# The ultrasmurfs vs the hulk



## Scholtae (Aug 16, 2010)

Marneus Calgar sit's in his fortress on Macragge minding his own buisness when chief librarian Varro Tigurius runs into the room shattering his chapter masters wistful contemplation of the primarchs stasis tube.

Varro: Chapter Master!!

Calgar: Varro how've ye bin.

Varro: No time commander the biggest bastard greenskin i have ever seen just materialized in the middle of the fortress. The more we shoot it the angrier and bigger it gets. What do we do?

Calgar: this must have taken unparalleld tactical geni---CREEED!!!


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## DestroyerHive (Dec 22, 2009)

Lol! Creed that sunnuvab#$$#


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## XxDreMisterxX (Dec 23, 2009)

Hulk FTW all the way.. unless someone has a Vortex grenade.  also It has been proven that the hulk can suffocate in space.


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## locustgate (Dec 6, 2009)

......Im.....Confused....


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## Gree (Jun 13, 2010)

I'm not sure if serious.

Anyway, if this is serious then after Calgar realises that nothing they have on the ground will hurt the Hulk the Ultramarines simply retreat into orbit and pound the Hulk with sustained orbital bombardment.

The Hulk can jump miles in the air, but he can't fly or move through space. Eventually he dies or turns back into Banner or still dies.


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## Smokes (Nov 27, 2009)

Let's see the Hulk attack a Ultramuhreenz Battle Barge while they are in orbit. Is he going to leapfrog and jump up in some comical way? :biggrin:


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## mpomnibus (Oct 31, 2010)

lol brought tears to my eyes :rofl:


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## Scholtae (Aug 16, 2010)

Calgar is tearing up the room whils't still staying a respectful distance from the primarchs stasis tube, overturning tables and chairs etc obviously looking for something. 

Varro: err chapter master what are you doing?

Calgar: What does it look like i'm doing Varro? I'm looking for that little bastard Creed, he wouldn't miss this for the world. He's probably hidden a titan or something in the primarchs stasis tube just to be even more unhelpful. I thought we apologised for the whole 18th scyllion bastion thing?


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## TheSpore (Oct 15, 2009)

look if this was a bloodthirster vs the hult ide bet on the thirster any day but 
but the UM come on its no contest the hulk Its the FREAKIN hulk


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## Gree (Jun 13, 2010)

TheSpore said:


> look if this was a bloodthirster vs the hult ide bet on the thirster any day but
> but the UM come on its no contest the hulk Its the FREAKIN hulk


What exactly is stopping the Ultramarines from destroying the Hulk from orbit once they realize that none of their regular weapons are working?


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## Chompy Bits (Jun 13, 2010)

When all seems lost Uriel Ventris will probably sweep in to save the day somehow.


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## TheSpore (Oct 15, 2009)

how come that guy just doesnt die or get tainted by chaos


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## TheSpore (Oct 15, 2009)

*lol*



Gree said:


> What exactly is stopping the Ultramarines from destroying the Hulk from orbit once they realize that none of their regular weapons are working?


look hes the hulk has shrugged off some the insane weapons fired at him and he still keeps coming.

the dude get hit by a las cannon and say was that a mosquito


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## Doelago (Nov 29, 2009)

Fucking shot a cyclonic torpedo at the fucker and I think he should learn to shut the fuck up and hide in his own corner...


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## Chompy Bits (Jun 13, 2010)

TheSpore said:


> how come that guy just doesnt die or get tainted by chaos


He's clearly wearing a very sturdy condom.


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## TheSpore (Oct 15, 2009)

lol i guess he would have to


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## Stephen_Newman (Jul 14, 2009)

Disturbing.....

Anyways they would try to engage the hulk but get their asses kicked by it. Realise they cannot harm it but most of them would be dead before they realise this.


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## Gree (Jun 13, 2010)

TheSpore said:


> look hes the hulk has shrugged off some the insane weapons fired at him and he still keeps coming.
> 
> the dude get hit by a las cannon and say was that a mosquito


A lascannon is far, _far_ weaker than sustained orbital bombardment. Broadsides from naval warships in orbit are powerful enough to crack contential plates going by the Cain series.

And then you have Exterminatus. Or throw a Vortex grenade at him. The Hulk's toughness will be useless when he's directly transported into the Warp itself.

