# Resident Evil 40K!



## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

okay, my first ever work of fiction! please be kind, the title says it all, i'm basing it around the mansion incident and if reception is good, when i finish i might even make a sequel!

The legals:
i DO NOT own resident evil, its characters or settings. Same for Warhammer 40K, i DO NOT own its characters, settings, vehicles, races ect.

these remain property of Capcom and GW respectively

right with that done on to the story:

Resident Evil 40K!

*Prologue*
The forest was silent…deathly silent. Trees stood all around. They were giants; tall as titans and wider than a Leman Russ. The forest was massive, extending further than the eye could see. A mouse scampered away in search of safety, as a high pitched whine of approaching engines smashed the serenity that once filled the peaceful forest. Thick, black smoke belched from the damaged engines of the injured Valkyrie, leaving a greasy trail behind it as it appeared over the horizon.

“May day! May Day! Valkyrie RAD-STARS-Bravo going down, some sort of engine trouble. Losing altitude, repeat RAD-STARS-Bravo is going down. Coordinates as fol…*static*”

The sound of angry rattling punctuated by the low thrumming of waning power were the only warnings the pilot had before engines finally gave up. With no power to keep it aloft, the Valkyrie crashed into the forest, crushing trees as if they were eggshells. With a sickening snap, the aft wing broke off and hit a tree; detonating the rocket pods anchored there. The resulting explosion flipped the Valkyrie end over end; sending it skidding to a halt 5km from the place it entered the forest.

The forest once again returned to silence after the sudden burst of action, and from the wreckage of the Valkyrie a stream of blood trickled out, limbs scattered around the crash site. Slowly something in the wreckage stirred.

_ It stumbled through the forest, drawn by the noise and the scent of blood. It was near, it was sure of it. And it was hungry, so very hungry._
*End of chapter.*


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## Tau22 (Apr 27, 2009)

Interest levels rising.
Do continue!


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## Ste (Aug 28, 2008)

lookin good so far mate  if u want ideasfeel free to add me on messenger. PM me for my add


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

might do that mate, cheers


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

a treat for you, 2 chapters at the same time, god i need a life.

*Chapter 1- Meet the Team*
Christiphorus Redfieldens (called Chris by his few friends) sat in the briefing room Adeptus Arbites Building on the planet Raccoon III, a largely forested planet with only one major population centre- Raccoon Prime, 

_ the only thing this planets good for is men, scouts that rival those of the Tanith first-and-only_ mused Chris. _ Scouts and boredom_. 

Chris was a Kasrkin, the best of what Cadia had to offer, he had personally fought all the evils the universe had to offer, from Orks on Armageddon to Tyranids at Fortress Carcasson. With a figure that inspired fear in many of his foes and an intellect far greater then a normal man, Chris was a marksman, with an aim that rivalled even the legendary Astartes. Chris and his unit were in great demand by every general between here and holy terra.

_ so what _ Chris wondered _ Am I doing here? On this forest planet in the arse-end of nowhere?_

Chris’s thoughts were interrupted when a member of unit entered the room Jillianis Valentinias (known as Jill) the teams machine specialist, respected for her ability to pick virtually any lock they come across, she had also saved the lives of many of the team, a debt Chris had yet to repay.

“Hey Chris, any idea what’s this ops about?” Jill asked

“no flipping idea Jill, all I know is that we were re-directed to this arse of a planet instead of Kladimer, shame, I was looking forward to blasting some Tau” sighed Chris

“Well we’ll find out soon enough, captains on his way” Jill replied as she took a seat.

“Any idea where Barry is?” Chris asked

“Yeah, behind you!” said the giant of a man as he snuck up on the marksman, causing Chris to jump out of his seat and land on the floor with a bang

“Barry! I’ll get you for that” Chris grumbled back at his old friend, Barrius Burtonia, the team’s huge weapons specialist, responsible for supplying and maintaining the team’s weaponry.

“Settle down men, and woman,” snapped the teams leader, Alburtis Wesker, flanked by a weedy man dressed in a yellow combat vest, Bradacklese “chicken heart“ Vickers their Valkyrie pilot, and the teams vehicle specialist Joseph Frostilicus.

“Alright everyone take your seats, we’ve got a rescue mission on our hands” Wesker commanded.

All throughout the room everyone’s attention focused on the captain, they had a job to do.

*Chapter 2- Rescue Mission!*
“Alright men, we’ve been asked to track down a downed Arbites Valkyrie” The captain launched into his briefing immediately

“They were dispatched to this location a supposedly abandoned building, some sort of mansion by all accounts, to investigate rumours of strange creatures, even stranger noises and some bodies that have appeared recently.” The captain continued

“However it appears that they did not reach their destination and in fact their Valkyrie came down at these coordinates: AX18374 by PK96723. Hear is their last received message”

_” May Day! May Day! Valkyrie RAD-STARS-Bravo going down, some sort of engine trouble. Losing altitude, repeat RAD-STARS-Bravo is going down. Coordinates as fol…*static*”_

“As you can hear it appears that they had engine trouble close to their target area and failsafe didn’t activate. We are to follow their path in our own Valkyrie, rescue any survivors and retrieve the dead, and then proceed to complete their mission. Any question?”

“Yeah, sounds like a simple fly in and fly out mission, what am I missing?” queried Chris

“Yeah what’s the catch?” echoed Jill and Barry

“We don’t have an exact fix on their position, the trees make it difficult to land in and so we will have to put down in this clearing here, about 3km from their last recorded position and search by foot” The captain answered.

“If there are no other questions, the governor wants us on this ASAP, so get kitted up were moving out”

The team, sensing the briefing was over, stood up and proceeded to the armoury to get their kit
_ Great, a kraking hike to find some lost coppers, how fun_ Chris thought as he walked to the armoury.


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## Ste (Aug 28, 2008)

seems good but the names seem quite strange


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

yeah, i didnt want to copy every facet of resident evil and tried to 40K the names up a bit, in this case trying to make them sound more latiny while keeping it so poeple knew who was who.


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## Micklez (Nov 22, 2008)

Startin good mate, always like a slow start for the first part of the fiction. Keep up the good work


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

ta for the compliment Micklez, anywhos chapter 3 for your viewing ecstasy.

*Chapter 3- Kitting up and moving out*
Barry reached their mobile armoury first and went about unlocking the lockers, or at least he tried.

“What the krak!? Why isn’t the password working? Okay lets try this again, input password WFY35324, still not working?” Barry cursed and smacked the locker

“Problem Mr Burtonia?” Wesker enquired

“Yeah, kraking lockers aren’t accepting the password” Barry replied

“Ah yes, I changed the passwords, I saw someone sneaking around and decided not to take any chances, new password is MA-125” Wesker said.

