# Heresy-Online's Expeditious Stories 8: Mercy Voting Thread



## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

This concludes the Eighth Heresy-Online Expeditious Stories Competition!

Congratulations to all of you who participated in this month's competition and making it a success! Thank you all as well, for helping to add colour to the already exceptional fanfic forum here on Heresy. Hopefully in the following months, we can continue to build up interest and maybe bring some more fresh blood to HO's fanfic forums.

Voting works as such:
Each reader (not just writers) can cast three votes, which works quite conveniently as there are only three stories, ranking them 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. Feel free to share your thoughts, comments, or brief reviews on the stories as well, since each of the writers worked hard to get their entries up.

Scoring works like this:
1st place: 3 pts
2nd place: 2 pts
3rd place: 1 pt

*When you vote, ensure that you vote in the following format:*
1st Place: Author, Name of Story, 3 pts
and so on.

Unfortunately, to prevent any possible dramas, you cannot vote for your own story. If you cast any votes, you have to cast all three, no picking a single story and nothing more.

Additionally, if you wrote a story, you must vote! As the competition grows, I think it is necessary to point this out. If you enter but do not vote, any votes for your story(ies) will not be counted.

By the end of the voting period, all votes will be tallied and a winner declared.

Once this winner is declared, the winning story will be placed into the Winning HOES thread which has been stickied in this forum.

As a reminder, *the monthly winners will be placed in The Heretic*! 

Just to emphasize again, _you do not need to have written a story to cast your votes!_ The more people that cast their votes, the better!

The deadline for voting will be midnight US Eastern Standard Time *Saturday, 27 August 2011*. At that time this thread will be completed, the winner declared, and the new HOES topic for Competition 8 will be posted.

Here are the entries from HOES 8:

*gothik:* The Price of Fear

Doelago: Mercy through death

Adrian: A Portrait Rendered

Boc: It is Better

Akatsuki13: Mercy of a God

Andygorn: Forbidden Knowledge

Deathbringer: Mercy

Bane_of_Kings: Cell 42A

Dinadan: The Warrior's Mercy

Vulkansnodosaurus: Black and Gray

As a reminder, you don't need to have written a story to cast your votes! Any and all Heretics are more than welcome to check out the stories and cast their votes for their favorites. Feedback on the stories (whether just the ones that have earned your votes or all of them) is always greatly appreciated by the authors and more than welcome as well.

Now get voting!


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

I'll go ahead and re-post my initial comments for each of the entries before I cast my votes:

*gothik:* The Price of Fear

An intriguing and minimalistic story. It has the feel of a stream of consciousness narrative throughout, until the closing scene with the Chaos Marine, which was an effective way to wrap up the preceding events. There were, however, a few errors throughout (missed commas at the closure of quotations, "i" not capitalized) that need fixing, especially for a challenge such as this. Don't get me wrong, though, still a great story!

*Doelago’s* “Mercy through Death”

First off, what does ‘Ego invito pangomanus” mean? I could guess what the other Latin phrase was, but this one eluded me. Anyways, moving on… overall a good story, but I think it had the feel of a summary as opposed to a telling. I think it’s a great overall idea (and let’s face it, who doesn’t love the thought of Grey Knights gallivanting through a city slaughtering everyone!) and ties in well with the theme, but due to the word limit, you were forced to rush through what could have been a very powerful story.

*Adrian’s* “A Portrait Rendered”



> The woman was surrounded by her own private collection of portraits the world had never seen. Thousands of faces stared down as silent witnesses to the floor below.


 This was creepy for some reason…
My thoughts on this story can really be summed up in two words: Holy. Shit. Out of anything you’ve written so far, I have to say this is my favorite. At first, when the Inquisitor couldn’t move, I thought it was an allusion to a scene in _Prospero Burns_, but as I continued I found I was pleasantly mistaken. My one critique (and it is hardly one) is that, had I been more observant, the title overly gives away what happens in the story. Not saying that you need to change it by any means, just be cognizant of how much of your own story you are "spoiling" with the title. In conclusion, a truly original story that beautifully (if not horrifically) portrayed the theme, and most certainly a contender in my book. Well done, mate.