Of course if the Hulk somehow by some miracle survies that then the Ultramarines simply evacute the planet and leave him standed. Losing Macragge will hurt, but Guilliman's body can be moved and they have an entire Empire to recruit from. The Hulk can't fly or travel through space.

Of course if the Ultramarines learn about the whole Bruce Banner transformation then they simply withdraw and leave the Hulk alone (which is what he wants) and then kill him via snipers when he's in Banner form.

Really, there are several different ways Calgar can handle this.


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

hulk: man in tube look sick, hulk break tube and give him some hulk blood then he be good as new

Calgar: what is he dooooiiiinnnnggg??? (hands to his head screeching like a boy who's lost his favourite relative)

hulk breaks the stasis field (its the hulk come on!) and in some comic book vampiric nod to the blood angels gives Roboute his blood......

and low the prmach is awake....albeit full of gamma radiation, can never go mad in case he turns into a green giant and all the Ultramarines paint thier skin green in honour of the hulk....or sychophants to thier primarch ewither or....

good thread not stopped laughing yet and in the meantime creed escapes in a ship patting the hulk on the head and his voice is heard hysterically laughing at the fun in it all.


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## Engindeer (Dec 1, 2010)

Funny, funny topic! 

I guess people overestimate the level of 'rule-of-cool' in 40k, compared to comic book superheroes and supervillains. The Hulk can rebuild out of a single surviving cell, and will survive a bullet to his head, even when in his human form.

He's a rampaging, unkillable, psychotic atrocity



.. he'd be PERFECT as a World Eater!


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## Gree (Jun 13, 2010)

Engindeer said:


> Funny, funny topic!
> 
> I guess people overestimate the level of 'rule-of-cool' in 40k, compared to comic book superheroes and supervillains. The Hulk can rebuild out of a single surviving cell, and will survive a bullet to his head, even when in his human form.
> 
> ...


Okay then, the Ultramarines leave him standard on the planet and then quarantine it.


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

he's the hulk he'd find a way off...bash a couple of rogue traders or summit then go back to Macragge and do it all again...cos he loves a good fight Hulk smash little blue men lol


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## Cyleune (Nov 10, 2010)

Hulk has Super-Regeneration.

In other words, HE CANT DIE!

So I guess thats the end of WH40K.

6th Ed Rule: If your opponent buys the Hulk for 1 pt he autowins and you have to jump off a cliff.


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## Gree (Jun 13, 2010)

gothik said:


> he's the hulk he'd find a way off...bash a couple of rogue traders or summit then go back to Macragge and do it all again...cos he loves a good fight Hulk smash little blue men lol


And why exactly would Rogue Traders come to a quarantined planet to rescue a highly dangerous and violent mutant? They won't make any profit in that manner. The Imperium is going to cordon the place off and subject it to regular orbital bombardments.


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## Engindeer (Dec 1, 2010)

Gree said:


> And why exactly would Rogue Traders come to a quarantined planet to rescue a highly dangerous and violent mutant? They won't make any profit in that manner. The Imperium is going to cordon the place off and subject it to regular orbital bombardments.


They would only find a semi-naked, delirious Bruce Banner on an otherwise deserted planet. Of course they would take him with them, and once they're in orbit he would RAGE and destroy their spaceship.

Fortunately for the Hulk, he's completely protected against the vacuum of space, so he would just drift randomly in any direction, perhaps destroying a Hive Fleet or two along his way.

Everyone questions Calgar for KO'ing an Eldar Avatar, but would you give it a second thought, if The Hulk did it?


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## Gree (Jun 13, 2010)

Engindeer said:


> They would only find a semi-naked, delirious Bruce Banner on an otherwise deserted planet. Of course they would take him with them, and once they're in orbit he would RAGE and destroy their spaceship.
> 
> Fortunately for the Hulk, he's completely protected against the vacuum of space, so he would just drift randomly in any direction, perhaps destroying a Hive Fleet or two along his way.


More likely Calgar or the Inqusition would simply just quarantine the planet and block it off to make sure no one comes stumbling across it.

And if he was stranded in the middle of space he's screwed. Space is incalcuably huge. the distance between the Earth and the moon alone is 250,000 miles. That's nothing compared to the distance between planets or the distance between solar systems.

