroz!”
“But can you defeat them?”
“Even with your guardsmen as aid, I... do not know. We do not know if this is their main force, or if they have more troops in reserve.”
“I'z gonna say... we'z need help!”
“Quite right,” Alix turned to an operator, “is there anyone friendly close to us?”
The operator clicked some buttons on his computer. After a minute:
“Yes! We have two space marine cruisers within six hours of travel!”
“That is excellent! Who are they?”
“The one further from us belongs to the Ultramatines. The other one, which can be here in two hours belongs to... oh Emperor!”
“What?”
“It belongs to... them.”
“Who 'them'?”
The operator whispered into Alix's ear. The general was instantly more pale.
“Emperor grant us his blessing... but we need all the help we can get. Request aid from both. And tell them about our unlikely aid.”
The operator nodded. After a wile, he turned back to the general.
“Both have accepted. The Ultramarines with 'We will aid you! Hold them off until we arrive.' the others with this.”
The operator read the answer. It contained so much swearing, that another operator's head exploded.
“Who in the name of Eldrad is coming to help us, general?!”
“You will know soon enough, I'm afraid. Now, I need you to help my men hold the invaders back!”
“Yeh! Let'z go, flashgit Gobroz! We need da boys!”
“Yeh, boss!”
The two went outside, where Muskit, Ugu, Altian, Lokan and Kilina waited, along with some guardsmen. The humans' attention was on Kilina. Before leaving, Kilina shouted:
“See ya later, boys! ”
Half of the guardsmen fainted. Altian commented:
“You like doing that, don't you?”
“Nope. I LOVE it!”
She laughed. Altian loved that laughter.

*************

“My lords!”
The noise marine that came to inform them seemed hyper. But don't they seem hyper all the time?
“Yes?” Rakul awaited the best news.
“We have pushed back the enemy forces in the sector. We found the fortress and its inner temple.”
“Excellent! Secure the area, we will send more troops shortly.”
“As you wish, my lord.”
The noise marine left.
“Finally! My mission will be complete! Heheheheh. And the Imperium will have MUCH more trouble.”
“Firsssst we have to finisssh your ritual.”
“Perhaps, Morbus. But that is merely a matter of time.”
“Perhapssss. What issss the statussss on the other thing?”
“Do not worry about that. Carito is personally making sure it is done right. Our extra helper will be here in no time.”
“Good to hear. Where did Sangusss go, anyway?”
“I think he said something about summoning... and the only things he summons are Daemonettes... only lessons he paid attention on.”
“Ah, yessss. Heheheheheheh. Good timessss.”
“Indeed. The only one who's missing now is Nebulon.”
“Don'tcha know? I heard ssssome sssslaaneshi boyssss talkin' bout a black Bloodletter with a Daemonette. At their concert. The two sssseemed to be havin' fun.”
“Oh, really? Seems even Nebulon has some secrets. Heheheh.”

**************

“Ya redy, boys?”
“Yeh, boss. Redy for stompin', smashin' and winnin'!”
“Gud! Flashgit Gobroz, wot are da Eldar an' humies sayin'?”
Gobroz was the only one smart enough to carry a communicator.
“Dey'z sayin' we'z shud attack first. Den dey'll come and help us.”
“'Kay. Muskit, what 'bout Ugu?”
“He'z okay and redy for bitin'!”
“Gud! Now. Dere'z gonna be lots of chaos boys dere. Don't leave many for anyone else! We'z gonna have some fun!”
No attack is complete without yellin', no?
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!”

The orks ran out of their hiding place... the never-ending jungle of doom. Only to realise they were on the wrong side of the damned thing.
So... after two hours... of FAST walkin', they ran out on the right side.
As soon as they came within a mile of the chaos forces, loud shots were heard.
“Boss! I'z know dat sound...”
“Stupid big gunz!”
The shells landed killing some orks. But this time, the orks were too many to be destroyed.
“Blood for the blood god!”
Berzerkers appeared out of ruined buildings and bunkers. They ran towards the ork horde without fear. The two forces clashed.
The berzerkers were better, but they were greatly outnumbered.
“Get back, ya bloody fools! Let us make some racket.”
The berzerkers reluctantly retreated. Incredibly loud... sounds came from the noise marines. But not even those could stop the orks.
The noise marines, being the sissies that they are, retreated. Against the orks now stood a joint force of plague and rubric marines.
“Dis ain't so bad, boss!”
“Nope!”
Every ork proved to be a good fighter. Rubric and plague marines alike were torn to pieces, but there were many fallen orks, as well. And then... came Chaos armour.
Over twenty defilers, backed up by four predator tanks and three chaos dreadnaughts. Sure, the orks had tankbustin' weaponry... but that was still a lot of firepower.
Shots flew through the air. Gobroz, Muskit, Ugu and Nagosh stood in the firing line of a predator autocannon. And those things aren't very kind to flesh.
“I liked havin' ya as a boss, boss.”
“Thanks, flashgit Gobroz.”
Just as the tank wanted to fire:
“Strike for Baharroth!”
As haywire grenades fell from the sky, followed by lasfire, Gobroz knew that the Eldar had arrived. Artillery shots that hit the ENEMY told him that the PDF was making its move, too.
Warp spiders appeared behind a group of plague marines and unleashed death. Though, papa Nurgle' boys were already kinda dead... whatever, you get the point, right?
Falcon grav-tanks flew over the landscape and landed. From them, groups of howling banshees, dire avengers and many more Eldar aspects exited.

The battle continued. Loses were on both sides, though the forces of Chaos seemed to be loosing.
The PDF guardsmen came to the battlefield. They aimed their flas... lasguns and shot, heating up enemy armour to the level of 'Annoying'.
“Dis is fun!”
“Yeh, flashgit Gobroz!”
Suddenly, a whole squad of guardsmen was cut down. An only too familiar entity appeared. The Bloodletter champion stood. Nebulon looked quite menacing.
“Oy! It'z da one dat talks lots!”
“Yes, warboss. And today, I shall be the victor.”
Muskit, Gobroz and Ugu were there in seconds. Altian, Kilina and Lokan were close behind.
“I'z don't fink so. You'z just one.”
“Perhaps. But I have some aid,” Nebulon touched his ear,”defilers, FIRE!!!”
Four loud 'booms'. Three shots missed, but the fourth one landed on their location.
Nagosh looked around.
“You'z okay?”
“Yeh, boss.” shouted Gobroz.
The three Eldar nodded, as well. Then, a scream pierced the air:
“UGU!!!!”
The five turned. Muskit stood above the little squig. It didn't move.
“Stupid thing deserved it! You know how much those teeth hurt?!”
“You'z gonna...” started Nagosh, but he was interrupted by a loud scream.
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
Muskit's eyes were red. The ork ran straight for Nebulon, whose eyes grew wide.
“OH SH-!!!”
Muskit tackled Nebulon, who was sent straight through a building. Before the daemon could even stand up, he was pummelled by a flurry of mighty blows and was then kicked into another building. Muskit's berzerker rage left.
Meanwhile, Nebulon considered a tactical retreat as his best option. And so he was gone, with the help his trademark cloud of smoke.
A group of rubric's converged on Muskit, weapons ready. Suddenly, a large, yellow space marine drop-pod landed on them. No survivors. The pod's doors opened and out went a figure in yellow armour. A... large wrench in his hand and a angryfaic as a mask!
“OWNED!!!!”
More drop-pods landed and more of the marines exited. Together, they shouted:
“Always angry, all the time!!!!!!!”
And that was how the angry marines had joined the battle for Akhalam VI. The marine with the angryfaic came closer to Muskit. Nagosh and the others were there in seconds.
“So, you are THE MOTHER*BEEP*S that we were supposed to SAVE THE ARSES of?”
“Yeh.... why'z ya swearin',” Gobroz was intrigued, “And why'z ya bein' censored?”
“Why? WHY?! I'LL TELL YOU WHY YOU FU*BEEP* EXCUSE FOR A FIGHTER!!! I SWEAR BECAUSE I DO!!! IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT, YOU CAN KISS MY ARSE!!! AND I'M BEIN' CENSORED, 'CAUSE THE SICK FU*BEEP* WRITER IS TOO STUPID TO GIVE THIS SH*BEEP* A 'T' RATING!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“I understandz... I think.”
“That's good. BECAUSE IF YOU DIDN'T, I'D PUT MY FOOT SO DEEP INTO YOUR...!!!!!”
“I getz it! Calm down!”
“Fine, BI*BEEP*!!!” 
“Enuff, ya two! We'z need ta fight da chaos boys AND get Ugu ta safety!”
“Boss is right, Gobroz. I'z need ta take him ta dok Grimog. He'll know wot ta do!!”
“Yeh, you'z do dat! Quick!”
Muskit didn't need to be told twice.
“So, how do ya want ta beat da chaos boys?”
“I'M GONNA TEAR THEM A NEW ARSE HOLE, THAT'S HOW!!!!! BY THE WAY, name's Skalius the slightly ANGRIER!!!!”
The angry marine ran off. Nagosh looked at Gobroz. The flashgit was just as surprised as him. The group joined the fight soon afterwards.


*********************************

“'Kay, so dis 'ere is a Mork gargant, and dis 'ere is a Gork gargant... Dey'z pretty same-lookin'.” -flashgit Gobroz on gargants

“Orks are the scourge of the galaxy... but their beer ain't half-bad!” - guardsman from the 665th 'Fungusmen' regiment.

“It's... itchy.” - plague marines

“Damn... I need to scratch my butt.” - Blood Angels' chaplain Icaron during a battle

“What's my quote doing here?!” - Kalish, lord of the Necromorphs


----------



## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

**********************************************************
Chapta' 7 - Ridin' and fixin'
**********************************************************

Khorne woke up. His first look at the room around told him, that he was still in Tzeentch's lair. But his memories... were kinda vague. He remembered the calling of the legions... but not much after that.
“What happe...” he looked to the left. Next to him, laid Slaanesh, in the 'she' form, “on second though.... I don't want to know.”
A terrible roar suddenly made the whole warp shake. Slaanesh woke up.
“Is it me, or was that Tzeentchey?”
“Yep. Let's go see what disturbed his paranoid noggin again.”
On the way, they met papa Nurgle and all three entered the main 'planning room'.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAS!!!!! PLAAAAAAAAANED!!!!!!!”
The god of change gathered warp energy in his hand and released it. Hanumos barely dodged and the orb annihilated a part of the wall... which regrew, of course.
“Okay, Tzeentchey... what went wrong this time?”
He looked at the three, rage evident in his six eyes.
“They got help! From space marines!”
“Oh, yeah? Which ones, oh 'schemer'?”
“The Ultrasmurfs arrived about an hour ago. But that ain't the worst thing! Before them... arrived.... the ANGRY MARINES.”
“Oh, those dudes? They're cool. What's so bad about them?”
“They always ruin my plans, Khorne! And then write 'OWNED' all over my altars!
“Don't you worry, Tzeentchey! Once my champion enters the battlefield, not even they will be able to stop us.”
“I hope so...”
The four gods then resumed their normal activities.
Tzeentch played chess with Hanumos. Khorne and Nurgle kept arguing about who's the better god. And Slaanesh... watched Khorne...

******

The ork fort... camp... thing had changed dramatically.
It was easily four times as large. Tall, garbage pile-like towers watched over the land around it. Everywhere hung blue banners with black skulls and a badly drawn foot. And not so many orks... most were at the front lines. Nagosh always left sentries, though.
But that ain't important. You're wonderin' about what's gonna happen to Ugu, eh?

Muskit ran towards the only place where the little, barely alive, squig could get some help. Dok Grimog's... surgery. Even though a cruel option, it was Ugu's only chance. Muskit ran so fast that he rammed straight through a trukk that was in his way, to the jaw-dropping of orks around.
He smashed the dok's doors and gently put Ugu on Grimog's table. The dok was happy.
“Oooooooh! Fresh mea... patiunt? I'z can make so many improvmentz!”
“Grimog! Stop muckin' about and start fixin' Ugu! And I'z don't want ANY cybery stuff!”
“But dat's all da fun!”
“No CYBERY stuff!! Just fix 'im!”
“Well.... okay. But you'z hafta' wait outside!”
Muskit left the room. When outside, he started counting seconds. And he counted... and counted... AAAAAAANNNNNNNNNND counted...

******

Meanwhile, forward BoP (Base of Operations) outside chaos-controlled territory:

Skalius was irritated... which was rare. He was normally filled with unspeakable RAAAAAAAAGE. He, Nagosh, Gobroz, Alix, Ash'nu and the now-saved Anon Ymous, were deciding how to strike the chaos entrenchments. And then... came the Ultramarine commander, Rightius Codexus.
“OH, FOR THE LOVE OF FU*BEEP*!!!! I HAD HOPED, THAT THE SMURFS WOULDN'T COME TO FU*BEEP* UP OUR INCREDIBLY FU*BEEP* AWESOME STRATEGY!” 
“And a good day to you, brother. I am glad that you accept our aid.”
“GO FU*BEEP* YOURSELF, 'TARD!!!!”
To most, this would like provoking on the side of the Ultramarine. But... Rightius had fought with the angriest of the angry many times before. It was a secret, but the swearing and pointless shouting of the angry ones was actually a... different sort of imperial gothic. Only understood by the Angry marines themselves, or those that had been with them for some time.
“Thank you, brother. Now, as I understand, the chaos forces are performing a ritual? One that, and I am judging by the force sent here, could endanger the Imperium as a whole? Which is also the reason why we gained such... unlikely allies.”
“Yeh, dat's 'bout it. We'z were just plannin' da attackin'. Wanna 'elp?”
“By all means. Even the Codex says I should!”
Gobroz looked at him kinda... differently. But the planning soon commenced.
“So,” it was Alix, “who will fill in our new ally?”
“I'll DO THE FU*BEEP* FILLING!!!! Anyway,” Skalius pointed next to a mountain range on their map, ”this is WHERE THE MOTHER*BEEP* HAVE THEIR PIECE OF SH*BEEP* BASE,” now he pointed at three hills around the fortress, “and these ARE FU*BEEP* MINI-BASES. MOST OF THEIR USELESS, IDIOTIC, SH*BEEP* IDIOTS ARE THERE, NOT LETTING US THROUGH, THE FU*BEEP* BASTARDS.”
“Thank you for the information, brother.”
“I'LL FU*BEEP* UP YOUR WHOLE UNIT, BI*BEEP*!”
“Anyway, we seem to have quite an opposing force... let's see...,” he takes a large book... out of nowhere, seemingly, and starts reading. After a while, ”I've got it! Citation: When facing foes that have a fortress next to a mountain range and which is surrounded by three hill-forts, split your force into three groups and attack all three hill-forts at once, splitting the enemy forces.”
Nagosh was surprised.
“Wot else does dat bookie have?”
“Everything, my friend. From attack strategies to recipes for the most delicious foods. The Codex Astartes is simply flawless.”
“YEAH, YOU CAN EVEN FU*BEEP* USE IT AS TOILET PAPER!!!!”
“Or as fuel for a fire in the case of extreme cold, as stated in paragraph 365, brother.”
“I FU*BEEP* HATE THAT BOOK!!! IT'S REALLY GOT MOTHER*BEEP* EVERYTHING!!!!”
“Indeed, brother. Now, how shall we assault?”
With nods, 'Yeh's and one 'OKAY, FU*BEEP* BI*BEEP*-SMURF!!!', they started planning.

****** 

The following are reports from all three battlefields:

First we shall examine the Ultramarines' battle.

“According to the Codex, the enemy will not expect an attack from the rear. But, since we have no means of getting there... we will have to bend a rule, ” other Ultramarines soldiers looked at Rightius, burning hatred in their eyes, “just kidding! The Codex says: Attack from the front!”
And so they did. Their mighty soldiers clashed with the chaos forces and utterly annihilated the heretics. Teh Emprah gave them his blessing. The day was full of AWESOME.

On a side note, Ultramarines RULE!!!!

******

On the orky side of the mess:
“Flashgit Gobroz? Are da boys redy?”
“Yeh, boss. We'z gonna attack wif our rokkit boys first. Den, da kans and trakks will come and make uz an openin'. And DEN, da trukks (which is not the same as trAkks) will bring da boys and dere will be lotsa' fightin'! Once we'z have da chaos boys distrected, da Eldar and guardies will come and join da fun!”
“Gud! I hope Muskit got to da fort in time.”
“Yeh. Now, boss. It's time!”
“Okay,” Nagosh took the infamous speeka, “attack, boys! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!”
Stealth wasn't very orky. And since some chaos marines wet themselves because of the sheer volume of the roar, who needs stealth?
Rokkit boys landed right on top of the support Noise marines. Berserkers went to the back, only to get shot, sliced and diced by kans and trakks. Then came the boys and Nagosh... and Gobroz, of course.
Eldar came from the shadows, bombarded Chaos from the sky. Imperial guardsmen heated up armour, again.

******

And the last, but not the least angry side:

“They come! Gut them! Blood for the Blood gooood!!!”
The berserkers charged from their bunkers. Then... there was silence. The Khornates returned moments later, screaming 'Screw the Blood god!'. Behind them was a mass of yellow and red armour, decorated with angry faces.
The angry ones carried power bats, wooden planks with nails, double powerfists, power wrenches and other powerful weapons. Terminator squads, decorated with the banners of 'FU*BEEP* YOU!!!' appeared behind enemy lines, raining death with their plasma nail cannons and stomping anything with their power feet.
Their rhinos used the angry machine spirit to create walls of pure RAGE, that burned all foes.
Chaos was fu*BEEP*ed.
What?! Even I'm getting censored now? Fiddlesticks!

On second thought, Angry marines RULE!!!
For all you non-believers, the angry ones use the same weaponry as described above. It's in their codex! Make your tabletop Angry marines, TODAY!!! And if you do, make commissar Fuklaw, kay?
Anyway, where was I?

Ah, yes. The angry ones then proceeded to write 'OWNED' all over the place.

****** 

Back at the ork fort... camp... thing:
Muskit was on the number 5327. He suddenly heard a loud crash from inside the surgery. The ork quickly ran in.
“Dok! Wha....” his eyes trailed upwards and his jaw fell to the floor.
“I dunno wot happened! I'z just gave 'im mah REALLY speciul brew!”
“U... Ugu?”
The now-beast roared, making the land shake. A massive tongue, larger than Muskit himself, then licked both orks.
“Dat was... cutez.”
“It IS Ugu! Come on, ya squig! We hafta help da boss!”
Ugu lowered his monstrous head and Muskit climbed on. The duo left, stompin' all in their path.

******

The four Chaos commanders and Nebulon were in the secondary summoning chamber, where the OTHER ritual was under way. And it would soon be complete. Akitol entered the room.
“Lord Rakul!”
They turned.
“Yes, Akitol?”
“Enemy forces have overrun our positions! They will soon assault the fortress itself!”
“Troubling. But not for long, heheheheh. Carito?”
“Yeees! He shall arrive in minutes! Hit it, boys!!!”
A group of Noise marines had set up a stage. They had bizarre instruments. They started playing. And their singer soon begun:

*Out of the mists of Chaos he riiiiiiides,*
*bike in his crotch and sword at his siiiide,*

He took a deep breath:

*DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM Riiiiider!*
*Doom Rider!*
*Na na, na na,*
*Na na, na na,*
*He fights his own war, takes his oooooown track,*
*if he doesn't bail, he might make his poooooooints back!*
*DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM Riiiiider!*
*Doom Rider!*
*Na na, na na,*
*Na na, na na,*
*Son of Slaanesh, full of desiiiiiiire,*
*he does cocaine and his head's on fiiiiiiiire!!!*
*DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM Riiiiider!*

(Song does not belong to this meaningless writer... this ain't the whole song, anyway.)

