# Glory to the foresighted



## Alex (Jan 19, 2008)

This is the beginning of a story about the II legion that I have created( If you want to know more the link to their fluff is in my sig). Any comments and tips on improving it would be appreciated. Also any suggestions on a different motto/warcry would be handy as I wanted to make something that really represents their background and think the one here is ok but could be better.

The rain poured down onto the figures standing at the window of the ruined building. Droplets pattered off their jet black armour and slid down their sodden blue cloaks. The first figure turned as the sound of hurrying footsteps were heard behind him, the hood to his cloak slipping down to reveal a glimpse of his rugged features, a smile forming on his lips. The new arrival approaching ground to a halt and saluted his fellow astarte with an aquila formed from his hands. 

“What news from the forward lines sergeant?” the figure questioned “ have we engaged yet?”

The astarte met his gaze, “ the enemies forward scouts have been encountered and defeated as foreseen captain but the main force has not been sited yet”, he hesitated “ the captain wished to know if 10th company should move to the next engagement post ahead of schedule. 

The captain was silent for a moment, before turning to his companion. This astarte was larger than his fellows, quite obviously wearing terminator armour, with the squad markings of a brother captain. He was standing head down in contemplation listening to the report but looked up as their gazes fell upon him. 

“ Old friend, what is it that troubles you? he asked. “ Have these events not turned out as foreseen? ”

“ The preliminary engagements have done." the captain replied "but the enemy were estimated to make full contact 10 minutes ago.” Frustrated, the captain turned back to the window, peering out into the heavy rain, “ and we know our estimates origins should be flawless.” 

Reaching for his helmet he activated the vox inside and put it on, 1st company captain ordering all companies to report contact status immediately“ he said, waiting for the answers to arrive. One by one the lights on his view screen lit up green for no contact, until the 4 companies stationed around the city had been accounted for. 
Switching to a view of the area he searched for any breaches on trip wires or other hidden sensors, but this also gave no results. Turning back to his waiting companions he sighed, “somethings not right here, we shall proceed to the next stage of engagement for each company and I want full auspex scans on every inch of the city.” “ And sergeant, tell the captain to keep you scouts on a maximum alert for contact”

The sergeant hurriedly saluted and raced back to his post to inform his captain of the plans. The brother captain raised a new pict screen on a display on the wall. “Captain” he called, “ heres our problem, our leaders visions have become plagued by influences from the warp clouding his mind from this area.” “ We can’t tell when the next attacks will be or how large a force to expec.....”

Boooooom.. a large explosion rocked the building, rubble toppling down into the street. Out of the window a large pillar of smoke could be seen rising up from the industrial sector of the city, where a missile had obviously impacted on an explosives factory.

A shocked look flicked across the captains face, before being replaced by a determined one. “ Quickly brother captain, to your post, the 1st company marches to the front lines.”
Opening up his vox he issued a command, “ second wave begin transport, full contact imminent, I repeat, remaining companies to make planetfall. “ 

Moving quickly down from the raised position, the captains moved towards the 1st companies position. A mass of vehicles stood ready, engines already running. The captains land raider stood prominently out at the front of the group. His honour guard stood ready for his arrival as he made his way towards them. He gestured that they enter the vehicle as he rapidly scaled the side of the vehicle and stood upon the roof. Looking down at the brother captain he lowered his voice “go join your squad old friend, and fight well!” 

“The same to you captain,” he replied , before heading to another land raider behind the first.

Each one of the hundred vehicles massed in front of the captain held a squad of ten men, each led by the brother captains who were all stood next to their squads vehicles. The Captain raised his voice to combat the noise of the rain. “ Brothers, we stand as one against the xenos eldar once again. They do not seem to realise the foolishness of attacking the Amethyst brothers.” At this point a great cry of appreciation came from the men. “And so now, as we make our way forwards and our brothers above blaze down towards the enemy, the Legion goes to WAR! As one the assembled brother captains stamped down hard upon the ground, the sound echoing across the surrounding buildings. The Captain turned towards the front lines and they bellowed their war-cry across the distance. “ Glory to the foresighted!”


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## Qualtor (May 21, 2009)

Dude, keep wrighting please, its brilliant and I want to live the war


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## Alex (Jan 19, 2008)

Qualtor said:


> Dude, keep wrighting please, its brilliant and I want to live the war


Thanks for the support, gives me a nice distraction from revising for A levels if people want me to get another bit done. Unfortunately you'll have to wait another chapter until the real fighting starts as I'm backtracking to view the small 'engagements' the 10th company had. There will be a lot of long ranged action though, although not from the full scout company, just squads arranged in locations around the city.


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## Zondarian (Nov 17, 2007)

I like it, some of the writing is a bit weak, but the storyline is good. Can't wait for the Primarch to start shaking things up. But on a serious note, the Boom bit was the low point for me. You can capture such detail in an explosion scene and I don't feel you did it justice.


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## Alex (Jan 19, 2008)

Zondarian said:


> I like it, some of the writing is a bit weak, but the storyline is good. Can't wait for the Primarch to start shaking things up. But on a serious note, the Boom bit was the low point for me. You can capture such detail in an explosion scene and I don't feel you did it justice.


Yeah I'm trying to get better at my writing, it is a bit weak at the moment, hence the low point, great thing about the edit button is that I can improve my mistakes with tips like that . I didn't really take much time in that first post, it was a quick 20 mins in between revision, hopefully the next piece( which will be up later today) will be better.