With the lockers now open the Kasrkins started to collect their armour and weapons, putting on the heavy Carapace armour, Strapping on the power packs for their MK:VI Hellguns and Hellpistols checking each other’s armour to make sure it was connected properly. This done they started collecting their secondary weapons. Everyone carried a combat knife, three frag grenades, and three krak grenades. Chris picked up an autopistol from his personal locker, while Barry grabbed his Bolt Pistol. Jill put her lock decoder into her side pack, Joseph grabbed his combat shotgun and strapped it across his back, and Wesker put a sheaf of documents into his side pack.

“Kasrkins are you ready to move out!” Wesker roared at the squad

“Yes Sir! For the Emperor Sir!” the Kasrkins roared back

_ Excellent, now all remains is to get them there_ Wesker ominously cogitated.

With preparations complete the Kasrkins stampeded up the Valkyries boarding ramp, Wesker bringing up the rear slammed the button to close the ramp. The pistons came to life with a serpentine hiss, the inside slowly darkening leaving the only sources of light the power gauges on their armour and the blood red light in the roof, making the squad a fearsome sight.


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## Ste (Aug 28, 2008)

I'm thinkin its pretty good so far buddy. Keep it up yeah? a bit less flowery though maybe. For instance -Excellent, now all remains (should be remained) is to get tehre wesker ominously cogitated) should be a little less descriptive. its good though


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

Ste said:


> I'm thinkin its pretty good so far buddy. Keep it up yeah? a bit less flowery though maybe.


first off thanks for the support. And you think i'm putting too much description into it? sorry, i spent 5 years of my life with my english teacher threatening to hit me if i didn't put in more description!

Spose i just gotts try and find a healthy balance. anyway, next chapter bit of a long one i'm afraid.

*Chapter 4- Grim Discovery*
The Valkyrie screamed through the air, following the course that Bravo’s Valkyrie had before its engine troubles. In the back the mood was subdued, Barry checked his equipment repeatedly, Chris was studying a picture of his little sister Claire who had joined a pirate fleet rather then study at the Schola Progenium as he did when their parents died. Wesker was glaring at the sheaf of documents he had grabbed back at the Arbites base.

“Sir? What’s that you’re reading?” Jill asked partly to alleviate the boredom, partly out of curiosity

“The reports that brought Bravo out here in the first place, and no you may not read them before you ask.” the captain snapped back.

Sensing the not to subtle way of ending the conversation Jill began to go through her ritual of praying to the emperor that she went through whenever she was troubled.

_ something’s not right, I can feel it, why are we, the best soldiers the imperial guard has to offer, searching for a group of lost pigs?_ She thought angrily
_ and what is with the Captain? He is usually so calm but he seems to be agitated for some reason, what is _

“Okay ladies, we’re entering the mission area, I have a fix on the LZ” Brad interrupted Jill’s thoughts over the intercom.

“Whoa, I think I found where she went down folks, look out you portside now.” Brad instructed.

Chris leant over and yanked open the side access hatch and the squad all gathered around for a peek out of it. The stench of burning promethium filled the air as they stared out at the devastation, the fuel left in the Valkyries detached wing had apparently ignited and burnt down a large amount of the surrounding trees, leaving a large circle of ash and debris with a single straight line of destroyed trees leading off into the forest.

“Brad!” the captain suddenly shouted spooking the pilot, causing the Valkyrie to lurch sideways

“What!?” Brad responded, shock lending his voice a higher tone then normal

“Here looks like a good LZ, we’ll be able to follow the trail of trees to Bravo’s position” the Captain stated

“Well if you’re sure, setting her down, hold on folks” Brad replied as he started the landing procedure. 

The Valkyrie slowly descended, the undercarriage vents blowing ash and sparks up around itself. With a loud click the landing gear descended and locked into place, the Valkyrie landing softly on the ground while the squad leaped put of the still open portside hatch. As each member leapt out of the Valkyrie, they charged into a well-rehearsed formation, each man covering a direction with his Hellgun.

“Wait here or die” Wesker warned Brad leaving him flustered

“Okay men, down the trail of destruction, advance by pairs, move out. Barry moved into step with Chris, leaving Jill and Joseph to follow them with the Captain bringing up the rear.

_ beating hearts. It could hear them, in the distance. The steady Thump-Thump awakening the hunger. It rose to its paws, and began to race through the forest, in search of fresh food_

The squad marched for 10 minutes until they came across the wreckage, the twisted steel of the Valkyrie resembling a pile of scrap metal, nothing like the glorious machine it had been before. Blood surrounded the wreckage, giving the area a sickly glow as the light reflected off it.

“Where are the bodies? With this much blood there should be some bodies” Joseph asked

“Who knows? We should split up and search the immediate area, might give us some clues as to what happened” Wesker replied.

_ Voices! It could hear them, It was close, It was sure. Its decayed eyes picked up movement nearby, It stalked forward ready to strike_

As everybody spread out, grizzly clues began to appear. A few shell casings, a dead animal.

“What the krak?” Joseph suddenly exclaimed “you guys better take a look at this!” he called to his squad mates as he raised a severed hand clutching a Laspistol.

_ It watched as the food picked something up. It recognised the thing the food was holding it had burnt a line down its back. The hunger finally overcame It and It pounced on the food _

“AAAAAAARRRRRGH!” Joseph screamed as the dog leapt onto him, the scream stopping suddenly as his throat was torn out, hearing the scream of their comrade the Kasrkin drew their weapons and rushed to investigate. What they found sickened them, Joseph was torn apart, and something had ripped through his carapace armour as if it was paper. And the thing that did it appeared to be a dog, and it was staring at them.


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

big surprise for you, the next few chapters. i won't be here over the weekend (gone camping next to a wood thats eerily like the woods from Resdient evil 1!).

*Chapter 5- Abandoned*
The beast growled at them, low pitched and terrifying. 

_ It sensed new food _

The sound of multiple Hellguns discharging filled the still night. The Kasrkins advanced upon the still smoking body of the beast, Chris putting an extra round into its head to make sure it was dead. Jill bent down to retrieve Joseph’s tags, when more growling was heard. More of the beasts were coming out of the forest; seven beasts now stood staring at the Kasrkin.

“Tactical withdrawal, to the Valkyrie now!” Wesker whispered

“What about Joseph’s body?” Jill pleaded

“Leave it! Hopefully they’ll eat it and ignore us!” Wesker stated as he started to creep backwards. SNAP! The sound of Wesker’s feet breaking a twig seemed to echo around the crash site. The beast’s heads snapped up as one, and the growling restarted.

“RUN!” Wesker screamed at his squad, the sound driving the already mad beasts into a frenzy. As one the Kasrkin squad withdrew at speed to the waiting Valkyrie, an unusual whine filled the forest. As Wesker charged into the clearing, he saw the Valkyrie lifting off and a dead beast slumped near where the cockpit had been an autopistol round through its head.

