# Heresy-Online's Expeditious Stories Challenge 12-01: A Beginning Voting Thread



## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

This concludes the first Heresy-Online Expeditious Stories Competition of 2012!

Congratulations to all of you who participated in this month's competition and making it a success! Thank you all as well, for helping to add colour to the already exceptional fanfic forum here on Heresy. Hopefully in the following months, we can continue to build up interest and maybe bring some more fresh blood to HO's fanfic forums.

Voting works as such:
Each reader (not just writers) can cast three votes, ranking them 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. Feel free to share your thoughts, comments, or brief reviews on the stories as well, since each of the writers worked hard to get their entries up.

Scoring works like this:
1st place: 3 pts
2nd place: 2 pts
3rd place: 1 pt

*When you vote, ensure that you vote in the following format:*
1st Place: Author, Name of Story, 3 pts
and so on.

Unfortunately, to prevent any possible dramas, you cannot vote for your own story. If you cast any votes, you have to cast all three, no picking a single story and nothing more.

Additionally, if you wrote a story, you must vote! As the competition grows, I think it is necessary to point this out. If you enter but do not vote, any votes for your story(ies) will not be counted.

By the end of the voting period, all votes will be tallied and a winner declared.

Once this winner is declared, the winning story will be placed into the Winning HOES thread which has been stickied in this forum.

Just to emphasize again, _you do not need to have written a story to cast your votes!_ The more people that cast their votes, the better!

The deadline for voting will be midnight US Eastern Standard Time *Tuesday, 31 January 2012*. At that time this thread will be completed, the winner declared, and the new HOES topic for Competition 12-02 will be posted.

Here are the entries from HOES 12-01:


*Table of Contents*
Davidicus 40K - Reconciliation

Andygorn - Perchance, a Time for Lovers

Gothik - Bitter Moon

Adrian - The Files

Papa_Nurgle42 - A Beginning, Part I

Brother Emund - Birth of a Warrior

Adrian: The Vengeful Sun

Serpion 5: Another Chance...

The Lone Wolf: The Living Shadow

Brother Emund: Grubsnagga

VulkansNodosaurus: A Beginning

Dicrel Seijin: From Darkness into Time Immemorial

Shogun_Nate: Sometimes Leaving is the Hardest Thing to Do

Let the voting begin!


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*My votes*

Honestly I wish I could pick more than three as most were great reads. That said...here we go.

Shogun_Nate: Sometimes Leaving is the Hardest Thing to Do - 1st place


Brother Emund: Grubsnagga - 2nd place


Gothik - Bitter Moon - 3rd place

Serpion 5's was among the top as well.

I also liked Davidicus 40K - Reconciliation

Okay, the list goes on.


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

after much reading and probably coin flipping heres my vote although with such a plethora to choose from it was harder then normal this time round.

1st Serp - another chance - 3pts

2nd - the loan wolf - the living shadow - 2pts

3rd shogun nate - leaving is the hardest thing to do - 1pt

Adrians story was also in the top three and if i could have placed it i would have done. Well done everyone for a fantastic start to the year.


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## Shogun_Nate (Aug 2, 2008)

Ahh, wonderful stories all! We have a very nice (and large) selection to choose from this month! :biggrin:

After reading through them, my choices are:

1st Place - Serpion5 - _*Another Chance*_ - 3pts.
2nd Place - Adrian - _*The Vengeful Sun*_ - 2pts.
3rd Place - The Lone Wolf - _*The Living Shadow*_ 1pt.

While I've picked out these three, I must say that, as always, the stories presented this month were all very good! It was a good way to spend an hour or so! :biggrin: You have all out-done yourselves! I want to say to each and all, thank you and keep up the excellent work! You are the lifeblood that helps keep the Original Works forum alive and kicking. And to those posting stories for the first time, welcome! I hope to see more of your works smattered across this forum for my enjoyment (aye...that's right, I'm a selfish bastard! It's all about ME! :biggrin!

Good luck and good gaming,

Nate


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

1st: Adrian - The Vengeful Sun - 3pts

2nd: Brother Emund - Grubsnugga - 2pts

3rd: Shogun_Nate: Sometimes leaving is the hardest thing to do - 1pt



Lots of good reads this time round but I'm only allowed three votes.


