# Raven Guard Story.



## Talonmaster Raptoris (Jul 5, 2008)

*Warning* only those who have read "legion" will understand this ending. Hope you enjoy (though it's probabbly not that good)


It was a hive world by all accounts. Was, is the correct tense when referring to the hell-scarred wasteland that was once Cytopia III. The third planet in the Xyphos Sigma cluster was known by most as a prosperous Inquisitorial hive world. Then Chaos came to Cytopia.


A tank rumbled down the street kicking up a cloud of acrid smoke in it’s wake. It was a Salamander tank a typical APC employed by the Imperial Guard. It’s exterior was not. Spikes protruded from every inch of it skulls, heads and bodies, impaled in grotesque fashions. It was flanked on either side by cultists dripping blood on the pavement from ritually scarred wounds.
Some of them had extra limbs and horrid mutations, multiple mouths, and simian features.


Suddenly, a loud bang roared from one of the ruined buildings in a flare of muzzle flash and smoke. One of the few cultists still able to speak ensued a guttural:
“look out”!!!Too late. A rocket roared through the street skimming low to the ground trailing superheated backwash. It rose up before the tank like a striking cobra, hovering a split second before slamming into the tank. A shockwave rippled from the explosion dislodging dust from debris chocked niches forming a chocking vapor. A blossom of phosphorous orange detonated from the tank sending shrapnel scything through the air. Many enemies were killed from the blast and shrapnel leaving corpses strewn throughout the rubble. 


Silenced bolter fire carved through the air in burst-fire turning hearts and throats into gory pulp. The cultists frantically tried to pinpoint the attack through the chocking haze. Those who could wield lasguns fired blind into the air to no avail. Within seconds everything was dead.

Tactical sergeant Dethis Mar of the Raven Guard strode onto the road his black amour absorbing the dim light from the still flaming tank. He assessed the scene with a professional eye.
“Well done brothers” he called through the dust. Five figures emerged from the buildings kicking bodies out of their path.
“A fine kill” remarked Brother Calvar pointing a massive hand towards a cultist with a shot through it’s forehead brain leaking out onto the asphalt. He took his helmet off. Calvar was unlike most Raven Guard in the aspect of his copper skin and blue eyes. Something wasn’t right about the new recruit but the explanation eluded him.


“Contact” shouted Brother Riscisal an instant before he died. A lascannon round exploded at his feet immolating him in emerald plasma. The force of the blast knocked Dethis off his feet. From his prone position he seen the rest of his squad destroyed by lasgun fire, save Calvar who took cover behind a ceramite pillar. Another lascannon round screamed toward him he wondered.
“How could the enemy know where they were too strike. How did they know their location, how, how ??!!


----------



## Dirge Eterna (Apr 30, 2007)

Great start, man! Keep it up!

Oh, and By Order of the Inquisition, Moved to 40K Original Works!

-Dirge Eterna, Heresy High Council


----------



## SyNide (Nov 24, 2007)

Interesting concept, although there are a few oddities here and there such as "A lascannon round exploded at his feet immolating him in emerald plasma." Plasma? Lascannons don't shoot plasma.

And the whole squad getting wiped out by lasgun fire? highly doubtful, unless of course you meant lascannon fire, lol.

Also formatting your story would really help, instead of making it a single paragraph, try and split it up more so that it's easier to read.

Other than that, Not bad at all, i like the descriptive nature of your writing


----------



## Talonmaster Raptoris (Jul 5, 2008)

Thanks for the advice!!!


----------