“Brad! Come back here!” Wesker shouted into his vox

“No way sir, have you seen them monsters? I’m getting out of here!” Brad replied as his Valkyrie sped away

Wesker was about to order brad back when the squad charged past him, seeing their target the mansion that bravo was to investigate. Deciding that staying outside with the beasts would be madness, Wesker raced after his squad.
“Brad, I’ll kill you when I find you!” Wesker promised the heavens as he ran.

The mansion stood almost as tall as the trees that surrounded it, big ominous cast-adamantite fencing surrounded the mansion with a courtyard big enough to muster a platoon in. The house itself looked big enough to house three platoons along with their equipment in it. Wesker charged through the iron gates just as Chris and Barry shut them with a resounding CLANG. The beasts smashed into the gate only to bounce off its re-enforced bars snarling at the food held just beyond their reach.

“Where now Captain?” Barry asked

“Where else Mr Burtonia, inside, May as well complete Bravo’s mission while we’re here. I am sure brad will return once his nerves have calmed. Jill set up a beacon so he knows where we are” Wesker ordered

“Yes sir” Jill responded as she snapped off a salute, and began reaching equipment out of her pack.

After Jill had set up the beacon, the remaining Kasrkins crept towards the mansions huge doors.

_ Excellent, we’re here, now let the games begin _ Wesker thought darkly, an unseen smile crossing his lips.

*Chapter 6- Unseen Forces*
They picked up the broadcast from the beacon their test subjects had set-up, shadowed figures crossed the room.

“He’s got them in there?” One said

“It appears so” Another responded

“Excellent idea showing that Valkyrie pilot the Hunter” A third supplied

“Yes, now they’re stranded, trapped in our maze like rats one might say” The second said. Unseen in the shadows hands clasped.

*Chapter 7- Exploration*
The entrance hall stretched out in front of them. Marble tiles shone like suns, reflecting the ceiling lights warmth around the room. In the centre of the room stood an impressive staircase leading to the second floor, wide enough for a Chimera to drive up and clad in a velvet carpet coloured a deep red, lending the surrounding tiles a pink glow.

“Okay squad, form up. This is the mansion Bravo was sent to investigate, we are going to complete their mission. Jill, go with Barry and search the rooms in the east wing, should be through that door there.” Wesker said while pointing to a door hidden in the corner.

“Chris, search the west wing, that door over there should be the entrance. I’ll search the second floor; set vox channels to Delta-7, if you need anything report your position and wait for assistance.”

“Yes sir!” The Kasrkins shouted back, the sound of boots thundering on the marble tiles reverberated around the room, sounding like an artillery barrage.

_ Excellent, they’re split up. Better get to the security centre so I can monitor their progress_ Wesker started to climb the stairs heading for the security centre.


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## Ste (Aug 28, 2008)

gratz bud =] keep it up as said earlier


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

okay next part me-harties!
*Chapter 8- Monsters*
A table stretched out in front of them, long enough to fit 52 men and all set up for a lavish banquet. A banquet that was now cold and rotten. Wine still waiting in decanters, long ago ruined by the air. Halfway down the room stood a fireplace, large enough to park a car in, with space to manoeuvre. The flames crackled as they consumed the unseen fuel, the logs balanced on top were synthetic, made purely for show.

They advanced up the room, Barry on the left-hand side of the table, Jill on the right. They advanced slowly, unsure of what lay in wait to greet them, but if the creatures outside were anything to go by then what lay ahead was not nice.

“Barry, what’s that” Jill whispered pointing to the red puddle at the end of the room.

“Looks like blood, give me your trace scanner” Barry replied

“Okay, while you check that I’m going to move on” Jill said as she moved towards the door.

Barry only grunted in reply. Jill slowly pushed the door open and stepped through into a corridor, when an awful smell assaulted her nose. A stench accompanied by a sickening crunching coming from her left. She slowly stalked around the corner, coming across a man bent over eating something.

“Don’t move” Jill barked at the man, who just continued to eat.

“What the hell are you eating” Jill questioned the man. Slowly she reached out, her hand brushing the man’s shoulder. Gently turning him around she was greeted by a horrific sight, the man was chewing an man’s face off!

“Okay freak, hands in the air!” Jill commanded, the man slowly started to rise, emitting a low groaning as he did so. With a wet slap the mans intestines flopped onto the floor, Jill had seen such injuries before only never had she seen the owner of the entrails walking on as if nothing had happened.

_ What the hell? Those kind of injuries would put even a space marine out for the count!_
Wasting no more time Jill trained her Hellgun on the man’s chest and depressed the trigger, lasbolts came streaming with such a speed that they sounded like a hive of angry wasps. Each bolt hit the man in the chest pulping it into non-existence, knocking him backwards until he fell over the corpse he was devouring. The remains of his chest still smoking Jill walked over to the body the man was eating, now revealed an Arbites officer, reaching down Jill grabbed his dog tags and badge then went to return to Barry in the dining room.

* Chapter 9- Dead man walking *

“Jill, I heard gunfire, are you okay?” Barry asked as soon as she entered

“Yeah, there was a survivor, but he was crazy and attacked me” Jill responded while crossing the room “Found an dead Arbites officer in there, Officer Neros, I grabbed his badge and tags” Jill added

“That’s interesting, the blood here matches the profile of an Officer Neros, toxicology indicates some sort of” Barry’s dialogue was cut short as the door slammed open, and the man Jill had encountered came charging through.

“What? I shot him! He should be dead” Jill stuttered whilst staggering backwards. Suddenly a loud crack filled the room and the man’s head exploded in a shower of gore. Jill turned around to see Barry holding his bolt pistol.

“What is this?” Barry exclaimed standing over the corpse

“It looks like the man that I saw in there, you can see the wounds on his chest where I shot him!” Jill exclaimed.

“Let’s report this to Wesker” Barry said as he unhooked his vox caster. “Barry to Wesker, Barry to Wesker. Come in Wesker” Barry called

“Yes?” Came Wesker’s reply

“Looks like the shit has hit the fan sir, we got one dead Arbites. And a man Jill shot dead that just got up and charged us” Barry reported.

“Say again, it sounded like you just told me a dead man’s just got up and walked” Came Weskers disbelieving reply


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## waltzmelancholy_07 (Sep 30, 2008)

Dude... I like your idea... But... You should really check you grammars and correct the typhos you made before posting your stories...


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

sorry, where's about are the mistakes? my england none too good!

on a lighter note, Buggering works word processor spell check-a-majig.


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## waltzmelancholy_07 (Sep 30, 2008)

No offense.... Dude but almost all of them have one... Pls. don't take this as an insult... I'm just telling you as it is...


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## Willie (Jun 3, 2009)

*oops*

Yea man this is how it goes


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

waltzmelancholy_07 said:


> No offense.... Dude but almost all of them have one... Pls. don't take this as an insult... I'm just telling you as it is...


no man i take it as an insult! My honour must be avenged!:laugh:

really man i take no insult, writing has never been my strong point, verbal spelling is usually okay, but largely i rely on my spell check on me laptop to do the hard work!