At that moment, the room shook. From a cloud of purple smoke, appeared an armoured figure with a flaming skull for a head, on which there were two horns. His black armour had bits of purple here and there. The mark of Slaanesh was visible on his pauldrons. It screamed:

“Oh, heck yeah!!! It's been so long since ol' Doomrida's been called from the warp! Years, I tell you! So,” he turns to the group, “you're the guys who got me out?”
Rakul was delighted.
“Yes, daemon prince. We require your aid in the coming battle.”
“Against whom?”
“The Ultramarines, the Angry marines, PDF forces, orks and Eldar. And they are all allied together.”
“Sounds like loads of fun! I'm in!”
And Doomrider walked with them outside.

Once there, he stopped and raised his hands to the sky. A purple bike appeared next to him, with the marks of Slaanesh. Its armaments were a pair of melta guns and two blades at the front. Doomrider liked ramming stuff.
“I love this machine. But I can't have all the fun, can I? Hahahahahahah!!!! Come to me!”
Over a hundred more bikes appeared in the open area within the fortress' walls. More surprising, however, was the unit of Daemonettes, that appeared with them.
All of them wore black leather suits and purple helmets. Each also carried a power sword... either as a separate item, or as part of their arm. One of the Daemonettes came closer.
“Orders?”
“Hahahahahahah!!! We're going to ride out and show the corpse's boys who's boss! And squash some Eldar and orks while we're at it!!”
“Understood,” she turned to the rest, ”you heard the master! On your bikes!”
The Daemonettes listened and were on their machines in seconds. The fortress' gates opened and the bikers charged into battle, Doomrider first.
Rakul looked at Akitol and spoke:
“Send them some aid. Half of our reserves should suffice.”
“Understood, sir.”
Akitol, the faithful servant, left.
Nebulon noticed, thanks to his above-awesome eyesight, Mithara in the force that followed Doomrider.
“Master?”
“Yes, Nebulon?”
“May I join the attack?”
“Why?”
“Ummm.... no particular reason.”
Rakul thought he knew why Nebulon was so eager to go into battle.
“But of course. Just be careful, kay?”
“Yes, master.”
And the daemon left in his trademark cloud of smoke.
“Now all we need is... Sangus? Why are you staring into nothingness?”
“I want that many Daemonettes...”

******

The allies met at another forward BoP.
“FOR THE LOVE OF THE FU*BEEP* EMPRAH!!! LET'S JUST FU*BEEP* STORM THAT PIECE OF SH*BEEP* SANDCASTLE OF THEIRS!!!”
“We will, brother. Be patient. Our troops need to regroup.”
“The angry mon'keigh is right. The more we wait, the closer they are to completing the ritual. We must strike now!”
“We'z wud be more den happy ta do dat, Ash'nu. But even da orks need some restin'. 'Specially since most of mah boys are a bit drunk right now. Celebratunz.”
“They celebrate too early! We still must stop the ritual!”
“Wot are dey gonna do? Send a daemun princy?!”
Anon Ymous ran into the room.
“What are you talking about, old chap?!”
“Scouts report that a large number of chaos Daemonette bikers are heading our way! And their leader is none other than the... Doomrider! And more Chaos reinforcements are close behind.”
“THAT FU*BEEP* GAYTARD, THAT RIDES THE BADASS BIKE?”
“Yes...”
“FU*BEEP* YEAH!!! THIS'LL BE FUN! LET'S KICK HIS ARSE!!!”
“I agree, brother! And the Codex does, too! To battle!”
Nagosh and Gobroz quickly ran outside and started waking the boys. The Ultramarines and Angry marines readied their forces, as did the Eldar and the PDF.

******

The bikes approached. Skalius wasn't the least bit impressed. He cried to his men:
“I HATE BEATING BI*BEEP*, BUT WE HAVE NO FU*BEEP* CHOICE!! ALWAYS ANGRY, ALL THE TIIIIIIIIME!!!!”
His troops screamed the same over and over again.

“Hear me, my brothers! We shall not falter, for we are his finest! And the Codex says we must not be defeated! Hold your ground!”
The Ultramarines took out their heaviest weapons. Nothing would get through.

Nagosh looked at his still half-drunk boys. He then looked straight at the daemon prince of Slaanesh, Doomrider.
“Okay boys! You'z can take da Deamonettiez! But da one wif da 'orns is mine!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Nagosh then tore a nearby lamp post out of the ground and charged.

******

Doomrider was enjoying himself... until his head collided with a steel pole and he was thrown of his bike. He looked up to see a huge ork. The rest of the ork force just passed the two.
“You'z don't look so tuff.”
“Heheheh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! You have no idea what you're up against, ork!!”
“We'll see 'bout dat!”
Chain choppa met corrupted power sword. Nagosh held his ground, but... Doomrider was incredibly powerful.
“You cannot defeat me! I am a chosen of Slaanesh!!!”
A wave of pure force sent Nagosh to the ground.
“Dat ain't fair...”
“Doomrider doesn't play fair!! He just wants to have fun!”
“Does dis qualify?”
A large barrage of AP bullets showered Doomrider. He stumbled and turned.
“Flashgit Gobroz!!! Good goin'!”
Nagosh used this opportunity and tackled Doomrider, who was sent into the air. And he stayed there for a bit, thanks to Altian. The hawk let the daemon prince go. As soon as Doomrider got up, Lokan teleported around him, delivering shot after shot, while dodging the rider's slashes. 

Lokan disappeared for the last time. Kilina emmitted a terrible shriek. Doomrider touched a place where his ears should have been. A swearing yellow suit with a powerfist and power wrench appeared.
“TAKE THIS, SON OF A BI*BEEP*!!!”
Several mighty blows with Skalius' power wrench and a single punch made Doomrider a bit dizzy. Rightius finished the massive combo with a single mighty swing of his daemonhammer, Awesomeness.

The rider looked at the group of warriors, then at the battlefield around. Losses on both sides, but the Chaos forces forces were being pushed back. Nagosh spoke:
“Ain't so tuff now, eh?”
Doomrider seemed to be amused.
“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!”
“Wot's so funny?”
“You think you've won?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! I have one more ace up my sleeve! Come to me!”
From nowhere, a massive construct, three times larger than a land raider, appeared. It stood on two legs. Its chest had purple flames painted on it and a red orb in the middle. Its left arm wielded a mighty blade, the right one was replaced by a massive lascannon. Two burning 'eyes' with two horns above them.

Doomrider jumped. The chest opened up, revealing a command chamber. He landed inside and watched the fools below.
“THAT AIN'T FU*BEEP* GOOD!!!!”
“HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! You bet, corpse's fool! This is a corrupted Knight mini-titan. Mistress Slaanesh personally gave it to me. It's name is Pleasure Bringer!”
Nagosh wasn't very impressed.
“A walkin' trash can ain't gonna save ya'!!
The mini-titan's lascannon shot, destroying a leman russ. It then stomped, creating an earthquake. A kan fell to pieces. Nagosh was silent.

A rocket hit the machine. It didn't even leave a dent.
“Do you not understand?! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! This baby is invincible! You're going to die!”
The lascannon started charging. But suddenly, a terrible roar made the ground shake. Everything and everyone on the battlefield looked towards the mountain chain.
Then, literally straight through a mountain, a huge beast entered their view.
By shape, a squighot. By size, a very big squighot. By colour, black, with yellow eyes. By weirdness, with an ork on its head. By awesome, VERY.

The mini-titan shot. The laser bounced off the creature's hide and destroyed a defiler. The whole battlefield just stared. The huge beast just walked over to Doomrider's mini-titan. Muskit shouted:
“So, wot are you'z gonna do now?”
The Pleasure Bringer just stood there for a moment. Doomrider's voice then came:
“You know.... heheheheh.... I think someone just rolled a one... yeah... heheheheheh.”
The mini-titan disappeared, along with its passenger.

Muskit waved to the group of heroes, who waved back, jaws on the ground. Ugu then turned towards the Chaos force. Massive retreat was massive.

******

In the mass of retreating heretics was a Daemonette. You know who, right? Mithara, yes? She ran along with the rest... but she tripped. The massive beast that had been a small squig approached. She closed her eyes, waiting to get crushed.
She was suddenly lifted off the ground, just in time. She opened her eyes to see her knight in black fur.
“You didn't think I would just let you leave the fortress, did you?”
“Maybe, maybe not, handsome.”

******

“Terrible news, my lords!!”
“Yes, Akitol?” Rakul seemed perfectly calm. The others, did not.
“Enemy forces have defeated Doomrider. They have a humongous black Squighot with them! The beast made the whole force retreat!”
“Thissss ain't good!”
“Or delicious!”
“But it'll certainly be bloody!”
“Calm down, my friends.”
They turned to Rakul. Sangus spoke:
“How can you be so calm?! They're coming for us!”
Rakul walked to a dark room.
“Let them. Heheheheheh. LET THEM!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!”
The other four made a few steps back, when six flaming eyes appeared in the darkness.


----------



## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

*********************
Chapta' 8 - Finale
*********************


“I'z can't believe wot happened ta little Ugu.”
“Neida' can I, flashgit Gobroz.”

The spess mahreens, Eldar, guardsmen and orks just went behind Ugu. The Chaos forces ran at eldar speed and sometimes shot at the black beast, but the rounds and and energy just bounced back. Not a good day to be fighting for the three gods and the goddess.
They were getting closer to the fortress. The commanders were together... and something was wrong.
“What is that... energy?”
“Wot energey, Ash-nu?”
“I feel... oh no... they... have finished.”
Silence. Complete and utter silence. And then the earth shook... both forces stopped.

******

“Yes! Release your fury!!”
“Rakul, we ssstill have to keep their leaderssss occupied.”
“Yes. Otherwise, they could jeopardize everything. And that would not be delicious.”
“You worry too much! Let's just get this over with!
The four lords headed outside, all remaining forces with them. And a dark entity behind.

******

“Look at dat! Newcomaz!”
The full might of the Chaos forces now stood against them. Four lords in the front, ready to clash with the allied commanders. And then... a dark shadow appeared.

It grew into a huge, and I'm talking Ugu-size, creature. Its skin changed colour rapidly, but its eyes burned with the same dark red. The number of its eyes changed, though.
Its head was lizard-like and adorned with two small, bat-like wings that changed size.
Its back was adorned by blade-like scales and uncountable wings.
Two legs that looked like they could smash a baneblade.

It was a quite awesome... and intimidating sight. It spoke, its voice changed too:

“I have been released from the depths of the Warp, the mightiest warrior of Change. I am unstoppable, no one save for the god himself can defeat in the use of of energies. I am perfect... I am Cambius!!! Which of you worms wish to challenge the might of Chaos?!”

On the side of good, there was silence... then:
“I'z do! Nagosh Ubzug!!”
“Me, too! Flashgit Gobroz!”
“Don't ferget Muskit and Ugu!!!”
The black beast roared. More joined:
“I shall deliver your death with speed and grace! Ash'nu!!”
“I'LL TEAR YOU A NEW FU*BEEP* ARSEHOLE, BI*BEEP!!! Skalius the Slightly ANGRIER!!!!*
“By the might of the astartes, you shall fall!! Rightius Codexus!!!”
“We will strike you with the Emperor's hammer!! Alix Mosiv!” 

The creature seemed amused.
“Not even with your little pet can you hope to scratch my hide. You shall all fall! Come!!!”
With that, the Chaos force started moving, morale restored thanks to the power of Tzeentch.

On the other side:
“Let's go, Ugu! Show 'im wot ya goooot!!!!”
Ugu charged straight at the daemon of Tzeentch and the two beasts clashed.

Below them, a great battle was waged... and not just between commanders.

******

Altian plummeted to the ground, a bolter bullet-sized hole in one of his wings. The Rubric now stood above him, ready to deliver the final blow. Just then, a power blade went through the marine's chest and the automaton then fell to the ground.
“I think you owe me one, Altian.”
He knew that voice only too well. He rose looked in Kilina's direction, raised his weapon and shot. A berzerker just inches behind her.
“I don't think so, Kilina.”
Marines fell around the two, yet no assailant could be seen. Lokan appeared before them.
“Start fighting, or you'll both owe me.”
They were both quite surprised... but Altian spoke:
“Sorry, Lokan. Shall we, Kilina?”
“By all means.”
All three charged at the Chaos forces. They met Gobroz on the way, too.

******

Ash'nu dodged yet another bolt of Chaos flame.
“Give up! Your psyker powers is nothing compared to the might of Change!!!”
“We shall see, sorcerer!”
Ash'nu created a barrier, that blocked another attack.
“What?!”
“My turn!”
The Eldar gathered psionic energy and released it in the form of lightning. Rakul created a barrier of his own... but it seemed to be weakening.
“This... can't be!!! My base INT stat is higher than yours!!!”
“But I have racial INT bonus and this armour ain't just a decoration.”
“Damn.... it. Damniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!!!”
The barrier shattered and Rakul was sent flying.

******

“Come here, YOU PIECE OF SH*BEEP*!!!!!” 
“Gladly!! Your blood will look well on the ground here!”
Skalius' power wrench met with the lord's hammer... Skalius was trying hard.
“FU*BEEP*!!!! FAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU*BEEP*!!!!!!!!!!”
“Your skull will look great on the great one's throne!”
“OH NO IT WON'T, DI*BEEP* !!!”
A red aura gathered around Skalius.
“What?! N-n-n-n-nnoooo!!!!”
“RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Sangus' hammer was torn in half by a wave of anger. A blow with a powerfist did not permit him to remain standing.

******

“I bet your blood is just delicious!!!”
“Too bad you shall not taste it, heretic!!!”
Carito's chain-blade gave the lord an advantage in range... Rightius just couldn't get close enough. And how could he... hmmm...
“Would be alright with the codex?” he thought. And I heard him.
Well, there isn't any rule AGAINST. Go ahead.
“Thank you, writer.”
His hands clasped and he uttered a prayer towards teh emprah. His daemonhammer glowed in a golden hue.
“You can't reach me, fool!”
“Oh, really?”
He raised his hand and threw his Daemonhammer with full strength.
“NOT DELICIOOOOOOUUUUUUUSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!”
The mighty weapon impacted the lord's chest and... you guessed it, he was sent flting.

******

Now, it's time for the ultimate battle of the centuries... Nagosh Ubzug and Morus the Itchy. The ultimate clash of two powerful entities, that will decide the fate of this battle...
...
...
...
...
...
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!!!

Nagosh charged straight at the Nurglite, brushing off the man's pestilence blasts. A single bash with his choppa... and ya know wot happen'd.

******

The four lords travelled into one spot... and met. Their backs hurt quite a bit.
“Damnit! We have to retreat!” Sangus wasn't happy.
“A delicoius thought!”
“Let'sssss run!!”
Rakul looked at the allied commanders.
“Enjoy your small triumph while you can!! The Imperium is doomed!!!”

Rakul then used the power of Tzeentch to transport them away... FAR away.

“He wuz right!! We'z gotta stop da big daemun!!!!”
They looked upwards... Ugu seemed to be having trouble...

******

“Pathetic creature!!! Feel the power of change!!!”
A ray of blue energy struck Ugu... and the squigghot... became a squig once again. Before he fell to the ground, Muskit commented:
“I'z hatez plot deveecez.”
He landed on the ground.
“Ugu, you'z okay?!”
A lick was his answer. The others were soon there.
Cambius gloated:
“See, mortals?! I have crushed your only hope!! You will now dieeeeee!!!”
“Not today, ya ova'powa'd git!!!”
The daemon looked straight at them.
“And what could one ork do against me?”
“I'z not just one ork! Let's show 'im!!”

Ash'nu released a bolt of psychic lightning. It dissipated before it even got close to the beast.
“Did you really think that would work?”
“Oh, it did!”
The daemon looked curious. As rightious' daemonhammer landed on its smallest toe, it showed... pain.
“Owwwwww!!! Ouch, ouch, ouch!!! Son of a...!!!”
The daemon hopped on one leg, creating tremors.
“NAGOSH! NOW'S OUR FU*BEEP* CHANCE!! CATCH!!”
Skalius took out a strange bolter from a compartment in his armour and threw it to the ork warboss.
“Wot iz it?”
“A mother*BEEP* HOLY BOLTER!!! When you absolutely HAVE TO KILL SOME DAEMON FU*BEEP*!!!!”
“Thanks! Dis'll do da trick!!”
The ork ran to a nearby Wraithlord and screamed at it.
“Frow me to da daemun!!!”
The Wraithlord obeyed and threw Nagosh like a baseball. The ork hit Cambius square in the chest, which made the daemon stumble.
“Who dares....?!?!?!?”
“I'z do!!!”
Nagosh used his choppa to climb up to the thing's shoulders. One of its hands tried to grab him, but a single bash was enough to send it away.
“Fool! How do you wish too ha... wait!!! WHAT IS THAT?!?!?”
“Holy bolta', daemun!!!”

Cambius' eyes, which were all on the same side of his head right now, grew wide. Nagosh pulled the trigger... and the daemon screeched in pain.
Its head epicly exploded, and its body dissipated. Nagosh fell to the ground.

Gobroz was the first to get closer.
“Boss!!! Are ya...?!?”
“Yeh, I'z okay. Da daemun ain't, though!!”

*******

“MAY THE WARP CONSUUUUUUUME YOUUUUUUUUU, NAGOSH UBZUG!!!!!”
“Tzeentch, dude, calm down.”
“Khorne is right Tzeentchey.”
“Yesssss *cough*.”
“But... they ruined my plans... I feel like crying...”
“Get a hold of yourself, man! Now, we're gonna go get some stuff from Slaanesh's stash. That'll cheer ya up!!”
Khorne and Slaanesh then towed a dpressed Tzeentch to Slaanesh's citadel, Nurgle close behind.

******

The extra forces ofnAkhalam VI were leaving, going to face different enemies on different worlds. Goodbyes would ensue.
First were the Eldar. And the first of them was Ash'nu. He stood close to Nagosh.
“Farewell, warboss Nagosh Ubzug. May we meet again. And Gobroz and Muskit. Of course, may little Ugu live long.”
“Same to ya, Ash'nu!”
A small ropar also came.
Then Altian.
“Our adventure was quite brief, friends. But highly enjoyable. Goodbye for now.”
A grin was on Nagosh's face.
The silent one.
“Goodbye. To all of you.”
Lokan then bowed and left. Kilina's voice hinted sadness.
“I'll miss all of you. Especially little Ugu... take care of the little guy, Muskit.”
“I'z will. Ya don't hafta worry.”
The Eldar disappeared in webway gates, which soon went off-line.

***

the Spess Mahreens were next, angry side first.
“Well, bye. Don't EXPECT ME TO SAY SOME GAY SH*BEEP*, YOU BI*BEEP*ES!!!!”
“Yeh, g'bye, Skalius.”

The angriest of the angry entered their Thunderhawks and were gone. 

“Farewell, my friends. May the Emperor bless you! And may the codex guide you!”
“Thanks!”
The smurfs likewise entered their ships and left, leaving the four orks, Alix, Anon and Ugu alone on the platform.
“Well... Alix?”
“Yes, Nagosh?”
“Wot are you guardiez gonna do now?”
“We're going to help with the restoration of the planet... the Chaos forces had left many areas in ruin.”
“Den you'z can count on help from da ORKS!!! Ain't dat right?!”

The ork horde below was ready to do something... even something not related to fighting.

All in all, the planet seemed to be changing... for the better. With the first true ork-human alliance. The galaxy was more peaceful...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
Or was it?