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## Alex (Jan 19, 2008)

Next part, as promised, the scout company

Warily edging along the side of the building the figure pulled up its hood and glanced around as the nearby bushes rustled. It quickly aimed its long sleek rifle at the moving leaves. Another similarly hooded figure moved out of the bush and the rifle was dropped down in relief. Gracefully, in a way that would be seen as abhuman by an observer, they ran to a low wall some 5 metres from their position. They both dropped to a crouch and rested their rifles on the rim, their cloaks subtly changing to the hue of the wall, hiding them to all but the most careful observer. The first pathfinder took out a communication device and chattered into it in the eldar language, keeping to a low whisper. The other pathfinder kept an eye on the buildings ahead, where the mon-keigh had been spotted earlier. Suddenly he spotted a flash of light and pulled himself down dragging his comrade with him fearing a sniper was aiming. Nothing happened for a few minutes and he thought that maybe he had been incorrect. Edging himself up to the rim he looked into his rifle and checked the position again, not seeing anything untoward. Another flash of light, and then another flickered up in different positions and this time he stayed put, expecting another trick. Sure enough, no shots were forthcoming and their cover had not been compromised. A shot rang out behind him and the chatter from his partner ceased as his head blew open and his body slumped to the ground, blood spurting out over his cloak spattering the material with red spots. He whirled round to be greeted to the sight of 10 space marine scouts perching in tree tops surrounding him, a smoking bolt pistol held in the hands of their leader. He lifted his rifle to shoot but two sniper rifle shots rang out, the bullets whistling into his hands, leaving ineffectual stumps preventing him from firing. Their leader dropped out of the tree and turned to his men, grinning at their success. “ see men, the captains idea of using mirrors to keep them occupied went without a hitch” he chuckled. Turning to the pathfinder his tone became more venomous and he drew his chain-sword, thumbing the activation rune “ obviously you haven’t heard” he snarled “ when your fighting the Amethyst Brothers your not the only one who can plan AHEAD.” This last utterance was punctuated by the sergeants swift movement in decapitating the eldar. As he wiped the blood off he ordered a flamer carrying scout over and the remains were quickly burnt while the remaining scouts secured the surrounding area.


Captain Aracus stood surveying the pict screens arrayed inside the command post that had been constructed in an old bunker. Reports were coming in of small skirmishes all along the outskirts of the city, but thankfully nothing that his squads had had any trouble with. He smiled at the report that his distraction tactics were working tremendously, giving his pre-emptively placed squads a superior advantage. Seeing a larger force heading in, he opened a vox- link to the bike squads, “ Groups Juno and Demetrius head to the west corner of the city, guardian and aspect warriors spotted inbound for the wall, medium sized force, they should be no trouble. 

“Affirmative captain!” replied Juno and Demetrius, revving their engines and sweeping their right hands forward to signal their squads to move out. All background noise was blocked out by the sound of around 200 revving engines moving out towards their destination. The bikes weaved their way through the city outskirts their occupants whooping with joy as they sped along the rubble strewn streets of the deserted worker buildings. “ Target should be in sight soon” voxed Demetrius, “ I want a quick strike through, focussed fire on their aspects, then we can come back and mop up their guardian squads.” 
“ You heard him men, thinks he’s a bloody Ultramarine now doesn’t he” laughed Juno “all these textbook manoeuvres .”
Demetrius looked across to Juno and grinned “ Come now Juno, when have I ever followed the rules that strictly.” 
They both laughed as they reached the lip of a small rise and saw the enemy advancing to walls. Seeing the new threat the enemy started racing to meet them, pouring fire into their ranks, dire avenger aspect warriors directing the guardian squads. A few astartes were pitched from their bikes as the torrent of shruiken fire overwhelmed them, but the enemy fire was largely ineffective. “Wait for it men, called Juno, as they drew closer to the xenos “nearing critical firing point.....Fire.” Bolters opened fire upon the aspect warriors and their fragile forms buckled under the heavy fire, opening a gap in the enemies lines for the first bikes to pass through. Assault bikes followed up the first attack, heavy bolters opening fire, their shots thudding into the ground and ripping into the remaining squads. Eldar were thrown back as the shells pummelled into them, their bodies whipping round with the force of the shots. The guardian squads that were left lost their nerve and started to flee back away from the walls. Seeing the routed xenos the bikers wheeled around and the sergeants drew their power swords while the marines drew their chain-swords, ready to ride the cowardly xenos down. The bikes quickly caught up to the eldar and Demetrius brought his chain-sword down at the nearest enemy, slicing his body in two, his torso slipping slowly off his legs and dropping to the ground. Juno swung his power sword wildly about, in seemingly ineffectual strikes. However those that followed after him saw the eldar fall as blood spurted from their necks from small slits made by the sword. The eldar in this area were finished.

Further down the walls a solitary figure lay still on the top of a coolant tower, his form moving only slightly as he breathed. The scout had his eye pressed against the scope fitted to his sniper rifle, focused on a patch of ground in the distance. A squad of eldar moved across the top of his field of vision and he followed their leader slowly, holding the trigger lightly until he was sure his aim was true. Satisfied, he pulled the trigger and the bullet whistled through the air, the bang emitting too late for the eldar to realise his presence. The eldar leader stopped suddenly as the projectile impacted upon his skull, slowly dropping to the floor as his body registered that he was dead. The remaining warriors quickly sought the nearest cover, nervously glancing around for the source of the shot. The scout slowly moved his hand to his ear so his location would not be given away. "Scout Riddell reporting kill at 5th engagement point" he whispered "request support to finish off emplaced enemy" 
His vox crackled for a second before a hurried reply came through "kill noted scout, support already nearing your location"
Riddell looked around for any sign of this support and as he did so he noticed a trio of streaking lines passing below him heading for the eldar. The missiles impacted upon the rudimentary cover, sending a wave of dust and rubble up into the air before exploding. Shrapnel blew out from the points of impact, slicing into the warriors hidden behind the cover, cutting their bodies to ribbons and maiming their bodies or killing them if they were lucky. Secondary explosions followed and flames licked out across the area, screams of pain coming from the xenos as they tried helplessly to escape the fire. A gruff voice sounded in his ear " see Riddell it's all very well sniping their leaders, but you need real firepower to get the job done"

Captain Aracus was pleased. His company had defeated the foreseen attacks well before the planned time. Calling the nearest sergeant over he quickly spoke to him “ sergeant, I need you to go to the 1st company captain, tell him the situation and ask him whether we should continue onto the next stage before schedule. As the highest ranking officer on planet he holds command and I don’t want to vox this, we don’t know if the eldar are listening, their technology has proved to be efficient in compromising even encrypted vox before. The sergeant saluted and began to run along the centre street towards 1st company command.