So yeah if you could point out a few of the mistakes i might actually learn something! i've found it's quite difficult proof reading your own work so any reader comments and constructive criticism welcome



Willie said:


> Yea man this is how it goes


sorry mate it's like 1/4 to 2 in the morning where i am right now and me brain is nearly dead, can i take this to mean that you like what i've got so far? Also i see that appears to be your first post so 
#1 Welcome to heresy!
#2 Hope you like the story
#3 So glad my topic was the first one you appear to have posted in, i got to be the one who took your posting virginity!:laugh:


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## waltzmelancholy_07 (Sep 30, 2008)

Glad to hear that... Maybe I'll let Shogun Nate read your fluff... He's good at citing mistakes and correcting them... If anyone's good at teaching... He'd be the one... Keep it up..


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## NurglingStomper (Jan 31, 2009)

This is some good stuff here man. Can't wait for more! Need to feed on story....or else.....argh...


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## Shogun_Nate (Aug 2, 2008)

Howdy bud!

First off, you have a pretty darn good story here bud. The only critiques would be on the little things. Grammar, punctuation, and the like. Just minor things, mind!

*The forest was silent, deathly silent. Trees stood all around, big trees, tall as titans and wider then a leman russ, the forest was massive and extended far further then the eye could see,. A mouse scampered away at the high pitched whine approaching from the east. The Valkyrie appeared over the horizon, black smoke trailing form it’s engines. *
This is a good opening line. The first line is where you want to grab their attention. Wording is good. I'd drop the comma and do the whole "..." thing. You know: "The forest was silent....deathly silent." as opposed to the comma. Commas have a tendency to be either our friends or our greatest of enemies! When using descriptives (is that even a bloody word? LOL) make sure they flow right and don't meander too long. Don't be afraid to break up a descriptive line into more than one. A sentence that just goes on and on with commas is hard to read and has a tendency lose the reader. 

*Trees stood all around, big trees, tall as titans and wider then a leman russ, the forest was massive and extended far further then the eye could see,.*

Trees stood all around. They were giants; tall as titans and wider than _(spell correction)_ a Leman Russ battle tank. _(period here to keep the sentence from running on)_ The forest was massive, extending further than the eye could see. (_Bit of a punctuation problem here. You'll also notice that I dropped and for a comma and changed the tense of extend. This makes the sentence flow better. The word "and" is often used too much by writers ((I do it myself lol)) and is sometimes better left out in place for something else). _

When you break up the sentence, not only does it read easier but it allows you to put more into it. You have the beginnings of a good grasp on descriptive but you could flesh it out a bit. When you write, picture the scene in your mind and go from there. The trees/forest for example. Don't just stop at the size. Leaf color, trunk shape/color, etc. All of these things give us the reader a clearer picture of things in our mind as we read along.

*A mouse scampered away at the high pitched whine approaching from the east. The Valkyrie appeared over the horizon, black smoke trailing form it’s engines.*

I like this. This is what I was talking about above. It's the little things that help make the story. However, flesh it out a little more.  "The high pitched whine of approaching engines smashed the serenity that once filled the peaceful forest; the sound sending wildlife scurrying for cover, scampering away in search of safety. Thick, black smoke belched from the damaged engines of the injured Valkryrie, leaving a trail of greasy smoke as it appeared over the horizon." 

*“May day! May day! Valkyrie RAD-STARS-Bravo going down, some sort of engine trouble. Losing altitude, repeat RAD-STARS-Bravo is going down. Coordinates as follows: AF18374 by PK96723 repeat coordinates as fol…*static*”*

Here's a point I'd like to point out (ugg...that my grasp of the english language sucks lol). Never be ashamed to keep it simple. In the mayday sentence I would have lost the long coordinates. This can be said about other things too. When someone gives longitude and latitude I start to wander. Remember, you want to keep the reader engrossed (so much so that they'll try to take the desktop to the bathroom because they can't look away). In order to do that, you need to keep the story moving. While this isn't a large point here in your story, I figured I'd mention it anyways. We don't need the serial number plastered on the bottom of the pilot's chair...just how many bolt rounds he took while flying too low over a warzone heh heh heh. 

*The Valkyrie suddenly lost it’s remaining engine power and crashed into the forest, crushing trees like they were egg shells. With a sickening Snap the aft wing broke off and hit a tree detonating the rocket pods anchored there. The resulting explosion flipped the Valkyrie over it skidded to a halt 5km from the place it entered the forest at.*

Here is another place where going into a little more detail would be good. _"The sound of angry rattling punctuated by the low thrumming of waning power were the only warnings the pilot had before engines finally gave up. With no power to keep it aloft, the Valkryie crashed into the forest, crushing trees like they were egg shells. With a sickening snap, the aft wing broke off and hit a tree; detonating the rocket pods anchored there. The resulting explosion flipped the Valkyrie end over end; sending it skidding to a halt 5km from the place it entered the forest."_

A few key things you need to look for. First, once you get a piece finished, spell/grammar check it. Works has a spell/grammer check function. That would help a lot. Second, punctuation. The big thing I see is you need to sort it out. Things like "it's" when you're using it as a possessive can be sorted with grammar check. Remember, you only need an apostrophe when it's "it is". For possessives, you just use "its". Like: "The dog broke its bowl." Also, you seem to be skipping periods for some reason in some places. Those can be fixed with a good proof-reading though. The third point is proof-reading. Don't just do it once. Read it over twice, go get something to drink, hit the head; anything to give your eyes and brain a quick rest. After your break, come back and proof-read it again. You really want to do it at least three times. Sure, between spell/grammar check and proof-reading you still might miss something. That's why I advise going back over the story the next day and looking at it again. You might find tidbits here and there that need editing.

All in all, you have a very good story here bud. I shall be reading all of it this weekend when I have more time to do so :biggrin:! Just look to the simple things and get them sorted out!

Good luck and good gaming,

Nate


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

just the help i need nate, thanks 

chaecked my setting and it turns out my little bro turned off the grammar part of the spelling and grammar check:angry:

i'll edit in the fixed grammar, and i'll look into doing some of the some of your suggested additions/revisions.


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

Shogun_Nate said:


> I'd drop the comma and do the whole "..." thing. You know: "The forest was silent....deathly silent." as opposed to the comma. Commas have a tendency to be either our friends or our greatest of enemies!


i like and will do!