Deep beneath the ground on a certain planet... two green eyes shone... and not that far from this world, a dark fleet slowly approached.


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

brilliant, +Rep


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## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

Why, thank you!
This writer is pleased that he could please!


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## Mellow (Apr 27, 2009)

Heh. It's a bit hard to tell who's talking when you continually string together speaking lines, but I could still understand it. It was funny, I like it. Hope you go and write something again sometime.


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## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

Thanks!
The first chap of the sequel is already written... should I upload it here?
And I will try to work on the dialogues in the future.


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## Mellow (Apr 27, 2009)

Go ahead and put it on this thread.

Anyways, I was a bit irked with the very, very OOC personalities you gave some of the characters and races, but since it's a fanfic geared towards comedy, it was okay with me. Made me laugh because of how unrealistic it was.


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## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

Oh, that was the point! OOC makes everything quite more lulzy, in my opinion.

Okie dokie... first chapter for the sequel, *Da green cruseid*!

****************************
Sequul chapta' 1 - Dis ain't ova' yet!
****************************

It was a sunny day at the ork fort... camp... thing.
Don't you just love that line?

The orks had been quite the helping hands in the past month, helping restore the planet and all. The guardies and the civilians grew accustomed to having orks as friendly neighbours. And the ork numbers increased, thanks to the spores and whatnot.

One nob, Mogosh, was playing a game of orkjack with some of the newer boys. One of the slugga boys showed his cards. A warboss, a mek and an A-Bom'.
“Yayz! Dat'z twenny-free pointz! I'z win!”
Mogosh looked at the ork.
“Oh, I'z beg to diffa'. I'z win!”
“But...” a massive choppa landed dangerously close to the slugga's right hand, “but ofcourze! You'z win! I'z musta' made sum mistakey bit.”
“Damn right! Bah! Sporlingz dese dayz! No respect fer deir eldurz!”

A quite known slugga boy ran past them, a black squig close behind.
“'Ey, Muskit!”
“'Ey, Mogosh!”

The well-known duo then continued to the 'Kommunikasunz roomzy fing'. Gobroz was already there. The two walked over to him.
“Gobroz!”
“'Ullo, Muskit! Good fing you'z 'ere!”
“Yeh. But, where'z da boss?”
“Right 'ere!”
Nagosh into the room.
“Where were youz?”
“Well, flashgit Gobroz, I just went ta see da old chaosy fortrezz, iz all.”
Gobroz sighed. Nagosh had been going to that fortress for some time now. Why did the boss like it so much?
“Oh, well. At leest you'z 'ere. Guardiez been callin' whole mornin'! Somefin' seriuz.”
“Call dem, flashgit Gobroz!”
“Yeh, boss!” the flashgit turned a questionable device and kicked it. A screen above them flashed, “callin' guardiez! Callin' guardiez!”
A bald head appeared. Alix Mossiv had his favourite green tea.
“Good morning, gentlemen.”
“Oy, Alix! 'ow ya doin'?”
“Well, to tell you the truth, my good warboss, I was doing just fine, until I received a message from a Imperial Guard base on the planet of Carridia, not too far from here.”
“Wot'z wrong?”
“Well, they'd had problems with the Tau there, but that conflict was already resolved and the planet was kinda split in half. Half for us, half for them. But recently, our experts there have been picking up... tremors under the ground. Something is not right.”
Gobroz knew what that meant.
“So, to get da plot goin', you'z want us ta go dere and see wot'z wrong. Amiright?”
“Quite right, mate! The only problem now is... will you take one of our ships, or...?”
“Nah! Darug sed he had sum prototypey fingy fer flyin'! We'z gonna use dat.”
“Well... if you think that is the right decision. I have sent a message towards the guardsmen on the planet. They shall be expecting you.”
“Gud. Come on, boyz! Let'z have sum fun!”
Nagosh left in a hurry, Muskit and Ugu behind. Gobroz kicked the 'device' again to turn it off and then ran after them.

******

“Darug... ya sure dis fing can fly?”
“Well... no. But it'z betta' den nofin', eh Gobroz?”
“Gork and Mork save uz...”

He looked behind. He and Darug were at the very front of the rocket. Nagosh had two seats for himself and Muskit and Ugu had their own. They also brought Drakk along. Nagosh thought the grot needed to see new places. Drakk was strapped to his seat by over thirty seatbelts, to ensure his safety. Scared little grot.

The rocket itself was quite a sight. It looked like random pieces of junk and weapons welded together. But then, most orky vehicles looked like that.

“You boys redy fer liftoff?” asked the mek.
“NO!” screamed all of them.
“Gud! Startin' engine in free, two, one.”
A single click of a button fired up the engines.They blasted off into the sky with the speed of gods.
Drakk's chair snapped off and the poor grot hit a wall. The land beneath them became smaller and smaller. The ship then left the planet's atmosphere and they were in the vastness of space.

Drakk floated here and there on his chair, hitting walls and sharp objects.
“Ooops! I'z forgot to put in dem grevitey stabilizor bitz.”
“Dat can't be gud...”
“Don't worry, flashgit Gobroz! All'z fine... fer now. Wot now, Darug?”
“I'z shud click dis 'ere button...”
Darug typed some coordinates into the ship's 'computer'. Gobroz closed his eyes. The ship entered warpal travel-mode...

******

“You'z forgot sum oda' fings, too, Darug.”
“Oh, shaddap.”
Indeed, for the orks now had some daemonic passengers on board. Two Horrors were playing pong with Drakk's chair, a group of Bloodletters was trying to beat Nagosh in arm-wrestling, to no avail, and a group of Daemonettes was... you guessed it... squeezing the living daylights outta' Ugu.
“Oh, he's so cute and squishy!”
“Yeah! Why aren't there daemons this cute!”
“He licked me, the cutie!”
Muskit just stared at the she-daemons.
And last, but not least, a two-headed chaos spawn was liking Gobroz and Darug.
“Dis is getting' annuyin'.”
“I'z know, Gobroz. But look! We'z almost outta' 'ere!”
As soon as they exited warp-space, the daemons disappeared.

******

In orbit above Carridia, a Chaos fleet of many colours flew.
Four lords stood on the flagship's bridge, along with a Bloodletter champion.
“I still can't believe we actually got another mission after that fiasco...”
“Yesssss. Quite an unexpected turn of eventssss, eh?”
“Unexpected, but delicious!”
“Whatever... can we start burning stuff?”
“Sangus, we are here to uncover what is causing the strange tremors on the planet. If it's an artifact...”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
“Ummm... my lords?”
Rakul turned.
“What is it, Nebulon?”
The daemon pointed with his finger. In the distance something, which looked like a flying piece of debris, was heading for the planet.
“What in the name of Tzeentch... give me a closer view!”
A screen appeared before them. The 'rocket' could clearly be seen.
“Lookssss like ssssomething... orky.”
Rakul started panicing. Then, a black squig moved to one of the windows.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! It's them! It's Nagsosh Ubzug and his accursed orks!!!”
“Uh oh... screw pillaging and looting! Let's just go home!”
“I agree with Sangus! This is NOT DELICIOUS!!!”
“Not even papa Nurgle can protect us now!”
“Yes, master. Please!”
Rakul's eyes were full of rage.
“We're not going back, idiots! Hehehehhe. This is a chance to exact our revenge! Blast them outta the sky! All batteries, FIIIIIREEEEEE!!!”

The flagship's guns charged up and unleashed their wrath upon the ork craft.

******

“Well... dat can't be gud...” said Nagosh.
“Thakya, boss obviuz!”
“Sorry, flashgit Gobroz...”
The beams and rounds hit the small ship and it plummeted towards Carridia's surface.
Not gud.


*************************************
Sequul Chapta' 2 - Goody-boyz... an' den sum!
*************************************

He saw an endless blackness. Well, he didn't know if it was endless, but he sure knew it was black. He also felt as if something was pushing him downwards with quite some force.
Suddenly, faint sounds reached his ears. They seemed like... voices.

Then, part of the blackness disappeared and blinding light filled the area. It took his eyes a bit to adjust and when they did, he saw a familiar warboss.
“Oy! Flashgit Gobroz! You'z okay!”
A large green hand was stretched out to him and Gobroz caught it. Nagosh then pulled him out of a pile of metallic rubble.
The surroundings were... barren, to say the least. A seemingly endless rocky desert surrounded the crashed craft from all sides.
“Yeh, boss, I'z okay.”
“Gud ta hear! Darug wosn't sure if we'z cud find ya... in one peece.”
“Rig't... oy! Were's me shoota?”
After that, Darug and Muskit came into view... the mek was carrying two pieces of metal. Darug spoke:
“I'z sorry, Gobroz. It must'a happened durin' da crashy stuff.”
Gobroz looked at what was left of his favourite weapon... and remembered all that time he spent with it... tuning it... polishing its features... testing it on live targets, preferably humies... sitting next to it in the cinema. And he raised his arms to the sky and screamed:
“WRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?”

Then there was absolute silence, save for a few hand-sized bugs, but even those were eaten by Ugu moments later. Only Darug really broke the silence:
“Don'tcha worry, Gobroz! I'z gunna fix it! I'z promize!”
“Yeh?”
“Yeh! An' it'z gunna be betta' den eva'!”
Gobroz already looked better.
“Okey! Let'z go find sumw'ere, where we can fix it, yeh?”
“YEH!” shouted the other orks.

And so, the group of weird orks set off on yet another journey.

******

They walked for what seemed to be uneventful hours. In reality, it was a mere ten minutes. And then, a strange cylindrical object landed next to them. Gobroz picked it up.
“Wot is it, flashgit Gobroz?”
“I'z dunno, boss. But it'z awfelly fumiliar.”
The mek spoke, a hint of nervosity in his voice:
“Uhhhh... I'z fink dat'z a bom'.”
“Uh oh...”

Light consumed the area.
No too far from the orks a group of humanoids clad in light brown armour, which almost made them blend in with their surroundings. They carried large rifles and their helmets had strange, red optical aids on them.
“Photon grenade hit its mark, sir.”
One of them, who wore a white helmet instead of a brown one, nodded.
“Good. Orks are the last things we need on this planet. Back to base.”
They rose and wanted to leave, but a terrible roar made them stop.

From the smoke left after the grenade, came the biggest ork from Akhalam IV, a few scratches on his hide. The others were close behind.
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH!!!! You'z fought, dat a little bom', cud stop orkz?! Oy!” Nagosh looked at the aggressors, “flashgit Gobroz! Ain't dose dem Goody-boyz?”
“Uhhh... dey'z from da Tau emparezez. Or sumfin' like dat.”
“Like I'z sed! Goody-boyz! Let'z show teech 'em not ta mess wif da ORKS!!!”

“What now, sir?!”
“Calm down! They're just orks! Fire at will! Turn them into piles of smoking flesh!”
The Fire warriors listened and aimed with their rifles.

“Uuuuuh... boss? We'z shud get outta' da wey...”
“You'z right, flashgit Gobroz! Looky! Dere's a biiiig rok!”
The group hid behind the large, improvised piece of cover. Pulse shots landed all around them.
“Oy! Dese arez Goody-boyz! Dey'z week 'gainst choppaz and fistz and stuffz, right?”
One of the shots utterly annihilated a plant near them. Which had been an ork-sized cactus. Gobroz spoke:
“Yeh, boss! Too bad we'z ain't gunna get dat close!”
“Dere'z gotta be sumfin' we'z can do!”
At that moment, Muskit got an idea. An insane, ridiculous and lulzy idea, but an idea nonetheless.
“I'z got it! Ugu! Ugu'z tiny, he'z can sneek up on da Tauzerz!”
Nagosh grinned as much as orkily possible.
“Dat soundz like sum fun! And when he haz dem distocteed, we'll crush sum skullz! Go, Ugu!”
The little squig looked at all of them and then exited their cover. The commies didn't notice the little guy and he was soon next to them.

One of the warriors spotted the squig.
“SIR!!!”
They all stopped firing. The Shas'ui looked at the black critter and commanded:
“Shoot it, damnit!”
“We can't!”
“Why not?”
“He's less than two metres away from us. We have to go into... close combat.”
“WHAT?! WHY?!”
“Sir... the rulebook says so.”
Under their helmets, the aliens had faces of pure terror.
“We're all gonna die...”
“Calm down, idiots! It's just one frikin' squig. How bad could it be?”
“It's base attack is higher than our whole unit combined.”
“Okay... panic.”
“WE'RE ALL GONNA....”
A massive ork landed next to them. Naosh looked quite amused.
“Yeh, you'z all gunna meet yuurz ded boyz soon.”
One of the warriors asked the rules expert:
“What does the codex say about his close combat level?!”
“It's... over NIIIIIIINE....”
The Shas'ui knocked the expert on the head with his rifle.
“For Ethereal's sake! That joke was overused thirty-eight millenia ago! And it was already done in this fic! Seriously...” he then turned to the ork, “will it hurt?”
“Hmmm... nah! I'z not gunna fight ya.”
“Wha-?!”
“Boss!” it was Darug, “we'z still needz ta find dem guardiez! Dat'z why we'z came 'ere, no?”
“Darug'z right, boss. C'mere, Ugu!”
The little squig sat on Muskit's shoulder. Gobroz was silent, the two pieces of his old kustom shoota in his hands.
“You're looking for the Imperial Guard?”
“Yeh, deyz called us ta help with sum erf-shaky bitz.”
“The tremors?”
“Yeh!”
“Well... the empire is also interested in them... perhaps we could negotiate a temporary truce between the guard and us?”
“Works fer me. You'z just have ta get us to da guardiez.”
“Of course. Follow me.”

Reluctantly, the other warriors walked after their leader, leading the orks towards their goal.
Much lulz is to be had.

******

“What do you mean, they're not at the crash site?!”
Nebulon looked at his master through the screen of his portable com-link. The rubrics and berserkers behind him were busy moving bits of junk.
“We have found nothing but rubble, master. They must have left swiftly.”
“Well, then... track them down!”
“As you wish. Nebulon out.”


The screen faded into darkness. Rakul was mildly irritated. The only one with him was his second best servant... which said nothing about the sorcerer's skills.
“Akitol?”
“Yes, sir?”
“Go find Sangus and the other two. I want their forces ready for assault in two hours.”
“Yes, anything else?”
“Hmmm... get me some Horror-flavoured tea and a Daemonette.”
“Got it.”
Akitol left and he was alone.
He couldn't shake that strange feeling... as if something bad was about to happen.
“Hmmmm... I'm getting paranoid... I'll get a sammich with some Flamer parts. Always makes it hot. Pun intended, heheheh.”

******

“So, wot'z your namez?”
The Shas-ui spoke:
“I am Eimmoc. The smartest of thism bunch, therefore a commander.”
“Hey!” said all the other warriors.
“Okay! Rule-expert Wal is co-commander.”
“YAY!!!”
“Anyway, you are?”
“I'z Nagosh Ubzug, boss of da Skull Smashaz!”
“I'z Gobroz. Flashgit and smartboy.”
“Yeh, he iz! Darug'z da neim. I'z da Smashaz' mek, I'z fix brokun bitz.”
“And I'z Muskit! And dis is little Ugu!”
Eimmoc looked at each member.
“My... you sure are a strange group.”
“You'z cud say dat.”

The canyon around them was wide, so they thankfully didn't have to move in a line. 
But an ambush could be easily created.
The Bloodletter champion watched the whole group from above. He grinned and pointed at the canyon walls behind them with his left hand.
“Feel the Warp!”
A beam of pure Chaos energy hit its target and the canyon collapsed behind the group. Nebulon then jumped from his position and impacted the ground like a bomb, sending dirt everywhere. He looked at the group, his axe ready.
“We meet again, Nagosh Ubzug. And his foolish allies.”
“Oy! Dynomic entry, much?”
“I suppose, warboss. Master Rakul sent me to prevent you from pestering us on Carridia.”
“You an' wot army?”
“Heheheheheh. Come here, boys!”
From the now-only canyon entrance/exit came two units of Chaos marines. Rubrics and berserkers.
“Let us at 'em! Skulls for the skull throne!”
“Have fun!” he turned to Nagosh, “shall we, for old time's sake?”
“You'z bet! Let'z staaart da FIGHTIIIIN'!!!!”
Nagosh charged, along with Nebulon. Chain choppa' met rune-axe.

The Fire warriors shot and killed some of the approaching berserkers, but the marines were too many to simply get gunned down. That's where the remaining orks came in handy. While the green ones fought the close range berserkers, the Tau blasted rubrics to tiny bits.

Gobroz held his shoota's remains tightly and bashed the servants of Chaos with them. His attacks were fueled by a mixture of fury and sorrow. None stood in his way.

Darug literally snapped the marines to bits thanks to his powah klaw. His blasta' came in handy, too.

And then there was the duo, Muskit and Ugu. Muskit did his best to keep the berserkers occupied while Ugu bit them at different spots of their armour, eventually found weak spots in their knee joints. Loud screams filled with agony were loud.

“Damnit, he's too strong!” thought the daemon as he was smashed against the rock wall.
“Oy, daemun! You'z ain't so tuf as before! Wot'z da matta'?”
Was it those goodies Mithara made for him? Was he getting out of shape?
Nebulon's gaze trailed to the right, where he saw a few Tau aiming at him, waiting for a clear shot.
“Damn you all! We will meet again, Ubzug!”
Without another word on either side, Nebulon disappeared in that well-known cloud of smoke.

Nagosh turned to the remaining ones.
“All'z okey, flashgit Gobroz?”
“Yeh, boss!”
Muskit seemed happier for some reason.
“Yeh! And Ugu found a wittle toy, too!”
All of them looked at the little squig, who was using a berserker's boot as an improvised chew-toy.
Eimmoc commented:
“Most interesting... we should get going before the marines return again.”
“Da Tauzy boy'z right, boss.”
“I'z know, Darug! Let'z get runnin'!”
And so the group set off yet again, olivious to the small spider-like machine which followed them, sending information.

******

“Does it hurt, Neby?”
“I'll live.”
Mithara was treating “Neby's” wounds with some unknown liquid. Nebulon learned, that asking some questions could give unwanted answers.

“Damnit! This is the same thing all over again! All's going fine, then comes a bunch of orks and ruins EVERYTHING!!!”
“Calm down, Rakul! I am sure, that this will end in a far more delicious way than our prievious quest.”
“I certainly hope so. Are your forces ready?”
“Yeah, we're ready to check out some crap and then start pillaging big time.”
“Yesssssss.”
“Prepared with lots of noisy ordnance.”
“Good. This battle is not over yet!” 

******

Deep under Carridia's surface, two green eyes watched a monitor. Humans, orks, commies and... they.
“This shaaaall be a moooost interesting development.”


----------



## DAvo001 (Jun 30, 2008)

really funny man , keep it up :laugh:


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## Da Red Paintjob Grot (May 6, 2008)

Woo! Now my favorite Fan Fic!


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## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

Sorry fer destroyin' konteenuitey, but dis 'ere iz now a sequul chapta'!


*************************************
Sequul Chapta' 3 - Moar ol' friendz!
*************************************

“We'z dere yet?”
“Boss! Dis a'redy happn'd last time! And no! We'z ain't dere yet!”
“Okay, flashgit Gobroz.”
The orks and (commies) warriors walked through the never-ending desert. Gobroz knew, that without the goody-boyz' little holomap, they would be totally lost. Suddenly, he remembered something... or more precisely, someone.
“Oy! We'z forgot Drakk!”
Eimmoc turned.
“Drakk?”
“Oy! Dat'z our grot! Don't worry, flashgit Gobroz! He'z seif wif Darug, right?”
“Yeh, boss! Right 'ere!”
Darug opened a small compartment on his huge backpack, which could perhaps fit a 'umie laspistol with some effort, and the grot's head popped out, gasping for air.
Gobroz wanted to say something, but words eluded him. So, he simply facepalmed.

