# The Last Stand



## ChaosDefilerofUlthuan (Jan 25, 2011)

Thos is my first role-play thread so if it's under-quality please tell me so I can improve.
The background for this story is a small unit (5 man) of CSMs on a hill overlooking a burning Ork settlement that held hundreds of Orks. They attacked the green tide like Orks but they were quickly surrounded and forced to fight their way out.
Characters
1) The AC of the squad (voiced by me) With *4* bolt pistols
2-4) average marines with Bolters and chainswords only
5) Meltagun trooper with chainsword and PP
Feel free to make up personalities. I'll colour taken roles in green when I remember to.


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## ChaosDefilerofUlthuan (Jan 25, 2011)

The Orks looked up directly into his defiant eyes as he ordered his unit to fire volley after volley into the fray. The greenskins fell by the feet of the valiant warriors as they surged towards the tight unit. He looked the charging Orks in the eye as he pored round after round from his faithful pistols he had nicknamed the Vipers into their putrid bodies until he heard the sound he had been dreading. Click, Click went the deadly weapons as their clips ran dry in the explosive heat of battle. Sensing this lapse the Orks began attacking with new vigour as the squads fire seemed to lessen.
Flinging his side-arms into the encrouching horde he reached into the bolsters at his side as slugga fire peppered of his dark green armour. His fingers grasped cool metal as he wrenched his back-up weapons out. With a smile streaching beneath his mask he began firing short volleys of close ranged fire at the bodies less than a metre away before twirling in a deadly pirouette and bring the combat attachments down, cracking Ork skull and Ork resolve with precise movements. There is hope, he thought as his guns tasted new blood that day


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## Angel of Blood (Aug 18, 2010)

Hate to be the critic but it's all a bit vague and basic tbh. Surrounded and fight your way out? Have you planned much further ahead than this? What are the squads background, what legion/warband are they part of etc. Why on earth does the AC need four bolt pistols? And why give one of them both a meltagun and a plasma pistol?

Not trying to come across as a dick, but i can't see many(if any) people going for this due to how basic and non-descript it is.


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## komanko (May 16, 2010)

I'm with AoB on that one. All of this is a little vague and worse(maybe).

Firstly, the format of your thread is incorrect. You should have created two separate threads. The first marked as the recruitment thread where you will give information about the roleplay you want to run and the second the action thread in which the roleplay will actually run.

Secondly, your background is extremely short, so short in fact that it doesn't give the rper the slightest idea of what he is doing, where he came from and who he is. You say that they are 5 CSM yet you never mention from what warband or legion. You say that they were on a hill overlooking a burning village yet you never say why they were there in the first place.

Also if the ork's force was so great why would anyone attack it. No sane person would attack hundreds of enemies with five men it simply doesn't make any sense at least to me. As AoB noted already why does the aspiring champion of the squad which is voiced and roleplayed by you uses four bolt pistols its not that it can't be done its just that its weird.

Thirdly, you ask of people to join your roleplay yrt you don't give them any character sheet to fill. You said that there are several roles but the only role that I see and also I am unsure about it is the melta gunner.

Now dropping the numbers I have a few things to say still.

The most important thing is, revise your roleplay. It doesn't seem really thought out and it looks like you had an idea in the heat of the moment with no real story to it. If you do have a real idea than why not give hints about it for example, why where the chaos space marine on that planet? Why did they engage the ork warband when the knew that they will get slaughtered?

Another thing, a character sheet could and should prove useful for a roleplay. Most of the time it consists of several things that make up a character for example:
Name:
Age:
Personality:
Appearance:
Background":
Wargear:
Chaos dedication: (In this case)

Apart from that a really important part of your recruitment thread should be the rules, each GM has his own set of rules most of the time as long as they don't contradict the forum's rules. For example many GMs don't like godmodding which is when a player decides the results of an action on his own or when he takes control of other players characters. There are several definitions to godmodding but I hope you get the idea of what it is. Look in other roleplays to see what kind of rules are usually applied just to get the idea.

A really important thing which I think you missed is a solid background. Most of the more successful rps on this section have a solid background or at least some sort of background to them. It describes who the players are, where they came from, what are they currently doing or what are they waiting for. Are they are on a mission or are they preparing for a crusade? All of those should go in the background which is to conclude the foundation of your story, something that a players needs to know or he won't have the slightest idea of what he is doing.

I'd suggest taking a look in some of the rp threads. Look up Darkreever's roleplays or Unxpekted's (I hate your name never knew how to spell it correctly), just a few examples also take a look in this threads, http://www.heresy-online.net/forums/showthread.php?t=51460 http://www.heresy-online.net/forums/showthread.php?t=51459 http://www.heresy-online.net/forums/showthread.php?t=51458 , hopefully those will help you understand most of what I said.

I will repeat what I said earlier again so you wont forget after reading all this things, separate your threads to a recruitment thread and an action thread. If you can't edit it now ask darkreever - the moderator of this section in Heresy and I am sure he will help you out.

If you need anything clarified throw me a PM and I will do my best to help you.


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## kiro the avenger! (Nov 8, 2010)

as his bro he wasnt intending to do a actual game just to write a dum background story and the four boltpistols is from a model that he made because he says it looks epic:no:


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## komanko (May 16, 2010)

Than why post it here :fool::headbutt:
If its just a useless background why does he even need players?


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## ChaosDefilerofUlthuan (Jan 25, 2011)

Angel of Blood said:


> Hate to be the critic but it's all a bit vague and basic tbh. Surrounded and fight your way out? Have you planned much further ahead than this? What are the squads background, what legion/warband are they part of etc. Why on earth does the AC need four bolt pistols? And why give one of them both a meltagun and a plasma pistol?
> 
> Not trying to come across as a dick, but i can't see many(if any) people going for this due to how basic and non-descript it is.


 Thought about it after posting and came up with this.

Also, as already said, it is my first RP thread so I'll run this again in a few days but properly with much more effort going in.

Aftera few hours of fighting ( In which you can voice opinions etc) the Orks run then the unit from the purge who find safety in a cave then remember to contact their lord for withdrawal when one of them finds out the comms-link was destroyed so they have to sort it out.
On a question of the AC it's to do with a model I've got and the meltagun, PP is just something to tell you he was a rich barstard before inscription.


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## Angel of Blood (Aug 18, 2010)

Still very vague and with no background, over arching plan or story tbh. 

I would personally get rid of the four bolt pistols, it just sounds like something out of the Matrix which just doesn't fit 40k at all. 

And the metlagunner being 'a rich bastard before incription'.........with the nature of astartes and their recruitment, both loyalist and traitor, background means feth all.


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