*Akatsuki’s Mercy of a God*
When I started this, I admit I was a bit reluctant. I’ve never (as I’ve admitted before) been a huge fan of fantasy works, having never really been able to get into it. I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. It started off necessarily slowly, and though I had no idea who Apophas was, you painted a clear picture of both his character and the nature of his punishment. I’ve now checked him on Lexicanum, and feel like (as unfamiliar as I am) you did him great justice. Excellent job!

*Andygorn’s Forbidden Knowledge*
Another very interesting tale, this one of the cruel, inhumanly calm and methodical workings of the mechanicus during experimentation/punishment of a hapless LT Geraint. I am kind of unclear as to what that punishment was (you hinted at a possible merging with a Penitent Engine). While ambiguity is occasionally good, I think that when coupled with the vagueness of the impact of Geraint’s demise at the closing, it leaves the reader with too much questions. Another couple of sentences at the end, some smidgen more of detail on his “No mercy for you!” promise, and I would’ve had more warm-n-fuzzies. Good story, though, and a very excellently portrayed Mechanicus perspective.

*Deathbringer’s Mercy*
This is quite possibly one of the best ass-beating sessions I’ve ever read. I felt bad for the guy with all the pummeling, torture, and general nastiness that was done to him, but at the same point, gotta live with the consequences, even in a mercy killing. The ending though, exquisitely twisted as well. It’s been too long since you’ve graced the FanFic forum, DB, and this just proves you need to come back.

*Bane_of_Kings’s Cell 42A*
An interesting story, and you do well to convey the sense of urgency that the Iron Fists are feeling with regards to questioning the daemon. The prospect of a daemon being… embarrassed, I suppose, was a good concept. Poor cuddly Nurgling… and of course, the ending hints that this could be a part of a larger story? Maybe something we can expect to see in the future? HMMMMM?

*Dinadan’s The Warrior’s Mercy*
I think this is the first piece I’ve read by you over here, and I must say it’s rather good! The dialogue between the Wulfen and the Spireguard was both believable and intriguing. And, since I hate the Space Wolves, I was definitely hoping that the ending would go the other way… but alas. You built up to the ending very well, and I did find myself a bit saddened when Sotar finally got what was coming to him. Space Wolf scum! Great story, and hopefully you’ll be back next month!

*Vulkansnodosaurus's Black and Gray*
An interesting piece, you pulled off the Necron mentality (I think) well. Very logic based thought processes, analytical, and unemotional. A couple of fun plays-on-words, translating what in essence is a living machine's "feelings" into something that humans can understand were done well. All in all, a solid piece, with the hapless Guardsmen yet again on the wrong end of mercy :laugh:

And my votes:

Deciding was pretty tough, but there were a couple of stories that stood out amongst the others.

1st Place: Adrian's *A Portrait Rendered*: As I said above, this was (in my opinion) your finest piece yet. Exquisitely done, masterfully written, and merciless in its interpretation of the theme. Big fucking bravo, here. 3 pts.

2nd Place: Deathbringer's *Mercy*: The sense of chaos and confusion throughout this piece were excellent, as was the realism of the beatings. As I said before, get yer arse back over to Original Works more often, you're a damn talented writer. 2 pts.

3rd Place: Dinadan's (I can't make that weird i, dammit) *A Warrior's Mercy*: The dialogue in this piece were what made it for me, as well as the concept of, amidst the bedlam of the sacking of Prospero, there was a brief calm in the storm for this scene to play out. 1 pt.

Great work all around, thank you all again for participating!


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## andygorn (Apr 1, 2011)

Great stories all - many thanks for sharing!
For me, it's becoming harder and harder to pick stories in order as I think everyone's writing is really improving with each and every HOES.
One thing is for sure: I'll keep returning to all of these HOES entries to re-read them time and again.

*1st (3pts) = Adrian: A Portrait Rendered*
Suitably chilling, with a twist in the tale.

*2nd (2pts) = Vulkansnodosaurus: Black and Gray*
Really liking the depiction of the alien nature and also that such a thing could feel. 

*3rd (1pt) = Boc: It is Better*
Very good spirit of the theme.


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## Doelago (Nov 29, 2009)

What. The. Hell? 

I have no idea when I would have sat down and written this one. :shok: 

I searched through my whole computer to find it, and I cant. Shit. And Boc, I have no idea what that means eighter.

Edit: "I invite the hammerhand"? What the heck.