After that, Drakk sat ON the mek's backpack. And they continued with their journey. After about half an hour, they spotted the first bits of a Tau installation.

******

The communications centre they were in looked much more... polished and tidy than the Imperial ones. But the human general on the screen was only too familiar.
“So, I see my brother FINALLY sent you boys to help.”
“Yeh, dat'z right.” said Nagosh.
Nagosh and Gobroz were the only orks in the room, the others were down in the armoury.
Gobroz saw only one difference between Alix back on Akhalam and Ulix, who was here on Carridia. Ulix liked liked black tea, not green. Otherwise, the two were identical.
“And they proved some tactical skill when they defeated my men, along with some Chaos troops.”
The Tau commander Teivos,who spoke was a rather imposing sight. Fully clad in one of those commander-class battle-armours, he was a walking weapons platform. Before he left his weapons at the armoury, they had been quite a sight.
A shoulder-mounted railgun on the left shoulder and a flamethrower on the other. The final weapon was a massive, infantry-annihilating pulse chaingun, which was so HUEG, that the commander had to hold it with both hands.
“Yeh! You'z don't mess wif orkz!”
“Yeh, boss. But we'z shud start wif da truce an' everyfin'.”
“You'z right! Now, den...”

-

Down in the armory, the boys were doing... stuff.
Darug was looking at all of the weaponry the Tau had there. From pulse rifles to railguns, these guys had it covered. Then, an idea appeared in his mind. And he started workin', to the confusion of many around him.
But Muskit was not one of them, for he was playing fetch with Ugu and the... chew-toy.

And Drakk... was also looking at weapons. Weapons located in the 'flamer' category, to be precise. And his finger drifted close to a button.
Muskit watched, shocked, as a small running fireball darted between him and Ugu, heading for a small fountain.
“Deze Tauzy boyz've gotz weerd stuff 'ere.”
Ugu just nodded and threw the foot back.

Drakk jumped into the fopuntain and all the water in it was vaporised, before it was replaced by more of the liquid. The grot just watched his surroundings, knowing he was an unlucky guy ork gretchin.

-

Negotiations were going quite well. If all went well, they could send a joint search team under the surface.
But suddenly... two other transmissions were patched through by operators. A guardsman and a fire warrior. Both looked terrified.
“Sir! Our defensive positions around the location with the strongest tremors have been taken! Chaos marauders attacked us without warning! We barely had any time to mobilise, let alone defe..”
“Commander! Our forward outposts have been all but obliterated by Chaos assailants! Our Shas'la units are dead and...”
Both speakers were then killed. The guardsman by a sickly green cloud of smoke and the fire warrior a bit more directly, ie. a hammer to the head.
A sorcerer of the big papa and a Chaos lord of Khorne appeared, respectively. Two figures the orks knew only too well. Both camera views went all fuzzy and stuff.
“Connection lost, commander.”
“Damnit! General Ulix, we must strike against these invaders!”
“Quite right! I will send my men immediately! Take our green friends with you. They shall be invaluable, I bet.”
“Understood. Teivos, out.” the Tau commander then turned to the rest, “grab your friends and let's get going.”
“Yeh! Com' on, flashgit Gobroz!”

The two orks ran to the armoury Gobroz went for Muskit and Ugu and Nagosh took Drakk out of the fountain... forcefully.
Gobroz then approached Darug.
“Oy, you'z comin'?”
The mek turned, obviously annoyed by the interruption.
“Nah! I'z got sum work ta do.”
“Really?”
“YA RLY! Now, off ya go!”
Gobroz just shrugged and went after Nagosh.

******

“Nebulon, stop being such a sissy!”
“No, master! I AM NOT going down there again! I've had enough of getting beaten by a band of orks!!”
“I'm warning you, old friend...”
“NO, Rakul! Nothing can make me go down there! Not this time!”
“Oh?” Mithara appeared from seemingly nowhere, “come on, Neby! I know you can take on some stupid ork! Show me how strong you are!” 
She kissed him on the cheek.
Nebulon just stood there for a LOOONG moment. Then he grinned like a madman and disappeared in a cloud of smoke, along with Rakul.
“Boys... all they need is some motivation.”

******

The Chaos boyz were just minding their business, playing cards, spreading disease, just standing idly and mutilating corpses. But then came the two attacking forces.
The guardsmen provided irritation with their flashlights and a meat shield in one, while mighty Leman Russ battle tanks blasted their enemies into tiny bits. Nothing stood in their way.
The Tau had the aid of a few orks and a squig, who just charged against enemy lines. Even Rubrics remembered the previous battles and recognized these orks. Then came 'support' fire from the Tau forces, which annihilated entire buildings. Even the aforementioned automatons considered retreat.

The four Chaos lords and their personal retinues watched the approaching forces.
“It ssseemssss the only entrancesss and exitsss have been taken.”
“Deliciously obvious observation, not so delicious situation.”
“Oh, come on! More heads to split in half!”
Rakul watched the Tau side and the approaching orks and commanded.
“Boys, we're going after the Tau, with Nebulon. Retinues will hold the guardsmen.”
“Yes, lord Rakul!” shouted the devoted of all four Chaos gods. The fact they considered the sorcerer a leader was... an honour.
The warriors, automatons and whatnot charged at the guardsmen, axes in the air, souls in their armour, noise in their weapons and plague in their flesh. Even the tanks would be in trouble this time.

Rakul watched the force on the other side. The orks were far ahead of the rest. Excellent. His arms went into the air.
“Forces of Change... of Chaos... bend to my will!!!”
His hands pointed to the canyon walls. Several orbs of Chaos energy shot and hit their mark. The walls collapsed, leaving the orks alone.
“Oy... dis ain't gud.”
“You bet, Nagosh Ubzug!”
Nebulon appered above them and dived straight at the warboss, axe first. Nagosh blocked the attack wit his own chain choppa' and the two were at it, yet again. Nagosh seemed to have the upper hand, but then Sangus joined in on the fun. Even the mighty ork's power was put to the test.

Muskit and Gobroz were fighting... well, dodging attacks from Rakul and Morbus, respectively. They just couldn't close the gap between them and the two sorcerers.

And Ugu? Ugu was chasing Carito, who didn't want his delicious beauty to get defiled by some black ball with teeth.
“NOT DELICIOUS, NOT DELICIOUS!!!!!”

******

Khorne's warpal fortress was mostly quiet, except for the ever-present wails of those killed in his name. But you got used to such sound effects.
He sat upon his throne and watched the mountain of skulls below. It was always such a chore to get down... maybe he should install an elevator or something.
He suddenly felt a psychic wave. One of the others wanted to talk. He made some blood appear in his hand and he then threw it into the space in front of him. It formed a sort-of screen and he could see Slaanesh.
“Khorne, Khorne, Khorne!!!”
“Calm down, geez! Now, what's up?”
“Tzeentchey has something to show us! Nurgley is already there! Could you pick me up?”
“Uhhhh.... sure. See ya soon.”
“Okay, teehee.”
The screen disappeared and he mumbled:
“Why does she need picking up? I know I have to go through her territory to get to Tzeentch, but she has her own ride. Wait, that's right... she's weird.”
Khorne stood up, started walking downwards... and tripped.
He rolled down the mountain of skulls and other kinds of bones, which were obviously misplaced, but removing them would cause the whole thing to collapse. And that would not be cool. After ten minutes, he reached the bottom. His back hurt. A LOT.
“Damnit...”
He slowly made his way to the bowels of his fortress, where his steed was. By species, it was a Juggernaut. But it was nearly ten times as big, dwarfing even Bloodthirsters. Even Khorne himself sometimes had difficulty getting on the stupid thing. But damn, it was badass. It also had space for two.
He sat upon it and commanded:
“Forward!”
The beast listened to its master and ran at full speed, ignoring the closed gate in front of it. Doolb, the gate master of a Bloodthirster, muttered in sorrow:
“That's the fifth time in two days.”

---

The mighty beast traversed the land with its godly rider. Flames ignited beneath its feet and any daemons who did not step out of its path were mercilessly crushed. Badass to the max, just how Khorne liked it.
Then, a high wall came into view. The warpal walls were the things which kept the different realms of the goods apart, along with the gods' respective daemons. Between these walls... well, no one knew what was between them, except the gods themselves and they didn't like talking about it. And they were different, depending on whose side they were. Khorne's walls, for example, were painted bright red, if it was blood or paint, no one knew, and lined with gold, along with the random spray-paints like 'Blood for the blood god!' and 'Khorne rules!'.
He reached a gatehouse, which was half khornate, half slaaneshi. A Bloodthirster and a Keeper of Secrets were playing a game of Warpal battle cards.
Khorne shouted:
“Hey! Let me through!”
The two looked at him and immediately went to work. The gate of warpal metal soon opened and he entered the realm of Slaanesh. Her walls were purple, with hints of black here and there and... interesting markings on them.
The Juggernaut sped up and they were in front of her citadel in no time.
Khorne pushed a button and an impulse was sent to the steed's brain. The Juggernaut roared.

-

Slaanesh was in her quarters, brushing her hair. Then came a mighty roar. And she knew such roars could only be made by Khorne's little beasties. She swiftly walked to her window and looked outside. Way below, she saw the Blood God, I all of his glory. And she waved at him.
“Hey Khorne!”
He yelled back:
“Hi! Are you coming or what?”
“Okay! Catch!”
“What... ARE YOU DOING?!”
She leaned out of the window and then jumped out. Khorne acted by instinct. He first jumped onto a wall nearby and then as high as he could and caught her in mid-air. He then landed on the ground, goddess in his arms.
“You're insane.”
“Yeah... but I've got a knight in bloody armour!”
Then, with uncanny speed, she lifted his helmet, gave him a kiss on the cheek, put the helmet back on and jumped out of his arms.
Khorne just stood there for a moment, shocked. He then shook his head and watched a scene he never even imagined.
“What a cute little puppy!!”
How did she know the Juggernaut was just two months old?
She raised a hand and something appeared in it. The Juggernaut sniffed and then seemed intrigued.
“Oh, you want the Scooby snack? Well, then, sit!” the beast sat so vehemently, that the ground shook and Khorne almost fell, “good boy! Here ya go!”
She threw the snack to the beasty and it nommed the cookie mercilessly.
“I'm seeing things, this is a dream.”
“Can I call him Fluffy? PLEASE!!!”
Fluffy looked pleased with the new name. Somehow, he just couldn't say no
“Okay, okay! He's Fluffy!”
“Thanks! You're the best!”
He didn't know what to say to that, so he got on Fluffy and helped Slaanesh up. She caught him around the waist and he simply screamed.
“GO... Fluffy!”
The puppy roared again and they were off.

From somewhere above, two Daemonettes watched.
“They look so cute together!”
“Yeah!”

-

Tzeentch and Nurgle were watching the spectacle through the Changer's orb. Suddenly, the door was torn out of its hinges. Khorne let Slaanesh go in first and then entered himself.
“Hey, Tzeentchey!”
“Yeah, hi, feather brain.”
One of his avian heads looked at them.
“Ah, you're here! Excellent! Our boys are fighting the very orks who humiliated us before! And they're winning! LOOK!!!”
He pointed with five of his hands and their gazes were fixed on the orb.

******

The orks were outnumbered and losing. But one Tau wasn't gonna let that happen.
“Throw me that missile launcher!”
The other one listened and threw it to Eimmoc, who then climbed onto the rocks, aimed and shot.

The rocket flew towards its target, a large ork assaulted from two directions. Nebulon noticed it and his eyes grew wide. Nagosh used the oportunity and threw m and then jumped away. Sangus just watched the approaching missile.
“Juuust great.”
It exploded near him and the explosion sent him straight at Morbus and the two collided. Muskit had the time of his life laughing.

And Nebulon now looked at a charging Nagosh.
“Uh oh.”
He too was sent flying. But towards Rakul.
“Uh oh.”
When Rakul got Nebulon off him, two orks were in his view. A warboss and a flashgit. They was ready to battle again, as were he and Nebulon. But suddenly, he heard a crack. He was sure the others did, too. It came from below.
“Wot wos dat, flashgit Gobroz?”
“I'z dun't know...”
Cracks appeared beneath their feet and the ground itself soon broke into pieces and they fell into darkness.
“Boss, Gobroz!”
“Rakuuul!”
“Not delicious!”


----------



## Da Red Paintjob Grot (May 6, 2008)

I'z Shud Point out dat I'z wired inta dis Mega Armour, Wiv one 'And bein' a bik klaw, and da uvver 'and a big paintbrush, wiv red on it! don't make me paint yer wotnotz red!


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## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

****************************
Chapta' 4 - Unda'groundzez
****************************


The hole was deep. Very deep. So deep, in fact, that its epic deepness made the entry hole seem like a mere blip.
First to hit the ground was Drakk. Thanks to the grot's flexible bones, he only had bruises. Gobroz landed next to him... and Nagosh landed on both with a deafening crash.
“Owz...”
“Sorry, flashgit Gobroz.”
“My... brainzez are comin' outta' my noze.”
“Oh... sorry, Drakk.”
The last to fall was an armoured sorcerer. Rakul shook his head, stood up, dusted off his armour, did a victory pose on the 'hill' and commented:
“Thank you for cusioning my fall, ork.”
“Uhhh... don't mentian it.”

Nebulon came soon after, using his axe to slow down his fall. He landed gently on the ground and looked at the rest.
“Amateurs.”
The orks got up and looked around. They stood in some sore of corridor. One path had been blocked by a rock slide and the other led into darkness.
“Well, it seems you're going to have a lot of fun down here. Nebulon, would you be so kind?”
“Of course, master. See ya, boys!”
Nebulon raised his arm and... nothing happened. No purple cloud or disappearing, no nothing. The two stood there awkwardly.

Nagosh grinned.
“Oy, dat didn't work, eh?”
Rakul was annoyed.
“Grrrrrr. Something down here is blocking Warp energies. And that cannot be good.”
Gobroz' voice brought wisdom again, even if it was brought along with incorrect grammar:
“Oy, we'z shud work togeda'. Well, atleest 'till we'z get outta' 'ere.”
“An ork that shows intelligence. Interesting. What do you think, master?”
“Hmph. It doesn't look like we have a choice in this matter. Lead the way.”
And the group started moving, orks first.

******

They walked through the, at best, dimly lit corridors, silent. There wasn't really much to chat about and if they spoke... who knows what horrors they could attract.
After a while, they entered what seemed seemed to be a massive cave. Green orbs lit a path and they followed it, still in silence. It soon led them to a wide chasm, It was incredibly long, continuing far into the darkness.
Gobroz broke the silence:
“Now wot?”
“If I still had my teleporting powers, it would be easy. But...”
“Hmmm... Maybe there is some sort of switch or button on the other side?”
“Cud be. But how are we'z gunna get thar an' press it, flashgit Gobroz?”
Why did the boss always expect him to have an answer? Oh, right... smartboy.
“Dunno, boss.”

The group stood there for a while... and Rakul then looked at Drakk. The sorcerer then nudged Nagosh.
“Wot?” Rakul pointed at the grot, ”oooooh! But who?”
This time, Nebulon was the one who grinned.
“I'll do it.”
Before Drakk knew what was happening, Nebulon caught him and held the grot like a javelin. The daemon then threw Drakk with all his might.

The gretchin flew through the air, limbs firmly together. He neatly passed over the chasm and then hit the ground, long nose first. He got up and looked around.
“Drakk! Find sum buttuny bit an' klik it!”
“Got it, boss!”
He spotted something akin to a small pedestal and walked over to it. A big green 'buttuny bit' was in front of him. He pressed it.

With a terrible racket, a bridge made out of a strange black metal appeared. The orcs and two chaos boys crossed over it. 
“Gud job, Drakk.”
“Fankz, Gobroz.”
Another passageway was in sight, so they followed it.

******

On the surface, a peculiar case of organised chaos was going on. Fire warriors, guardsmen, heretical marines all kept running here and there, carrying supplies. It was strange what a crisis could do to enemies.

Carito was talking to a group of possessed:
“Whaddaya mean, your tentacle-arms ain't long enough to reach the bottom! I want you to make a rope!”
“Graaaaaarrggh! Hragaraaaaa!”
“Oh... not delicious.”

Not too far:
“Maybe we could use sssssome crane from you guardiessssss.”
“I'm afraid no crane has a long-enough reach for a hole of this epic deepness.”

“Can't we just dig our way down there? That would be smashing fun.”
“That would take weeks, even with the most advanced of the earth caste's technologies. The minerals in the mountains here are extremely durable.”
“Damnit! We have to get Rakul, Nebulon and the stupid orks outta' there somehow!”

At the very edge of the hole sat Mithara. Her gaze was fixed downwards.
“Neby...”

******

The corridor yet again passed into a cave. But in this one, only the path could be seen, so they followed it still.
But soon, the sound of rapid footsteps reached their ears. They looked around, expecting something to come out of the darkness. But instead, a small spider sneaked beneath their legs. Only Drakk noticed it.
“Boss, look!”
All of them did. The small machine had several pieces of gadgetry, all resembling eyes. A spy. It wandered off into the dark.
“I see you haaaave arrived.”
On the path ahead of them, two glowing green eyes appeared. The creature then stepped into the light. 
Skeletal and awe-inspiring, to say the least. It was almost fully golden, save for the green mini-reactor in its chest, even though the metal it was made of was obviously something far more alien, since green energy coursed through it. A blue cape was on its back The scepter it held was adorned with glowing razor-sharp blades and part of it was a tube with gren energy flickering here and there.

Nagosh knew what that was, as did the rest.
“Skeletun-boy!”
“Necron... I should have known.”
“Perhaaaps you should haaave, Rakul Manek. But now, it is too late to withdraaaw. Now... would you like to look around?”
Rakul seemed kinda uneasy about it knowing its name.
The question caught all of them off-guard. Gobroz spoke:
“Waddaya meen?”
“I aaaasked if you waaaanted to look around, ork flaaashgit Gobroz. I think this plaaaace is quite nice, but I need another oppinion.”
“What kind of trick is this?!”
“No trick, Nebulon, bloodletter of Khorne. My eyes and eaaaars are everywhere,” seemingly to illustrate its point, several of the spider-spies appeared, “I know aaaall.”
“I'z still dun't know why you'z wud want us ta check out dis place.”
“Well... I aaaaam lonely down here, waaarboss Nagosh Ubzug.”
“Lonely?”
“Yes, lonely! I woke up from my imprisoning slumber two centuries ago... and none of my brethren did the same.”
The Necron lord raised his staff and green orbs appeared all around them... showing sarcophagi-like objects.
“Okay... we'z outnumba'd.”
“Boss obviuz strikez back. Wait, how comez you'z can talk? And who are ya?”
“Well... I caaall myself Tartaro. I never was a very obedient lord, you see.”
Rakul raised an eyebrow under his helmet. How come he could say the 'A' in names normally?
“What do you mean? You killed too much?”
“That doesn't make sense, master.”
“No, no, no! My kill-count waaaas fine. At first, anyway. But I started thinking... which should haaave been impossible.” without warning, the lord started moving along the path and they followed, “I staaarted doubting my purpose... and the purpose of my brethren. After aaall, the living weren't all baaad. Like butterflies for exaaample. Butterflies aaare cute... aaanyway, I started slaaacking off, you could say. Stopped killing everything. I alwaaaays left a few living beings after my purificaaaations. Especially butterflies and some plaaaants.”
“And your Stargods got angry, I presume?”
“Well, yes. Aaand they then locked me, along with the rest of my brethren, down here. We were the first to be sealed, in faaact.”
“An' ya woke up?”
“Yes. Aaand I have been waaalking here and there for centuries, waiting for the rest.”
“Dat'z not cul.”
“Indeed.”