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## DAvo001 (Jun 30, 2008)

nice one alex, good story. only let down was 'boom' hmmmm......
cant wait for next chapter k:


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## Alex (Jan 19, 2008)

The rainstorm intensified as the skies overhead darkened, the drops hammering off the land raiders exterior. The captain dropped down through the cupola and sighed, “looks like we’re going to get wet again boys.” His command squad grunted at this and returned to their weapons, checking that they were fully ready for the battle before them. The vox from the drivers compartment sounded and the captain strode towards it. “ Yes brother what is it?” 
“ Captain Demetrius we have received a hail from the Adeptus Mechanicus division, I’m patching it through to your internal comms” 
A brief wave of static burst through the captain’s ears causing him to flinch in surprise, before a tinny, wheezing voice came onto his vox. “ Greetings Captain, I am Magos Nubrek. You will be happy to know that we we’re already landing to support you when you ordered the attack so we can provide you with titans.” The voice paused and the Captain knew that there was still a downside to this. The other end of the line was filled by a great hacking cough, and when it had subsided, the magos continued, “ However, he said “we haven’t had time to deploy that many so you will only be supported by a warlord and four warhounds. While they are mighty allies, your forward scouts have reported large numbers of eldar super heavies. “ 
The captain thought for a moment before replying, “ We thank you for your support Magos, and while the enemy may have a large number of these vehicles, they do not have any so awe inspiring as the Mechanicum’s machines.” “ They will no doubt flee before our superior prowess.” “ I await your armour’s arrival, Demetrius out.” 
Deactivating his vox, Demetrius moved forwards and pulled the drivers hatch open. “Brother I need a long range vox to the fleet now, they should have landed at their deployment posts by now.” The astarte hurriedly activated the machine and nodded to the captain, who leaned towards the microphone. “ Captain Demetrius calling fleet, Amethis, are you there?” 
The vox crackled and the captain looked nervously at the driver. 
Suddenly a great booming voice flickered onto the vox, startling him, “ Thats Primarch Amethis to you Captain,” the voice chuckled. ”Lucky we managed to home in on your frequency, regrettably the fleet had to withdraw to the system jump point under heavy fire from the eldar fleet, but we have now destroyed them and gained full air superiority for our deployment. Unfortunately we are still making our way back from the engagement, so your on your own for now”
“We’ll make you proud glorious primarch” Demetrius replied, before another wave of static, cut the conversation short. Walking back into the rear compartment he called out to his men, “ right men it seems like we’ll be doing this one with just 4 companies today until the fleet reaches the drop zone. E.T.A is in 3 minutes so I want all of you to be ready for assaults straightaway. We’ve fought through countless battles together, many of them against the filthy eldar, so you know the drill by now. Gaius, Leonardo and Furen I want you to form up on my left, Dreyfus, Ilis and Caphen on my right. Jorl I entrust you with the legion banner, keep it flying high my brother and we shall not fail. We shall drive a wedge through the enemy and bring the word of the emperor to these ignorant xenos!” 
The Land Raider drew to a halt and the ramp fell upon with a resounding thud, and the captain strode out, followed quickly by his men. A line of vehicles stood along the edge of a complex network of trenches, each one surrounded by squads of the first company, Terminators lumbered out of their transports, before standing stoically in position, the more numerous veteran squads filtered out of their vehicles, priming their special weapons for combat while the assault squads moving out of their rhinos began to fit their jump packs and ready their weaponry for an attack. Finally Dreadnoughts moved up behind the front line, towering above the astartes and radiating an awe-inspiring presence. Demetrius looked at the force arrayed and could not help but feel overwhelmed at such a wonderful sight. Looking at his pict screen he saw that 10th company was already positioned in firing points along the line, and 2nd and 3rd company were entrenched either side of the 1st. 
The ground shook as the mighty warlord titan Glorious Validictor moved towards their position, and Demetrius felt that his force would be invincible with such a godlike machine under his command. The smaller, more agile forms of the warhounds loped across the distance, coming to rest at the end of the trenches. 
“Enemy armour sighted”, called Jorl, “seems like our friends came just in time.”
Demetrius hailed the Validictor, “ Princeps, we have need of your assistance against incoming enemy armour, you have full authority to open fire.” A cheerful voice came back from the titan, obviously glad at this order “ Aye Captain, starting right away”
The Validictor strode across the trenches and made its way across the battlefield, the warhounds dodging around its legs. A mass of armour approached them but Demetrius could not make them out from his position. The Princeps however could, and his eyes widened as he saw 10 revenant titans heading towards their position, their graceful strides and fragile form belittling their deadly weaponry. Although smaller than the warlord, a host of them would almost certainly destroy his warhounds and cause his titan damage if he allowed them to get within range. The warhounds opened fire with their Turbo-laser Destructors, taking two of the enemy down with precise fire. Lowering his arm weaponry the princeps readied the guns, a volcano cannon on his right and a a laser blaster on his left. Opening fire on the lead revenant he gave a whoop of triumph as he saw it fall under the barrage of firepower. It raised itself up again and his triumph turned to rage as he saw its holo fields had protected it from most of the damage. As his arm weapons cooled down he aimed the Imperiums most deadly weapon at the revenants, a vortex missile. Launching it high into the air, it followed a perfect trajectory straight towards the two nearest eldar titans. Impacting upon the ground near them it activated and a glowing ball of darkness grew out from the crater, enveloping the surrounding titans, their matter drawn into the vortex to become the very stuff of the warp. The remaining revenants moved around the crater of warp matter, hurrying to escape from its embrace. As they grew nearer, they raised their own weaponry and the pulsars on their arms shone with energy as they targeted the warhounds, their void shields buckling under the firepower before giving in and allowing the beams of energy to smash into their bodies. The warhounds were able to dispatch two more revenants before resigning themselves to death. Their explosions shook the warlords legs and it lowered its arms to greet the revenants, spitting out lances of energy at them, while a carapace mounted gatling blaster, fired shot after shot into them, the firepower beginning to tell as more fell and only two remained. The princeps checked damage reports and was told that void shields were dead and all damage had been reported from the knee sections. Horrified he realised what the revenants planned to do and ordered the void shields to be brought back up quickly. The revenants fired one last shot at the legs, punching past the already broken armour and destroying the leg couplings. Wobbling, the Validictor began to fall and the revenants fired their jump jets, lifting off the air towards the carapace. Kicking the warlord with all their power, the revenants gracefully somersaulted back towards the ground, while the Validictor began to topple backwards. The Princeps opened the vox link with Demetrius “ Captain it was an honour to fight for you, and I would ask that you avenge my death” he shouted, above the wailing sirens in the command chamber.
Demetrius looked on in horror as the mighty form that he had thought indestructible, toppled towards the ground, it’s weaponry still firing at the revenants. “ That I will Princeps” he said, “ I owe you it to you for your courage in the face of certain death.”