Shogun_Nate said:


> *Trees stood all around, big trees, tall as titans and wider then a leman russ, the forest was massive and extended far further then the eye could see,.*
> Trees stood all around. They were giants; tall as titans and wider than _(spell correction)_ a Leman Russ battle tank. _(period here to keep the sentence from running on)_ The forest was massive, extending further than the eye could see. (_Bit of a punctuation problem here. You'll also notice that I dropped and for a comma and changed the tense of extend. This makes the sentence flow better. The word "and" is often used too much by writers ((I do it myself lol)) and is sometimes better left out in place for something else). _
> When you break up the sentence, not only does it read easier but it allows you to put more into it. You have the beginnings of a good grasp on descriptive but you could flesh it out a bit. When you write, picture the scene in your mind and go from there. The trees/forest for example. Don't just stop at the size. Leaf color, trunk shape/color, etc. All of these things give us the reader a clearer picture of things in our mind as we read along.


again i like and will nick it, altough i think i'll be dropping the "battle tank" from the sentence as i think it makes the sentence too wordy



Shogun_Nate said:


> *A mouse scampered away at the high pitched whine approaching from the east. The Valkyrie appeared over the horizon, black smoke trailing form it’s engines.*
> 
> I like this. This is what I was talking about above. It's the little things that help make the story. However, flesh it out a little more. "The high pitched whine of approaching engines smashed the serenity that once filled the peaceful forest; the sound sending wildlife scurrying for cover, scampering away in search of safety. Thick, black smoke belched from the damaged engines of the injured Valkryrie, leaving a trail of greasy smoke as it appeared over the horizon."


i'll be taking most of that but probably keep only the mouse, i was aiming for a more dead feeling to the place, and i feel that the mention of only 1 mouse being around to be scared acccomplishes that more effectively then wildlife


Shogun_Nate said:


> *“May day! May day! Valkyrie RAD-STARS-Bravo going down, some sort of engine trouble. Losing altitude, repeat RAD-STARS-Bravo is going down. Coordinates as follows: AF18374 by PK96723 repeat coordinates as fol…*static*”*
> 
> Here's a point I'd like to point out (ugg...that my grasp of the english language sucks lol). Never be ashamed to keep it simple. In the mayday sentence I would have lost the long coordinates. This can be said about other things too. When someone gives longitude and latitude I start to wander. Remember, you want to keep the reader engrossed (so much so that they'll try to take the desktop to the bathroom because they can't look away).


yeah it does sound better without the coordinates


Shogun_Nate said:


> *The Valkyrie suddenly lost it’s remaining engine power and crashed into the forest, crushing trees like they were egg shells. With a sickening Snap the aft wing broke off and hit a tree detonating the rocket pods anchored there. The resulting explosion flipped the Valkyrie over it skidded to a halt 5km from the place it entered the forest at.*
> 
> Here is another place where going into a little more detail would be good. _"The sound of angry rattling punctuated by the low thrumming of waning power were the only warnings the pilot had before engines finally gave up. With no power to keep it aloft, the Valkryie crashed into the forest, crushing trees like they were egg shells. With a sickening snap, the aft wing broke off and hit a tree; detonating the rocket pods anchored there. The resulting explosion flipped the Valkyrie end over end; sending it skidding to a halt 5km from the place it entered the forest."_


yeah i like the addition here, i'll be nicking it!


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## Shogun_Nate (Aug 2, 2008)

Eh...nick..no no no! LOL! I wasn't trying to tell you how to write your story only giving you suggestions lol. I might not explain it in the best of ways but it was not my intention of rewriting your story for you. I merely wanted to give you ideas on how to flesh out your dialogue with some examples. Your story is your own! You should be proud of it and if you feel the need to expand use your own words :biggrin:! That's an important part of writing a story. It's YOURS...not anyone elses bud! While you can change it up with my suggestions, once you do it's no longer just yours. Do you get what I mean? I'm not saying you can't do it but it's far better that you write your story and don't let anyone else change it. Stories are parts of you and you don't want to go mucking about with said parts LOL!

Each person has their own unique way of writing that defines how they do their stories. That's the beauty of writing. Different styles, different ways of setting the story, etc. all add to the writing pool. It's very important that each writer maintain that uniqueness because if they don't everything starts to sound the same. Be different! Stick to your guns! But NEVER let someone decide how your story should be written. It's one thing to take advice, help, or the occasional nudge here and there but it should never replace the hard work YOU put into the story. Be proud of what you've done and continue to strive to improve your work. That's what I was trying to show you bud. 

Good luck and good gaming,

Nate


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## muffinman82 (Oct 29, 2008)

NOOOOO! I cant believe I reached the end. Keep going please!!!
Very Descriptive. I feel like I was pulled right into the game, I feel like I was there!
Ah man, zombie blood on the uniform


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

Shogun_Nate said:


> Eh...nick..no no no! LOL! I wasn't trying to tell you how to write your story only giving you suggestions lol.


i know you were only suggesting mate, it is just that i found your examples so good that i felt that by either changing them too much or nit using them would be a travesty:biggrin:

if i thought for one second that you were _ telling _ me what to change or add then i would tell you to fornicate and travel!




muffinman82 said:


> NOOOOO! I cant believe I reached the end. Keep going please!!!
> Very Descriptive. I feel like I was pulled right into the game, I feel like I was there!
> Ah man, zombie blood on the uniform


thanks muffin, trying my best to keep new chapters regular but am finding it a little hard going.. How do you advance a story based on a game that advances the story by wandering around until you find the right items?

Chris walked into the room. The door opened slowly. In the room there was a bed. On the bed there was a handgun clip. A zombie burst out of the closet (those damn closet zombies, never know they're a zombie till they come out). Because he had no ammo Chris had to walk over to the bed and pick up the clip of handgun ammo. Chris shot the zombie.

so yeah i'm trying to write the story while not diverging too much from the games storyline:ireful2:

And just a quick question: What did people think of chapter 6- unseen forces?


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

Okay folks, and you muffinman, the next 2 chapters. Hope you like, if not drop us a line and say why.

* Chapter 10- Mysterious Girl*

Chris stalked along the hallway, Hellgun raised and ready for action he had been moving along this corridor for only a few minutes when he heard the vox cast

“Barry to Wesker, Barry to Wesker. Come in Wesker” _ came Barry’s voice

“Yes?” replied Wesker his voice distorted by the vox

“Looks like the shit has hit the fan sir, we got one dead Arbites. And a man Jill shot dead that just got up and charged us” Barry reported

“Say again, it sounded like you just told me a dead man’s just got up and walked”

 Dead men walking? Grot faeces, dead men don’t walk  Chris mentally dismissed the report 

 Someone’s here and they are using some sort of voice synthesis to mess with our heads Chris rationalised. Just then, he heard a strange sound, a quiet groaning, and it seemed to be coming from around the corner up ahead. Chris quickly moved up to the wall and continued to move forward at a slow pace. As he neared the corner a loud banging began Chris quickly assumed a combat ready posture, and stealthily he slipped his head around the corner and saw a man trying to bash down a door. Holstering his weapons Chris approached the man

“Sir, are you okay?” Chris enquired the continued groaning was the only reply; slowly the man began to turn towards Chris.