During this conversation, Drakk spotted another pedestal, with a red 'buttuny bit' this time.
“Uhhh, wot'z dis do?”
Tartaro turned his mechanical head to the grot.
“Hmmm... I never noticed thaaat one.”
Gobroz was amused:
“You'z didn't noteic it... in centureez?”
“My opticaaal receptors aaare not aaas good aaas they used to be. Click it.”
And Drakk did so.
The panel flashed and ancient machinery started working. Raw energy was directed into the sarcophagi and their inhabitants started waking up. Their double-lids shot open and Necrons like no others emerged.
By looks, the automatons were like armoured humans. Helmet like heads, resembling those found on Imperial Stormtroopers, with a green line of an eye. Their feet resembled boots, their body had decorations on it. And their gauss flayers were compressed to the size of a large lasrifle.
“They live! THEY LIIIIIVE! My brethren! I'll haave to thank you more properly laaater.”

The group was surprised, to say the least.
“Oy, deze ain't skeletun boyz!”
“Not aaanymore, waaarboss. I... upgraaaded them, you could saaay.”
“How?”
“The C'Tan I served was the master of technology. The Void Dragon.”
“Which is rumoured to be on Mars...” muttered Rakul to himself.
“Since I knew how to reshaaape them, I did. Took me a century, but the results are worth it. And these are my new Shockwarriors.”
“What an original name...”
“Ummm... I wouldn't mock them right now, master.”
Nebulon already counted a hundred at least. And more were coming to life by the minute.
“Wait... why didn't ya upgreid yerself.”
“Well, Nagosh... I did not haaave the testicles for it... literaaally.”

Gobroz was getting nervous.
“Okay... so, you'z got yourz frendz bak... can we'z go now?”
“Go? Where would you waaant to go?”
“To the surface. By the fastest route.”
“I aaam afraaaid thaaat won't be possible. You see, while I have my brethren... I aaam not much of an AI prograaammer... they aaare still stupid.” 
“And what does that have to do with us?”
“You aaare going to keep me compaaany.”

Rakul wanted to protest... but the warriors readied their gauss flayers, so he stayed silent.
Nagosh, however, did protest:
“Oy! I'z ain't gunna stay 'ere an' make companey fer sum bag o' irony bonez!”
“Aaand whaat caan you do about it?”
The big ork grinned.
“We'z challinge ya to a battle!”
The others replied with a 'What?!' or 'Wot?!'.
“Interesting.”
“Yeh. Youz and four of yer boyz, agenzt us. You'z can pick da eventy bit. If we'z win, you'z gunna show us a wey outta 'ere. If youz win, we'll stay 'ere.”

Tartaro was silent for a second, but then his eyes flashed.
“So be it. Follow me.”
They followed Tartaro and four of his warriors, which the lord had somehow picked.

After a minute or two, they reached a small round room. Nagosh looked around. There wasn't much in there.
“Oy, dere ain't much roomzez fer fightin' 'ere.”
“Who said we were gonna fight?”
“Wot?”
“I choose the event... and today... we're going to boogy!”
The floor started flashing in random colours and a disco ball appeared above them. The Necrons seemed ready.
The heroes seemed utterly confused.
“You've got to be kidding me...”
“He looks serious, master.”
“I aaam. Three rounds.”
“I am not going to do nonsense like this!” Rakul sat down on the cold ground.
“But master...”
“No, Nebulon. Not today.”

Tartaro's voice hinted amusement:
“In thaaat caaase, let me intrpoduce you to the judges. Do not worry, they will judge faaairly.”
Four spy-spiders crawled upon soledges above them, watching.
“Yeeeeeeeh, right...”
“Foolish waaarboss. We Necrons haaave our pride! In aaany caaase, let's get this staaarted!”

Tartaro was always the first to move and the others mimicked him.
The lord first made motions with his metallic fingers, resembling circles. He then rotated his upper half and then shot a ray of green lightning into the ceiling, the warriors shot their flayers instead. And he finished the whole debacle with another spin of the torso, this time the other way. The lord then pointed at them, as if challenging them.

“Dis ain't gunna end well...”
“Jus' try, boss. Youz too, Drakk.”
“Right.” said both.
Nagosh started flailing his arms around randomly. Drakk did the same. Gobroz facepalmed.

“Heheheheheh. Let us look aaat the results. First, us.”
The spiders lifted these numbers: nine, nine, nine and... six? Nope, that was just turned upside down.
“And now uz...” the orks got: three, two, one and one.
“First round is ours! One more to go!”
Tartaro's confidence was starting to annoy Nebulon.
“Master...”
“No, Nebulon.”
“Fine, if ya want to rot here, I don't care. I'm helping the orks.”
The daemon stood up and was now with Nagosh and the rest.
“Fine...”

---

“Reaaady for round two, fools?”
“Yeh.”
“Yeh.”
“Yeh.”
“Bring it.”
“K-k-k-kombo breaka'!”
“Fine! Just waaatch this!”

And the 'Crons were at it again. Tartaro this time made slow, jerky movements with his body parts. To the left, to the right, to the ground. He was like some sorta' bugged machine. And since the five behind him copied, it was quite impressive. This time, he finished it with a lightning blast. And again pointed.

“Okay, no silly random stuff this time. Try to have a system!”
“Kay.”

Nagosh made slashed with his choppa in all directions and then screamed:
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!!!!!” the caverns shook a bit.
Drakk stood on one of his handsk stood on one of his hands and did all sorts of moves with his legs and other arm.
Gobroz kept turning right round, baby, round, round, round, round
And then came Nebulon. The daemon rotated his axe in every direction and in every position.

But even these efforts combined could not bring victory... and he knew it.
“Make way for a sorcerer!”
Rakul stood up and ran next to Nebulon.
“Thank you, master.”
“I just couldn't let you have all the fun!”

Small warpal flames appeared in his hands and he moved them in a circle, like Tartaro in round one. But after that, he added another small circle and a few movements... and in the air, a flaming mark of Tzeentch floated and then disappeared.

“Hmph! Not baaad. Let's see whaaat the judges thought. Necrons.” the spiders again raised their pieces of paper. Nine, nine, nine and... eight. With a sign of 'Robot dance joke was not funny'. Tartaro wanted to frown.

“And now the winning side!”
When the first spider showed a nine, they rejoiced. A second and third nine brought them utter joy. And the last one made them just scream 'W00T!'.
The lord was just mad now.
“Grrrr.... do not gloaaat yet! One more round!”
“Winna' teiks all!”
“Yeh, boss.”
Somehow, Drakk was already afraid.
“Bring it!”
“What Nebulon said!”

Tartaro said nothing more and merely started.
This time, the warriors did their own little robotic choreography, while their lord clasped his metallic hands together. An orb of energy appeared in them and a green mist soon filled the room. Tartaro then powered up the disco ball above and it sparkled all around. The lord then did an improvised moonwalk, followed a twenty second long spin. And this time, he finished it epicly. By somehow throwing away his cape and letting green lightnin g fill the room in a display of utter epicness and awesomesauce.

The heroes were amazed, but not discouraged. Nebulon called everyone closer and then whispered his 'battle plan' to them.
“I'z like dat!”
“Yeh, wot da boss sed!”
“Won't it be dangeruz?”
“No, Nebulon knows what he's doing... right?”
“Of course! Let's get luggin'!”
“My wordz exaktly! Let'z show 'em!”

They stood again next to each other. All were grinning, even though Rakul's grin was hidden by the sorcerer's helmet.
“Thaaat can't be good.”

Nagosh started yet again:
“Ya bet it can't! Cuz da orkz is comin'!” he stomped his feet in a rhytm, “cuz we'z gunna shoot, stomp, chomp and smash! We'z da new WAAAAAAAGHHHHHH!!!!!”
He also slashed with his choppa and released a hailstorm of bullets from his arm-shoota.
Drakk did some mad break dancing... somehow.
Gobroz... pointed to the left... then to the right and finally to the sky, Elvis style. Epicness.
Rakul and Nebulon had a sorcerous show of flame and doombolts. Coolsville.
And then came the grand finale!
Nebulon leapt on top of Nagosh's shoulders. Rakul wall-jumped on top of Nebulon's. Gobroz jumped and was pulled up with Nebulon's help and Drakk... was thrown upward by Nagosh, hitting his head on the ceiling in the process. And so they stood, a tower of heroes.
And then they jumped down, one by one.

“Hmmm... I aaadmit, thaat waaas not haaalf baaad. But you shaaall still lose.”
“We will see.”
“Indeed, sorcerer. Results, pronto!”
Necrons got... ten, ten, ten and ten.
Tartaro already saw their defeat. He could feel it in the necromantel of his body... and then came their points. Four of the same number. Higher than nine. All four were... elevens.

Tartaro's jaw would have fallen to the floor, if it wasn't firmly attached. The five started jumping in victory. When their little celebration ended, Nagosh spoke:
“Hahahahaaaah! We'z win! Now, youz gunna teik us to da surfeic!”
“Ohhhhh.... fine... and I'll stay here for eternity... alone.“
They all suddenly felt sad about the skeleton's situation... the poor guy only wanted friends. And Rakul spoke, wisdom with him:
“Well, there isn't reallky anything, that would keep you from emerging on the surface, is there?”
After this, the lord's eyes flashed.

******

The (inevitably failing) rescue plans were still under way, when part of the mountain near them collapsed. And from it, a metallic force before unseen rushed forward, seemingly ready to destroy all in their path.
The forces outside readied their minimal forces... when there came the roar of a certain ork. And out from the entrance came Three orks, a Necron lord a sorcerer and a Bloodletter champion could be seen among the supposed Necrons. 
Nagosh waved over to a certain command post, along with Rakul. Three Chaos lords, a Tau commander and a bald human were more than surprised.

But one creature of the whole lot didn't give a damn about the whole Necron army. That creature, was a daemonette by the name of Mithara.
She ran straight for him, knocking away any warrior slow enough to not dodge in time. Unfortunately... warboss Nagosh Ubzug was also in her way. And somehow, she effortlessly picked the ork up and threw him in a certain direction, where he impacted a Tau battlesuit.

She then threw her arms around her knight in black fur. He looked downwards, she looked upwards. A tear was in her eye.
“Don't you ever... EVER... scare me like that again, Nebyyyy!”
“I won't, my little cutie, I won't.”
The rest watched the romantic scene. Gobroz and Rakul let out tears of manliness.


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## Da Red Paintjob Grot (May 6, 2008)

Yeh. I'z Gess. But if I paint'z em Yeller', Datz Unlucky!


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## Micklez (Nov 22, 2008)

That was a good read, long live the Angry Marines XD


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## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

Indeed!
None are more awesome than the Emperor's angriest!


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## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

Chapta' 2 fer da sequul haz been added!!

I'z gunna be editin' mah postz on pagez two an' free, so if ya need ta find a new chapta', jus' use the 'CTRL+F' thingamajiggorz and type:

Sequul Chapta' - X

Were X iz da chapta' numma'. Or just look.

Sorryz, I jus' wonted ta write sum helpy bitz.


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## Flerden (Aug 17, 2008)

This is the best fan fiction i have read in a while, please keep it up.


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## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

*********
Sequul Chapta' 5 - Da new threatzez
*********

Da green kruseid - Chapta' 5

The heroes and supposed villains sat in the planetary defence centre, while outside, there was chaos. Both metaphorically and literally. Berzerkers, plague marines, noise marines, guardsmen and members of both the fire and earth castes ran and walked around, removing pieces of wreckage from the landscape, while rubrics, commanders and every type of Necron just stood by idly. Chaos was getting ready to depart.

Rakul looked over his comrades, 'dance-mates' and the Tau and guardie commanders.
“I must say, this was definitely more pleasant than our last little meeting.”
“Yeh, I'z cudn't agree more, right flashgit Gobroz?”
“Yeh, was smashin' fun, I fink. Say, Teivoz, wot'z Darug doin'? I'z haven't seen 'im since we left.”
The commander scratched his helmet for some reason.
“To tell the truth, I don't have the foggiest idea. I just know he locked himself up in one of our smaller armories.”
“Weyrd.”
Carito burst into the room, full of energy.
“DELICIOUS!”
“What is delicious, Carito?”
“Well, Rakul, these 'Crons are very good lifters, if I can say so myself. Two of them just carried a Devilfish carrier to maintenance.”
“Cool. Now get back to work.”
“Right away!”
As the slaaneshi left, Rakul heard Nebulon shout some insults at Sangus and vice versa. Something about dropping hammers on feet. He then turned to Tartaro.
“Say, what are you and your... guys, planning on doin?”
“Well... I suppose we could dig up one of our Tombships. But I have no ideaaa about where we would go. So, if the kind governor and generaaal would truly let his kindness show and let us staaay for a while, we would be indebted to him.”
Ulix massaged his shiny scalp.
“If they do not cause any trouble, I can't see what the problem is.”
“Thaaank you.”

******

“Tzeentchey, was that planned?”
“Yeah, birdbrain, tell us. TELL US.”
“Well... no. But it could have gone worse.”
“Yeah. Instead of Necrons, they could have faced pink unicorns.”
“Oooooh, that sounds pretty.”
“So,” Nurgle coughed up a few nurglings, who ran away, taking a chess figure with them, “what now?”
“Well, it would seem that any conflict there shall be avoided.”
Suddenly, a booming voice echoed throughout the fortress:
“I'z 'ave sum oda' newz.” through one of the walls, there came a massive entity. Green like the race it was the god off, almost completely encased in a suit of 'Ultra-mega-giga-awesum armour', which was bloodier than even Khorne's. Its right hand a massive giga klaww and the left the biggest shoota this side of reality. Its horns scraped the ceiling and its two eyes were cyber implants, “'ullo, boyz an' gal.”
None of them was really impressed. After all, this happened pretty regularly. Khorne spoke:
“Hey, Gmork. How's it going?”
“Aaah, ya know. Smashin', stompin', shootin'. But dat'z not why I'z 'ere.”
All six of the Changer's eyes were on him.
“And why are you here?”
“Haven't ya felt sumfin' weird comin' to dat little planety bit? From over the edgy of dis 'ere Milky weyz?”
“How could I? Even the reach of my servants' has its limits... unlike you orks. You're everywhere!”
“Precizely! An' mah boyz 'ave been fightin' dem bug boyz. An' dem bug boyz won an'... dey'z evolved.”
Tzeentch was silent.
“Tzeentchey, is that bad?”
“Bird brain?”
The Changer finally spoke:
“Spores?”
“Yeh. An' even dough deyz dun't 'ave it parfectid yet, since da sporeez die too early, dey'z cud meik it work... in time.”
“Hmmm... and they are heading for the ork-populated fringe?”
“Uhhh... nah.”
“Well... that is good news, but how come?”
“Well, da bug boyz got sucked up into sum of dem rifty bitz. Dey'z heddin' fer dat planety bit call'd Carridio.”
Silence.
“Are you serious?”
“Yeh, da rifty bit was pretty clear 'bout da direktun, fer once. Dey'z very strong, since mah boyz were lotsa' before getting' eeten. Da bug boyz still look 'ungry, dough.”
Tzeentch stood there for a moment and then started walking.
“Come with me, we need to make a call.”

******

Rakul stood before the loading ramp of a Chaos shuttle, which was ready for liftoff. He looked at the ones who stood there, seeing the Chaos boys off. Tau, guardies, Tartaro and the orks. And that little black ball of a pet. Somehow, it was touching. 
He exchanged one last look with his 'nemesis', Nagosh Ubzug. The ork grinned and he waved him, if only as a mild show of respect after such kick-arse dancing. He then turned, wanting to enter the small craft... when a searing pain entered his mind. His eyes flshed in a blue hue and he went to his knees, clutching his head.
“Master?!”
“Rakul?!”
“What'sss happening?”
“Not delicious!”
Amazingly, Nagosh also had the starnge fit of pain, only his eyes flashed red.
“Boss!”
“Boss!?”
“Nagosh?!”
And a little roar from Ugu.

******

Both the ork and the sorcerer flew through space at unfathomable speeds. Images of countless realms and worlds sped past them, letting them only see what was within for a few seconds.
Cultists performing bizarre rituals, Eldar crying around a dead tree, Daemonettes... doing stuff, spess mahreens playing the uber-cool and new Warcraft miniature game and many others. Finally they flew straight into the Eye of Terror and beyond.

They suddenly appeared in a large round chamber, the walls of which changed colour and design. Two massive entities stood before them. A three headed avian and a massive ork. Rakul new one personally and the other was bound to be Gork or Mork.
“Hey there... Tzeench.”
The sorcerer was annoyed, to say the least.
“Uhhh, heheh... hey, Rakul. Long time no see, eh?”
“Yeah, ever since ya tricked me from earning a well-earned reward two months back. Well, I don't know if it was two months, since time always gets weird in this place.”
Tzeentch touched his leftmost head... kinda' scared.
“Eheh... yeah. Anyway, this is Gmork.”
The huge ork-god waved to them.
“Wot? Dere ain't Gork and Mork? Only Gmork?”
“Yeh, well, ya see... kunnin' brutalitey and brutal kunnin' can still be master'd by one oy or sumfin'. But don't tell any of da boys. I'z like watching a gud fight between Morka's and Gorka's... smashin' fun!”
“Okay, why have you two called us here? To tell us some old stories?”
“Actually... no. There's a certain threat heading towards Carridia.”
“Pink unicorns?”
“Nah, but ol' Khorno boy sed dat! Worz! Tyranidy bug-boyz is comin' ta kill everyfin'! Dey'z have sum specul orky DNA bitz in 'em, dat, in tiem, will let 'em make sporezez.”
“So... they'll be able to replicate like orks?!”
“Yes. If they have enough time to perfect the new genus. After that, we would face a self-replicating, infinite horde of tyranids, which could just stay on a world for some time to get new biological material.”
“Dat can't be gud.”
“And it ain't, little orky boss.”
“Damn...”
“Indeed. They pose a threat as great, if not greater, as all of the legions of Chaos combined... they could probably assault the Eye of Terror itself!”
“And wot can wez do?”
“Da bug-boy fleety bit is still 'just' a normal fleety bit. Wif sum 'elp, youz just might be able to stop it.”
“We'z have ta help!”
“Also, Rakul... if your little joint-fleet can defeat this new threat... I could arrange rewards beyond your wildest dreams.”
“Hmmm... I am interested. But we shall still need aide. Even with the Necrons...”
“Indeed, sorcerer. This threat must not be underestimated.”
“Yeh. It's betta' ta be ova'killy, den not killy enuf.”
“Accept aid from whatever source... just destroy the hive fleet, which we have, for your comfort, dubbed Hive Fleet Haxxor.”
“Yeh. Do dat, 'cuz oda'wize, not even da green powah will be enuf ta stop dese.”
“Indeed. Now, go! You must quickly get as much aid as possible.”
The two leaders disappeared.
“I'z hope deyz can do it.”
“Same here, my grammatically impaired friend.”

******

After they both woke up... true chaos began. Rakul said the Servants of the Four were staying put and then called Nebulon for a little private debate, while Nagosh demanded a 'Kommunikatunz bit'. When the rest learned of the new Tyranid threat... they were at first sceptical, but the serious attitude of the two leaders soon made them change their minds.

