# The REAL flaw in the Golden Throne



## Mossy Toes (Jun 8, 2009)

You know that irreparable flaw in the Golden Throne that the AdMech found recently?

Well, I just might think that it's the Y40k bug. The Emperor forgot to account in the programming for 10,000 years, and the AdMech is so bass-ackwards that it can't figure out how to fix it.


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

It`s not that dude. One of the tech dudes spilt his beer on it during maintenance. They`re just saying there`s a flaw to cover their own arses.


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## fynn (Sep 19, 2008)

nah, theyve run out of bog roll and cant open the dispencer to replace it, as some bugger nicked the key


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

fynn said:


> nah, theyve run out of bog roll and cant open the dispencer to replace it, as some bugger nicked the key


Bloody Alpha Legion! :ireful2:


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## WarlordKaptainGrishnak (Dec 23, 2008)

Do they even have buttocks? They're mostly made of metal...

Anywho, the flaw is probably just some Xeno rodent chewing on some very important wires, inside the throne.

Grish


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## bobg (Feb 15, 2010)

now what happened, was they got pissed one night and tripped on a wire, unplugging the throne, the just can't find the plug socket it went into.


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## The Boz (Aug 16, 2010)

It says "Press any key" and the mechanicum can't find the "Any" key.


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## OrkByTheGraceOfGork (Jun 9, 2010)

bobg said:


> now what happened, was they got pissed one night and tripped on a wire, unplugging the throne, the just can't find the plug socket it went into.


Close, but what actually happened was that the housekeeper couldn't find a plug for the vacuum, unplugged the THRONE and forgot to plug it back in.

Actually happened in reality at a hospital which will remain unnamed. :shok:

OBGOG


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## NiceGuyEddy (Mar 6, 2010)

Have they tried turning it off and on again?


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## Coder59 (Aug 23, 2009)

I thought the U bend was blocked.


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## Chompy Bits (Jun 13, 2010)

The software the GT is running is Windows Vista.


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## Coder59 (Aug 23, 2009)

Chompy Bits said:


> The software the GT is running is Windows Vista.


NOOOOO!!! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! 

Although if you could get Vista onto the Necrons it would solve a lot of problems.


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## Grimskul25 (Feb 17, 2009)

I thought the Golden Throne, after countless millenia of collecting psychic poop from the Almighty Emperor's bottom, finally got clogged and backed up, (figures the Admech forgot to flush the toilet every once in a while...) leaving psychic crap flowing and malfunctioning the rest of the undamaged circuits. That or the Emperor's finally constipated and the Golden Toilet needs his waste as fuel to power the psychic shield against the semen daemons.


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## Chompy Bits (Jun 13, 2010)

Coder59 said:


> Although if you could get Vista onto the Necrons it would solve a lot of problems.


I can picture that:
Necron spots an enemy.
Necron takes aim.
Are you sure you want to flay this enemy?
Yes.
Are you absolutely sure you want to flay this enemy?
Yes already.
Are you absolutely, positively, 100 percent sure you want to flay this enemy?
Dammit, just shoot already.
Flaying protocol starts.
Software crashes. 
Necron gets blown up.


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## locustgate (Dec 6, 2009)

OrkByTheGraceOfGork said:


> Close, but what actually happened was that the housekeeper couldn't find a plug for the vacuum, unplugged the THRONE and forgot to plug it back in.
> 
> Actually happened in reality at a hospital which will remain unnamed. :shok:
> 
> OBGOG


Really...I thought it was a joke,dude sauce?


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## Mr_Darkness (Aug 25, 2010)

Chompy Bits said:


> I can picture that:
> Necron spots an enemy.
> Necron takes aim.
> Are you sure you want to flay this enemy?
> ...


Lol, that's about how that would go.


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## Protoss119 (Aug 8, 2010)

Abaddon's arms are stuck in the Golden Throne.


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## bobg (Feb 15, 2010)

no, it's seceretly horus and they only realised after 10'00o years and unplugged him on purpose


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## shaantitus (Aug 3, 2009)

It bluescreened. The admech are still trying to figure out a use for all the memory addresses listed.


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## aboytervigon (Jul 6, 2010)

its windows 7 my computer runs it and it crashes every 5 minutes (CANNOT COMPLETE MESSAGE....)


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## Doelago (Nov 29, 2009)

What the fuck is the problem with Vista...? And this question was to everyone...


Mine works perfectly, so why all this complaining...? :scratchhead:


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## turel2 (Mar 2, 2009)

The Golden Thrones inbuilt soup machine has a blocked nozzle.

No Chicken Soup for the Adeptus Custodes.


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## Khazaddum (Apr 2, 2009)

Nah, one of the admechs dropped his spanner and its gone down the back of the throne.

Neither he nor his coleagues can get to it for that one final nut which needs tightening:biggrin:


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## Stephen_Newman (Jul 14, 2009)

Nah better theory is that the golden throne operates as a arcade game machine and the mechanicus have run out of 50p coins!


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## bobg (Feb 15, 2010)

they tried to follow the haynes manual for it.