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## Davidicus 40k (Jun 4, 2010)

1st Place: Serpion 5: Another Chance... - 3 Points

2nd Place: Shogun_Nate: Sometimes Leaving is the Hardest Thing to Do - 2 Points

3rd Place: Brother Emund: Grubsnagga - 1 Point

Good stories all around, everyone!

Also, Boc, you said "Each reader (not just writers) can cast three votes, *which works quite conveniently as there are only three stories*..." Not this time! Plenty more than that . Just something I noticed.


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

Sloppy copy/pasting! For shame, Boc. For shame.


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## Shogun_Nate (Aug 2, 2008)

Mossy Toes said:


> Sloppy copy/pasting! For shame, Boc. For shame.


Ahh, but good Mossy, we must give him a small bit of leeway given that his time is very limited :biggrin:! 

Good luck and good gaming,

Nate


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## VulkansNodosaurus (Dec 3, 2010)

3rd place: Adrian, The Files, 1 pt.
2nd place: Dicrel Seijin, From Darkness Into Time Immemorial, 2 pts.
1st place: Serpion5, Another Chance, 3 pts.


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

*Davidicus 40K - Reconciliation*

Very enjoyable. An excellent story idea, which only suffered a little for its less-than-perfect execution. The balance of the story feels rather rushed, though. The slow two or three hundred words at the beginning would have been better spent, I feel, making the girl's emotional state a more gradual transition than "shouting angrily" switching over almost immediately to "pensively accepting the dog tags and telling him her name." Right now it reads as him pulling her inside, her being shrilly angry, him being gruff, and her swinging down into apologetic sulkiness. That's a bit too... abrupt and shallow, as I read it, for what the story's trying to convey. There's the groundwork for more characterization and interaction, certainly, but its a bit too rushed right now.

Another thing that would have benefited being focused on more (wordcount permitting--which, of course it doesn't) would be the difference of mindset from wartime to peace. You mention his grief, but dwelling on it a bit more, and his 

The first flashback, in the third paragraph, is excellent stuff. Vivid, evocative, powerful, descriptive. Everything I want from a short story vignette. That said, the segue into and out of it (and the other flashback) could use a little tweaking--making it more of a distinct event, perhaps, and lending it more immediacy might help, perhaps.

I'll be honest--from the context of his meeting the girl, I thought the story was going to be about rape, which is quiiiite a weighty topic to tackle. Still, you kept it plenty heavy, for which I applaud you.

Good, solid story. Practice writing more to get the nuts and bolts of it down a bit more firmly, and you could have quite a fanfic future ahead of you. The ideas are there and they are _strong_.

(whew, that ended up being rather longer than I expected. Please forgive me, everyone else, If I don't dissect your stories in such detail. Davidicus _did_ especially ask for critique...)


*Andygorn - Perchance, a Time for Lovers*

Glaring errors, eh? Well, you stuck in an extra paragraph break between the first and second sentences. Or is that that you missed the extra one? I think the former option. (it occurs twice more throughout the story, at my count)

The two uses of the word "hot" stand out because they're auto-bolded and link to the phrase "yer mum."

The term "of sufficient age," with regards to a slaaneshi talking about debasements seems...a bit quaint. Age has little reflection upon whom they ravage and despoil, I should think. Some, I'm sure, especially delight in their catamites and little toys.

I do have question which begs to be answered. Is she ascending to daemonhood, as an explanation for her changes? It seems like she might have been some daemon or deceptive (elven?) enchantress, but the "first of many" line implies this is a new and permanent thing. I like the idea that this might be a less-than-real depiction of events, myself--a flickering of power that she will one day wield, viewed all the more overwhelmingly through his dominated consciousness while she poisons-and-thrallifies him.

All right, enough nit-picks and niggles. Time for compliments. This story is a beautiful rendition of the glories of Slaanesh in all their glory. Possibly the second best depiction of slaaneshi stuff I've read in fanfic, and number one was a barbed daemonette with lustful maggots writhing in her hair. It takes a lot to compete with lustful hair-maggots, so I say: good job, you!