“You called, master?”
Rakul sat in a chair in a now-chaos controlled imperial guard barracks.
“Yes. But we must first wait for...” the door to the room opened and Mithara entered, her pink skin shiny, “aaaah, excellent.”
“Hullo, Neby.”
“Hi, cutie. Rakul, what are you planning?”
“I'm planning on making some calls to certain people who might aid us. But, I want you two to get some more... warpal aid.”
“What do you mean?”
“You two must go into the warp and round up every daemon who can aid us. Form an army and bring it here.”
The two warpal creatures looked at each other. Being together would be a gift.
“When should we leave?”
“Ideally, now. Good luck.”
“Hold out 'till we get back, eh?”
“Yeah, Rakul. You've been like a big brother to me little old pretty me.”
“I will.”
Nebulon and Mithara then disappeared in that trademark purple cloud. Now... who to call first? Oh! Abbadon! Yeah, the Black Legion could certainly help! He concentrated his psychic energies and reached out towards his target... somewhere in the Eye of Terror.

--- 

Inside Abbadon's main planning room, along with the usual Chosen Terminators, there also stood a sorcerer, Marin. And he felt the psychic signal sent out by one of similar power. And he accepted the 'call', answering with his mind.
“Hello?”
“Hey... I know that voice! Marin!”
“Rakul? Oh, what a joyous coincidence!”
Marin already felt better. Old buddies from the siege of Terra do that.
“I see you got a few promotions.”
“Yeah, well... kinda'. Why ya callin'?”
“Well, me and my little fleet are in some trouble with some approaching Tyranids and we were wondering if Abbadon could lend us some help? This fleet's a big one.”
“Ummm...” Marin looked over to Abbadon, who was devising military strategies for his next grand crusade, “I'm sorry, but he is preoccupied.”
“With what?”
“Next crusade. Plus, I'm not really sure Cadians would let us pass.”
“Can't you even try?”
“Rakul... trust me. You don't want his help.”
“Huh?”
“Seriously, mate. You don't.”
“But...”
“Cancelling conversation”
Marin then watched as Abbadon p-laced even more small miniatures of battle tanks onto the table.
“Yes, yes, yes! If we have more tanks than infantry, the imperial bastards will be helpless! FOOLPROOF!”
Marin sighed at Failabbadon's greatest strategies.

---

Okay... that was weird. But maybe someone else could help? Like Ahriman! Such a great guy, that! He again sent a psychic signal.

---

The most awesome character in the whole Warhammer universe, Ahriman of the Thousand Sons, and his feared cabal blasted their way through yet another place with hidden artefacts of the Warp. The strange beasts that stood in their way were made out of pure stone and came in all shapes and sizes. But the cabal was unstoppable and soon entered the deepest chamber of the sealed crypt.
There, on a pedestal, laid a blue book, undoubtedly filled with vast knowledge. But then, the great Ahriman received a psychic 'poke' and answered it:
“What is it?”
“Ahriman? Rakul here?”
“Oh, hey. Long time no hear. What's the matter?”
“Me and my fleet would require help against some Tyranids. Ya up for it?”
“Sure, sounds like fun. Where are ya?”
“Carridia, mid-west.”
“Oh, that's a bummer. We're way over at the eastern fringe of known space. Would probably take us too long.”
“Damn...”
“I know. But hey, maybe we could meet afterwards, on some fringe colony, talk about old times.”
“Yeah, sure. Later.”
The 'poking' had ended. Such a nice guy, that Rakul. The two had known each other since the times of Thousand Sons recruits... good times.
Ahriman snapped out of those sentimental thoughts And grabbed the blue tome.
“Interesting... 'Nine hundred and ninety-nine ways to turn a Horror daemon into a delicious meal'. We've hit the jackpot, boys!”
Th entire cabal screamed in joy. Some also drooled.

---

He was steadily running out of options. After being turned down by the Daemon Prince Sindri Myr, maybe because Rakul had given him a wedgie sometime during the Heresy, his primarch Magnus, who said he didn't have time for spraying bugs with chemicals, and the rogue psyker, who he knew from one of those Pre-Crusade parties and the one who said his regiment was busy with defiling imperial relics and fighting nuns, he was pretty much out of options.
“Okay... I have no one else to call directly. I suppose I'll just send a psychic signal into space, hoping that someone will hear it. Only thing I can do right now.”
He concentrated for one last time and sent a psychic message in every direction. He didn't care who picked it up, as long as they would help.

******

The Biel-Tan Craftworld was silent. Its white wraithbone halls empty, save for the occasional guard. But one of the inner gardens was not empty. There, among the myriad of strange and beautiful plants, stood a farseer. A farseer with long flaming hair and three red stripes on each of her cheeks. Dressed in a green ceremonial robe, she just stood there, using telekynesis to water plants. Having psychic powers had its more subtle advantages, after all.
And then, she felt a psychic poke. It felt strange, somehow dark. But she accepted it.
“To anyone who can hear me. I am a sorcerer, Rakul Manek, “wasn't that the one Ash'nu said they had fought against? She listened further, “us and a few unlikely allies would require anti-tyranid aid on the planet Carridia in the Cartalon system,” a plea for help? This one would mean their destruction, “we are setting up a defensive, along with some orks, tau, necrons and guardsmen, but even our forces here are not enough. We beg of you, aid us.”
The psychic signal faded. That had caught her by surprise. And the sorcerer's voice was somehow... calming.
“How did thoughts like that emerge? No matter... the others must know of this.”
And so, farseer Macha of Biel-Tan, walked towards the Seer chambers, warp-bent on waking everyone up. 

******

The ork fort... camp... thing was bristling with life. Boys were running in every possible direction, towing large pieces of metal with them. Some would be confused by such behaviour, but not dok Grimog. For he knew what the boys were building. A gift for ol' Darug, whose fifty-third birthday was just around the corner. A massive gift, too. Though, the smaller mekboys-in-training were having a bit of trouble with the construction, they were getting the hang of it.
After some running, the dok finally got to the 'Kommunikasunz roomzy fing'. A light on the ceiling was flashing and some other thing was beeping, though, Grimog couldn't tell which, since there was a lot of strange things in that room. Darug made such wonderful things. He kicked it and soon saw two green faces. Nagosh and Gobroz.
“Boss! Gobroz! You'z okey!”
“Yeh, fer now. Listen, Grimog. I'z need ya ta go to da ol' chaosy forty bit. Go into da lowa' chamberzez.”
“Boss? Why do ya want 'im ta go dere?”
“Yeh, boss?”
“All will be explaineed when ya get dere! Now, go!”
“Okay, boss!”
Without questioning, the dok kicked the device once more and ran off at the speed of... a running ork.

---

It took him almost an hour to reach the place, even with a trukk. The little ork walked through the now-demolished gatehouse and entered the inner keep. He had a shoota', choppa' and some of his battle brew, but he was still a bit afraid. He walked downwards, thanks to the incredible invention that are stairs, and stopped before a large purple door. He knocked and it fell down.
“Oy, dese Chaos boys shud meik deir dorrzez orky-proof.”
When he entered the chamber, he looked to the right... and then upwards, his jaw on the ground.

******

And the terrible Hive Fleet Haxxor flew through the Warp. Tzeentch and the rest threw daemons at it, but the horde could not be stopped. They followed the directives of the Hive Mind without question... well, almost.
For there was one little critter who didn't want to have anything to do with war. He just wanted someone to play with.


----------



## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

*********
Chapta' 6 - Aquishin' dem bugz
*********

Digging up a mere part of Tartaro's massive tombship took the defenders several hours. And it would probably take much more. Down at dig-level, five heroes stood. Rakul, Nagosh, Gobroz,
“Tartaro?”
“Yes, Rakul Manek?”
“You can just call me Rakul. Also... why exactly can't the damned thing just fly upwards? I thought Necron technology always worked!”
“Well, yeaaah. But this one was pretty much deaaactivated by the Void Dragon itself. So, we pretty much have to maaanuaaaly turn it back on.”
“Figures.”
They stood there silently for a few more minutes. But then, one of them, the biggest ork, got tired of all the waiting.
“Let me frough!”
“Whaaat aaare you...?”
The diggers listened to the ork and moved away. Nagosh made his way to the dug up part, threw away his axe, grabbed it... and started lifting. First a foot, then a yard. After that, a mountain near them started collapsing, revealing the ship's pyramid-like accessory. Tartaro's lower jaw broke off and fell to the ground.

“Holy guaaacaaamole!”
“Green gorkamorka'!”
“Unholy power sword in Tzeentch's backside!”
“May the Ethereals protect us...”
The large ork then bashed the craft's plating and it somehow reactivated, flying a mile above ground.
“Dat'z 'ow ya fix fingz da orky way!”

******

In another couple of hours, all space crafts were grouped above the planet's surface, ready to stall the hive fleet for as long as possible. After a brief card game, the commanders on ground level decided the the Thousand Sons' cruiser, 'Magic Pwns', would be designated as the newly-made fleet's flagship. Tartaro was almost certain Rakul had cheated.

On ground level, parts of the Necron army had been relocated to assist in the defence of strategic locations, including cities, military outposts, shrines, comm arays and McEmperor's chains. With them were squads of troops and vehicles. From guardsmen to Fire Warriors. From Basilisks to Hammerhead gunships.
The least defended point was Eagle hill. The whole location was simply a large bottleneck, where Tyranid forces could be easily grouped together and destroyed. Still, it was undermanned, so the commanders had made their main base of operations there, providing a morale boost and some extra heavy firepower. Except for Ulix and Teivos, who had stayed behind to organise the defence of their respective halves of the planet. That left three orks, a squig, a Necron lord and four servants of four gods to defend the hill. Oh, Eimmoc, too.

Nagosh and Gobroz stood together, watching the forces below. Muskit and Ugu playing tag, Rakul, Sangus, Mortus and Carito just chatting with their troops. Eimmoc polishing his pulse rifle.
Fire Warriors laughing at guardsmen testing their flashlights, the shots of which made a rat scratch its back. An almost tranquil sight. But Gobroz still seemed sad.
“Don'tcha worry, flashgit Gobroz! I'z sure Darug can fix yer shooty fing.”
“Yeh, boss... woteva'.”

******

Many miles away, Darug kicked down the armoury's doors, startling nearby Fire Warriors. After learning what was going on, he immediately set course for Eagle hill. This was one surprise Gobroz would like.

******

In orbit, Akitol was in control of the entire fleet. And he was a bit nervous. Nonetheless, when a massive rift in space and time appeared before them, his commands came with uncanny speed:
“Okay, this is it! Destroy as many of the damned ships as possible!”
A hundred approvals and acknowledgments could be heard throughout the communications network.

As the first signs of the Tyranid bioships came, the fleet moved into attack positions, with the massive tombship at the head of the assault. More and more of the monstrous crafts appeared from the swirling warpal vortex. And the countless ships exchanged fire with the defenders. Spores, missiles, massive spikes, beams of uncountable colours and many others flew through the void of space.
The defenders did their best, but Akitol was forced to signal a tactical retreat. Otherwise known as the 'OH MY GOD, THEY'RE TOO MANY AND WE'RE GONNA' GET OUR ARSES RIPPED IN HALF IF WE DON'T RUN' command.
The ships remained at the edge of 'Nid space, occasionally making small runs against the bioships. But they could not stop the inevitable invasion.

******

Unspeakable hordes of bugs were sent to the surface. Every point of the planet was facing countless of the Devourer's creatures. And unbeknowst to our heroes, the largest batch was moving towards Eagle hill.

- - -

The legion was coming, their carapace blood red, their skin dark blue. Countless maws were opened, countless talons ready to sink into flesh. And over half a mile in front of the defensive positions, stood Ugu and Muskit, with the greatest plan ever.
“Okay. Go, Ugu!”
The little squig ran further towards the approaching horde. A Warrior in the front sent a psychic signal to the rest of the horde, saying 'STOP!'. The thousands of creatures stopped right there. And Ugu roared at them. Another Warrior came to the front and the pair of synapse creatures looked at each other. And their jaws produced a sort of cackling sound. Soon, the small gaunts joined in, producing a sort of cacophony.
Ugu was not pleased. His tiny legs bent and he leaped into the air, teeth ready. He flew over the pair of Warriors, who stared upwards, utterly amazed, and landed on a Carnifex several feet behind them. On its head, to be precise, teeth first.
The massive beast went into a pain-filled frenzy, stomping on smaller creatures and slashing in every direction with its blades, beheading both of the Warriors with a single such attack. The small gaunts below were thrown into chaos and started clawing and shooting each other. Ugu let go of the monster's head and the 'Fex crashed into a large pile of rocks. The little squig then used the small 'Nids below as trampolines and hopped towards Muskit.
The slugga boy caught the little guy and immediately started running in the opposite direction.
“Gud work, squiggy! Youz gonna' get extra meaty bitz tonight.”
A licking of a green cheek showed the squig's joy.

After the brief show of chaos, five more Warriors restored order. And the horde continued onward, seemingly unstoppable.
Rakul stood behind the first defensive line, ready to fire a doombolt.
“Okay. Remember, kill the big ones and we gain a few seconds for breathing! Let none pass!”
“We'z won't! WAAAAAAAGHHHHHHH!!!!”
Soldiers of four factions unleashed volleys of fire against the approaching hordes. The battle would surely be epic.

******

Gobroz sat behind the last line, since he had no weapon to attack with. And fighting those things in hand-to-hand combat hardly seemed ideal. And his thoughts drifted into the distant past, to the times when he had gotten the first version of his favorite shoota'.

- - - - -

It was a sunny day in the ork fort... camp... thing. And a fine day for orky school, where the youngest of the orkies could learn the basics of battlefield stompin'. Classes included Smashin', Choppin', Stompin', Screamin', Shootin' and many others.
And while Nagosh attended most of the aforementioned classes, Gobroz only needed one, since he was already more cunning and smarter than everyone else. And that class was Shootin'.

The relatively small group of sixteen orks sat on small piles of scrap metal, which had been given to the school by mek Dargod, who had already found a technical rival in a young ork named Darug.
In front of the small group were many blackboards with all sorts of drawings. And their teacher, Hagrun Gunkilla', a former Deathskull and expert Loota'.
“Okay, kiddoz. Today, we'z gunna' talk about gun-typez. Now, before we getz to da true, orky gunz, I'z gunna' talk 'bout gunz da oda' raceez use. Any questunz?” one hand was raised, “yeh, Logzob?”
“Can Iz 'ave mah pen bit back?”
“Wot pen bit? Da one Iz 'ave 'az been mine fer yeerz! Anywayz, let'z get started!” the teacher moved to the leftmost blackboard, a small metallic stick in hand, “now, first, come da 'umie gunz.” the board was completely filled with drawings of bolters, shotguns, sniper rifles etcetera, “da 'umiez is stoopid, 'cuz deyz 'ave all dese gunz. An' dey neva' know which ta use when, so deyz always muckin' about. And we shoot 'em when deyz muckin' about. Simple as dat. Got dat?”
“Yeh, teech!” said the whole class.
“Gud!” he moved to another board, “now come da gitz wif dem pointy eerz. Wot dey called?”
“Eldurz.”
“Oh, yeh! Dat'z right! Fankz, Gobroz! Well, deyz all use some hot thingyz in deir gunz, or deyz shoot beamy stuff. Or rokkitz. Da ***** Eldurz are more fun ta fight, dough. Anyway, dat'z dat. Kay?”
“Kay! Now come da skeletun boyz. Dose only 'ave one gun, so deyz never muckin' about. And deyz fun ta fight. Also, da gun is pretty an' green, so skeletun boyz are cool.” the whole class stared at the badly drawn gauss flayer. It seemed quite deadly, “Hmmm... wot next? Chaos boyz use da same as oda' 'umiez, but deyz 'ave daemunz, so deyz funner ta fight! Uhhh... bug boyz use icky stuff. Oh, woteva', let'z get ta our gunz already!”
“Yaaaaaaaay!”
“Now, unlike most 'umiez fink, we'z use only five typez a' gunz. Dese are easy ta unda'stand, so wez can fight anywhere, anytime.”
“Oooooooooh!”
“Mah wordz exactley! Now,” the stick moved onto a shoota'-picture, “da smallist typez a' gunz are shooty gunz. Deyz only gud egenst squishy bitz,” he now pointed at images of an imperial guardsman and a tyranid gaunt, “sluggaz and shootaz are fine exampulz of shooty gunz. Da secod categorey are bigga' shooty gunz,” the drawing looked like a big shoota', if one would use their imagination, “yeh, gunz like dat are 'eavy shootaz. Deyz gud fer killin' squishy bitz, but can also kill da mahreeneyz and can make dentz in tankz and metal bawxez,” the stick pointed at a space marine, a Leman Russ tank and then a Rhino transport, ”den come rokkit gunz.” the image just showed a big rocket, “yeh, dese are gud egenst tankz and metal bawxez, but youz can;t take dat much ammo bitz wif ya, so it ain't so gud fer killin' squishy bitz.”
“Yehyehyehyeheyeheyeh!” they shouted while nodding.
“Excellent! Now come me favorite gunz. Beamy gunz!” above a thick yellow line, letters said 'Beamy bit', “dese are da best gunz. Deyz kill squishy bitz, deyz kill mahreeneyz, deyz kill tankz an' metal bawxez. And youz neva' ru outta' ammo bitz.”
“Why, teach?”
“Well, Snagron, youz just hafta' let da fingy in da gun recharge. Afta' dat, youz can shoot egen. Dough, deyz a bit slow ta shoot. Hmmm? Yes, Gobroz?”
“An' wot'z da last type?”
“Oh, right. Da last type a' gunz, are Dakka gunz.” the image was so big, it almost couldn't fit on the blackboard, “well, deyz kill anyfin', too. An' make great noise while doin' dat. Hmmm... if dey didn't need reloadin', I'd get one, in fact. Anyway, Loota deffgunz, da kustom shootaz flashgitz 'ave, dose are Dakka gunz. Now, Iz 'ave a surprise fer ya.”
“Yaaaaaaaaaayyyyy!!!”
“Surpise quizy bit!” the class was full of horror... except for Gobroz, “an' da one who does best,” everyone I the room looked at the future flashgit, “will get a specul sumthin'! Now, let'z get dese papa'z to ya...”

The papers were given. All of the orks moved their pen-holding hands rapidly, trying to be first. But Gobroz had finished in five minutes. This time included trying to make his pen write. And when the tests were assembled, Hagrun went straight for Gobroz's test. And his eyes went wide.
“Wot'z da matta'? Gobroz made a mistakey bit?!”
There was utter silence.
“Nah. In facty, he corrected one a' me questunz... I guess he winz! Dismissed!”

When the other orks left, tears still in their eyes, Hagrun took out the prize. Gobroz was left speechless. A huge, shiny, silver kustom shoota'.
“Dat'z...?!”
“Yeh! Dis is your rewardy bit! Take care of it! An' between da two of us, I just needed ta get rid of it.”
“Why?”
“Its owna' ain't happy.”
“Oh, well... see ya lata', teach!”

Gobroz ran out of the classroom and almost immediately met Nagosh and Muskit, coming out of the Smashin' classroom.
“Oy! Gobroz! Fine gun ya 'ave dere!”
“Fankz, Muskit! Teach gave it ta me! Flasgit Dakka gun!”
“So, youz a flashgit now?”
“I suppose, Nagosh.”
The largest ork of the trio grinned.
“Flashgit Gobroz... heh, dat soundz gud.”
“Yeh. Let'z go get sum squig pie!”
“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh!”
And the three ran off, ready to bury their teeth into a delicious meal.