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## Varakir (Sep 2, 2009)

Doelago said:


> What the fuck is the problem with Vista...? And this question was to everyone...
> 
> 
> Mine works perfectly, so why all this complaining...? :scratchhead:


Nothing is wrong with Vista. It's just slower than XP in several respects, it had security issues, has lots of compatibility issues and does very few things better than XP.

It's not that anything is wrong with it, it's just a bit unnecessary.




And it's quite obvious that to fix the throne, they need to take the emperor off, blow in the cartridge slot and then put him back again.


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## bobg (Feb 15, 2010)

no the only soloution is to use reboot, disks. no wait which drawer are they in again?


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## Doelago (Nov 29, 2009)

Varakir said:


> Nothing is wrong with Vista. It's just slower than XP in several respects, it had security issues, has lots of compatibility issues and does very few things better than XP.
> 
> It's not that anything is wrong with it, it's just a bit unnecessary.


The odd thing is that it is both faster and works better than XP did on this laptop... But thanks for telling me :so_happy:


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## deathbringer (Feb 19, 2009)

Control alt delete anyone?


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## Doelago (Nov 29, 2009)

deathbringer said:


> Control alt delete anyone?


Lol, that comment was so... Obivious... That it made it into a funny comment! :laugh::so_happy:


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## Turkeyspit (Jun 11, 2010)

turel2 said:


> The Golden Thrones inbuilt soup machine has a blocked nozzle.
> 
> No Chicken Soup for the Adeptus Custodes.


That's a simple solution. Just get a tech-priest to use a 14b to fix it (but make sure they don't try to use a 14f...that won't work)


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## Chompy Bits (Jun 13, 2010)

Doelago said:


> The odd thing is that it is both faster and works better than XP did on this laptop... But thanks for telling me :so_happy:


Must be your faith in the emperor that helped you coz' I've never got it to run smoothly. Then again, punching your monitor when things lag might not be the best strategy to speed things up.:crazy:

BTW, has anyone tried kicking the Golden Throne in 'that special way'?


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## son of azurman (Sep 19, 2010)

I just think that maybe human scientists weren't ready for that kind of technology.


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

Doelago said:


> What the fuck is the problem with Vista...? And this question was to everyone...


Windows Vista is a weak and fallible computer system laden with unnecessary software. It is the bane of serious pc users and the ultimate terror of all necron kind. 

(Damn! Must not reveal weakness to our enemies.)

You DID NOT hear that! 



son of azurman said:


> I just think that maybe human scientists weren't ready for that kind of technology.


They understood the tech back when it was built, but the Imperium has only gone backwards since then. Silly humans.


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## Stephen_Newman (Jul 14, 2009)

Hear what?


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## Coder59 (Aug 23, 2009)

Steve Jobs tried to do a Tech demo using the Golden Throne.


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

It turns out the Golden throne is only _GOLD PAINTED!_

One of the techpriests bumped it one time. A bit of paint flaked off, revealing 10,000 years of rust underneath! Fuck!


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## Stephen_Newman (Jul 14, 2009)

A long time ago Leman Russ needed a pee and could only find the throne. Now 10k years later his excretion has fucked the imperium over.


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## OIIIIIIO (Dec 16, 2009)

No no no ... you silly people. There is really only two problems with the Golden Throne. 
1: The muffler bearings are shot. 
2: The turn signal fluid is low and needs refilled.

Now the last problem is not really the fault of the Golden Throne itself, but with the silly bastard who is on auto-pilot driving the Throne. He needs to have a Multi-optalpupiloptemy. The only way to do it is to go in through the rectum .... ..... do YOU want to be the one to do it to the great Empy?


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## manyfist (Aug 14, 2010)

It was just freezing up, all they have to do is wait a bit and it'll unfreeze. Otherwise it'll bluescreen and they'll have to reset, however they don't know where's the reset button is.


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## Khorne's Fist (Jul 18, 2008)

It's what's known in the trade as an *RTFM** problem.




**Read The Fucking Manual**! *Unfortunatley they lost the manual a couple of millenia ago


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## Stephen_Newman (Jul 14, 2009)

LOL! Best explanation so far.


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## Serpion5 (Mar 19, 2010)

Backtrack ten thousand years...

_Techpriest: 'My Lord, perhaps we should write these directions down, just in case something happens...'

Emperor: 'Nah, it`ll be fine. I know how everything works. If something goes wrong I`ll fix it. Relax.' _


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## MuSigma (Jul 8, 2010)

*Wtf*

To owners of your new Golden Throne - powered by the latested version of windows 30k.

Microsoft will cease tech support for this product by the year 4099AD 

Email from microsoft that its own email program puts in the spam folder as part of its anti spam filter. so none ever reads them.


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## Cuinlan (Dec 22, 2009)

Golden Throne: "Download the latest version of Flash Player to view content."
Tech Priest: "What the frak is Flash Player?!"


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## locustgate (Dec 6, 2009)

The techpriests just got Halo Reach and are to busy being pwning to fix the GT. And the nurgles doing the pwned.


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## BlackGuard (Sep 10, 2010)

Nonsense, all of it. 

The Golden Throne was bought from Ikea.