The Hulk could float for millenia without encountering anything given the sheer vastness of space.



Engindeer said:


> Everyone questions Calgar for KO'ing an Eldar Avatar, but would you give it a second thought, if The Hulk did it?


I don't really see how that matters in terms of the Hulk's space travel.


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## Engindeer (Dec 1, 2010)

Gree said:


> The Hulk could float for millenia without encountering anything given the sheer vastness of space.


He probably could. For all intents and purposes The Hulk is indestructible. I threw in the Calgar comment to make everyone realize how ridiculously overpowered the green giant is - something I'm sure most will already know.

And since he's Marvel and not DC he can't be harmed by The Warp (Magic) either. The Imperium should most definitely re-route him towards the Eye of Terror.

Now if you'll excuse me :russianroulette: / Engindeer out


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## Chompy Bits (Jun 13, 2010)

Wow, this is still going. There's a simple answer to the problem. Life eater. Virus bomb the motherfucker from orbit. Sure everything else on the planet will be buggered, but it's really the only way that the smurfs have a chance. Life eater will go on chewing on the hulk until there's literally nothing left to chew. Only when there's no more organic tissue to devour will the virus die. After that, launch the atmospheric incinerator torpedoes and go Isstvan on his ass. If he comes back from THAT, then he deserves to win.


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## Doelago (Nov 29, 2009)

Chompy Bits said:


> Wow, this is still going. There's a simple answer to the problem. Life eater. Virus bomb the motherfucker from orbit. Sure everything else on the planet will be buggered, but it's really the only way that the smurfs have a chance. Life eater will go on chewing on the hulk until there's literally nothing left to chew. Only when there's no more organic tissue to devour will the virus die. After that, launch the atmospheric incinerator torpedoes and go Isstvan on his ass. If he comes back from THAT, then he deserves to win.


He wont come up after that... I believe that the life eater virus is far more than enough for the task, but why not just throw him straight into the sun, or better, out from the galaxy? Would give the supposedly incoming hive fleets something to think about/fly around... :laugh:


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## Chompy Bits (Jun 13, 2010)

Doelago said:


> He wont come up after that... I believe that the life eater virus is far more than enough for the task, but why not just throw him straight into the sun, or better, out from the galaxy? Would give the supposedly incoming hive fleets something to think about/fly around... :laugh:


I give him a shot at surviving because, within the comics, he's accomplished some truly ridiculous feats...

like punching his way through a time storm:shok:


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

Gree said:


> And why exactly would Rogue Traders come to a quarantined planet to rescue a highly dangerous and violent mutant? They won't make any profit in that manner. The Imperium is going to cordon the place off and subject it to regular orbital bombardments.


cause they are rogue? and he'd be bruce banner and anyway its a fun comment to a funny thread thats all.....anyway in comicdom the hulk/banner can do pretty much what he wants....cause its just that fake and a good read.


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## Gree (Jun 13, 2010)

gothik said:


> cause they are rogue? and he'd be bruce banner and anyway its a fun comment to a funny thread thats all.....anyway in comicdom the hulk/banner can do pretty much what he wants....cause its just that fake and a good read.


Rogue refers more to their independance rather than any sort of treason from the Imperium. Plus their Rogue status matters little when a planet is blockaded by an Imperial fleet. No economic oppurtunity there.


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

i stand corrected my appologies


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## MidnightSun (Feb 10, 2009)

Nightbringer vs Hulk, now that I want to see!

Hand him over to the Necrons who can build him a Dyson Sphere all of his own, or put him in stasis and then bury him somewhere on Macragge. Sell him to your local Dark Eldar Archon who happens to have a Huskblade (The one that sucks souls out of people's bodies) lying around, or let him be strapped down and tortured for eternity by the Haemonculi. Let the Eldar have a crack at him, maybe they could repress the Hulk side of Banner. Give him to the Orks, they'll stick a pole up his ass and worship his glorious greeness. Or put him in a pit with Old One Eye, sit back and enjoy. 

Would Hellfire rounds or the Destroyer Plague/Nurgle's Rot affect him at all? Because Nurgle's Rot turns you into a Plaguebearer, but only if you die. Tell you what he'd make one badass Herald. More like a Great Unclean One, but with Bloodthirster strength in melee.

Midnight


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