******

And so, the shootaless flashgit sat there, sat. And suddenly, an armoured boot appeared in his field of vision. He looked up to see Darug... carrying an item only too dear to Gobroz. But it looked quite different, in a very good way.
“Darug! Is dat...?!”
“Yeh! Dis is yer shoota'! Iz upgreded it a bit, dough.”
A bit was an understatement. The base of the gun looked like a gattling cannon, with bits added from Tau pulse rifles. On that, there was something which looked like a flamethrower, but with some kind of added firing chamber or whatnot. And a large, second barrel could also be found.
“It'z incredibul...”
“Yeh. Youz can shoot da pulsey stuff, but also 'ave two more weaponz. Da firespitta', as I called it, which can spit flamey stuff for up to a hundred yardzez. And dis oda' fing, is a beamy gun.”
“How'd ya get da beamy stuff?”
Darug thought about telling he he just miniaturized a Tau Hammerhead's weapon... while turning the rest of the hovertank into scrap metal, but decided not to.
“Secwet. Now, I'z gonna stand 'ere. Show me wot dis gun can do!”
“Fankz, Darug!”

Gobroz ran off and soon made his way to the first defense line. Everyone stared at his shoota' in awe. When Rakul and Nagosh spotted the gun, they were more than in awe.
“Flashgit Gobroz... dat'z one big gun!”
“Yeah... get it over here and start shooting!”
“Gladly!” 
Gobroz put the gun down on some sandbags. A few gaunts before the defense line froze in place. And with a single pull of a trigger, Hell was unleashed. Uncoutable pulse rounds tore into the horde, mercilessly destroying anything in their path. Gobroz then clicked a secod button and a ball of flame was shot.
The fireball flew over the main horde and hit a certain, now-blind Carnifex in the face. The whole beast was set aflame and proceeded to go into a rampage, again. It even stepped on a Zoanthrope.
And with a third click, a red beam, which was faster than any other beam, because, you know, it was red, so it was actually faster than light (take that, science!), shot from the weapon and annihilated a Warrior's head.
“Dat gun is dead killy!”
“Yeh, boss! Hahahaaaaaah! DAKKA DAKKA DAKKAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!”
“He is losing it.”
“Definitely.”

But the Hive Mind recognized this new threat. And concentrated its forces into the heroes' area, while still leaving enough other creatures to keep the rest of the defensive positions busy.
And unbeknowst to even the Hive Mind, reinforcements were coming. 

******

Several Biel-Tan strike craft remained cloaked above the planet's surface, merely watching the hive fleet unload its massive cargo against the defenders, while the considerably smaller fleet was doing hit and run attacks. But overall, the Tyranids appeared to be winning.
On the strike fleet's command cruiser, Farseer Macha watched the situation, along with a couple of Warlocks and several hand-picked Exarchs. The Farseer gripped her Singing Spear and asked:
“Ash'nu, have we been able to contact them through one of their communication devices?”
“We have picked up a signal from one device. One that is close to the most plentiful Tyranid horde. But it seems, that the battle is too fierce for anyone to respond.”
“Can we at least get a visual?”
“Yes.”
The screen flickered to life... and showed a golden Necron lord, casually stabbing a Ravener in the head.
“Stupid things... maaaybe this is why they waaanted the universe free of life. No, waaait, they were just hungry.”
“A talking Necron?!” Screamed or thought all in the room.
The skeleton's head then looked at the screen, noticing small flashing lights.
“Uhhhh... I wonder whaaat thaaat means. Hey, Rakul!”
The sorcerer was in the background, showering gaunts with doombolts.
“Busy!”
“But... this thingy is flaaashing.”
“Why didn't ya say so?”

Macha was surprised, as well as the other Eldar.
“That is the voice, which asked for aid.”
“Hmmm... the sorcerer from Akhalam. What does this mean?” the Thousand Son came closer and clicked a button. But there was no surprised reaction, “was he expecting us?”
The truth was quite different.
“Sangus! Throw me something sharp and pointy, this damned thing ain't working!”
“Kay. Caaaaatch!”
A claw, which had previously belonged to a Ravener, neatly flew into Rakul's hand and the sorcerer pierced some piece of machinery. Tartaro was intrigued.
“Whaaat aaare you doing?”
“It's called field repairs! Now I just have to...” a single kick and the pierced machine lit up, along with the screen on their side, “that's bette... woah! Eldar!”
“Most interesting. Now, I'm going to hunt more of those snaaake things. Their body can bend in the most peculiaaar aaangles.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Okay... uhhh. Could you send a guardian or two, I'm sure...” suddenly, a small Termagant leaped at him from the side, trying to sink its claws into him, “why you little piece of!” the critter was grabbed, charged with warp energy and then thrown like a grenade, exploding in the midst of the horde, “owned! Now, where were we... wait... I've seen you somewhere, Warlock.”
“That is a possibility, sorcerer.”
“Yeah... you kicked my arse back on Akhalam, right?”
“Perhaps. But how did you...?”
“Cool. Listen. Help us!”
“Why should we, servant of Chaos?”
“Oh, for crying out... Nagosh!”
As that name was said, the Warlock and three Exarchs became a bit more worried about the situation down there. A huge ork suddenly came into, carrying a Carnifex.
“Wot is it?”
“These are your acquaintances, right?”
“Lemme' see!” the warboss threw the Carnifex, which rolled on the ground for over fifty yards, crushing all in its path, and then came to the screen, “oy! Pointy 'elmetz! Ash'nu!”
“How do you know it's me?”
“You'z got dat weird 'orn on yer pointy 'elmet. Iz haven't seen any oda' pointy 'elmet wif it.”
“I guess that makes sense...”
Suddenly, a scream could be heard:
“DAKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!”
“Uh oh... Iz fink flashgit Gobroz has lost it.”
“Brilliant deductive mind, warboss. So, will ya help us?”
Before an answer could come, Muskit's voice came:
“Boss! Icky bit, comin' yer way!”
“Oh, Tzeentch!”
The transmission was suddenly cancelled.
The Warlock stood there for a while.
“I'm going down there.”
Macha immediately looked at the Warlock.
“For whom? A band of orks?”
“That band of orks was probably the reason we won on Akhalam. And I'm going to help them. Who else is with me?”
A brief silence Then, three Exarchs stepped from the group. A Howling Banshee, a Warp Spider and a Swooping Hawk.
“We'll go!” they said in unison.
“I wanna' see Ugu again!”
“Old friends need helping.”
And the spider just nodded. Macha was, somehow, surprised. Why hadn't she seen this coming?
“Fine, then. You three, take squads of your respective warrior shrines. Ash'nu, you take two more Dire Avenger squads. I shall join you, as well.”
“Join us, Farseer?”
“Something about that sorcerer is strange. I shall observe him closely.”
“Understood. Move out!”
And so, the Eldar entered the fray, bringing their sneeze-destroyable tanks and psychic powers to bear on the enemy.

******

An ancient Webway gate near Eagle hill suddenly came to life, sending forth a small host of Eldar. Macha watched the battlefield below, her wraithbone armour shining, while Ash'nu devised a battle plan.
“Okay, me, the Farseer and the Dire Avengers will make our way down this path. Banshees, go ahead of us and clear any opposition. Hawks and Spiders, strike fast and hard.”
“Got it.”
The Hawks flew into the air and rained death at the bugs below, while the Spiders warped just behind the first defence line, startling defenders and bolstering defences.

Gobroz was busy being insane and showering enemy troops, until a certain Spider Exarch came close and slapped him.
“Ow! Wot was dat for?!”
“To snap you out of it. Long time no see.”
“Lokan! Youz talkin'!”
“Only occasionally. Now, let's get back to shooting, shall we?”
“Gladly!”

Muskit was clobbering a group of gaunts, while Ugu kept jumping on Warriors' heads. But then, the little squig noticed a familiar entity. Somehow, through her armour, even through the chaos of battle, he noticed Kilina. And the black ball with legs ran, jumped on heads and bit any foe. And so, he stood there, upon a warrior's corpse.
The Banshee Exarch immediately squealed:
“UGU! C'mere you little bugger!”
The squig jumped right into her arms and started licking her helmet. This made the other banshees form a circle of 'HOW CUTE!' at the most inopportune time, leaving the defending forces, and Altian, to defend them.
“Ladies! Fight first, then admire the black skinball!” the Hawk shouted, fending off a Ravener at the same time.
“Oh, sorry, you flying rescuer, you. Ugu, bite!”
The sharpest teeth this side of the galaxy were shown to the snake beast, which promptly started digging a tunnel out of fear. But it was too slow.

- - - - -

Now, let us have a minute of silence for this poor Ravener, which had been turned into a new chew toy.

…
…
…
…
…

There, that should suffice.

- - - - -

Nagosh shot a few rounds from his cannon-arm, tearing man-sized holes in a Carnifex. Then, a spear stabbed a Warrior to his left.
“Hello there, Nagosh!”
“Oy! 'ullo, Ash'nu! Wot ya doin'?”
“Killing Tyranids at your side. You?”
“Findin' a Karnifexo ta lift. Deyz pretty stupid, too.”

As the Dire Avengers filled critical gaps in the defence lines, the Farseer moved to the first line, straight to a certain sorcerer. The psyker in question was busy shooting Doombolts at a Zoanthrope, scoring a direct hit and destroying the foul beast. And then screaming 'Owned!'.
She approached slowly, then spoke:
“Sorcerer.”
“Hmm?” he turned towards the voice and saw the female figure. Quite some curves, she had, “Farseer, I presume?”
“Yes. Macha.”
“Rakul. Rakul Manek. Now, if you'd be so nice to give me a little help with blasting these damned things, I'd be indebted to ya.”
“Very well. Die, wretched spawn of the Devourer!” 
A vortex of psychic energies formed in the middle of the horde and soon released lightning into the area and fried any bug too slow to leave. She stood there, a bit proud of her work.
“Not bad at all.” he suddenly caught a gaunt which almost munched on her helmet, “but you have to remember to always be aware of what's jumping onto you.” 
Like before, he charged the critter with Warp energies and threw it into the horde.

And the battle was just beginning.


----------



## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

*********
Chapta' 7 - MOAR, MOAR
*********

The plains of Chaos seemed rather peaceful that day. If one ignored the screams of agony, pleasure, or both combined, Slaanesh's realm would actually look quite romantic. A permanent, blue dawn, accompanied by purple. Lots of purple. In fact, everything was purple. The ground, the singing plants, the damned mosquitoes. Everything.
Well, there was one exception to the rule. A massive villa built upon a small hill. Each of its walls was painted with a different colour, making it look like some strange work of art. Bad art. Surrounded by a maze made out of red bushes and blue flowers, it was quite different indeed. Normally, one would have to traverse the maze to get to the building... but Nebulon didn't have the time or patience for that.

He just went forward, slashing anything in his path with the massive runic axe, Mithara close behind. After a minute or two of slashing, the plants themselves moved to avoid the black Bloodletter's fury. In less than two minutes they were at the main gate, which was part black, part silver.
His black fist connected with steel three times, sending echoes throughout the surrounding landscape. After a few seconds, the gate started opening. Soon, a Daemonette came into view, dressed in a black and white, typical maid outfit. Her eyes first drifted to Nebulon.
“I am sorry, but the master does not6 wish to be disturbed. I hope you under-” her head turned to Mithara and a smile appeared on her face, “Mith, is that you?”
“It is, Hall!”
The two moved closer and hugged each other, visibly overjoyed.
“I haven't seen you in months! What brings you here?”
“Me and Neby came to ask help for Rakul and stuff.”
“I see. Well, come right in!”
The two went in, chatting about stuff. Nebulon scratched the back of his head, mildly confused, and then entered, as well.

The inside was littered with paintings of every colour and type, statues of all shapes, sizes and themes and Daemonettes wearing the same maid costumes, running here and there, cleaning, polishing, washing and looking for where they should be doing the above things. Nebulon just gazed passively at the stuff around, while the two whispered.
“You didn't tell me he was so handsome!”
“On purpose. He's mine, ya know.”
“Oh, don't worry, silly! I know that all too well! And I don't think he'd even think of doing something behind your back.”
“True.”
“We're close to the master's inner chambers. We should... hear his antics soon.” an explosion-like racket suddenly made its way throughout the villa, startling the two, while the maids seemed accustomed to it, “indeed.”
A scream soon followed:
“Wooooooooooohhhhhhhhh! I LOOOOOOOOVE kittens in LSD! MAKES ME GO WIIIIIIIIILD!”

The only Bloodletter frowned.
“Haaaah... let's get this over with.”
Ignoring Hall's warning, he came close to a large green door and knocked. If by 'knock', you understand 'punch with such force that the door falls out of its hinges'. Daemonettes all around gazed in surprise and shock as he entered, Mithara and Hall close behind. There were more maids in the room, but the dominant figure was one upon a throne of chicken bones and kitten skins, all drenched in LSD. He had his armour on, as always, and the flames of his skull seemed to be larger than last time. He watched them with mild annoyance.
“I thought I made myself clear about no visitors.”
“They insisted, master!”
The champion's eyes flashed.
“Hey! Your business is with me!”
Doomrider leaned closer to them, sparks flying around him.
“Hey, you're that sorcerer's annoying daemon. I thought I had made my stance of 'I don't give a damn about your problems' perfectly clear by not answering three summonings. I am not fighting those orks again.”
“If you had answered, you'd know we are fighting WITH the orks now, against Tyranids. Lots of 'em, too.”
The daemon prince stood up and walked closer, his hand making movements in random directions.
“Even worse! You expect me to fight an enemy, which utterly humiliated me?! To just throw away all that and say, 'Hey, we're fwiendz nao!'?! Not a chance!” his eyes drifted to Mithara and examined her body, “then again, if you made it worth my while...”

Mithara wanted to put on a disgusted look, but that was replaced by a face of surprise, as Nebulon caught Doom rider by the neck and lifted him off the ground, the flames becoming smaller by the second.
“Okay, now I am angry.”
“Oh, come on, Nebulon! It was just a joke! Come on, Neby!”
Mithara gasped. The nickname she had given him... and only she could say. Otherwise... terrible things happened.
“Okay, that does it.”
Nebulon slowly walked to the main gate, Doomrider still in the air.

“Mith... what's he gonna' do?”
“Something bad. My Neby is so cute when he's mad!”
While she daydreamed, the others simply listened to the terrible sounds that came next. Those sounds were reminiscent of cracking bones, screams of agony and shouts like 'Not the horns!', 'My third heart!' and 'My pankreas should not be there!'.
In ten minutes, Doomrider walked... err, hopped back inside on one hand, looking like a knot. Nebulon just watched the scene, an evil grin on his face.
“Fine... I'll help, I'LL HELP!”
“Very good! Let's go, Mith!”
With that 'Oh my Chaos god, I love him!' look on her face, they left the villa, leaving many maids to try and untie their master. With mixed results.

******

The battle was still raging, with minor reinforcements for the defenders coming from all forces. Darug had built something vaguely reminiscent of a gun and was prepared to test fire it.
“Redy. Set. FIRAAAAAA'!”
Smoke filled the cannon's surroundings as a special piece of ammunition was shot. What was it? Here's a hint: it was black, round and had lots of pointy teeth. The little squig flew above the Tyranid battle lines, straight at a Zoanthrope. The synapse creature was readying a powerful warpal blast, but Ugu impacted soon enough to change the beam's target from the defence lines to the middle of a horde of gaunts. The small creatures were sent flying everywhere and Ugu hoped back to his friends, landing on many more gaunts on the way. Muskit caught him and ran behind the main line, covered by bolter rounds and shurikens.

Within the base, many were resting or getting their wounds treated within a hastily built tent. Among the ordinary troops, farseer Macha sat, regaining lost energy. She was lucky, for many around her were missing limbs. Suddenly, a blue and gold figure appeared in the entrance, one of his shoulder-pads missing.
“Stupid Raveners... attack from every direction.” in his hand, he held the remains of a power sword. The sorcerer turned to a nearby Aspiring champion, who had a similar weapon, but intact, “hey, give me that.”
“But, sir! This is my sword!”
“I'll trade it for a Ravener claw.” 
He pulled said item out of his armor.
“Deal!”
The champion plunged the sword into the ground, took the claw and ran outside, only to get cut in half by a Carnifex moments later.
“Poor sod.”
He sat next to her, resting as well. Rakul then noticed she no longer had her helmet on and her crimson hair went down to the middle of her back. How the Warp could she fit that inside the helmet? She noticed his stare and asked:
“What?”
“Oh, nothing. Just wondering why you have stripes on your cheeks.”
“I just like the way it looks. You have a problem with that?”
“Not at all. They suit you.” he noticed, that a few of the surrounding wounded were looking at them, “quit staring before I gouge your eyes out!”
Before she could reply, a monstrous roar echoed throughout the landscape, followed by a 'Not delicious!'. Both psykers rose and rushed outside, weapons ready. There, they saw Carito screaming and pointing towards the sky. A massive swarm of gargoyles flew towards them, lead by nothing less than a winged Hive Tyrant, whose four arms were each a different weapon.
While she readied her spear, Rakul started shouting orders:
“Okay, idiots, regroup! Carito! Get some men and start shooting the small ones! Me and Macha here will take the Tyrant!”
“Roger!”
Many marines didn't even wait for Carito to come close. Considering the airborne swarm's size, that was no surprise. The Tyrant came ever closer, not hindered by small arms fire. It then came crashing down upon them, crushing a pair of avengers under its clawed feet. The beast's single eye watched the two opponents before it and then its jaws opened with a deafening roar.
“This was a bad idea, eh?”
“Indeed.”
Its massive scything talons slashed at them, but they dodged just in time. A barbed strangler and venom cannon shot at both independently, while it tried to get close to either combatant. Macha released a bolt of psychic energy against her foe, but that merely scorched its hide. Rakul's doombolt had a similar effect. 
He tried to strike it from the back, but its tail swept him away with no effort. His body smashed against a rock and he started getting up. With a flap of its wings, he saw Macha go to the ground, the wind too strong. The massive talons rose into the air, ready to cut her in half. That simply would not do. His armoured boots impacted the ground rapidly and his power sword went into a blocking position in the last second.
The Tyrant's strike was brutal, powerful enough to destroy the power sword and strike Rakul's helmet, pushing him several feet back and sending him to the ground. Macha and many surrounding troops gasped, but found a hint of relief when he got up again, the helmet cracked. And he threw away the sword and took it off.
Shoulder-length hair appeared from under it and two blue eyes watched the monster. His pale skin coloured by a small trickle of blood. He was definitely not pleased.
“Time for drastic measures.” he whispered and, fighting the urge to scream 'By the power of Grayskull!', he raised one of his hands, sending psychic signals into the Warp at the same time.

******

Tzeentch knew what the sorcerer wanted. Rakul had earned the item within his labyrinth, after all. And requesting the object meant only one thing... Crap just got serious. All four of the Changer's arms went into the air.
“Very well, Rakul! Receive your blade!”
Chaos energies filled the room and their effects soon appeared within the normal world. Gmork and the other gods just kept looking, waiting for something to happen.

******

Chaos lightning struck his palm, but went no further. In moments, a magnificent weapon had formed. Made from the finest of mortal weapons and imbued with the power of nine hundred and ninety-nine daemons, it shone in a blue hue. Energy crackled along the sword's blade and red runes glowed. His armoured fingers gripped the golden hilt and pointed the sword straight at the beast.

Sangus stared from afar.
“Damnit! I want a weapon like that!” he then proceeded with venting his anger on a Carnifex's head.