 Holy shit! 

Horror and repulsion flashed through Chris’s mind as he saw the ‘man’ who turned towards him; somehow, he was missing his chest! All that remained was a cavity where his vital organs had once resided. Reacting quickly Chris shoved the man backwards, losing his balance the man fell backwards slamming his head into the wall with a resounding *crack!* as his neck bent at entirely unnatural angle.

Satisfied that the man was dead Chris turned his attention to the door the man had been trying to break into. Unhooking his Bio-Mass Scanner Chris directed the machine towards the door; clicking into life the scanner’s machine spirit began to scan the room. After a few seconds, the scanner reported the results to Chris via his vox

“Room scanned, one life form, human female, appears to be in good physical condition, may the Emperor protect” the BMS squeaked.

 One woman, I can handle that Chris thought with a smirk. Pulling out his autopistol and cocking it  and if she tries anything I got this 

“Hello, don’t panic I’m here to help” Chris said as he opened the door slowly, leaving the door open as he edged into the room he spotted the woman almost instantly. She was clutching what appeared to be a Laspistol in both hands, wearing a looks of sheer terror on her young face. The badge on her chest identified her as a member of the Legio Medico with the rank of field medic. 

 Hello nurse! I would not mind me some of that! Chris lusted.

“Hey there, what’s your name?” Chris softly asked trying not to spook the distressed young woman

“R…R…Re…Rebecca, Rebecca Chambers, Field medic attached to the Arbites squad sent out here” the young woman stuttered, “Who’re you?”

“Chris Redfieldens, but my friends call me Chris. I am part of a Kasrkin squad sent here to locate and retrieve you and your team. Are there any other survivors that you know of?” Chris enquired

“Yeah, a few, Captain Marini, Richard Aiken, Forest Speyer, Kenneth Sullivan and the new guy Neros. Edward Dewey died in the crash and the co-pilot died in the crash along with some civilian advisors”

“I better tell Wesker about this, don’t worry Rebecca we’re going to get you and the others out of this,” Chris said trying to calm the girl.

“Wesker this is Chris I’ve found a survivor, a medic by the name of Rebecca chambers, she says there are other survivors somewhere. Captain Marini, Richard Aiken, Forest Speyer, Kenneth Sullivan and the new person Neros. The pilot, co-pilot and a bunch of civvies died in the crash.” Chris voxed Wesker

“Sorry to contradict you Chris” Jill suddenly voxed “Neros is dead” the news causing Rebecca to start crying.

“Thanks for that Jill, next time you might want to use some compassion” Chris angrily retorted.

* Chapter 11- Unseen Foes*

They were all gathered around the vox receiver, its blinking lights the only illumination in the dark room, listening intently to the Kasrkins vox transmissions.

“The level of communication between them is disturbing” One of them said

“Yes it is disturbing Jon, as is the fact that they are not yet separated fully” said another

“Not to worry Henry, we still have plenty of ways to separate them” the third added

“Yes Steve we still have plenty, or should I say planty of surprises in store for them. Bring in Wesker please Steve” Jon asked politely

Steve walked over to a hidden door and silently opened it revealing a large room filled with computers and on one wall a large monitor bank showing every inch of the mansion through hidden cameras. With his back to him sat Wesker studying the monitors. Steve walked quietly forward, the only noise in the room being the beeping and whirling sounds coming from the computers.

“Yes?” Wesker suddenly said chilling Steve’s blood

 How did he know I was here? I am sure I did not make any noise!  Steve started backing away nervously

“Relax Steve I watched you on the monitor, see just here” Wesker said pointing to a screen on his right “Wave to yourself Steve” he said as he began to wave at the camera

“We want you inside now” Steve snapped at Wesker

“My my Steve, where are your manners? I am here to help you, but I do require a certain level of politeness” Wesker admonished

“Whatever Wesker, inside now” Steve commanded

“Well yes sir!” Wesker replied sarcastically while mock saluting walking past Steve and into the room

“Ah Wesker Co…” Jon began before Wesker cut him off mid sentence

“Jon next time you want to speak with me I suggest sending someone who isn’t ruder then a pig, I could at any time get the Kasrkins out of here. All I need to do is send them down one hallway where they will find everything they need to get out and prove what went on here. Don’t forget it” Wesker angrily said

Jon and Henry both looked at Steve with a look of rage in their eyes

“Yes Wesker, sorry about Steve, he’s under a little stress at the moment” Jon said apologetically “But we need your help. The Kasrkins need separating more and we need communications blocked. Please.” Jon requested

“That’s better, manners don’t cost a thing. I’ll see what I can do.” Wesker said as he left the room

As soon as he had left the three came together and began furiously whispering

“Steve what the hell are you playing at? You know how volatile he is” Henry said

“Henry calm down, you know as well as I that he won’t survive this mission, remember what the board said. No survivors or witnesses beyond us three” Steve replied with a grin

“Even so you know how volatile he is, and how unpredictable. Best not to rock the boat for now, wait until his usefulness expires” Jon said.

In the darkness, hands clasped and drinks were fetched.

Even further in the darkness Wesker smiled to himself
 So they plan to get rid off me do they? Well I will show them, I will teach them not to mess with me  Wesker thought allowing a grim smile to cross his lips._


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## Shogun_Nate (Aug 2, 2008)

lawrence96 said:


> if i thought for one second that you were _ telling _ me what to change or add then i would tell you to *fornicate and travel*!


Good man!

I'll try to get all of your story read this weekend and get back with you. From the first part that I did get into, it was good. 

Good luck and good gaming,

Nate


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

okay next chapter, enjoy it folks

* Chapter 12- Separated! *

“What’s with Chris?” Jill asked Barry “He seemed pretty angry over the vox”

“I don’t know Jill, maybe the survivor he found is upset and hearing you bluntly saying on how one of her squad mates are dead made it worse?” Barry responded with a chuckle.

“Well yeah I might have been a little blunt, but remember Draforlia IV? He told that kid, without batting an eyelid, that heretics killed his parents. We have to be detached from our emotions in order to complete our mission, and he seemed a little emotional over the vox” ’Jill replied

“Yeah he did seem a little emotional, but never mind. We have a mission to continue, lets go back to where you found Neros body and look around for a way forwards” Barry said as he crossed to the door the Jill had come through. 

Jill and Barry walked up to where Nero’s body had lain, only to find it missing! The only trace that there had been a corpse there was a patch of blood and some bone chips.

“I don’t understand” Jill whispered, “The body was right here, he was dead, where’s he gone?”

“Something isn’t right about this place, I can feel it on my bones” Barry ominously said “Lets head down this passage here, might be something useful” Barry said pointing down the passage.