*Gothik - Bitter moon*

Hm, a lot more sexually charged stories this month around than previously. That's a good thing...I guess?

The first speaker is never identified, or referred to in any way aside from the thing he or she says. Was it meant to be Kelva speaking?

There's some missing punctuation here, especially around dialogue. Also, some run-on sentences that might be better split in half or something.

I'll be watching for more stories in this tale, I suppose. I've had trouble the few times I've tried to write run-on stories in these workshops on account of themes that disagree with where I want to go with the story, but I hope better luck to you in this!


*Adrian - The Files*

Hmm, your dialogue punctuation isn't quite proper, as I understand it. Imagine the sentence without the quotes marks:

_I hate this world. I always have and I always will. General Grail thought quietly as..._

See, that second period should be a comma--with or without the quotes marks. The same issue crops up quite a few more times throughout the short story (once with an exclamation point, which is an exception to the rule--since commas can't convey excitement too well, the exclamation point "counts as" a comma there, or close enough), I notice.

Also, since the beginning is one of the most important parts of a story (especially in so short a story as 1k words) I feel like I have to point out that you have a near-repetition with "thought quietly" and "mumbled under his breath" at the story's very start. It confuses the issue a bit--is he mumbling the words or not? As the reader puzzles that out, his or her immersion in the story is staggered from the very get-go, which I find something to be avoided at all costs.

How exactly do you, as it describes in the melee, turn bones inside out? Remove bones from the inside of a body, sure, but turn the bones themselves inside out? They aren't exactly articles of clothing...

Being shot in the shoulder by a bullet--I sure hope that commissar has an autopistol, not a bolt pistol! (Seeing as the latter would probably explosively sever the limb...) Also, the paragraph in which this occurs has both Grail shouting and the commissar speaking. I'd recommend those go in separate paragraphs, like usual for dialogue.

Excellent sense of a chaotic battlefield and sweeping charges going on. The madness and bloodiness of it all segues very nicely into the insane commissar and Grail taking out his frustrations on him...


*Papa_Nurgle42 - PART 1*

Heh. This is more obviously for fun, so I won't critique it as exactingly as the others, but I sense a great disturbance in the force here. Almost like... the birth of a great satire. I do look forward to this as a continued series, if at all possible.


*Brother Emund - Birth of a Warrior*

A good start. The grammar is a bit spotty (especially around dialogue--something of a running theme, I'm noticing), and it could use a hefty bucket of paragraph breaks, but it's still no less a respectable effort than the others of the bunch. It's certainly one of the purest interpretations of the theme I've so far read, and quietly, solemnly potent in that regard. The only real question I have is what an Astartes is doing in the slums, but... I'll take the story as it is: A pleasure to read.


*Adrian - The Vengeful Sun*

Don't forget to italicize ship names. So that would be the _Innocence Found_, really.

All right, this one was...quite confusing. What do we have here? Schizophrenia? An out-of-body experience? Utter insanity and chaos-touchedness? He is observing/is the Inquisitor simultaneously? I admit, this story leaves me more than a little swirled around and bewildered.


*Serpion 5 - Another Chance...*

I was under the impression that the flayers were rather shunned--migt even the flayer virus be catching? My understanding of the new necron lore is imperfect--I know it's the curse of a slain C'tan (Llangourasi'dasbasdjbhasjd, or something) that infects them, but was under the impression that they were reviled and despised. That said, I do like the layers of meaning behind the flayer's words--he could just as easily be talking about his own disease/curse from destroying the C'tan as the situation of our heroes.

Still, I am very much looking forward to where this, too, proceeds. Serial stories aplenty this month!

(unrelated to the story, but: do you get the feeling that Orikan is himself a very large and clever shard of the Deciver too? I mean, his special ability is to become a C'tan for a turn, and he's a masterful manipulator...)


*The Lone Wolf - The Living Shadow*

And good riddance to it!

A very clever idea, here--a very creepingly horrific villain. I can't help but imagine what passers-by on the street felt, watching the battle unfold...