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

first place ADRIAN a protrait rendered - 3 pts 

what a tale and leaves me wary of self portaits well done Adrian

seond place Andygorn forbidden knowledge - 2 pts

had me thouraghly enjoing this all the way through and it was a toss up for me beteen you and Adrian but even so what a enjoyable tale Andy

third place Dinadan the warriors mercy - 1pt

first time i read anything by you and i liked the feel of the story well done

hard one this time for me but in the end these three stood out the most for me but well done everyone


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## Bane_of_Kings (Oct 28, 2009)

*1st*- _A Portrait Rendered_ by Adrian - 3pts
*2nd*- _It is Better_ by Boc - 2pts
*3rd*- _Mercy_ by Deathbringer - 1pt

Excellent stories all, I would try and leave helpful criticisms, but I can't give feedback to save my life I'm afraid.


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*my votes are...*

1st place - Boc- It Is Better

2nd place - Dinadan - The Warriors Mercy

3rd place - Akatsuki 13 - Mercy Of A God

I really did enjoy all the stories but to me, these three really stood out. great job everyone! :drinks:


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*I had that problem once*

It is called "Sleep Writing". It happens when you have suffered a great loss or trauma in your life or when you have just eaten too much and went right to bed. You write something but had no idea what or when.

Sometimes hypnosis has been involved. Glad I could help. :biggrin:



Doelago said:


> What. The. Hell?
> 
> I have no idea when I would have sat down and written this one. :shok:
> 
> ...


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## Doelago (Nov 29, 2009)

Adrian said:


> It is called "Sleep Writing". It happens when you have suffered a great loss or trauma in your life or when you have just eaten too much and went right to bed. You write something but had no idea what or when.
> 
> Sometimes hypnosis has been involved. Glad I could help. :biggrin:


... :shok:


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

Adrian said:


> It is called "Sleep Writing". It happens when you have suffered a great loss or trauma in your life or when you have just eaten too much and went right to bed. You write something but had no idea what or when.
> 
> Sometimes hypnosis has been involved. Glad I could help. :biggrin:


Doelago, did you wake up with a sore butthole too?

And I hijack my own threads... fail


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## Doelago (Nov 29, 2009)

Boc said:


> Doelago, did you wake up with a sore butthole too?


No. 

Ten Limit.


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## VulkansNodosaurus (Dec 3, 2010)

3rd- Akatsuki13's Mercy of a God. 1 pt.
2nd- Bane of Kings' Cell 42A. 2 pts.
1st- Adrian's A Portrait Rendered. 3 pts.


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## Dînadan (Mar 7, 2009)

1st: Boc's _It is Better_ 3pts
2nd: Akatsuki's _Mercy of a God_ 2pts
3rd: Adrian's _A Portrait Rendered_ 1pt

Special mention to Bane_of_Kings' _Cell 42A_ - good story, although for me it misses out on getting into the top 3 because it felt more like a excert from a larger story than its own short story.


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## Akatsuki13 (May 9, 2010)

Been a little on the busy side but here's my votes.

1st-Adrian, A Portrait Rendered: 3 pts
2nd-Doelago, Mercy through death: 2 pts
3nd-Boc, It is Better: 1 pt


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## Commissar Ploss (Feb 29, 2008)

Boc said:


> Doelago, did you wake up with a sore butthole too?





Doelago said:


> No.


just dirty fingers.

CP


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*Nice.*

:shok: CP, good to see you weighing in on this deep subject.



Commissar Ploss said:


> just dirty fingers.
> 
> CP


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## Commissar Ploss (Feb 29, 2008)

Adrian said:


> :shok: CP, good to see you weighing in on this deep subject.


always, mate. :king:

CP


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

Well then, a slightly lopsided victory if there ever was one! Thanks again to all who participated, and a big congrats to the winner!

*First Place:* Adrian's _A Portrait Rendered_ - 19 points

*Second Place:* Boc's _It is Better_ - 10 points

*Third Place (T):* Dinadan's _The Warrior's Mercy_ and Akatsuki's _Mercy of a God_ - 4 points

Be on the lookout for the topic and entering thread for HOES #9!


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*Thanks everyone.*

Wow! :shok: Thanks everyone. A lot of great stories this go around and I can't wait for the next contest.


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## Commissar Ploss (Feb 29, 2008)

nice mate.  moving up in the world, eh? lol

CP


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## Dînadan (Mar 7, 2009)

Congrats Adrian


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

well done adrian well deserved x


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