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## Ste (Aug 28, 2008)

lookin good


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## Shogun_Nate (Aug 2, 2008)

Howdy bud!

Overall you have a good story here. There are some bits and bobs that need tidying up a bit but it's not too much. Some of it comes with grammatical errors here and there. I do the same thing when I'm writing too but I think you need to read through it a couple times and then give it a spelling/grammar check. It also wouldn't hurt to expand on your descriptiveness. Give us an idea of the surroundings in detail(just not minute..we really don't need to know how many crickets are drowning in water run off but you get my drift) so we know where they're starting off. 

_*The rain poured down onto the figures standing at the window of the ruined building. Droplets pattered off their jet black armour and slid down their sodden blue cloaks. The first figure turned as the sound of hurrying footsteps were heard behind him, the hood to his cloak slipping down to reveal a glimpse of his rugged features, a smile forming on his lips. The new arrival approaching ground to a halt and saluted his fellow astarte with an aquila formed from his hands.*_

"The rain came pouring down in heavy sheets fom the bleak skies above, blanketing the armored figures as they stood before the bombed out window of a ruined two-story bakery((simple descriptions of the building work great)). Droplets pattered off their jet black armor, sliding down the sodden blue cloaks worn by both warriors. Streams of run-off meandered their way down the crater-marked cobblestone streets of <insert city>, looking like miniature rivers rolling through the canyons of some ancient stony desert. Bits and pieces of detritus caught in the currents floated leisurely down the sloping embankment, pulled onward by the constant flows resulting from the neverending barrage of rain. The sound of thunder rumbled across the grey, cloud-filled skies as the sun strived in vain to pierce the gloomy veil holding it at bay.

The sound of hurried footsteps caught the attention of the first. As he turned to greet the newcomer, his cloak slid back; allowing a glimpse at his rugged features ((Here you could insert a little more description about him...scars, partrician features, hook nose, flat nose, blue eyes etc)). A smile formed on his lips as the newcomer ground to halt, splaying his hands wide to form the symbol of the aquila in salute to his fellow brother astartes."

Not perfect but a quick and dirty change. Descriptive writing makes a story a lot better as it helps fill in stuff as one reads the story in their minds. 

*“What news from the forward lines sergeant?” the figure questioned “ have we engaged yet?”

The astarte met his gaze, “ the enemies forward scouts have been encountered and defeated as foreseen captain but the main force has not been sited yet”, he hesitated “ the captain wished to know if 10th company should move to the next engagement post ahead of schedule. * 

Something I've noticed about your dialogue. It's more of a grammatical thing than anything. Looking at the above, it should look more like this:

_"What news from the forward lines sergeant?" the figure questioned.(*I'd actually just change it to 'asked'..there's nothing wrong with using simpler words as opposed to longer-winded ones)* "Have we engaged yet?"

The astarte met his gaze. "The enemy's*(changed to possessive here)* forward scouts have been encountered and defeated as forseen Captain.*(end the sentence here to keep it from getting it overly long)* However, the main force has not been sighted yet."

He hesitated. "The Captain wishes to know if 10th company should move to the next engagement post ahead of schedule."_

When you break up a line of dialogue, make sure you know where one part ends and another begins. Say your sentence is: "Tom is lying" Bart said. "You can tell because his lips are moving." Here you have two pieces of dialogue broken up with 'Bart said'. Each piece is a seperate piece in its own right. You can also have lines like this: "When it comes to messing something up", Tom smiled at his companions, "no one does it better than us." Here it's one line of dialogue with a little extra bit interjected into it. It doesn't interrupt the flow of the sentence like the first example. 

All in all it's good work. Like I said above, I'd recommend you run it through a spell/grammar check and then read over it. I know I miss certain grammatical/spelling errors myself. It took me forever to learn to properly spell assault and missle LOL! Keep up the good work bud!

Good luck and good gaming,

Nate


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## Commissar Ploss (Feb 29, 2008)

You hit it on the head there SN! Great comments! 

Alex: Take Shog's advice! He knows what he's talking about. And great stuff, i cant wait to read more!

Commissar Ploss


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## waltzmelancholy_07 (Sep 30, 2008)

2nd that last post... Hehehe.., Follow Nate's advice... And I'm sure ur writing will improve:biggrin::victory:...


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## Alex (Jan 19, 2008)

Shogun Nate - + rep for taking the time to give the detailed feedback, it's always good to get some advice on how to improve. Won't be writing any more until the 18th since I'm right on top of my exams, but I'll bear your advice in mind when I do. 
Commissar Ploss - thanks for the compliment .


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## Shogun_Nate (Aug 2, 2008)

Eh..you're well on your way bud. One major thing is taking time to go over your work with a fine-toothed comb. Hell...even then sometimes you miss something. Just look at my stuff. You'll find grammar/spelling errors I missed either because I got in a hurry to post it up or I didn't feel like checking it over properly. It's just part of the whole writing thing lol.

Good luck and good gaming,

Nate


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## Alex (Jan 19, 2008)

Finally finished my exams and am writing the next extract, anyone whos following the story will be glad to know it should be up tomorrow or at the latest Friday.


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## Alex (Jan 19, 2008)

Finally a new part, got ages for summer holidays now to write the following parts, so be ready for more battle scenes and no more suspense over the fighting. All leading up to a shocking conclusion. 



As the Validictor continued its descent Demetrius hurried to protect his troops, moving his men out of the expected blast radius. The Revenants landing back on the ground, also looked to protect themselves and Demetrius, with some satisfaction realised they would not make it. The sound of groaning metal echoed across the area, as the Titans body impacted on the ground, sending waves of debris flying up away from it, creating a wall of dust. Stones as large as dreadnoughts battered the revenants casings as dust clogged their engines, gradually slowing them down to a halt. The effects of the impact slowly showed upon the Validictor as bursts of flame blew out of holes that had been ripped open, searing hot flames licking out around the body. These were of little concern to the Space Marines, but if the nuclear reactor blew Demetrius knew that his men were only just on the edge of the expected radius. Thankfully the rainstorm was slowly reducing the intensity of the fires they could see, but any internal fires were another matter. 
Turning his thoughts to the accursed eldar revenants, Demetrius called out to his men.