The dialogue is all a bit too exclamation! point! filled! for my tastes, and rather melodramatic, but I suppose that it serves its purpose.

Welcome to the community! Do come back and write more, please!


*Brother Emund - Grubsnagga*

Very nice. The "a stone's throw from the Golden Throne" line irks me some, seeing as the Imperial Palace is a continent-sized edifice, and probably the most heavily guarded, rigorously policed area in the entire galaxy, but... your free to interpret things as you like, I suppose.

Fuggin' Useless Grubsnagga.


*VulkansNodosaurus - A Beginning*

One minor complaint--a better description, even a single line, about the welcoming party and who is in it/how large it is would set the stage for this story much better. Still, it's a minor niggle, all things considered.

The eldar mindset is conveyed very well here. I assume you were taking some queues from Gav's _Path of The..._ books? I still really need to read those, myself.

And, erm, you have a line in the header labeled "Title." A slight oversight?

I'd compliment you more, but I feel like I do that, at length, every month. I do very much like your style and what you produced; this story's probably earned a vote from me. You're just going to have to wait until I've read the rest of the stories to decide which, though.


*Dicrel Seijin - From Darkness into Time Immemorial*

Chrononauts--an intriguing idea. I assume they've stumbled across some archeotech in a space hulk that lets them time travel or something? Now wouldn't that be a story to tell...

(perhaps it's a blue police box!)


*Shogun_Nate - Sometimes Leaving is the Hardest Thing to Do*

Very humorous.

I'd say more, but sorry, I've spent quite a while reading and writing and exhaustively nit-picking, so I'm pretty tired. I'll leave it that. You're a funny chap.

+

Okay, so. Votes. Right.

Runners-up: "Sometimes Leaving is the Hardest Thing to Do," by Shogun_Nate

3rd Place - "From Darkness into Time Immemorial," by Dicrel Seijin - (1 point)
2nd Place -"A Beginning," by VulkansNodosaurus - (2 points)
1st Place - “Perchance, a time for lovers,” by andygorn - (3 points)


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## VulkansNodosaurus (Dec 3, 2010)

Mossy Toes- Thanks, and yes, I forgot the title...


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

Mossy Toes said:


> Sloppy copy/pasting! For shame, Boc. For shame.


...er... I don't know what you're talking about!


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

Nah, nah, I don't expect you to rewrite the entire HOES post every month--that would be hellish! Just make sure that your stock template isn't, well... misleading.


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

> I was under the impression that the flayers were rather shunned--migt even the flayer virus be catching? My understanding of the new necron lore is imperfect--I know it's the curse of a slain C'tan (Llangourasi'dasbasdjbhasjd, or something) that infects them, but was under the impression that they were reviled and despised. That said, I do like the layers of meaning behind the flayer's words--he could just as easily be talking about his own disease/curse from destroying the C'tan as the situation of our heroes.
> 
> Still, I am very much looking forward to where this, too, proceeds. Serial stories aplenty this month!
> 
> (unrelated to the story, but: do you get the feeling that Orikan is himself a very large and clever shard of the Deciver too? I mean, his special ability is to become a C'tan for a turn, and he's a masterful manipulator...)


The flayer virus is indeed contagious, but I took my lead from Fall of Damnos, in which one of the primary necrons did not fear the flayers in the slightest. The backstory for this particular flayer and the phaeron who owns him should shed more light as the stories continue.


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## andygorn (Apr 1, 2011)

Thanks for the feedback, Mossy Toes.

The paragraph break was unintentional; I'm writing in Word 2007, so the breaks don't always correspond where I want them, so I might change them but forget to change them back when posting. Will try to be more dilligent in the future, though.

I have no idea why the word 'hot' was emboldened twice.
In my original post (#3 of the story thread) they were _not_ in bold so, somewhere along the line, someone else has actually changed these. In regards to the sentence structure and tone, there was no need for them to be in bold (which is why I didn't make them like that) and this change certainly was not anything to do with me, so I don't know how it has happened, or who caused this, but it should not have occurred.