It roared yet again and charged, talons ready to tear him to pieces. But Rakul was the true attacker. He gripped the daemonic sword with both hands and slashed at the monster. Its claws rose to defend it, but the blade went straight through, easily biting deep into the flesh beneath the carapace. The Tyrant roared in anger and tried to bite his unprotected head off.
Rakul, however, dodged and grabbed onto the thing's wing, then pulled himself up. It tried to shake him off, but the sorcerer's grip was firm and the blade shone in his hand. With one last strike, he plunged it through the Tyrant's skull. The masses above grew disorganized and started attacking everything around them, including their own kind.

The beast's corpse fell to the ground and he stood upon it, looking awesome. He then did a victory pose, jumped down and walked closer to the farseer.
“You okay?”
“Y-yes. Thank you.”
“No problem. You owe me a helmet, though.” 

******

Not too far from the site of the epic battle, Nagosh charged against the Tyranid battle lines. His choppa' swung in every direction, his bullets flew at any target, his feet crushed smaller creatures. A Carnifex suddenly stood in his way, but he did not slow down. Rather, he sped up and crashed straight into the beast. As mighty as the bio-beast was, it could not stop the ork and soon felt its body get pushed. It tried in vain to stop the ork, the ground parting under its claws.
Several warriors stood in their path, Warp-bent on stopping the insanity. But it was of no use, for not even these reinforcements could stop the ork. Soon, Biovores, a Zoanthrope, several Genestealers and uncountable tiny Gaunts joined this small 'train'. But the warboss showed no sign of stopping. That is, until they hit a rock wall. The whole mass came to a halt, Nagosh slowly realising he was surrounded by a horde of bugs.

And he grinned.

The ones at the first defence line watched as all kinds of 'Nids started flying into the air. A small gap started forming between Nagosh and the bugs and he headed back to base, looking epic.

******

On the plains of unified Chaos, there stood a lonely bar, filled with all kinds of daemons. From Plaguebearers to Flamers, from Bloodletters to Nurglings. Two new figures entered the building, a black Bloodletter Champion and a pink Daemonette. Many eyes turned their way, intrigued by such travellers. One table had a pair of free seats and a group of war veterans at it, many scars on their bodies. And one gouged eye.
One of the daemons waved at them and they came closer. The one-eyed Bloodletter called:
“Well, if it ain't pretty boy Nebulon!”
“Hey, ain't my fault you threw yourself against the heavy bolter emplacement, Kran.”
All of them laughed.
“Hahahahahah! That's true! And you must be Mithara! Big, black and ugly tells us lots about ya!”
she merely giggled, “take a seat, friends!” they did so, to the joy of all at the table, “so, why have ya come to this distant piece of nowhere?” 
“Well... we need help.”
A Plaguebearer in the corner shouted:
“Typicaaal. And whaaat would you need help with?”
“Oh, just smashing a Tyranid horde, is all.”
There was a brief silence, which was interrupted by a waiter, who looked like a cross between a fungus and a pig.
“Can I get ya something?”
“Warpal beer.”
“And for the charming lady?”
“Just blood, please.”
“As you wish.”
The pig-thing left, leaving Kran to reply, two tusks shaped in a grin-like face:
“How many of 'em?”
“Large Hive fleet. I'd say about twice as large as what we're used to.”
“Oh, sounds fun. Whaddaya' say, guys?”
Those at the tables did many different things. Roar with joy, bash the wood with their fists and simply nodding being one of those actions.
“I guess that's a 'HELL YES!'.”
“Oh, indeed, pretty boy. We'll round up a few of our mates and then join ya... where are we going, anyway?”
“Planet's name is Carridia.”
“Hey, I think I was on a raid there, one time! Okay, settled! Now...” the waiter brought the two drinks, “just in time! I'll pay for those!”
“Only for the beer, Kran. Lady's drink is on the house.”
“Hahahahahahahah!”
“What can I say? Being pretty has its advantages!”
Laughter filled the bar as their glasses hit each other in the air and as drinks flowed down their throats.

Not a good day for Haxxor... for many allies were heading for Carridia. Not a good day at all.


----------



## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

This thread is now officially revived with almost all the rest of the story!
Sorry for being idle.


*********
Chapta' 8 - Big, BIG troublez!
*********

The four gods and goddess watched the great spectacle, eating pop corn, pretzels, bird seed, random passing demons and snot, in Nurgle's case. All was going surprisingly well, with the Tyranid horde taking substantial losses. The many defending armies, especially those stationed at Egle hill, proved to be a foe unmatched, fighting with a fury unseen since Khorne's last blood beer-fest. The bugs would not win. Or perhaps?
“I say, this is going marvellously well!”
“Yeh, yeh. Pass da' pretzly bitz, birdy-fing!”
“Of course, here you- what the,” the pretzels flew all over Gmork, who was too happy to notice anything was wrong. He could feel some new, powerful entity. Tzeentch's arms went into the air, “show me the source!”
“What's going on, Tzeentchey?”
“We'll soon see,” the image in the orb shifted, showing the insect fleet. Attached to the fleet's mothership, the five saw something resembling an egg, but of incredible size, bigger than some of the surrounding hive ships, “well, whatever it is, it can't be good.”
“I dunno' beak-boy. The fight could be fun to look at.”
“Everything involving huge monsters is fun in your book!”
“Precisely!”

******

The allied fleet saw the very same image and Akitol had the egg as priority number one on his 'Crap that needs blowing up' list. But the Haxxor fleet let nothing pass. Fighter squadrons were annihilated by massive spore-clouds, while larger ships risked getting rammed by countless bioships. And every one of them was There was nothing they could do. Well, except for plan C, 'run around the bridge for a few minutes, screaming like a little girl, and then call those on the ground and start preparing funerals'. Akitol was ready for any situation, really.
The massive egg then detached from the bioship and headed straight for Carridia. Not good at all.

******

The sorcerer was resting within the command centre, holding two items. His still-damaged helmet and the daemonic blade, which feasted on the blood covering its warped metal. Which was a bit creepy. Seriously.
Suddenly, there came a beep from the now-somewhat-repaired console. That meant, the damned thing was stuck together by chewing gum. Seemed to work, though. Rakul walked over to it and clicked a few buttons, making Akitol's face appear on the screen.
“Sir!”
“What's is it, Akitol?”
“We may have a big problem. A BIG problem. Some kind of... egg has been released from the largest bioship. It's heading straight for you.”
“Oh, goody. How big is it, exactly?”
“Can you imagine a Warlord titan?”
Rakul's eyes grew wide in seconds.
“You can't be serious!”
“I'm sorry, sir., but I am. Good luck. 'Twas an honour serving under you.”
“You sure know how to raise morale. Rakul, out,” with that, he rushed outside and spotted Macha a bit farther, resting, as well. Running to her, he shouted, “we need to boost our defences and start calling reinforcements!”
“What, why?”
“We're in deep, deep crap,” many soldiers around him started pointing to the sky. The two psykers turned and saw a massive, flaming orb in the sky, “scratch that order, we're dead.”
Many of the defenders stopped attacking, choosing instead to gaze at the massive object. Even Nagosh did so, while in the middle of the horde and holding a Carnifex. The egg then crashed into the ground, sending a massive shock-wave of dust, Tyranids and other such objects everywhere. But Nagosh still stood there, impervious to the power. And when it all settled, a nightmare was in view.

The creature was massive and stood on eight thick, armoured legs. Its hide was covered by uncountable bio-weapons and spore-releasing glands, all ready to annihilate any opposition. The monster gazed at the small, green ork before it with several large, green eyes. Its jaws were filled with man-sized teeth, which were probably strong enough to bite through a Baneblade's armour. The abomination roared with force enough to smash rock. Yet the warboss stood. The roar ended and he shouted:
“Ya fink I'z afraid of ya? Fink again, bug-boy! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHH,” he charged and punched the beast straight in one of its teeth. A small crack appeared on its surface, but otherwise, nothing, “okay, maybe I'z a itzy bitzy bit afraid. Uhhh... I'z gonna' go now.”
With that, he ran in the opposite direction, the beast roaring behind his back. One of its legs then rose from the ground and came down with a deafening crash. The defenders looked at it in horror, many contemplating retreat. That would not do.

Rakul saw the fear in their eyes and something had to be done about it. And so, he sent a psychic message to all around. The psykers felt it in particular, but all could sense it:
“Warriors! I know what you feel! Utter horror and despair grips your very souls! But now is not the time for retreat! If we fall, everything else goes with us! These beasts will evolve further, perfecting the ork genome within them and shall be unstoppable! I will not lie, the odds are against us! But a mere surrender will only mean our demise! So, I say, fight! Fight for Chaos, for the Greater Good, for the Emperor, for Squig pies! Let's show these disgusting monster what we've got!”
Macha smiled at him.
“Quite a 'speech'.”
“Well, thank you.”

“Yeeeeeeh! Dakka dakka dakkaaaaaaa!”
Gobroz's massive gun was the first to unleash volleys of bullets and las-beams at the bio-titan, but the rest of the force soon joined in, unleashing massive storm of projectiles at the beast. It didn't seem to mind, though.
“Ya redy, Ugu?” asked Muskit, with a wide grin.
The little squig nodded and was soon loaded into the experimental cannon once again. One shot later, the black ball flew threw the air and landed upon the Tyranid's head, though, the creature didn't seem to notice. That soon changed, however, as Ugu jumped on one of its eyes, enraging it quite a bit. Its head moved in every direction and Ugu managed to hold on for a while, before finally getting catapulted onto the beast's back.
The little black squig looked around, a bit dazed. He was still on the thing's back, which certainly wasn't good. But then, he noticed another being nearby. Golden hide, blue chitinous armour. Claws too weak to even scratch. Huge, black eyes staring straight at the squig. The creature was even smaller than Ugu. And it let out a high-pitched squeak. Ugu growled back. It seemed... amused and squeaked again.

One Banshee was not very happy about that.
“Oh, no! Uguuuuu! Someone has to save him!”
Altian was nearby, along with several other Swooping Hawks, getting ready for an aerial assault. He turned to Kilina and spoke:
“Don't you worry! I'll get him on my way back.”
“Oh, you're the best.”
“Okay, Hawks! Let's show that thing what our grenades look like from up close!”
Their jetpacks fired up and the aspects rose to the sky, with their Exarch in the front. It took them seconds to reach the bio-titan, yet it seemed like eternity. Then, all Chaos broke loose. The air was filled with spikes, spores and venom-bolts, which were nearly impossible to dodge. But they were trained for such situations. The grenade launchers strapped to their legs released their explosive payload, but it did little else than scorch its chitinous hide. Several screams came from his brethren. This was useless. Telling the others to retreat, they followed the order. He still had one mission, however.
And its target was already in sight. A black ball... along with another, even smaller creature. What was that other thing? No matter, he was only here for the squig. Descending, he quickly grabbed Ugu and then rose back up. Unbeknownst to him, Ugu managed to grab the other critter with his little feet, so the Hawk Exarch now carried both. He flew over the beast's head, but this time, not all went as planned. One of the spikes pierced his left wing and Altian lost control. A few Tau soldiers stepped out of the way just in time, while the Eldar crashed into the ground, the two critters falling close to Rakul and Macha. Kilina forgot about the cute critters and rushed towards the fallen Hawk.
“Altian, are you alright?”
“Just a few fractured ribs. I'll live.”

Meanwhile, two psykers and Muskit watched the two tiny creatures.
“Oy, Ugu! Who'z dis?”
“It's even smaller than the squig. Strange,” the black ball roared and then started jumping, the little Tyranid mimicking him, “though, it is rather cute.”
“Looks creepy, if you ask me,” the little bug seemed offended and Rakul suddenly got a quite large headache, “ow, what the?!”
“You feel it, too? Is that little critter...?”
“A synapse creature, yes. Owwww... okay, okay, you're the cutest little bastard in the universe. Now stop,” it roared in delight and the pain went away, “a psyker on such a small scale. Incredible!”
“Oh, look at that little cutie,” the Banshee Exarch grabbed the little 'nid and squeezed. Ugu looked on with sorrow, “oh, come here, you idiot,” the black ball happily obliged, “see? We're all happy now! I'll call you Bitey!”
The most pimped out Necron lord pointed with his finger.
“I haaate myself for breaaaking such aaa cute moment, but we're aaall going to die.”

The bio-titan was indeed almost upon them, its many weapons already felling defenders. There was nothing they could do to stop it. After all, Nagosh was already pushing against its legs in vain.
“Well, this seems like a fitting last stand.”
“I suppose. We die defending the Craftworlds, the human colonies, everything.”
“Oy, but I'z wanna' fight sum moar!”
Ugu and Bitey let out weak growls. Both were obviously scared.

And then, the abomination suddenly stopped, its many eyes looking beyond their positions. Turning back, the defenders saw a ray of purple ray rising from the ground. It vanished and was replaced replaced by the sound of roaring engines and... stomps. A bike suddenly roared through the sky after hitting some rubble on the road, painted completely red and came to a crashing halt right next to a now-retreating warboss. A green head stared from the rubble, with bloodied clothes covering the rest of the ork's body.
“Hullo, boss!”
“Oy, Grimog! Great ta' see ya! D'ya get 'im?”
“'Ow do ya fink we got 'ere? Took us longa', cuz wez didn't know da wey!”
More orky vehicles came over the hill, followed by lotsa' boyz. However, there was only one dominant figure. An only too familiar daemon, with colour-changing skin, bat wings on its head and uncountable other wings on its back. Also, lizard-head and flaming eyes. Rakul gazed at Cambius, his jaw wide-open. The greater daemon scremed, the tone of his voice still changing:
“Well, look at what we have here! A big spider, how cute!”
The Tyranid roared and charged at full speed, crushing numerous creatures under its massive claws. But the daemon of change would not go down that easily. He vanished, only to reappear on its back, warpal energies already pulsing in his hands. Massive doombolts struck the bug, burning through its carapace and insides. The beast roared in fury and somehow twisted one of its legs to grab the daemon and smash it against the ground with massive force. Cambius' many eyes watched the bio-titan open its mouth, ready to devour. He was not just going to be part of some menu, though. Quickly, the daemon readied another doombolt and shot it straight into the monster's open maw, annihilating most of its head. The remainder of the bio-titan collapsed onto the ground. Cambius walked back to the defenders slowly, injured. Rakul was most confused.
“How? HOW?!”
“How come I am still here? Foolish sorcerer, one cannot simply destroy a daemon of my calibre! But because of the still-intact summoning circles within the fortress, I could not return into the Warp proper. That's when Nagosh here found me.”
The warboss was grinning and Gobroz shouted:
“Oh! So dat'z why youz been goin' dere all da' time!”
“Yeh! Poor fella' was just a liitle disgustin' blobby fingy. I 'elped 'im.”
“Therefore he technically became my new master. And now, I have repaid the debt? Please, I am weakened because of no warpal contact for such a long time. I am wounded even now. Let me return to the Impossible Fortress!”
Nagosh scratched his chin with the blades on his chain-choppa' and then looked at the greater daemon.
“Okeyz.”
“Yeeeesssss! Finally free,a free all these millennia! Thank you!”
And with a single flash of light, Cambius vanished into thin air. Rakul spoke:
“We just sent away an impossibly powerful weapon of Chaos. Oh, well, at least he killed the spider.”
“Yeh. An' Ugu an' Biteyz is safe! We all iz,” incredible masses of spores landed within the canyon. The insects were not pleased and neither was Muskit, “or notz. Iz don't fink even da boyz will be enuff dis time.”
“Well, good thing you have us here, then,” they all turned to see a well-known Bloodletter Champion and Daemonette, “hello, master!”
“Nebulon! Perfect timing, my friend!”
A large, blue portal appeared behind the pair and figures started appearing from within. Starting with a humanoid with a flaming skull. Doomrider laughed maniacally, while a whole host of Daemonettes appeared right behind him, all in black leather. Deja vu, much? Right behind them, were daemons of all four deities, ready to have bug meat for lunch. Unbeknownst to all, Darug had a 'Oh mah frikin' Gork, of courze!' moment and ran off to Tzeentch knows where.
“Hahahahaahaaaaaa! Time for LSD rampaaaaaaaage!”
“I hope we brought sufficient reinforcements. Also, I'm sorry, but ol' flaming skull insisted on coming.”
“Oh, indeed. Especially because of that,” several winged, flat creatures emerged from the portal and one of them almost instantly flew to the sorcerer, “oh, I do love riding the wild ones,” He jumped onto the daemon, able to hold his balance perfectly. Turning to the farseer, he smiled, “you need a ride? Or do you have your own?”
Macha looked at one of the Screamers, who looked a bit hungry. Nope.
“I think I'd rather go with you.”
“Excellent! Come on up!”
Holding a hand out to her, which she took, he helped her stand onto the beast. She was visibly not used to such a mount, however, and held onto his shoulder with one hand.
“This is certainly... different.”
“Awesome, isn't it? Now, denizens of Chaos! Orks, Eldar, Tau and humans! Let's have some fun!”
Before the charge could start, however, Bitey became restless. The little 'nid wiggled out of Kilina's grasp and jumped onto the occupied Screamer seconds before it flew forward. It held onto Macha's leg, who stared at the little guy, confused.
“We have an unwelcome passenger!”
“Oh? Who?”
“Bitey.”
“Heh, little rascal probably wants to see his siblings or something,” The two forces were about to clash, when the little bug emitted a growl.The other Tyranids around the trio started fighting each other, making them ideal targets for doombolts and psychic blasts, “or maybe he wanted a part of the fame! This is certainly useful!”
Doom rider's mini-titan rose from the allied horde and shot into the insect one. The day was theirs, it seemed.

******

“Do you know what you get for getting here ten thousand years late?”
“Uhhhh...”
“A big hug! Welcome back, sonny-boy!”
Tzeentch's arms grabbed the, in comparison, small Cambius and squeezed, his three heads showing happy smiles, which were hard to do with beaks.
“Dad, you scared me!”
“Just as planned!”

The other four stared at the duo in utter confusion.
“Sonny boyz?!”
“Dad?!”
“Strange,” followed by a massive cough.
“Awwww, look at how cute they look!”

Tzeentch put the greater daemon down and looked at the others.
“Yes, this is my son, Cambius! And these, my boy, are the other three I told you all about. And the fat guy is Gmork.”
“Hey! Dat'z not nice!”
“Hullo. Pleased to meet you.”
The Blood God was not satisfied.
“Wait, wait, WAIT. We've been living here together for over a bajillion years! How come we didn't know you had a son?!”
The Changer crossed his arms.
“Well, I didn't want him to be exposed to all of your shenanigans. Also, he was a pretty shy little guy, so he generally hid when any of you showed up.”
“Awwwww, why? We don't bite, do we? Well, I do, but only on Thursdays.”
“That's another reason why I've kept it a secret. However, that is all in the past. Now Cambius can travel the plains without fear.”
“Yeah! And I'll grow up and be as strong as daddy!”
“Great, just what we need. TWO know-it-alls!”
“Oh, soften up, Khorne! Our picnics will be even more fabulous now!”
“As long as they're not in Nurgle's garden... that reminds me, 'papa', when the Warp are you going to let Isha out of her cage? I can't take the screams, any more.”
“Who's Isha, dad?”
“I'll show ya later, when we let her out of the cage. Seriously, man, give her some rest. And access to a shower.”
“But, but...”
“No buts! Now, Hanumos! Get me some tea!”
“Yeah, for me, too!”
A single tear escaped the schemer's leftmost eye.
“Just like his old god...”
“Oh, be even more sappy, won't you?”
“Youz guyz are weird.”


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## waltzmelancholy_07 (Sep 30, 2008)

I have never read your entire work... But hell, the threads on the first page made me laugh so hard, I nearly had an asthma attack...

So REP for that(for your story I mean)...

Cheers!...


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