“All lascannons open fire” he bellowed “ bring them down to avenge the vile attack on the Validictor” 

Lascannon fire lanced out across the expanse, causing ripples of explosions to impact across the surface of the revenants, the sheer amount of firepower slowly beginning to tell on their fragile bodies. As their structures finally gave in and they fell to the ground, Demetrius was brought back to more pressing problems as a the Validictor gave a tortured groan, its body visibly shaking from an unknown cause. Suddenly most of its armour blew off in a mighty explosion, a plume of smoke billowed upwards as a great wave of fire and plasma blew out across the ground, burning the very earth and cutting through Titan debris as though it were flesh. The revenants suffered the same fate, their forms being quickly swallowed up by the unstoppable flow. Reaching the first trench, the wave of plasma slowed a little as it fell in to the now abandoned pathways and then stopped completely as it sank further down and burned into the already deep trenches. 

Vehicles hurried forward to lay sheets over the trenches, to allow movement over the plasma pools forming underneath. Demetrius ordered them onwards, making sure the ground ahead was clear of any dangerous substances. The vast mass of organised lines of troops were an inspiring sight for Demetrius, fully 4 companies under his command arrayed for battle. Through the receding dust cloud a horde of eldar warriors and vehicles could be seen gracefully moving to engage his men. A smile formed on his lips, he knew these xenos were skilled fighters, but surely their witches should have realised the foolishness of attacking his forces. He looked at the pict-screens arrayed around him and saw that the rest of the legion and the Imperial Army forces assisting them would be making planetfall within the hour.

Riddell winced as the howling voices of one of the groups of aspect warriors grated on his ears as the eldar grew nearer, satisfaction appearing on his face as his fellow snipers began to pick them off. He spotted one of the hideous witches the eldar called ‘farseers’ and rested his sniper rifle on the ground picking her out among the vast array of eldar. He pulled the trigger, and the bullet flew towards the farseer, the xenos turning its head as it realised something was wrong, just before it impacted on her head. As she fell down the warriors around her wavered as they noticed her death, but when they began again they were visibly shaking with fury at the death of their leader. Riddell smiled, good thing they were enraged, it would make the fight all the better. 

Zooming along the battlefield towards the eldar, Juno and Demetrius joked with each other as if they were totally oblivious to the advancing xenos. Now and then they would parry and slice at random enemies that had advanced too far ahead of the main body. Holding their hands up high, they signalled their respective groups to halt as they surveyed their targets. 
“ If you take those banshees Juno, I can make a feint for the main body before turning back to support you” called Demetrius, “ sound good?” 
“Sounds perfect” Juno replied “ good fighting my friend.” So saying, he moved his men straight for a mass of howling banshees, bolters firing precisely into their ranks. He could see the encircling moves Demetrius was taking and sped further through the warriors so he would meet his group dead centre. The eldar suddenly noticed the ruse and those at the back turned to greet the approaching bikers, only for most of them to be shot and cut down before returning any blows. A mass of shruiken fire was being aimed at their groups now from the main eldar group and more and more of their men were being dragged down, although they had nearly finished of the banshees. Demetrius dropped off his bike as its machine spirit died due to the damage it had sustained. He turned as a piercing cry burst across his ears, and a banshee twirled towards him, its dancing gait almost entrancing him. Bringing up his chainsword he parried the first blow from the eldar’s sword, the ringing clash almost silent amongst the clamour of battle. The xenos moved much quicker than him and he found himself hard pressed to stop the blows landing on his body. A swift blow from its sword chopped his hand off and his sword flew out of reach. Battering at the eldar with his boltgun he tried vainly to prevent the blade from biting deep cuts into his armour, until finally the banshee swirled round and chopped at his head, decapitating him instantly. A cry rang out as Juno saw his friends lifeless body slump to the floor, the eldar warrior already moving to engage a new target. Raising his boltgun Juno ran forwards, firing shot after shot at the banshee, punching through its armour till he was sure it was dead. Moving towards the body he opened the vox channel for his and Demetrius’ group. 
“Men the banshees are dead, we move back to the lines, taking any wounded or dead that we can, Demetrius has fallen so I will need a new officer from his group, for now I’ll lead us. Revving their engines the groups moved back away from the approaching eldar forces, leaving many of the fallen behind. 


When writing this extract I noticed that I had two characters who had the same name, the overall Captain Demetrius and a sergeant of the bike squad by the same name. I was going to kill one of the bike sergeants off before I realised this so its not really a big problem, I just didn't want to get confused between who I was writing about.


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## Alex (Jan 19, 2008)

Demetrius trudged forward through the deep, thick mud, his armour’s mechanics straining against the clinging pull of the rapidly increasing pool of waterlogged earth beneath his feet. His command squad were formed into a v-shape leading the 1st company forward against the eldar. Looking back he saw 10th company setting up as a fire-base alongside their artillery units, waiting to rain death upon the eldar. The 2nd and 3rd companies were moving alongside his company, hundreds of tactical marines rushing forwards to meet the enemy. The ground shook as their vehicles advanced, dreadnoughts methodically walking towards the enemy lines, and land raiders and predators keeping at the pace of the marines, firing lascannon shots at the enemy armour. Demetrius nodded to Jorl, who unfurled the banner he held, the bright red material fluttering in the wind as a bright amethyst in the centre shone over the area. The rain began to cease even as the banner unfurled, and Demetrius took this to be a good sign for the coming battle. 

He spoke into his vox “ Fire-base open fire, you know your targets”
The whine of artillery joined the sounds of battle as shells flew through the air, exploding along the line of advancing eldar. Clouds of gas billowed up as they impacted, the eldar caught by the barrage, visibly slowing and then keeling over from the effects of the poison. A second barrage followed, this time an even deadlier payload of frag missiles, struck the earth, exploding violently amongst the densely packed eldar. Shrapnel flew out along the eldar lines, decimating their front ranks and causing groups of non-aspect warriors to flee in terror. Demetrius and his men continued on as the barrages flew overhead, until the advancing eldar were nearly within range. “Barrage stop, he shouted, companies fire at will.”