"Sufficient age" was to make sure I don't get into trouble with my rl job as I work in a sensitive role regarding children and (especially in my line of work) people tend to read something on the internet, discount that it's 100% fictional (+ about a world which doesn't even exist, etc) and then accuse you of "holding beliefs contrary to your role" in a deliberate attempt to get you sacked. (People get sacked and -occasionally- they ask questions later, but by then it's too late and no-one gets reinstated, even if it was proved to be a 100% mendacious and malicious accusation with no substance).
It's a truly sad state of affairs that people feel the need to do this, but it definitely happens in rl.

Back to the story however, Katrina doesn't define what age she regards as being "sufficient"...I think she was leaving it to his imaginative lusts to ponder the possibilities.
I think that her deliberately _not_ defining it actually gives him the unspoken free rein to wallow in every degraded permutation, i.e. "Use your own corrupted morality to ascertain what is permissible, but there is no boundary upon you = nothing will be forbidden to you."

These events came to me as a dreamlike sequence and I got 2 impressions about it:
1) Is it real (i.e. actually happening at the time the story unfolds)?
In which case, the "first of many" could be God-given glimpses into the future and her coming infamy and reputation, kind of a "You're all born to die" scenario...like a mass-murderer or serial killer who only has to glance at a group of people before she begins to envision how she's going to kill each one of them?

2) Or is she already something like a Daemon Prince (or close to being one) and this story is her looking back and replaying the memories of her own long-past history, which is where the "first of many" comes in (as in "Looking back, enslaving Gunther and killing the garrison was the point at which I truly began to realise what my full potential -now- could be")?

Back in the 'Slaves to Darkness' Realm of Chaos book, you had "crossbreed with a Mount [now steed] of Slaanesh" and various "Face of a..." mutations to make them look like the followers of their God, so I think something like "Crossbreed with a Daemonette"(?) isn't too far removed from that idea. I think as a manipulator and conniver, she would have had some sort of glamour to hide such mutations.

However, I like the question of: "If someone devotes themselves to a God and receives gifts from them for this allegiance, when do they stop being 'human' and start being 'daemonic'?":
Though mortal, is a Chaos Champion still 'human' until they either die, or become Spawn, or ascend as a Daemon Prince?
Or are they already irrevocably tainted by their first Gift or mutation and so can never again call themselves 'human' in any sense?

I wonder myself if Katrina was in some way possessed already? Or was she just so degraded with her inhuman lusts that an onlooker (in the history) would discern no difference between her and a true daemon?
I'm glad this came through in the writing, as I hope it makes people think and make their own mind up about the situation...I believe that readers have better imaginations than I do.

Yes! The 'less-than-real' theme was definitely the idea that came to me, too...I think you explained it better than I could.

Mr Slaanesh (she's great!) has always been my own favourite of the Big Four, glad you thought I could be doing justice to it.


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## Brother Emund (Apr 17, 2009)

*Essex Vote*

Here's my vote!

1. *A Beginning - VulkansNodosaurus * *3pts* 
There is very little written about Rangers so this got my interest. Nicely written and I was left wanting more! :clapping:

2. *Adrian - The Files* *2pts* 
Gutty and well-written. Masterful ending - all blood and gore! :gimmefive: 

3. *Serpion5 - Another Chance - * *1pt*
Necrons.. you gave them life! :victory:

Can I also add that I enjoyed 'ALL' of the entries... just some, more than others!


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## Brother Emund (Apr 17, 2009)

Mossy Toes said:


> *Brother Emund - Birth of a Warrior*
> 
> A good start. The grammar is a bit spotty (especially around dialogue--something of a running theme, I'm noticing), and it could use a hefty bucket of paragraph breaks, but it's still no less a respectable effort than the others of the bunch. It's certainly one of the purest interpretations of the theme I've so far read, and quietly, solemnly potent in that regard. The only real question I have is what an Astartes is doing in the slums, but... I'll take the story as it is: A pleasure to read.


Thanks for the Feedback. I agree, I do need a slap with the grammer stick. Despite being ancient in years, I still need more practice! 
Paragraph breaks... noted.