The pair were half way down the passage when Wesker voxed them

“Barry? Jill? Come in please” Wesker said

“Yes sir, Barry here what’s up?” Barry replied

“The beacon’s signal seems to be breaking up; I think something’s interfering with it. Go check on it please.” Wesker asked

“Okay sir, I’ll get right on it” Barry said “Is that all sir?” he then enquired

“Yes, if Jill could carry on searching your area then hopefully we can get this job done before dawn” Wesker replied.

“Yes sir, Barry out” Barry said moving back towards the dining room, just before he opened the door he said “Jill, are you going to be okay?”

“Yes Barry, I should be fine thanks” Jill replied with a smile

“Okay if you’re sure, I’m going to set my secondary vox channel to Bravo-2 if you need anything just give us a call” Barry said as he left the room.

“Sure thing” Jill muttered to herself, moving down the hallway. Suddenly Jill heard gunshots in the distance

“Chris? Barry? Captain Wesker? What’s going on? Is everyone okay? Who is shooting? Hello anybody?” Jill desperately tried to raise someone on the vox, but got only static in return
_What is going on here? First monsters attack us, then dead men walk, and now the vox is down, whatever’s going on here I don’t like it_


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

new chapter, if anyone's still reading

* Chapter 13- Lazarus?*

“He’s dead, and I never got to know him! He was only a kid, joined the force last month. Now he’s dead and he’s never going to get the chance to serve the Emperor!” Rebecca cried hysterically

“Look, I’m sorry about Neros, I’m sure he was a good guy, but he’s with the emperor now. Fighting by his side in the next life. ‘Do not mourn the fallen, for they are truly the Emperor’s finest and shall be by his side forever. No! Do not mourn! Instead avenge their memory, and earn your place by his side for all eternity’ That’s what we were taught by the priest back home” Chris soothed Rebecca

Slowly her tears stopped, until all she was left with was puffy eyes and a headache.

“Yeah I suppose you’re right. So what do we do now?” Rebecca asked

“Well we…” Chris began when suddenly he was interrupted by Rebecca’s ear-splitting scream

“You’re dead! You’re supposed to be dead!

Just as Chris was about to turn around he felt something smack the back of his head, Chris dazedly tried to get up but was knocked back down with another hit. Suddenly arms wrapped around him and he felt a cold putrid breath hitting the back of his neck. Fearing the worst Chris closed his eyes and began to mentally recite the Emperor’s Peace, a poem the Ecclesiarch official had taught him when he first joined the Schola.

BOOM!

The sound of the gunshot reverberating around in Chris’s skull, feeling the weight around his neck drop to the ground Chris opened his eyes to see Rebecca holding a Autogun, barrel still smoking, and a look of horror once more. Woozily he looked at her.

“He was supposed to be dead, that’s what your friend said! HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!” Rebecca screamed before running off.

“Rebecca wait! I…..don’t….feel….so good” Chris groggily said before passing out from his injuries and exhaustion.

Rebecca continued to run trying to find a safe place to stop.

In the security centre Wesker smiled
_ I didn’t even need to do anything there, fate it seems is on my side_ Suddenly Wesker exploded in laughter, the laughter of an insane man, laughter that would chill the blood of anyone who heard it, laughter that echoed around the mansion on hidden vox speakers scattered around the mansion.


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## Lord Ramo (Apr 12, 2009)

Its good mate. Keep up the good work


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

whoa! been ages since i had a response! Ta mate, the encouragement is appreciated.


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

* Chapter 14- Beacon of Death *

Barry jogged back to the main hall, keeping an eye peeled for enemies
_ With that guy apparently resurrecting I don’t know what to expect. And now the bloody beacon is down, I thought those things were made to survive almost anything? Well never mind I’ll see what’s up when I get there _ Barry thought as he carefully opened the main door leading out to the courtyard.

Carefully scanning the courtyard Barry stepped out and headed over to where Jill had placed the beacon, dashing over the open ground Barry jumped over a fallen tree and crouched behind the trunk, peeking over the trunk Barry scanned the mansion he had just left, unhooking his flashlight Barry slowly moved the beam across the exterior. Until the light reflected off something lodged just below the gutter on the upper right hand side. _ what is that?_ Barry thought as he unhooked his binoculars. 

Bringing them up to his eyes Barry began to focus on the spot where his torch reflected from, carefully holding his binoculars steady Barry once again moved his flashlight’s beam over the spot he was watching. Once again, something reflected the light, though this time Barry saw what it was.

“A camera? This place has CCTV!” Barry exclaimed aloud _ I’ll sort out this beacon and then I’ll let the others know about the camera_ Barry thought as he jogged over to the beacon. However when he got there he found that the beacon was destroyed, the wires torn out and the transmitter snapped.

“What did this?” Barry exclaimed, surveying the damage he noticed a something caught on the broken transmitter. Carefully Barry picked it up and examining it, he realised that it was a piece of leathery green skin. _ Greenskins! Here? I haven’t smelt any, that is strange_ Suddenly Barrys stomach gave an almighty gurgle _ urgh, knew I should have had a sandwich before this mission_ Barry thought thinking longingly of the meal he was going to have after this mission.

Suddenly a piercing shriek filled the air, Barry gripped his Hellgun tightly out of shock while looking around for the source of the shriek. His eyes slowly scanned the area looking for something, anything, out of place. He glanced past the statue of the green gargoyle on the gatepost, looking into the forest convinced the noise came from there. _ Hang on, what green gargoyle?_ Barry suddenly realised that the statue wasn’t there before, Barry swung his Hellgun to bear just as the creature leapt with blinding speed, high into the air, landing just in front of him. The creature suddenly slashed at Barry with its claws, though calling them claws would be an understatement, each one was a foot long and looked sharp enough to cut steel, each one of them dirtied by age and death.

Barry swung his Hellgun up to block the attack, the claws slicing cleanly through the barrel of the Hellgun. Acting quickly Barry dropped the now useless weapon and pulled out his Hellpistol, punching the creature in the face, his ceramite reinforced knuckles pulping the flesh underneath. Knocking the creature back stunning it, Barry swung the gun up and squeezed the trigger sending a volley of high-powered lasrounds into the monsters torso. Green blood splattering everywhere covering Barrys armour, slowly the creature began to fall down, shrieking all the way, until it hit the ground spasming. 

Taking a few quick breaths Barry advanced upon the now still form of the creature that had attacked him, about 7 feet tall with 4 claws attached to the hands on either arm, a mottled green skin and beady red eyes. The creature looked like it could of belonged in any one of a hundred nightmares, Barry began examining its claws and noticed a patch of skin missing from it’s left arm. Pulling out the sample that he had taken from on the antenna of the transmitter Barry compared it to the creatures own skin. _ it’s a match, that much I’m certain of, but what is it?_ Barry decided to take some samples to run through the Trace scanner that Jill carried.