The vehicles that had already been firing were joined by more of the armoured group, as dreadnoughts bearing assault cannons targeted the enemy, the bullets whipping out at high speed at the eldar. Terminators carrying assault cannons joined the fray, as did any other marines carrying specialised weapons. The advancing marines slowed as they brought their guns to bear on the eldar, the shells from their bolter ripped into the eldar lines, blowing chunks of their bodies to bits, even as the eldar returned fire. Shruiken fire seemed ineffectual from a small group, but on mass it was a terrible sight to behold, the deadly blades cutting through the armour of many of the marines and even the mighty terminator armour could not withstand their attacks. 

As the two sides grew even nearer the marines drew their weapons, chainswords and power swords gleaming in the bright sun. The vehicles, excluding the dreadnoughts, held back, satisfied to support their forces from a distance. Demetrius put his bolt-pistol in its holster and drew two ornate swords from their sheaths, their light blinding the eldar nearing his position. Raising one high above his head, he charged, his men following swiftly behind him as they screamed at the eldar. “Gloryyyyy”

The two battle lines met with a tremendous clash of blades and the crack of broken bones, as the marines smashed into the more fragile eldar and threw them back into their fellows.
If viewed from above the battlefield could be viewed as a small black group pushing against a larger blue group. While it was obvious the black group were making a sudden impact, the blue group was much larger and was constantly growing. The black group were obviously living on borrowed time, space marines they maybe but they needed help.

Demetrius and his squad pushed ever onwards into the mass of xenos, terminators continually pushing forwards into the gaps left behind them, until Demetrius found his targets near the back of the enemy. Standing nonchalantly in a circle of wraithbone structures not entered by any other eldar, an eldar autarch watched over a farseer who was obviously deep in thought, while a wraithlord stood watch over them both. These were the leaders of this force and Demetrius hoped their deaths would cause confusion to sow through their ranks. Coupled with this these structures were supposed to be the cause of the legion’s foresight being weakened. 

As he moved forwards the wraithlords body turned to face him, the great sword it carried raised to point at him. The autarch turned and saw what had alerted the wraithlord and a laugh escaped from its mouth. Bringing forth its own sword it motioned the wraithlord to stay put as he advanced on Demetrius. In turn Demetrius signalled his men to continue the fight outside the circle. The two warriors charged at each other and the swift eldar almost struck a blow to Demetrius’ torso. Parrying the blow with one sword, he brought the other up and sliced at the eldar’s head, but the xenos dodged quickly and only received a slight glance to his shoulder, nevertheless removing the armour. The dancing pair continued in their fight, as the eldar continued to strike at Demetrius, causing more and more wounds each time, while Demetrius caused two wounds for each one he suffered, his blades acting as if operating independently, whirling through the air at the autarch. Demetrius lunged in as the autarch made to strike, realising too late that it was a feint as the eldar stabbed at his torso. The blade bit deep, plunging into his body and piercing his heart. Adjusting his secondary heart to compensate, he pulled away from the sword and swung his two swords quickly together at the autarchs neck, their blades clanging together as they met exactly in the middle of his neck. Blood appeared along a small slit around the eldar’s neck, and Demetrius pulled his swords away, allowing the autarchs head to drop onto the floor. 

A shuddering thump brought him back to his senses as he realised the wraithlord wished to take it's revenge. It’s monstrous form thundered towards him with staggering speed, raising its sword in two hands and bringing it crashing down onto Demetrius’ two blades that he hastily raised in defence. The blow threw him sprawling onto the floor across the circle, clenching his fists to keep a tight hold of his weapons. Rolling over he looked over at the wraithlord who was moving back towards him. Looking up, he laughed as he saw blazing fire trail across the sky, drop pods hurtling down towards the battle to even the odds against the enemy. The wraithlord seemed oblivious to this new development as it swung its sword back and forth at Demetrius, who was dodging back towards his command squad. 

A drop pod impacted scarcely 5 metres away from Demetrius knocking him backwards onto the floor and causing the farseer to open her eyes and stand up. The door clanked open and a blinding light came out of it causing the wraithlord to turn to meet this new threat. A large figure strode out carrying a shining spear, the light slowly dimming to a low glimmer. He was flanked by 4 terminators also carrying spears, but with no such light emitting from their weapons. The figure waved these men away to deal with the farseer as Demetrius hurried to him and saluted.

“Primarch you honour us with your presence here” he said, “I pass full command back to you”
Amethis turned to him and emitted a booming laugh, slapping him on the shoulder “ I think we can dispense with the formalities Demetrius, I mean we are in the middle of a bloody battle here!” So saying, he launched himself at the towering wraithlord, his spear raised high, and brought it sailing down, its blade whistling through the air towards the constructs head. Slicing straight through the armour, the blade carried on, breaking the wraithlords body in half. He quickly turned to meet the blow of the farseer who had entrapped the terminators in psychic bonds. Every blow of the farseer was met almost before the xenos had made the move, and Demetrius chuckled as Amethis used his foresight expertly. The farseer made a complex movement with her other hand and blew Amethis backwards across the circle, quickly moving again to bring lightning piercing down onto the primarch’s body. 

Another drop pod landed nearby, this one more lavishly decorated than the first, with golden paint and runes inscribed on every inch of space. The door fell open and 10 cloaked marines walked out, their golden armour gleaming and their dark blue cloaks billowing. These were the legion’s foresight fathers, their only librarians, and it was obvious the farseer did not relish fighting all 10 of their number at once.


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## Alex (Jan 19, 2008)

Penultimate chapter here, any C&C welcome.