The Astartes? One of my Chapters is recruited from a planet covered in gigantic Hives that are cursed by Hive gangs. The Astartes recruit from the gangs, but do it covertly; watching potential recruits from the shadows. There is a little bit more to it than that, but without a couple of thousand more words, I had to cut it short without an explanation!




> *Brother Emund - Grubsnagga*
> 
> Very nice. The "a stone's throw from the Golden Throne" line irks me some, seeing as the Imperial Palace is a continent-sized edifice, and probably the most heavily guarded, rigorously policed area in the entire galaxy, but... your free to interpret things as you like, I suppose.
> 
> Fuggin' Useless Grubsnagga.


Thanks again. A bit of poetic License here. It was a very BIG stones throw! :biggrin:


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*Answers*

"thought quietly" indicates inside the head, and "mumbled under his breath" indicates quietly spoken.

Turn bones inside out? I have no idea. It is just what I saw when I was writeing it.

Being shot in the shoulder by a bullet--I sure hope that commissar has an autopistol, not a bolt pistol! (Seeing as the latter would probably explosively sever the limb...) 

Good note. I'll remember that.


All right, this one was...quite confusing. What do we have here? Schizophrenia? An out-of-body experience? Utter insanity and chaos-touchedness? He is observing/is the Inquisitor simultaneously? I admit, this story leaves me more than a little swirled around and bewildered 

The views of three seperate people. One was the Inquisitor and the other two were from the bridge crew who had been observing the Inquisitor's behavior. I figured that if I could follow that, anybody could. I am not exactly the brightest. lol


****
*Davidicus 40K - Reconciliation*


Right now it reads as him pulling her inside, her being shrilly angry, him being gruff, and her swinging down into apologetic sulkiness. 

(How does the emotional swing happen? Bi-polor for sure.) lol


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

Emund--glad you enjoyed my critiques, but something about your votes niggles at me. Vulkanodosaurus's story was about Rangers (as related to in the comment on the story you voted for first place), but the story you voted for was The Lone Wolf's story about a chaotic shadow devouring a mage of the Empire.

And andygorn: hot is embolded because certain words just are--this one stantds for "Herald of Tzeentch," with the humorous note, "also: yer mum." I thought that this type of hotlinking didn't work on the fanfic forums, but...

edit: hmmm, and it isn't on the original story post. Just on the link on the first post of this voting thread, since that opens the post in a window of its own. Maybe that makes it count as "not part of the fanfic forum," so the hotlinking returns?


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## The Lone Wolf (Dec 10, 2011)

1st Place-Adrian: The Files 3 Points
2nd Place-Brother Emund: Grubsnagga 2 Points
3rd Place-Davidicus 40K: Reconciliation 1 Point


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## Brother Emund (Apr 17, 2009)

Mossy Toes said:


> Emund--glad you enjoyed my critiques, but something about your votes niggles at me. Vulkanodosaurus's story was about Rangers


Cheers mate, glad you are on the ball. Suitably Edited..:good:


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## Dicrel Seijin (Apr 2, 2011)

1st place: Serpion5, “Another Chance,” 3 pts
2nd place: Brother Emund, “Grubsnagga,” 2 pts
3rd place: Shogun_Nate, “Sometimes Leaving Is the Hardest Thing to Do,” 1 pt

@Mossy Toes: I have some ideas on how the Ordo Chronos finds the archeotech, but never fully developed it. Depending on the next topic, this may be the next story developed, but I'm also thinking about a Sisters of Silence story and one involving Gretchin ("Squig onna stikk! One toof only! Git yer squig onna stikk hea!")


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## Davidicus 40k (Jun 4, 2010)

Thanks Mossy. I enjoy writing for the sake of writing, but I knew coming in that plot details/flow and character development were my weak points, which you exposed nicely . I plan to participate in as many of these HOES contests as I can, and hopefully, you (and others) will see marked improvement in those areas.


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

Not a problem, Davidicus! I really enjoyed your story; it's a testament to the strength of the authors here that it (and The Files) didn't even make my runner-up--they're all so good! And why do I critique? To make better. To help raise the quality, and make future voting decisions even tougher and more nail-biting!