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## Uilleam (Nov 23, 2009)

You've heard of inferior overseas parts for cars? Imagine inferior otherworld parts for the GT! How precise can a servitor with only a 3rd of his brain intact really be? And imagine the shipping times and customs charges! The techpriests know how to fix the GT they just can't afford the importation costs for the inferior offworld parts!


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## Chompy Bits (Jun 13, 2010)

Actually, it was really the non-deceased Night Haunter who disguised himself as the great grandson of a squat callidus assassin, snuck into the emperor's throne room and jammed one of the many fake heads he has lying around into one of the input sockets of the GT and now the techpriests don't know how to get it out.


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## Yog-Sothoth (Jan 8, 2010)

Chompy Bits said:


> Actually, it was really the non-deceased Night Haunter who disguised himself as the great grandson of a squat callidus assassin, snuck into the emperor's throne room and jammed one of the many fake heads he has lying around into one of the input sockets of the GT and now the techpriests don't know how to get it out.


heheheheh
But why would he do that if the Emperor is actually Horus?


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## locustgate (Dec 6, 2009)

Yog-Sothoth said:


> heheheheh
> But why would he do that if the Emperor is actually Horus?


Sigh. Go see [email protected]#@# crazy thread


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## Yog-Sothoth (Jan 8, 2010)

I was joking you know. I have seen the [email protected]#@# crazy thread


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## MuSigma (Jul 8, 2010)

*Golden Throne*

The Emperor thinks to himself "who ever gets put into this throne will never ever get out of it, this must remain a secret"

Emperor slowly wakes from his coma and opens his eyes "Oh Crap"


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## ThatOtherGuy (Apr 13, 2010)

Hope theres a warranty for the throne.


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## The Boz (Aug 16, 2010)

There's warranty, sure, but the company that provides it is locked within the throne


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## Malak Falco (Jul 1, 2010)

OrkByTheGraceOfGork said:


> Close, but what actually happened was that the housekeeper couldn't find a plug for the vacuum, unplugged the THRONE and forgot to plug it back in.
> 
> Actually happened in reality at a hospital which will remain unnamed. :shok:
> 
> OBGOG


Would have to be a third-world hospitol as pretty much every really super important piece of equipment in a 'normal' hospitol uses a specialized sort of plug that can't simply be pulled out 9has to be unlocked or something.) Why? To prevent something like that happening.

Yay urban legends!


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## OrkByTheGraceOfGork (Jun 9, 2010)

No urban legend. Locking outlets? I manage ventilators which have built in alarms. It happened but was rectified very quickly. No loss of life, just a little hypoxemia. :wacko:

OBGOG


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## Brother Arnold (Aug 29, 2010)

Sorry to revive a dead topic, but I have several theories.
The warranty expired.
All toilets in the 41st millennium operate on a different mechanism to modern toilets. Thus, the AdMech does not understand the workings of a flushing toilet.


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## Maverike Prime (May 4, 2010)

Varakir said:


> Nothing is wrong with Vista. It's just slower than XP in several respects, it had security issues, has lots of compatibility issues and does very few things better than XP.
> 
> It's not that anything is wrong with it, it's just a bit unnecessary.
> 
> ...


okay, I did not read the entire thread but I saw this post and was like WTF DID he just suggest?!

Let me get this straight. You want to take the Emperor off the throne, blow in his... erm... cartridge slot..., and then put him back? Did you just want to want to give the emperor a [censored ] ?! I mean there's licking your share of peanut butter and then there's.... um... well.... yeah. The custodes are meant to protect their charge. I'm not sure if that would count as a protecting though.


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## Ordo epitaphiorum (Nov 13, 2010)

Nah, the cartridge slot is in the Golden Throne, The Emperor is, like, the game 


I guess some parts of the Golden Throne were mixed up with parts of the Frozen Throne... they just melted away by Global Warming.


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## cegorach (Nov 29, 2010)

I think the Emperor recovered and went to stretch his legs, and the Admech didn't notice.


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## Arkeoptrix (Oct 8, 2010)

Vapor lock. It's always vapor lock.


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## Alsojames (Oct 25, 2010)

I agree with all the Vista theories. Either that or their electricity bill ran too high.

Electrician: I'm sorry but yer electricity bill 'ere's just too high.

Admech: What is this blasphemy? Do you not realize that the electricity is needed to keep the Emperor, praise Him, alive? 

Electrician: Do you not realize that I'm still on probation from the LAST time I let you slide by without paying?

Admech: The death of the Emperor could be the death of the Imperium!

Electrician: Well, it ain't my fault. Try unplugging something else.

Admech (turns to other Admechs): I guess that means we'll have to unplug the coffee machine.


Admech 2: NOOOOOOOO NOT THE COFFEE MACHINE!


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## Stephen_Newman (Jul 14, 2009)

Nah! The admech are trying to fix it but everytime they come close an annoying paper clip pops up asking whether they want its useless advice.


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## unixknight (Jul 26, 2010)

It isn't a flaw. They downloaded a Microsoft update and have to keep hitting the "reboot later" button to prevent it shutting down automatically...


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## Helsreach (Jun 2, 2010)

I think Afro Man did it. Because he got high apparently.


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