Crackling energy appeared around the farseer and a concussive wave of force blew out at the advancing foresight fathers. They weathered the psychic storm, though the strain on their minds was obvious from the pained expressions on their faces. Drawing their force weapons, they formed a circle around the farseer and prepared to direct their own powers against her. Lightning arced from their fingers as they muttered incantations under their breath, the farseers armour glowing red hot from the power being pulsed through it. One of the fathers stepped forward and pointed the head of his hammer towards the farseer, a challenge which the xenos witch accepted. A long sleek spear that had been intwined within a wraithbone structure flew across to the farseers’ outstretched hand. 
“ Your pathetic attempts to defeat our ancient civilisation show your race’s true colours mon- keigh,” she sneered.
Grunting, the foresight father made as if to swing his hammer, causing the farseer to move to parry a blow that would never come. Instead a billowing construct formed of flame slammed forward, the psychic energy smashing into the eldar, knocking her to the floor. Heaving herself up she received a crushing blow to the head, as the father swung his hammer upwards. Flying back, her spear rolled away and her helmet fell in tatters to the floor, its power having protected the farseer from the worst of the force weapons damage. Blood streaked down her face from multiple gashes across her forehead. The dark red liquid trickling down contrasted against the eldar’s pale skin. Wiping away the blood, the farseer struggled to stand, exhaustion taking it’s toll on her system. 
The remaining foresight fathers had long since joined Amethis and Demetrius fighting outside the circle, leaving a wide empty space in the middle of the battlefield that seemed like the eye of a storm. The two warriors faced each other, the librarian dropping his hammer as psychic power surged through his arms, encasing his fists in glowing orbs of power. Charging at the unarmed farseer he leapt into the air, crashing down in front of her and dealing punishing blows upon her body. The eldar blew psychic energies back into his body, frantically trying to defend herself against the vicious attack she was suffering. As the orbs slowly dimmed in intensity, the librarian jumped back and drew forth a curved dagger that looked more ceremonial than practical. Advancing with swift sweeping curves he lunged forward and thrust the dagger into the farseers chest, who was so tired she did not have the effort to stop him. Suddenly gripping onto his arm with a new found strength she dragged him closer, looking deep into his eyes, and whispered. 
“Your world will burn by the hands of those you call brother”
The foresight father looked at her in shock, but even as he went to ask further questions he saw that they had been her last words as her eyes closed and she sagged to the floor. 
Wiping his dagger clean he went to retrieve his hammer and find Amethis to relay this information. Looking out into the distance he could see Amethis’ spear rising and falling among the mass of eldar and hurried forwards into the throng to reach him. 
The battlefield was almost completely filled with infantry, any supporting armour having been destroyed or hanging back to deliver firepower into the enemy. The only vehicles still fighting were the mighty wraithlords and the ancient dreadnoughts, their allies giving the fighting behemoths a wide berth as they passed. One dreadnought, outnumbered by a trio of wraithlords, was spinning round in vain to inflict as much damage to them as possible, his armour slowly buckling as he released a final cry. Assault squads were delivering swift justice to the enemy, jumping into combats that were not going well and turning the tables on the eldar, before moving quickly on. Demetrius moved along a passage through the eldar left by Amethis’ guard, joining up with his command squad, who’s armour and weapons were covered in blood and dirt, the legion banner showing signs of shruiken fire ripping its material, but it still stood tall, inspiring his men to fight. He swung out at a guardian running up to attack a marine from behind, the eldar’s head rolling off its shoulders and hitting the marine, turning round he saw Demetrius with his swords drawn and nodded his thanks, before dispatching another attacker with an upward thrust of his chainsword. The battle seemed to be going in their favour, and demetrius was damned if he was going to let the xenos turn it against them again. Much of the eldar force had begun to retreat already, moving back to their vehicles to counter-attack, leaving small groups isolated, ready to kill. 
Amethis was cutting swathes through the enemy, his spear sweeping elegantly round to slice through his enemies. A great circle of eldar bodies had formed around him, but still more came, hoping to outsmart him. Though his enemies were skilful, his foresight allowed him to see the enemies moves before they even moved, readying himself or killing them before they had a chance to touch him. As a group of Eldar came towards him, hoping to encircle him he grabbed his spear and spun round quickly, slicing their bodies in half before coming back to a resting position. Seeing the foresight father advancing towards him he noticed a pained expression across his face, and when he had been informed of the situation he realised why. Activating his vox he called all forces to regroup for the final blow, the disjointed groups across the field hurrying to locate their squads.
The marines looked across the battlefield as the remaining eldar loped back to their lines, carrying injured leaders to safety, under a constant barrage from the marines artillery. Amethis was in a heated discussion with one of the foresight fathers and Demetrius moved over to join them
....never trust them, I don’t know why I believe her so much Primarch, but that is what she said.”
Amethis looked up as Demetrius came nearer and called to him “ Demetrius come here, we require your input on a discovery”
The foresight father turned to Demetrius, and with a nod from Amethis recalled the event that had taken place between the farseer and himself and asked him his thoughts. After considerable thought Demetrius answered, “ perhaps it is a ruse my lord, the eldar are well known for their tricks, though It is interesting the xenos called them brothers, she was either talking of our own men or another legion turning against us, which is impossible.”
Amethis nodded, “ Entirely my thoughts, but I will meditate on it now, that is the real reason I called us back. I have already called for our transports to pick us up if the eldar’s words are proven true, this would be too important to leave till after this battle. “ So saying he moved to the nearest land raider and closed the door behind him. 
A bike sergeant pulled up next to Demetrius, startling him out of his dark thoughts. “ Sir this message came from your command vehicle” he stated, “they said it was good news”
“Thank you sergeant Juno,“ Demetrius replied, looking at the data-slate he grinned, “ good news indeed, the imperial army are making planetfall with more titans to help mop up the xenos, they say they are looking forward to fighting alongside us. Better late than never hey Juno” 
As the sergeant drove off, the foresight father grasped his shoulder, “ Amethis has asked for us to speak in private again” he whispered “ this does not bode well"


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## Alex (Jan 19, 2008)