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

thanks Mossy for your comments, the first speaker was Jovotchs mother telling him about the glorious news. it was a begining to the career of Halter Jovotch from loyal Astartes to traitor and a Lord Commander within the Flawless Host. Just thought he needed somone as a protgaonist and seeing as adolescence is a tough time for most humans i had the idea that his former best friend betrayed him and they will lead into other stories within the Rapture of the Flawless Host.

many thanks for taking the time to c and c


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*?*

Does Boc compile all the points together for both stories Brother E. and I wrote or does he count each story's points separately? For an example, if he counts the points for both of my stories together, then I have 11 points... hurray for me, lol. But if he counts each story's points individually than I am screwed. NO hurray for me. lol again.


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

I think, since he's showcasing the winning story in a separate thread, he counts up points individually. Every story is a submission to win it; that two have the same author doesn't reflect on that story's chances (other than people maybe choosing to spread their votes around, which is kind of disappointing...but just the way it is).


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

Aye, points are tallied by story, not by author.


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*Okay*



Boc said:


> Aye, points are tallied by story, not by author.


That's fine and dandy. I was unsure about how things were done in the case of 2 or more stories in a single contest.


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## Papa_Nurgle42 (May 5, 2011)

Mossy Toes said:


> *Davidicus 40K - Reconciliation*
> *Papa_Nurgle42 - PART 1*
> 
> Heh. This is more obviously for fun, so I won't critique it as exactingly as the others, but I sense a great disturbance in the force here. Almost like... the birth of a great satire. I do look forward to this as a continued series, if at all possible.


Parts 2 and 3 are already written. I was testing the waters, if you will, to see if anyone showed interest in light hearted satire. 

I spent 11 years in the Army, so I know how soldiers interact. I wanted to try to bring that kind of feel to the story as well as poke some fun at the game we all know and love...

"SHOOT HIM!!!" he yelled into his vox to his troops.
"I have damn it!"came a reply almost instantly. "Twice!! It's like he feels no pain!"


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## Dicrel Seijin (Apr 2, 2011)

Papa_Nurgle42 said:


> "SHOOT HIM!!!" he yelled into his vox to his troops.
> "I have damn it!"came a reply almost instantly. "Twice!! It's like he feels no pain!"


Okay, that got a chuckle out of me. You have to post the rest of this.


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

Thanks again all to participating and voting this month, and a huge thanks to Mossy Toes for the detailed feedback he gave each story (remember, you can all do it to!)

Okay, votes have been tallied!

*Third Place:* Shogun_Nate's _Sometimes Leaving is the Hardest Thing to Do_ - 8 points

*Second Place:* Brother Emund's _Grubsnagga_ - 9 points

And the winner, by far!

*First Place:* Serpion5's _Another Chance!_ - 16 points

As always, rep will be handed out in the coming days. Thanks again to everybody, be on the lookout for 12-02!


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## gothik (May 29, 2010)

well done serp..x and also well done to Shogun_nate and Brother Emund......however fantstic job everyone this really is starting to take off in a big way...everyones a winner


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## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

Hmmm, what's next month going to be. We had "The End" and "A Beginning"--are we moving into "A Continuation," or "The Middle"? :wink:


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## Dicrel Seijin (Apr 2, 2011)

Congratulations to Serpion5, Brother Emund, and Shogun_Nate. 

I look forward to competing again this month.


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## Boc (Mar 19, 2010)

The theme will actually just be "AND THEEEENNN?"


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

Hurrah! :grin: 

Congrats to the Nate and Emund, and thank as well to everyone who participated. :thank_you:


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## Brother Emund (Apr 17, 2009)

Well I got a second place and I am extremely happy. Thanks to everyone who voted for me. :so_happy:
Congratulations to *Serpion5* for winning, and well done to my fellow finalist *Shogun_Nate*.

Now we are all waiting with baited breath for the next topic! opcorn:


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## Ambush Beast (Oct 31, 2010)

*Hi.*

Great job everyone. The winners deserve it, congratulations.


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## Davidicus 40k (Jun 4, 2010)

Fun competition, grats to the winners.


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