When he was done Barry stood up and glanced once more out into the forest, slowly he became aware of several shapes standing still in the tree line. More of the creatures, just standing there watching him, quickly realising that he couldn’t kill them all on his own, Barry raced back to the mansion. Suddenly they creatures all shrieked at once and began charging after him. Reaching the door first, Barry opened it and rushed inside slamming it shut behind him and jamming his Hellpistol through the handles to prevent it from being opened.

“Well baby, just you and me now” Barry crooned to his Bolt pistol.


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## lawrence96 (Sep 1, 2008)

First off, sorry i haven't posted in awhile. Laptop this was on went kaphlooey:ireful2: so i've had to pik this up more then a year after i started it

I hope you enjoy it, and look out for the upcoming pop. culture references

*Chapter 15- Enemy Identified*
Blackness. Blackness was all Chris knew for what seemed like an eternity. Slowly Chris’s blackness was invaded by pain. What started out as a slight tingling was soon elevated to eye aching pain.

“Urgh! I feel like I’ve been on a week long bender” Chris groaned at the walls.

Quickly recovering Chris got to his feet and swallowed an analgesic from his med-kit _That should end the cacophony in my skull_ thought Chris as he deftly checked his equipment. _Well everything’s still here, I wonder where Rebecca ran off too?_

“REBECCA!” Chris shouted

“URGH!” Someone groaned

“Who’s there” Chris demanded raising his hell gun into a firing position

“UURRGGHH!” Replied the unknown person

“Are you an Ogryn?” Chris asked

“UUURRRGGGHHH!” The stranger responded

“Are you hurt?” Chris questioned whilst moving towards the source of the groaning

“I’m coming to help you, stay where you are” chris ordered heading around the corner bumping into the person coming from the other side, a person missing an arm, a person whise skin was a sickly grey colour with patches of raw muscle.

“a zombie” Chris whispered coming face to face with a creature responsible for the deaths of family when he was a child, a creature responsible for chris becoming a Kasrkin. A creature Chris had vowed to the God-Emperor of mankind he would hunt and destroy until his dying breath. A creature Chris cut down with a single precise lasround to the head, without a hint of fear or remorse.

_I have to warn the others _Chris thought as he pulled out his vox

“Chris to all Kasrkins, Chris to all Kasrkins, Zombie plague carriers spotted in area, repeat Zombie plague carriers spotted in area. Terminate by destroying the brain, repeat terminate by destroying the brain” Chris advised

KURTZ

Hearing nothing but static Chris decided to check his vox, seeing nothing wrong with it he realised the vox network must be being blocked by something.

“Well that sucks” Chris said before noticing a speaker with cables running out of it mounted on the wall

“If there are speakers in this place then that means there’s a control centre for them, if I can find that I can warn the others. All I need to do is follow the cables” And with that Chris set off along the hallway following the cables.

*Chapter 16- A Jill Sandwich…..Yum*
Another locked door, this time with a sword of some kind engraved on the lock.

“That’s the 2nd one in this hallway alone” Jill grumbled continuing down the hallway determined to find a door she could go through without having to blast the lock off, without knowing what was in this mansion she wanted to save her ammo.

“Finally” Jill exclaimed when she found a door that was unlocked, when she opened it she found herself in a small antechamber with one other door on the other side of the room.

With only one way to go Jill started forwards closing the door behind her, no sense in leaving her back open to attack.

Jill slowly opened the door in front of her, before rushing in with her hell gun raised

“Empty” Jill sighed her frustration. Before searching the room, on the table in the centre of the room Jill found a sandwich _Weird, I wonder how fresh it is_ Jill thought as she ran her Trace scanner over it

“Sandwich, Roast grox and mustard filling, Edibility test- fine” The small machine beeped at her, _Score, free food_ Jill thought as she crammed half the sandwich into her mouth. _I had better save this other half for later, who knows when I will find fresh food again _Jill reasoned as she put the half sandwich into a baggie in her side pack for future consumption. I wonder what else there is in here Jill thought as she continued searching the room, seeing nothing but some empty drawers, vacant couches and some paintings. 
A painting of Holy Terra. 
A painting of Stalwart Cadia. 
A painting of a shotgun in a glass box. 

“Eh? Who hangs a painting of a shotgun?” Jill asked no one in particular. Moving closer Jill found that it wasn’t a painting at all, it was an actual shotgun mounted on the wall. _Double score, free food and a free gun _Jill thought thanking the Emperor for the turn of good luck.

“In case of outbreak, break glass” Jill read from the tag below the Shotgun. _Well I don’t know about outbreak, but this is an emergency _Jill thought as she smashed the glass between her and the shotgun.

Carefully lifting the gun down she found a small recess behind it with 20 shotgun shells crammed into it _Triple score, Food, Gun, Ammo! All I need know is a hunky man and my day is complete_ Jill thought with a large grin on her face, not hearing the small click from the guns former home.

“Time to check the next room” Jill said as she headed back out the way she came after hanging the shotgun on a spare strap around her shoulder.

Huh, that’s strange this door was unlocked Jill thought when she tried to exit the antechamber back into the corridor.

Suddenly the ceiling began to lower towards the ground. Slowly but surely heading towards the ground ready to crush anything in its way.

“Well that’s a big pile of grox shit that is” Jill screamed at the door.

“Jill?” Barry voice came through the door slightly muffled by the wood

“Barry, the ceilings coming down, it’s going to crush me and the door won’t open” Jill responded panicking as the ceiling continued its descent, oblivious to the drama below

“Stand back for the door, I’m going to blow the lock off” Barry commanded

Jill moved away for the door and to the side, so she would avoid any large splinters

BOOM!

The krak grenade Barry had fastened to the lock exploded and the door disappeared in a shower of splinters and metal scraps. With scant seconds to spare, Jill dashed through the now open door to the comparative safety of the corridor.

“Thanks Barry” Jill panted

“That’s okay, couldn’t have you becoming a Jill sandwich could I?” Barry said as his stomach grumbled at the mention of food.

“Whoa, who brought the bear to the party? “ Jill chuckled at Barry’s expense. “Here, have this half sandwich I found” Jill said as she handed him the remainder of her impromptu meal.

“Thank the emperor; I thought I was going to starve!” Barry said, his voice muffled by the sandwich he shoved into his mouth whole.

“Where’s your hellgun?” Jill asked her fellow Kasrkin

“Jammed into the handles on the front door, there’s some kind of killer green reptile out there, it nearly killed me when I went to repair the beacon."

“Well since you’re down a weapon would you like this shotgun I found?” Jill offered

“Thanks Jill” Barry said

“Well you did save my life, it’s the least I could do” Jill said giving Barry the potent weapon _Bloody hell, I found a hunky man, but lost my food and shotgun_ Jill sulkily thought as she and Barry continued down the corridor.


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

i have a 4Ok/RE crossover on here that i have not yet finished (due to personal issues) however this is good, like it keep up the good work


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