Stooping to enter the land raider the two warriors saw Amethis sitting hunched over a computer screen gripping its panelling so tightly that cracks were starting to appear. The inside of the vehicle had obviously suffered from a violent outburst from their primarch. The walls had been indented with fist sized holes, and equipment lay damaged around the floor. As they moved further, Amethis swirled round, his face showing anger for a moment before quickly calming as he recognised them. Now he looked crestfallen, and as he motioned for them to sit, Demetrius glanced at the foresight father, who looked just as worried as he was. 
“ Though I hate to say it, the eldar were correct in their words, our world will be destroyed by space marines”, Amethis sighed “It will happen within 10 years.”
Demetrius and the foresight father looked aghast at this knowledge, that a fellow legion could destroy their world was unthinkable. 
“Wh.......who will it be that causes us such a terrible blow sir?” asked Demetrius. 
Amethis turned to regard him and leaned in towards the two, his eyes locking with Demetrius. 
“ Though I do not wish to believe any of our brothers could do this, the ships I saw belonged to the Luna Wolves. Horus, who I have long mistrusted, will turn against us. I have already called the transports to collect us, we will be making the journey back home to fortify it against attack. As soon as we return there I will travel personally to Terra to deliver the news. If I knew where his forces where I would send a message to the emperor but my insistence that we be left alone leaves me blind to his position”
“But sir, what about our campaign?” Demetrius questioned “the imperial army are here to support us now, we cannot just leave them.”
Amethis slammed his fist down, the metal below it crumpling under his strength, “ Don’t you think I know that, but this event could happen at any time and If it happened while I continued this campaign I could never live with myself. We cannot tell them of these events either, the shock of a legion revolting should be kept between space marines. We shall tell them of our departure as soon as we are ready to leave.”
Demetrius and the foresight father nodded and hurried out of the land raider, quickly relaying the news, though not yet divulging the full reason behind their removal. 

---------------- 2 hours later on board the bridge of the _Bellum Addo_ - the flagship of the II Legion.

The bridge lay in a hushed silence as Amethis paced back and forth along the gantries. Suddenly a light flashed and a face appeared on a pict screen. A crew member moved out of Amethis’ way so that he could speak to the Lord Commander directly. 
A commanding voice came onto the vox, one that was obviously used to having his orders followed. “ What is the meaning of this....this absurd action my lord,” he demanded, “ My men have deployed and are destroying the remaining eldar, when I hear that you have left us here with no ships and that the mechanicus escort is leaving too.”
“We have more important business to attend to at present, commander, Amethis responded, “I believe that you can take care of the eldar, and begin the development of the world into an Imperial one. Once I have finished I will return to collect your forces.”
“That is unacceptable!” cried the commander “Horus shall hear of this trea....”
“Horus?!” interrupted Amethis, “I would be careful of your next words commander, for it is the Emperor and not Horus who I follow.” The anger in his voice was noticeable, and the bridge could see the Lord Commander tremble as he made to reply.
“Of course my lord, I only meant that as Warmaster, he should be notified.”
Amethis nodded, “Of course commander, you have every right to tell the ‘Warmaster’, we shall not keep you.” Shutting off the vox he called to the foresight fathers, “We need to look forward further than I can alone, meet me in the seeing room in 5 minutes. We enter the warp in 15.” 
Nodding their acknowledgement they left the room followed by a groups of servitors. Waving for Demetrius to follow him, Amethis walked after them. 
They walked into a darkened room with 10 chairs arranged in a circle, trailing wires and cables linking to a larger chair in the centre. The foresight fathers were already linking helmets bristling with wires to their heads as Amethis made to sit down. Demetrius looked warily at the assembled contraptions and Amethis noticed this as he placed his own helmet on. 
“I know this appears much like a ritual of the witchcraft we aim to destroy my brother, but the Emperor allowed me to have this built for dire circumstances where foresight into the darkness of the far future is needed.” Amethis stated.
Demetrius nodded, content that his wariness had been foolish.
A servitor flicked a switch at a control desk and energy travelled along cables to each chair in turn. The occupants sat immobile, eyes wide open, a silvery sheen covering them as their power took hold. Pain creased their faces and blood began to trickle from their nose and ears, the strain obviously hard to manage even for a space marine. Only Amethis remained unaffected, sitting regally on his chair, a glow surrounding his body like a second skin over his armour. Demetrius brought his weapon up at this sight but one of Amethis’ custodians held him back with his hand, shaking his head. The glow slowly began to dissipate and the 10 fathers slumped down in their chairs, entering into a sleep to rest from their strain. Amethis fell forward onto the floor in front of him and Demetrius moved past the custodian to help his primarch back up. 
“Sir what did you see?” he asked, a look of worry upon his face.
Amethis spoke slowly, sadness permeating his every word, “We went too far my brother, almost 10,000 years past this day. Horus and his legion are not alone in his treachery, fully half of the legions will turn. The Word Bearers, Thousand Sons, Emperors Children, Death Guard, Alpha Legion, Night Lords, Iron Warriors and Immortal Victors shall turn. 
Demetrius and the custodians started, 10 legions betraying His word was even more unthinkable than just one. These were legions that had taken oaths for the Emperor and fought countless battles in his name. 
“What of the Emperor’s crusade my lord? Surely his idea of a human empire filled with peace will exist, we will defeat these traitors?
Amethis slumped to the floor as the countdown till entry into the warp began.
“I believe we do stop their overall plan, but at a terrible price, and the Imperium is thrown into turmoil, there will be no peace, no respite, no forgiveness. In the grim, darkness of that far future I see only war.”
As he stated these last words the fleet was swallowed up by the embrace of the warp and the legions ships vanished from the system. 


+++++ Encrypted message 378 +++++
Subject - II Legion
Transmitted by - High Lord of Terra (Full Access Granted)
Recipient - Adeptus Administratum 
Viewing...
It has been 50 years since the terrible events of the Heresy, and more than that since the Amethyst Brothers disappeared into the warp and did not return.On the authority of the Emperor we have decreed that they be struck from our public records entirely. Their last recorded campaign left an Imperial Army group (Who subsequently joined the heretics) stranded, and while we do not wish to besmirch their name with excommunication, until we know their allegiance they will remain unknown to the rest of the Imperium. Even their fellow legions shall have all data slates wiped and be sworn to secrecy so it shall not be passed down to other generations. If they reappear we shall question them and deal with their status accordingly. 

Public Status
Records Damaged beyond repair

Status to be accessed solely by the High Lords. 
II Legion - The Amethyst Brothers
Homeworld - Contego
System - Barthel 
Segmentum Obscurus
Location at present - unknown/trapped in the warp. 

Message ends...

++++Thought for the day++++
It is better to die at the hands of heretics than die as one. 



Well, that’s it, thought I’d leave it on a bit of a cliff-hanger at the end as those who have read the background know what occurs later. Anyone who would like to know more the link in my signature will take you to their background.


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## Legio Custode (May 20, 2009)

i have to say that was a very good story! Great description, use of words etc etc.

Overall very impressed! :good:


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